Burning Bridges
by CatchMyBreath
Summary: Shattered by Amanda's programming and her inability to save the man she loves, Alex finds herself lost and inconsolable. On the run and burning bridges as she goes. When given the opportunity to take away her pain, will Alex go through with it? She leaves behind many loved ones who will never stop searching for her. There's no turning back...
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: My first official FanFiction! I've written some other stories before, along with helping a friend co-write another Nikita story, but this is my first solo story I felt was decent enough to publish on my own. :)**

**Burning Bridges: ****Chapter 1**

* * *

"Alexandra." An older man spoke her name. "When we found you, wandering around the streets of New York, you were inconsolable. You claimed you weren't lost." He paused and looked at the young girl sitting before him. She gave no response. "When we brought you here, you said the love of your life was gone." He continued. "Murdered." A lone tear fell down the girl's face. She sat in silence, begging not to be reminded. He looked her in the eyes. "You kept repeating, "_He's dead. It's all my fault…" _and_ "Not everyone can be saved._" Why?"

"Alex." She said, finally speaking up. He watched her closely as she sat up in her chair, bringing her arms to a fold across the table separating herself from her inquisitor.

"Pardon?" The man before her questioned.

"My name is Alex." She replies.

"If that's what you wish to go by, my apologies Miss Udinov." He continued to look her in the eyes, pressing for another response. She stayed silent. "Alex, I don't mean you any harm." He sighed. "You're safe here."

Alex scoffed. "If you don't mean me any harm, then let me go."

"It's not up to me to let you go."

"Then who is it up to?" She asked.

"You." He replies, simply. "You need to prove to me, but more importantly to yourself that you are stable enough to be released from this facility. You do wish to be released right?"

"I don't wish for anything!" Alex screams at him. "I didn't wish for his death, or the others and I didn't wish for any of this to happen! You have to believe me! I swear, I didn't mean to shoot him too. I'm not crazy."

"The others?" The man questioned. "There's more? Who did you shoot?"

"I... uh, I don't want to talk about it."

"Alex," The man stresses her name. "You have to work with me here if you ever want to be returned to your family."

"I have no family. Not anymore… not after what I did to them." Alex sat back in her chair, feeling sorry for herself. "There's no one left to be returned to."

"Contrary to your belief, there are still people out there who wish to find you. You've mentioned their names before… specifically a woman's. What was her name again?"

* * *

"Nikita." Michael calls her name as he walks up to her in Ops. She looks up at him from her position at the round table. A map of the world was on the screen behind her. "Don't worry we'll find her." He says. "This isn't the first time you two have gone your separate ways. It won't be for long. You and Alex always find a way back to each other."

Nikita gives him a small smile, but it quickly fades away. "She's just so broken right now, Michael." He glanced at the map. "I have to find her." Nikita says, "Amanda, that bitch… she got in her head and planted lies, an illusion. Nothing was real..."

* * *

"Her name is Nikita." Alex says. "She was… a friend. Someone I thought I could count on but she didn't have my back."

"This Nikita, if she was your friend, why didn't she help you?" The man questioned.

"She had other priorities. A mission." Alex replies. She sits up in her chair and looks him in the eyes. "There's always another mission."

* * *

"Larissa wasn't real, Michael!" Nikita exclaims. "Amanda created her as a hallucination in a big empty room in South Ossetia and Alex fell for her trap. She blames me for her death because saving Alex wasn't enough. I had to let Ari die too."

"She didn't know. She _still_ doesn't know." Michael tries to say calmly. "If she knew, she wouldn't blame you. You shouldn't blame yourself either. The only person to blame here is Amanda."

"Yeah, and she's no where to be found either." Nikita retorts. "Everyone is gone. Division is dead and so is everyone in it."

"Not everyone…"

* * *

"You're telling me, there's a whole secret Government agency called Division working out of a bunker underneath a farm in New Jersey?"

"Yes. And Nikita is one of them." Alex replies.

The man laughs. "That's absurd. You expect me to believe this story?"

"I'm not crazy."

"Alex, you're a Udinov. You were born into fabulous wealth and power and suddenly it was stripped from you. You saw your father murdered before your eyes. You were sold into sex slavery, but you escaped!"

"I know!" Alex shouts at him. "You think I don't know my own backstory? You think I want to forget? I can't! These images will be forever etched in my mind!"

"Alex, you may have escaped the brothels, but not the drug they hooked you on. You are a survivor, but you're not the only one." The man says. "There are many other girls just like you in this facility. They want the same things you do."

"And what is that?"

"To be loved."

"What?" Alex sat, dumbfounded.

"It's typical with patients like yourself who have gone through tremendous emotional trauma." He begins. "You feel ignored and miss the attention of your parents. You miss your old life." He paused to see if Alex was following. She sat blank faced. He sighed. "I know the past few years have been tough and the world thought you were dead but you made a comeback! What happen to you? You can have your life back, but you're stuck in this fantasy land full of characters you have created in your mind of who you wanted to be. You're not the first child to do this. You're just the first to grasp it and still believe it was real."

"Division is real. And so is Nikita and Larissa…" Alex says.

Now he scoffed. "I don't believe you."

"I don't know what else to tell you then." Alex replies.

"Just tell me the truth." He glares at her. "Why were you wandering around in an elusive, and drug infested neighborhood of New York?"

"I wasn't going to buy any drugs." She says.

"You were an addict. It must be tempting."

"_Were_. As in past tense. I'm clean now."

"Your blood test differs." The man counters.

"My what?" Alex asked, surprised. "When did you-"

The man takes out a medical chart and places it in front of Alex. She looks at it carefully. "When we found you, you were in a state of perplexity; mumbling nonsense about covert black ops programs." He begins. "You said agents would travel all around the world, on missions defeating international terrorists who could pose as Presidents of foreign countries all by the use of a complex polymer mask."

"The terrorist wasn't the one who had the mask…" Alex tried to counter. "It was Michael. He used it to pose as the rogue agent who was posing as the President."

"You told tales of adventures crashing diplomatic parties, neutralizing nano toxins that could potentially be a threat to the world. I get it, you created these fantasies because you want to appear to be the hero. None of it is real Alex."

"It was real." Alex shakes her head, refusing to believe she was crazy. "It was…"

"You said you fell in love, with another agent. Was he real too?" The man continued to press deeper. He wanted to get her to say his name. Alex stayed silent. "I'm trying to help you get better, Alex. But the only way I can do that is if you let me help you."

"Get better…" Alex says with a hint of sadness. "That's what he wanted to."

"He? The love of your life?" The man questioned further. Alex nodded. "If you want to get out of here then I'm going to need you to tell me his story."

* * *

"How is he doing?" Nikita asked Michael.

"Still waiting…" Michael says. "We're all a little shaken up about everything that's happen though… but mostly about what we had to do to Alex."

"Who wouldn't be?" Nikita replies. "Not everyone can say they've died twice before." She pauses for a second, thinking about where in the world Alex could be right now. "You guys made a good plan. She wasn't listening to us. Sean's death was supposed to snap her out of Amanda's conditioning."

"I think it made it worse. His death was too much for her to handle, especially now that we know what was driving her."

"Her survivor's guilt." Nikita says, sadly. She looks up at Michael. "That's why we need to find her more than ever now and tell her the truth."

* * *

"He died." Alex says. "Everyone dies, but me."

"And you saw him die?" The man questioned.

"I was there." Alex replies. She looks him in the eyes. "In Division. It happen so fast. I didn't see it coming."

"What happen Alex?" The man says. She tries to shake her head, not wanting to think about it. "Alex, the only way to get better is by letting it go."

"He was shot. But there was no sign of blood… It was internal bleeding." Alex says.

"Did you shoot him?" He asked.

"No. It was a stray bullet from Rachel's gun." Alex says. "She was aiming for me."

"Why were you the target?"

"Because I deserved it. I should have died in there. Not him."

* * *

"And what are we supposed to tell her when we do find her?" Michael asks her.

"The truth." Nikita says. "That none of this was her fault. Amanda had her in that crazy chair of her's, she had Alex manipulated this whole time and every thing that has resulted from that day leads back to her. Amanda needs to be stopped." Nikita sighs. "When we find her, we tell her that this was all an elaborate plan to make her see that not everyone can be saved. That is, after all, Amanda's lesson of the day. She knew Alex would do anything to protect the ones she loves the most, even if protecting them would be her downfall." She stops and looks at her fiancé. "I tried so hard to protect her too. All this time, we've been fighting this war. It wasn't fair for her, Michael. You of all people know the consequences of war."

"We never planned to take this, this far though." Michael says. "Sean's death was a contingency. It was his idea." Nikita looks at him surprised. "Sean told me while we were locked up in holding together that if we wanted to get to you, we had to get through to Alex first." He explains. "We knew, with the mutiny in full swing, that there was only one way this would end. Death."

"His own?" Nikita questioned.

"Alex was obsessed with saving everyone. But in war, we can't save everyone. There's always someone innocent who gets stuck in the crossfire."

"And that was Sean." Nikita says sadly.

"She needed to see that." Michael says. "She had to see it first hand. She had to realize that there was nothing she could do to stop it."

* * *

"I tried so hard." Alex continues to tell the man before her. "I wanted to get everyone out safely. But all this time, what I wanted the most… what mattered to me the most, was saving him." She stops and looks at the man, tears starting to form again. "I couldn't save him and it's all my fault."

"Alex, you can't stop someone from dying."

"I know that now." She says, sadly.

"You need to know that this wasn't your fault." He pauses to catch her reaction. "You need to believe that this wasn't real."

"No." Alex looks up at him. "I know… I don't believe it anymore."

"I know you're lying." He says. Alex stay silent. "You still cry out for him in your sleep."

* * *

"I think she knows that now." Nikita says.

"It's a harsh reality, I know." Michael says. "But now that it is done, we have to accept the consequences of it. There was no telling how far Amanda's conditioning would go. Even after she got everyone out of here."

Nikita sighs. "I just wish I was there to help her. Tell her she didn't have to face this alone."

"Don't worry, Nikita. We'll find her." Michael tries to reassure her.

"Birkhoff said when he and Sonya found Sean's body, Alex was gone. He said she kept saying how she wanted to save everyone but in the end she couldn't save him. I can only imagine what she is going through right now… to have the thing you love most in life taken away from you."

"You're talking about Daniel." Michael says.

"Yes, but you know what it's like too. Elizabeth and Haley. And if Alex is anything like you or me, which we all know she is, she's going to be out for revenge. Amanda will see this coming and she will be prepared. I can't let her do this, Michael. It'll destroy her."

* * *

"Alex." The man says. "We have a new procedure that can take away your pain. Make you forget whatever, and whomever you are holding on to."

"Does it hurt?" Alex asks.

"The longer you hold onto this pain, the longer you'll only be hurting yourself and the people who care about you."

"Maybe I like my pain."

"You can't keep holding onto these fantasies or the "_past_" as you like to say." He looks her in the eyes. "It's not healthy. If you really believe that this was your past, that you are some agent of Division then you need to rid yourself of that cover. You said yourself that Division should not be allowed to exist. That is why you wanted to free your fellow agents, am I correct?" He questioned. "You are free now and you need to move on and live the life your father had always planned for you, Alexandra."

"And what life is that? The world already sees me as a spoiled Russian heiress." Alex laughed.

"Like I said, Alex, you are a survivor. Your strength in all that you have endured, fictional or real proves that in your mind you have the potential to be a great hero. I'm not saying you need to forget all that you have lost, but if holding onto this Division is what is keeping you from fully living your life, then maybe you should let it go."

* * *

"It didn't destroy us." Michael says.

"That's because I had you to pull me out of the darkness." Nikita says, smiling.

He smiles back. "And I had you."

"And Alex has us."

"Then what are we waiting for?" Michael says. "Let's go find our girl and tell her the truth."

Nikita agrees. "Alex is going to be so shocked to find out Sean is alive."

* * *

The man takes out a piece of paper. "Just sign here and tomorrow your new life will begin again."

"I don't want to forget him." Alex argues.

"Alex, he wasn't real. Division wasn't real."

"It is real. I can show you proof." Alex says. "Proof that all this is real."

"I don't need to see any proof to know that you are insane." The man says. "The proof is in my paperwork. You have a history of lying."

"I'm not lying!" Alex screams. "When you really love someone as much as I loved Sean, I don't need proof to know that he was real. I can feel it."

The man sighs. "Alex, you need help. You have to move on. Don't you want to get better?"

* * *

"How did we end up here." Nikita says, walking into medical. "Ryan is in a coma because Alex shot him. Owen or Sam, whoever he thinks he is… is on the run. And so is Alex."

Michael joins her at the door. "At least Sean looks better. He should be waking up any minute."

"Fake death special." Nikita laughs. "Division's specialty."

"Internal bleeding was a nice cover up." Birkhoff says, walking into the room. "The lack of blood. The fake bullet wound. You guys thought of everything, didn't you?"

"Hey, Nerd. Nice of you to finally join us." Nikita says.

"Nikki." Birkhoff greets her. "I'm still mad Mikey didn't tell me about this." He glares at Michael. "We had all that time before you left to find Nikki, you could've told me the plan for Alex while I was hacking the elevator."

"Sorry." Michael says. "The less you knew, the better it was supposed to be for Alex in order for her to snap out of Amanda mode. Alex completely bought the story though." Michael says, proudly. "And Sean sold it down to his last breath."

"You know, once this whole thing is over, I think I might consider an acting career." Sean announces as he pulls back a curtain, separating his bed from Ryan's in medical.

"Sean!" Nikita exclaims, happy to see him looking alive again. "Welcome to Division… a second time."

"You're not going to give me the "Something Better" speech are you?" Sean says. "Because when Alex gave me that speech, it was really sucky."

"No, one time is enough." Nikita replies.

"So where's Alex?" Sean asks. Michael sighs and walks up to him. "What happen when I died?" Sean asks, sensing something was wrong. "What did Alex do?"

"We had it all set up." Michael begins. "The tetrodotoxin pill was supposed to dissolve in your system and take effect during that initial gunfight… in the middle of all the chaos, Alex was supposed to snap out of it."

"Oh." Sean realizes. "But we didn't anticipate for the uprising to end so soon and more than 300 agents leaving."

"You didn't know if she would stick around." Nikita says. "But she did and everything was fine…"

"Until Sean collapsed." Birkhoff says. He glances at Sean. "Finding you looking dead like that was not cool at all."

"Thanks, glad my death had an impact on you guys." Sean says.

"It broke her to see you die." Nikita says sadly. She looks at Michael. "It was a good contingency, but a contingency was supposed to be meant as a last resort."

"This wasn't the case. The timing was off." Michael admits.

"What's done is done." Birkhoff says. He walks up to Nikita. "Don't worry. We'll find Alex and sort this whole mess out. Once she sees Sean is alive, she'll come back to us."

"I just hope she's okay." Nikita says. "She's all alone right now and Amanda is still out there."

* * *

"Did she sign the paper?" Amanda asked the man, once he exited Alex's interrogation room.

"Not yet." He replies. "She asked for another day to think about it."

"It's a shame." Amanda says. "How this young girl has lost her mind. These stories about Division. Who would believe she was a spy?"

"The pressures of a celebrity." The man sighs. "It really is a shame how some of our brightest stars get pushed down a dark path full of drugs and partying."

"It's a good thing we found her when we did. There's still a chance we can fix her. Before it's too late."

"And that is your specialty?" He asks her. "Fixing the trouble minds of our youth?"

"Yes." Amanda replies. "I can fix her."

* * *

**A/N: First thing I need to address: Sean is alive! YAY! I just had to find a way to bring him back. Second thing: I have to say I was inspired to write this twist of fate by watching the Once Upon a Time in Wonderland trailer. I've always loved that character and her being "crazy" totally parallels Alex. Now Team Nikita better go find Alex before it's too late and Amanda tries to "fix her." Please Review :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews! I'm excited to see where this story will go too! :)**

**Burning Bridges: Chapter 2**

* * *

"Good afternoon, Alexandra." The doctor greets her as she sits down for their daily session. "How did you sleep last night?" She stayed silent as usual. "You do this every day." He sighed, "Remember what we discussed? If you wish to be released from this facility, you need to let go of your fantasies." She gave no response. "I'm here to help you, Alexandra. Let's talk about these characters again. Shall we begin with Nikita?"

"I've already told you everything I know." She says.

"Not everything, Alexandra."

"My _name_ is Alex." She glares at him.

"Right…" He smirks at her. He looks over her files on his desk. "You've got to deal with your issues, Alex. It's the only way to move on and get better."

Alex continues to glare at him. She was tired of his questions. "This is pointless." She tells him. "I don't belong here. I have to go…"

"Go where Alex?" The man questions. "You never told us what your plan was. Why you were running away from home?"

"I told you, I couldn't go back there. Not after what I did to them."

"To Division?" He asks.

"Yes." She replies. "To Division, and Nikita… I can't go back."

"Alex-"

"No." She cuts him off. "Don't tell me it wasn't real."

"Not this again." He says. "You're being delusional. How can you possibly believe such a place exists in our world?"

"I can't explain it." Alex says. "It's something you have to see for yourself. I told you I could show you proof."

"You've invested too much time in this fantasy of yours. These characters you imagine seem almost real to you, don't they? Nikita, Sean…" He looks her in the eyes. "Sweetie, Sean never died because he never even existed. The same with Larissa. They're not real."

"They are real!" Alex exclaims. Tears welling up at the mention of _his_ name.

"Sean." The doctor says his name again. He watches her closely as she reacts.

"No. No." Alex mumbles. She shakes her head, trying not to feel the pain of losing him all over again.

The doctor sighs again. "Often the root of a problem like this, lies within an emotional trauma."

"There is no emotional trauma." Alex tries to deny.

"How do you know?" He asks her, earnestly. "You said you loved this man. It's perfectly understandable to feel this way." He pauses to see if she was listening. "You never properly got to grieve over your father's death. Am I correct?" He asks. "I mean you were so young when it happen. Thirteen?" He shakes his head, sadly. "So young and so innocent." He stops to look her in the eyes. She was shaking in her chair, on the verge of tears. "How long has it been Alex?"

* * *

"How long has it been?" Sean asked. He turns to face Michael and Nikita in Ops. "I mean, since I died and Alex left."

Michael sighs. He pulls his gaze away from the map laid out on the round table. "We revived you about two days ago." He answers.

"It took longer than usual for that cocktail to wear off." Nikita says. "It was the best we could do with most of our support staff gone."

"So Alex has been off the grid for almost two…three days now?" Sean says, sadly. He hated the idea of her being apart from him. "Any ideas where she could have gone?"

"Shadownet is still down." Birkhoff says, walking into the room. He glances at the map on the screen. "Sonya is trying to reconfigure some satellites now. With luck we might be able to track where Alex went, but it's a long shot." He sighs. "Our girl ran away for a reason. If she doesn't want to be found, it's going to-"

"Be hard to track her, I know." Michael cuts him off. "But we will find her. We have to believe she's still out there, waiting to be found."

"Did she say anything before she left?" Sean asks. "There has to be some sort of clue we can use to figure out where she went."

"I checked the armory." Nikita says. "She took a Glock and some some extra ammo but that's all that seems to be missing."

"Well, besides a car." Michael says.

"What about her phone?" Sean asks. "Wallet? Credit cards? Anything traceable?"

Michael shakes his head. "We found her car ditched on the side of the road about a mile outside of town. Along with her phone. Looks like she took whatever cash she had with her though."

"We taught her too well." Birkhoff says. "She's covering her tracks, she doesn't want to be found."

"We'll find a way." Nikita says. "I'm not giving up until she knows the truth."

* * *

"You need to face the truth, Alex." The doctor continues to say. "You need to know that none of these deaths were your fault."

"I know." Alex lies. She leans in to whisper. "Look, why don't you just let me go? I promise I'll stay out of trouble… you'll never have to see me again."

"I'm trying to help you, Alex." He says.

"I don't need your help!" She shouts.

"Yet here you are!" He counters. "Confused and disturbed. Still believing you are some sort of hero. It's nothing more than pure fantasy, Alex."

"I'm not crazy!"

* * *

"It's crazy." Sean says, looking around an empty and destroyed Division. "As much as I hated this place, I never wanted it to end like this."

"I know what you mean." Nikita says, stepping up to him. "For years, my mission was to take down this place. Piece by piece." She sighs as she looks around the room. "With the help of Alex of course."

"And me." Michael says as he walks up to her.

"And you." Nikita agrees. She gives him a small smile. "It feels surreal now that everyone is gone." She says, turning to face Sean. "I always imagined it would end differently."

"How different?" He asks.

"Well, for starters, Alex would be here." She says sadly.

"So what's the plan now?" Birkhoff asks as he walks into the room with his tablet.

"I'm going to go find her." Nikita says, simply.

"Okay, but where do we start looking?" Michael questions.

"I think you should stay here." Nikita says. "Get a line on Amanda and Owen… the black box… I'll be back with Alex as soon as I can."

"How do you know where to find her?" Birkhoff asks. "Without Shadownet, I can't search street cams for her. It's going to be like finding Waldo."

"I'm going to start at the same place I found her four years ago."

"A lot has changed since then." Michael says. "When Ryan confronted Alex, she shot him."

"I've taken a shot from Alex before." Nikita counters, "I can handle it."

"Nikita…" Michael frowns at her. He glances at Sean.

"I'm coming with you." Sean says.

Nikita nods. "We're going to bring her home, Michael."

* * *

"I just want to go home." Alex says, staring out a window.

"And where is that?" The doctor asks her. "Where is home to you?"

"Anywhere away from this hell-hole." She turns to glare at him.

"We can help you Alex, we can take away your pain. You don't have to run anymore."

"If you take away my pain, then what am I left with? I'll have nothing left to hold on to."

"You'll be left with an open door, Alex. Freedom to feel again, to start over. To live a normal life." He says. "Don't you want that?"

She looked at him, conflicted. "It's too late to start over." She turns to face the window again.

"It's never too late, Alex." He smiles at her, knowing deep down a part of her knew he was right. "It is a nice day outside today." He says as he walks over to a door and opens it for her. She glances at him. It had been days since she felt the sunlight on her skin. "Why don't you take a stroll through our facility's many gardens and think about it for another day."

* * *

"It's a nice day out today isn't it?" Sean awkwardly says to Nikita as they walk along a sidewalk filled with graffiti.

"Oh that's right, you haven't been topside in awhile." Nikita realizes.

"Somehow I think being in Division was safer than these streets." Sean laughs as he looks around the gang-filled neighborhood. His face becomes serious for a moment. He stops and looks at Nikita. "Don't get me wrong, I want to find Alex, but part of me hopes we won't find her here."

"Me too." Nikita says. She glances down the street at a group of junkies standing around a make-shift fire pit. "When I found Alex four years ago, she was a wreck. She was homeless and addicted to drugs, just like those kids over there."

"You don't think she will turn back to drugs do you?" Sean asks.

"I don't know… the first time you left her, she relapsed."

"She what!" Sean exclaimed.

Nikita stops to look at him. "She never told you?"

"No." Sean says, feeling guilty. "I had no idea."

Nikita sighs and places a reassuring hand on his arm, "It's okay." She says. "I have to admit, I had no idea too." He looks at her confused. "I wish I paid more attention to her. I let her slip through the cracks, not once but twice. You saw the signs after South Ossetia and I didn't. It was so obvious, the way she was acting…"

"Nikita, you saw the signs too. She just didn't want to listen to us."

"She blamed me, Sean. For that girl's death. She wasn't even real."

"But if she was real, what difference would it have made?" Sean says. "Amanda may have given her the idea, but her actions felt natural to her. The result of her own choices, no matter how misguided." He sighs. "She wasn't aware that she was being manipulated. All she wanted to do was save her. An innocent civilian. It was the right thing to do, you know that."

* * *

"This is the right thing to do." Amanda says as the doctor walks into the room. She was staring out a window, overlooking Alex in the garden. "Look at her." She says glancing at Alex. Her back turned away from the doctor. "She's not responding to your treatment. I think it's time for something more therapeutic."

The doctor stood by the door. A long wooden desk separated him from Amanda. "As long as she is complying to the rules set in this facility and not harming herself or the other patients, we can't force her to do anything."

"That's a shame." Amanda says as she takes a deep breath and turns to face the doctor. Her hands reaching for something hidden underneath the desk. "She needs help now."

"Ms. Collins." He says, "I read about the work your father has done for others. His work was brilliant for his time, but that was many years ago. Alex doesn't need to build a wall, she's doing a lot better now. I know she wants to get out of here as soon as she can. She wants to move on and live a normal life." He pauses to see Amanda smile at him. Relaxing, he continues, "Just give me some more time. I can help her without going to extreme measures. I can burn her bridges down."

Amanda continued to smile at him while he watched her pull out a gun. "I'm sorry doctor, I'm afraid you're out of time." She says. He barely had any time to react before a single bullet pierced his skull. He dropped dead on the ground. Amanda sighed and walked around him. "You were right about one thing though. Alex does need to burn her bridges down. I'm going to be the one to help her do it." She smirks at the doctor's dead body. "Then like all broken things, we shall build a new bridge."

* * *

**A/N: Uh oh RIP doctor dude. He really did care about helping Alex. Even though she really doesn't need help :P But hey at least Amanda wants to help too? Yeah... that's not good. Please Review!**

**To: Raven, you're gonna get your wish! Amanda&Alex interaction in the next chapter, I promise ;)**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks for all the new reviews! They make me want to keep this story going at a fast pace. It also helps that finals are over now and I'm on summer vacation :)**

**Burning Bridges: Chapter 3**

* * *

"Nikita and Sean have been gone for a while." Michael says, walking up to Sonya and Birkhoff in Ops. "Can you patch me through to them?" He asks Birkhoff.

"Yeah, two seconds." Birkhoff says as he hands him a com unit.

"Thanks." Michael says to him. He turns around to contact Nikita. "Nikita, can you hear me?"

"Michael?" Nikita says.

"Where are you?" Michael asks her.

"Hey, Sean and I are in Camden." She replies.

"Have you guys found anything yet?" He asks while glancing at Birkhoff.

"No, not yet." Sean answers through his com. "Any luck with Shadownet yet?"

Birkhoff glances at Sonya. "Shadownet is up to 25% now." She tells him.

"25%?" Birkhoff exclaims. "I can't track Alex with that! Let alone trying to find Amanda and Owen and a black box!"

"I'm sorry, it's the best we can do with secondary servers." She says.

"That's not good enough!"

"Birkhoff..." Michael tries to calm him.

"Okay, I'll go reconfigure the satellites again." Sonya says, getting up to leave.

"No. Stop." Birkhoff says to her. "Don't do that. I'm sorry. I can make it work."

"Birkhoff." Nikita says. Michael had put her on speaker. "I know you're worried but-"

"That's not it, Nikki."

"What is it Seymour?" Sonya asks him.

He sighs. "It's just a lot of pressure right now and it's just the six of us left, not including Ryan."

"Hey, come on Birkhoff." Michael says. "When we took down Percy it was just the 6 of us. In a safe house, against all of Division and it's resources. You're telling me the mighty shadow walker isn't up to the task?"

Birkhoff smirks at him. "I can make it work." He quickly starts typing on his computer and in a matter of seconds a street cam image of Alex popped up on the screen. "I found her!" He exclaims.

"You did? Where?" Sean excitedly asks.

"Looks like our girl was last seen walking across the pedestrian bridge down there. You guys are in the right area."

Michael looks at the time stamp on the image. "This was taken only hours after she left Division. I doubt she's still there." He tells Nikita and Sean.

Nikita sighs. "It's still something to work with." She glances at Sean. "Come on, maybe one of those junkies knows where she went."

* * *

Alex walked along a narrow dirt path, enjoying the rays of the sun shining on her skin. She smiled as her fingers traced along the thick vines that entwined themselves in the crevasses of the chain fence which separated her from the rest of the outside world. It was spring and the flowers were just beginning to bloom. She stopped to admire a rose garden nearby when suddenly a voice was calling her.

"Alex." A nurse greeted her. "It's time to go in."

"Can I have ten more minutes?" Alex begged. She loved the peace and quiet of the garden. It calmed her and for a moment all the pain in her heart subsided.

"I'm sorry, dear. We have a new doctor who would like to speak to you."

"A new doctor? What happen to my old one?" Alex asks.

"He's unavailable at the moment." The woman replies.

Alex frowns at the news. She follows the nurse inside and down a hallway. "I don't know why this new doctor wants to speak to me. I've already had my session for the day." Alex complains. The nurse opened a door to a room Alex had never seen before. It was dark. The only light source came from a small crack in a boarded up window. The nurse pushed her inside and locked the door behind her. "Hey!" Alex screamed as she quickly turned around to bang on the door. "Let me out of here!"

"Hello Alex." A familiar voice greeted her.

* * *

"Hey!" Nikita shouted at a man standing in front of a home. She pulls out a picture of Alex and shows it to him. "Have you seen this girl?"

"What are you a cop?" The man asks. He glances between her and Sean.

"Why, you looking for a cop?" Sean glares at him.

"No." He says. He turns to face Nikita. "Listen, I don't want any trouble."

"Just answer the question." Nikita says. "Have you seen this girl? Her name is Alex."

The man takes the picture and looks at it carefully. "I might have. I think."

"You think?" Sean says, angrily. He was getting frustrated. "I don't have time for street trash, man. Did you see her or not?" He shouts at him.

"What did you call me?" The man says, aggravated. He takes a step toward Sean, threatening to pull out a knife.

Nikita rushes to stand between the two men. "Hey! Wait a minute!" She glances at Sean. "We don't want any trouble either."

"Tell your partner to back off." The man says. Nikita glares at Sean until he steps back.

"So the girl…" Nikita says, calmly as she turns to face the man again. "It's very important that we find her."

"Did she run away from home or something?" He asks.

"You could say that."

"I'm sorry." The man says. He looks at the picture of Alex again. "Okay, yeah I remember her now." He looks up at Sean and Nikita. "I saw her walking by here like two days ago. I thought it was strange, she didn't look like the type of girl who would be lost in these neck of the woods, you know?"

"Did you see where she went?" Nikita asks.

"I saw her walk up to that house over there." The man points to a house across the street. "It looked like she wanted to buy some drugs."

"Did she?" Sean asks worriedly. "Buy some drugs?"

"No, someone stopped her before she could."

"Who?" Nikita asks.

* * *

Alex slowly turned around to face her enemy. "Amanda." She gasps. Shocked, Alex backs up into the door. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to help you, Alex." Amanda replies, taking a step toward her. A shadow cast upon her wicked smile.

"Stay away from me!" Alex shouts at her. "How did you find me?"

"I heard about what happen to Division." Amanda says. "Good job Alex, I knew you could do it."

"What?" Alex looks at her confused. She tried to jiggle the door handle behind her. It was no use. She cursed under her breath.

"There's no way out, Alex." Amanda taunts her. She flicks on a small light, revealing a medical chair.

Alex's eyes grew wide. "No." She stands paralyzed against the door. "You… you did do something to me. They were right." She glares at Amanda. "What did you do to me?" She screams.

"I helped you open your eyes, Alex."

"No…" Alex thought back to her time in South Ossetia. "You had me in that chair… the whole time, I remember now… Larissa… she-"

"Yes Alex, she wasn't real." Amanda says.

"You bitch!" Alex runs toward her. She grabs one of the restraint belts on the chair and quickly forces Amanda into a chokehold. "You messed with my head! You made me do things! The mutiny, all the deaths… it's all your fault!"

"No, Alex." Amanda struggles to breathe. "I only created the idea of the girl. You made up her story. Everything since then has been the result of your own choices, you own actions."

"NO!" Alex shouts at her. She pulls on the restraint harder, determined to kill Amanda once and for all. But Amanda was smarter, she reached around Alex's hands and injected her with a sedative, disguised in her ring. Alex felt numb and dizzy. Her grip on Amanda loosened as she collapsed to the floor.

"Silly, girl." Amanda laughed as she walked around her. "Nikita fell for the same thing. You can't kill me that easily."

* * *

"Who stopped her?" Nikita asks the man again. Now she was the one getting frustrated.

"I don't know!" He shouts. "They were dressed in suits. They didn't look like they were lost either."

"We need more info, man." Sean says.

"Listen, that's all I know."

"There has to be more." Sean argues. "Think. Did she look scared at all?"

"No, she looked really out of it actually. I heard her mumbling something about dividing something."

"Division?" Nikita asks.

"Yeah. I don't know what her deal is. I'm not a math expert."

"Math." Sean laughed. He glances at Nikita. "Is this dude for real?"

Nikita sighs and faces the man again. "We appreciate your help, sir." She looks at Sean. "Come on, let's go."

"I'm not done yet." Sean argues. "He has to know more details than that."

"Sean…" Nikita urges him to follow her. She glances at the man. "Is there anything else you'll like to tell us?" She asks him one last time.

The man sighs. "I don't know if this will help, but if it makes you feel better, one of the men said he wanted to help her. She looked willing to go with him, I don't think she's in any sort of immediate danger. He said she didn't have to do this alone. He said he could help her get better." The man sighs. "I figured he was some sort of doctor trying to stop her from doing drugs before it was too late."

"Thanks, that does help." Nikita says. She grabs Sean by his jacket and pulls him away.

"Nikita, before I died, I made Alex promise me she would get better…" Sean tells her. "That must be where she is heading."

"Nerd, I need you." Nikita says through her coms. "Can you search the area for some type of hospital?"

"Why? You hurt?" Birkhoff asks.

"No. Just do it." She says.

"At your command." Birkhoff says.

Nikita rolls her eyes and looks at Sean. "Hey, don't worry. We're gonna find her and bring her home."

He smiles at her, knowing he was one step closer to seeing her again. He reaches for his com. "Birkhoff, you find that hospital yet?"

"There's multiple facilities in the area." Birkhoff replies.

"Can you narrow it down to-"

"Hold up!" Birkhoff exclaims. "Red flag!"

"What is it?" Nikita and Sean exchange worried glances at each other.

"The Shop." Birkhoff says. "One of these hospitals is a front for them… it must be one of the facilities they experiment on patients that society knows won't be cured or missed."

"Alex!" Sean gasps. "Birkhoff, send us the coordinates. I'm going to get her out of there!"

* * *

"Amanda." Alex mumbles as she slowly opens her eyes. She finds herself strapped down to a medical chair. "No!" She gasps. Amanda walked into her line of vision. Alex spotted a bloody cranial needle. "What did you do to me?" She cries, feeling helpless.

"You're broken, Alex. I'm going to fix you."

"No!" Alex screams. "No more mind games! Just kill me, get it over with!"

"I'm not done with you yet, Alex."

"What do you want from me? I'm useless now. You got what you wanted. Division is dead."

"This was never about Division, Alex." Amanda says. Alex looks at her confused. "You know what this was always about. My target was never Division. It was always Nikita."

"You had the chance to kill her many times, but you couldn't pull the trigger. You can't kill her, just like you can't kill me." Alex tries to taunt her.

"Her time will come soon enough."

Alex scoffs. "What are you gonna do? Mess with my head some more? Make me imagine another girl in a fake room?" She glares at her. "You're sick, you know that? You poke inside people's heads for fun. You manipulate who they become."

"No." Amanda says simply. "I help them become who they should've been. I fix what was broken." She stares at Alex. "This is important work, we're doing." Amanda takes a step closer to Alex and grabs a needle off of a medical cart next to her. Alex looks at her scared. "Like I said Alex, you're broken. I'm going to fix you."

* * *

**A/N: I hope that Amanda&Alex interaction was what ya'll have been waiting for ;) It's getting intense! As always, Please Review :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I gotta say, writing Nikita&Sean partner scenes are fun. I wish they had more scenes like this in the show, wouldn't you say they make a great team? Sucks the writers extremely underused him in the 3rd Season though. I mean, come on! Look at this, he had so much potential! **

**Burning Bridges: Chapter 4**

* * *

"Turn right at that stop sign." Nikita points toward the end of the street. "Birkhoff says the hospital should be around this corner."

"Okay." Sean follows her directions as he pulls their car up to the facility they believed Alex was in. "Here." He announces through his com.

"Proceed with caution." Michael warns them. "We don't know what the shop is capable of or why they would want Alex if she is with them."

"Understood." Sean replies. He looks at Nikita. "You ready?"

She nods. "Let's bring her home."

"Okay Nikki, I hacked their security." Birkhoff tells her. "There's an entrance on the side of the facility, it should lead you directly into a patio area. You'll see a garden in the center. From there you'll have to sneak through a lobby level to get access to the patient's wing. There shouldn't be any cameras guarding them. You know, for privacy reasons. So you and Sean will be blind in there."

"Got it, Nerd. Thanks." Nikita says as she follows Sean around the perimeter of the facility.

He stops her before they reach the door. "What is it Sean?" Nikita asks.

"It's just been a long time coming since I've seen her face." He says. "And now that we're this close, I was just thinking… what would you think if I asked Alex to marry me someday?"

"Oh Sean!" Nikita flashes him a giant smile. "You and Alex are meant to be, I couldn't imagine anyone more perfect for her than you."

"So you approve?" He asks.

"You don't need my approval." Nikita says. "But for the record, you got it anyway."

"I approve too! A thousand times approve!" Birkhoff interrupts them.

Sean laughs. "Michael, can you hear us too?"

"Yes." Michael replies.

"Your thoughts?" Nikita asks him.

"What am I, her father now?" He asks. "You don't need to ask me for permission."

"Hey, we're all family here now." Birkhoff tells him. "What do you say?"

They all wait for him to reply. Michael sighs. "I approve too. Now get in there and bring her home!" He commands.

* * *

"Alex." Amanda tries to calm her. "Relax."

Alex's eyes flickered as she tries to adjust to the dimly lit room. Her body still strapped down to a medical chair. "Amanda…" She mumbles. The name barely audible.

"Relax." Amanda says calmly. "No one's going to hurt you."

"Where…" Alex manages say one word. Amanda watches as the poor girl looks around confused. "…am I?" Alex finally blurts out. She could barely finish a single sentence.

"Don't worry Alex, It'll all be over soon." Amanda says. "Just relax."

"Hospital?" Alex questions.

"Something like that." Amanda agrees.

* * *

"Hey, who left this door open?" A nurse asked her fellow colleague.

Her friend shrugged. "I don't know, maybe it was a ghost." She teased.

"Guess again." Sean sneaks up behind her. "Scream and you die." He warned her.

"You, I know you. You're that former Navy SEAL who was on the news." The first nurse says.

"Still?" He asked. "Darn, I thought I would be bumped off the nightly news after the next American tragedy."

"You're supposed to be dead!" She gasped.

"Maybe I am. Maybe I'm a ghost." He teased her.

"See I told you!" Her friend exclaimed. The nurse took one look at Sean and fainted.

"Wow." Sean says. "Never thought that would happen in real life."

Nikita quickly sneaks up on the last nurse and knocks her out. She looked at the nurse who fainted and rolled her eyes. "I guess there's a bright side to being dead. You can scare people." She laughs. "Really beats knocking someone out." She looks at the second nurse. "She's gonna have a headache when she wakes up."

Sean smirks as he leans down to steal the nurse's keycard. "Okay, I got it. Let's go find Alex now."

* * *

Sean and Nikita quickly searched through the facility, determined to come across a room holding Alex.

"Where is she?" Sean asks, frustrated. "She has to be here somewhere!"

"Hey Nerd, are you sure we're at the right place?" Nikita asks him through their coms.

"Yeah." Birkhoff replies. "This place has a red flag. All signs point to Alex being here…" He looks at the blueprints of the facility again, feeling frustrated.

"Hey!" A voice called from one of the rooms.

"Alex?" Sean questioned as he walked toward the room, only to be disappointed to see a different face in the tiny window frame. "Who are you?" He asks the young girl.

"I know an Alex." The girl says. "She stayed in that room across the hall from me."

Sean glanced at the room the girl pointed at. "Are you sure?" She nods. "Thanks." He tells her as Nikita joins him.

Nikita nods toward Alex's door, signaling Sean to open it. He glances at her for a moment, hesitating. "It's okay." She tells him.

Sean takes a deep breath and opens the door. It was empty. He takes a step inside and turns around to face Nikita. "Nothing." He tells her. "Alex isn't here."

"She has to be here somewhere." Nikita says. "She just has to."

Sean searches the room. He spots something sticking out from underneath a pillow and goes to grab it. "Alex was definitely here." Sean says walking up to Nikita. He hands her a file.

"Alexandra Udinov." She reads the label on the file. "Alex… " She gasps as she flips through the contents of it. "Where did you find this?"

"It was stashed underneath a pillow in her room. I think Alex stole it one day and was hiding it from the doctors." He gives Nikita a worried look. "What if they found out she took it and did something to her?"

"Patient has Schizophrenic tendencies." Nikita reads. "Ms. Udinov continues to believe delusions involving a secret black ops program called Division are real."

"Division?" Sean questions. "She told them about us?"

"Patient has a history of emotional trauma." Nikita continues to read. "As a form of coping, Ms. Udinov has created a fictional world where she imagines herself as an agent of Division. She believes she is responsible for a massacre which claimed the life of a fellow agent named "Sean", who she says is the "love of her life"." Nikita stops to look at Sean. He takes the file from her.

"As a response to witnessing her father's murder when she was a child; along with subsequently being sold into sex slavery, Ms. Udinov's child-like mind has projected herself into a fantasy land. The characters she has created represent multiple personalities she wishes she could be." He continues to read, "For example: "Nikita" represents "the survivor" who escapes from oppression - a scenario that parallels her time as a sex slave." Sean stops to look at Nikita. "This is crazy." He says. "This doctor thinks Alex is insane. She's not. Division is real."

"But Larissa isn't." Nikita says pointing to her name on the list of "characters" Alex had created. "The victim." She reads, "A young woman being held captive by a military force who killed her family. - a parallel to Division?" Nikita frowns at the question mark the doctor wrote next to Division. "This was the parallel Amanda told me she used to build Alex's mind a bridge and manipulate her into wanting to save everyone at Division." She tells Sean.

Sean continues to read the rest of the description. "In addition to this fictional Division, "Larissa" also parallels her time in the brothels."

"Alex still thinks that girl is real and this doctor is telling her she, along with you and me aren't. That's gotta be confusing."

Sean frowns. "We don't need to read any more of this." He says, closing the file. "We know Alex was here now. We just need to figure out where exactly they're keeping her."

* * *

"Alex." Amanda calls her name. "Wake up. I can't have you dying on me now." Alex stayed still. She was completely unconscious and unaware of anything Amanda was doing to her. Amanda sighed. "I guess you'll wake up when you're ready." She laughed. "You always were a stubborn recruit."

Suddenly a guard walked into the room. "There's been a security breach." He tells her. "It's Nikita and another agent. They've come to save the girl." He shows Amanda hidden surveillance footage from the facility's lobby.

"Ah, Sean Pierce, back from the dead." Amanda comments. "Coming to rescue his princess." She smirks at Alex. "Isn't that romantic? You're like a sleeping beauty right now."

"Shall we terminate the intruders?" The guard asks.

"No need." Amanda says.

"Aren't you worried they'll find you?"

"Not at all."

* * *

"Birkhoff, where's this mighty shadow walker of yours?" Sean yells through his com. "Alex is still missing, we need you!"

"Hey, hey calm down boy scout. I'm working on it!" Birkhoff yells back.

"Hurry it up." Sean screams again.

"Birkhoff, let me see that blueprint again." Michael says, walking up to him.

"Sure thing, Mikey." Birkhoff replies.

Michael looks at it closely. "Hey Nikita, where exactly are you right now?"

"Um, about 30 paces from the exit. Why? What's wrong?" She asks.

"Can you walk toward that exit for me?" Michael tells her. "Birkhoff, align her tracker with the blueprints."

Nikita walks toward the exit door. "Okay I'm here. Now what?"

"Open it. Tell me what you see."

"I don't need to open it, there's a window. I see a garden." Nikita says.

"Just open it." Michael says. "Trust me."

She gives Sean a confused look as he walks up to her. "Won't hurt." Sean says.

Nikita sighs and follows Michael's command. She kicks open the door. "What the hell is this?" She looks around shocked.

"Fake window." Sean says. "Very clever. Patients want to escape? There is no escape, only another room."

"There's always another room." Nikita says, remembering the thing Amanda used to tell all the new recruits at Division. "Amanda. She was here." Nikita realizes. "She's working with the shop!"

"Amanda?" Sean questions. "How do you know?"

"The more you try to get out, the more you realize, there will always be another room." Nikita quotes. "This has to be Amanda. It all makes sense now." Nikita steps into the room and flicks on a small light, revealing a medical chair. She glances back at Sean. "Seen this before?"

Sean walks into the room. His eyes widen at the sight of the same chair he saw from South Ossetia. He turns to look at Nikita. "Wait a minute… if Amanda was here and this is her chair… where the heck is Alex?"

"I don't know." Nikita says. "And I'm scared to find out."

* * *

"Nikita and Sean have left the facility." A gentleman appears before Amanda.

"Good." Amanda says as she pours herself a cup of tea.

"I assume you used your time wisely with the girl." He says looking at Alex. She was sleeping peacefully on a bed next to Amanda. "What did you do to her?"

"I did what I said I was going to do." Amanda says.

"And what was that?" He asks.

"I fixed her." Amanda replies. "I took away her pain."

* * *

**A/N: Sorry no epic rescue/reunion yet. I easily could have written one but then the story would be over. Who wants that? There's still lots more story to tell! **

**Look on the bright side, how cute is Sean asking Mikita for their approval to marry Alex? There's your Salex related moment of the day. Hopefully that's enough to tie you guys over for awhile. ;)**

**As always, I read every single review, so please review :) They make my day. lol**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Google Translate is pretty amazing. haha enjoy some Russian in this chapter ;)**

**Burning Bridges: Chapter 5**

* * *

The room seemed to gravitate when she finally opened her eyes. A bright light from a crack in a curtain shined in her face, causing Alex to rise from her bed in a slight daze. She looked around the room in astonishment to discover herself in a fully furnish suite. Suddenly she heard a knock on her door.

"Alexandra?" A woman's voice called her name.

"входить." Alex tells her to "come in" in Russian.

"Privet, Alexandra." The woman greets her. Alex blinked at her, confused. She didn't understand the nature of this unusual situation. The woman sighs. "I assume you're still getting used to all this." She takes a seat next to Alex on the bed.

"Где я?" Alex asks her where she was.

"Practice your English please, Alexandra." The woman says. "Don't worry, you're safe now."

"Who are you?" Alex asks her.

"My name is Amanda, do you remember me?"

Alex shakes her head. "No, I'm sorry. I'm afraid I don't know who you are."

"It's okay." Amanda tells her. She takes Alex's hand. "You're home now."

"Home?" Alex questions. She jumps out of the bed and pushes the curtains aside. "We're in Russia!" She exclaims. Alex glances back at Amanda who nods her head. "каким образом? I… I don't remember being on a plane." She glances back at the window. She had a strange feeling something wasn't quite right about this situation she was in, but the sight of her homeland calmed her enough to forget about her worries.

"You fell asleep." Amanda says. "You were very tired after we found you, you said you just wanted to go home and sleep."

Alex tried to think. She had trouble remembering her past. It was like she had been walled off from society for years. "Huh… I guess you're right." She looks at Amanda. "это странно."

"Relax, Alexandra. I know this is strange to you, but you don't have to worry about it anymore." Amanda smiles at her. "I assure you, everything is exactly how you left it."

"How I left it?" Alex questions. She brings a hand to her head, shaking away a headache. "What happen to me?"

"The truth?" Amanda asks. Alex nods. "You were traveling in New York one day when a group of men tried to mug you. I warned you to take a bodyguard, the streets are very dangerous at night." Amanda says. "But you insisted you could take care of yourself." She glances at Alex. "When they realized who you were, you were taken hostage. Beaten and tortured for days by a group of men wanting to ransom you."

"Right…" Alex slightly frowns. She continues to look out the window, trying to make sense of this story Amanda was telling her.

"Oh, Alexandra." Amanda gives her a concerned face. "Your amnesia has gotten worse."

"I'm sorry." Alex glances at her. "I'm trying to remember, and part of me does have a feeling you're right, but it's a lot to take in."

"You were held captive for some time. It's perfectly normal for you to have some repressed memories. Especially taking into account your past emotional trauma."

"When I was a sex slave?" Alex asks. She remembered everything up to that point. She tried to forget about it though, it wasn't something she wanted to think or talk about.

"Yes." Amanda says sadly. "But don't worry, Alexandra. You're safe now. Vlad is dead. He won't hurt you anymore. ты дома."

"дома" Alex smiles as she stares out the window. "It's good to be home."

"Yes." Amanda agrees. "Welcome home, Alexandra."

* * *

"I don't understand this." Birkhoff screams at Michael and Sonya. He paced back and forth in Ops, feeling frustrated. "All the signs pointed to this facility. Where else could Alex be?"

Michael frowns. He didn't like being one step behind Amanda and The Shop. "Birkhoff, calm down. We know Amanda has ties to The Shop now. If we can find her, maybe we can find Alex."

Birkhoff sighs and looks up to see Nikita and Sean walking in. "Nikki! There you are." He glances at Sean. "What do you got there?"

Sean drops Alex's file on top of the round table as he walks up to him. Birkhoff stares at it. "Alex was definitely there." He tells him.

"We saw another chair." Nikita adds. "The same chair Amanda used on Alex in South Ossetia. And on Owen… and on me."

"You?" Sean asks. He was surprised. Nikita nods.

"Hey, Nikita, maybe you should go to medical. Have that checked out." Michael tells her.

"We gave Alex a full brain and body scan when she got back. Didn't find anything." Birkhoff says.

"I just don't have time for this." Nikita says. She looks at Michael. "For what it's worth, I still feel like myself." Michael gives her a worried look but she brushes it off, choosing to focus on Alex instead.

* * *

"How do you feel Alexandra?" A woman asked her.

"Better." Alex replies. "Thank you doctor."

"Are you still having headaches?" The doctor asks.

"You know about that?" Alex asks surprised. She glances at Amanda who was standing in a corner.

"Of course she knows, she's your doctor, Alexandra." Amanda replies.

"Huh…" Alex looks at her doctor, slightly confused. "That would make sense."

The doctor suddenly shines a bright light in Alex's eyes. Without warning, Alex is taken back. "I'm sorry, Ms. Udinov. Just checking to see if your reflexes are still coherent."

"I'm fine." Alex glares at her. "Can I go now?"

"Not yet. " The doctor says. "Tell me, how's the head? I hear you're still having trouble remembering things."

Alex frowns. "I feel like I don't even know who I am anymore." She looks up at the two ladies staring at her. "I mean, so much has happen, from what you've told me. It's hard to keep track… I'm trying to remember but there's some wall there. I can't get past it. It's black."

"You're a Udinov, Alexandra. You're a survivor and a hero." The doctor smiles at her. "My daughter looks up to you."

"How old is your daughter?" Alex asks.

"Six, this Tuesday." She replies.

"Tell her I said Happy Birthday."

"She'll love that." The doctor continues to smile. "Now, back to you. I know you've been through a lot lately, but it's okay-"

"I'll deal with it." Alex cuts her off. "I'm just happy to be home."

"That's good." The doctor replies. She gives Alex another smile. "I'll sign off on that. You can go back to work now."

"Work?" Alex questions.

"To Zetrov of course." Amanda laughs. "Did you forget? You're the face of the company."

"Really?" Alex asks. "I thought I gave it up…" She frowns.

"No, Alexandra." The doctor says. "You're not the CEO of course, but you are the face. The media loves their princess and whatever you do, people follow and associate with the company."

"Zetrov." Alex says in a daze.

"Yes, your father's company." The doctor says. "He would be so proud of you, if he was here today."

"You've come a long way, Alexandra." Amanda says. Alex smiles at her. "Now come on, we have a press conference to go to."

"Press conference?" Alex questions.

"To announce your return, silly." The doctor says. "The media has been waiting to speak to you ever since you returned."

* * *

"I don't know if I can do this." Alex says, backstage at her press conference.

"You can." Amanda says. "I'll be right here to support you."

Alex smiles at her. "Thanks… you're always looking out for me aren't you?"

"That's my job." Amanda replies.

"I'm sorry, I forgot about you."

"It's okay." Amanda says. "You've forgotten a lot of things."

* * *

"How could I have forgotten about this!" Birkhoff excitedly exclaims, walking into Ops.

"What is that?" Michael questions.

"Behold! Shadownet 2.0!" Birkhoff places a laptop down on the round table. "Portable and lightweight. For on the go missions." He says in a mocking sale's pitch persona.

"Very original name." Sean teases him.

"Hey, it was just a prototype okay." Birkhoff glares at him. "This should help us look for Alex while Sonya and I continue to get the original Shadownet back up."

"Great." Sean says opening up the laptop. "How does this thing work?"

Birkhoff slaps his hand away. "Look. Don't touch." He says, pushing Sean aside. "Just type in Alex's info and if her image or name pops up anywhere on our database, we'll get an alert."

Suddenly a beeping noise came from the laptop. "Whoa, you got an alert already?" Sean asks.

"Huh, I wasn't expecting it to work so fast." Birkhoff says, clicking on the alert notification that popped up on the screen.

"Looks like Zetrov is having a press conference. Someone probably referred to her in the news." Michael says, dismissing the news.

"Hold on." Sean says looking closely at the screen. "Is that Alex?"

"Alex?" Nikita says walking into the room. Birkhoff puts the press conference up on the monitor for everyone to see. Nikita looks up at the screen in shock to see her friend's face on national television.

"Ms. Udinov!" A reporter screams. "What does this mean? Will you be returning to Zetrov?"

"I never left." Alex replies. "Zetrov was my father's company. It is in my blood. It will always be a part of me."

"What the hell is she doing?" Birkhoff asks.

"I don't know…" Nikita looks on at Alex in shock. "Just one day ago we were raiding a hospital in New Jersey, searching for her and today Alex is in Russia? How did we miss that?"

"She looks fine to me." Michael says. "Maybe we were wrong, maybe she was never in that hospital."

"But her file?" Sean counters.

"Something isn't right here." Nikita says. "Alex never wanted Zetrov. What is she doing back there?"

* * *

"Everything is going as planned." Amanda tells a gentleman who walks up to her. They watched as Alex gave her speech from backstage.

The gentleman watches Alex closely. "And she has no idea who you are?" He asks Amanda.

She flashes him a devious smile. "Not a single clue." Amanda says.

"She's really buying your story." He says amazed.

"It helps to have alibis." Amanda says. "Her doctor, the reporters. If you want to sell a story, you've got to have a good cast of supporting characters."

"I am intrigued by your psychotropic procedures." The gentleman says. "It's amazing how you can take away all her pain, along with the memories that came with it."

Amanda continues to smile. "I'm just continuing my father's work. He was the one who discovered how to treat PTSD in soldiers." Amanda says. "But he didn't want to just treat PTSD, he wanted to prevent it. We finally found a way to split the moral judgement centers in the brain." She explains. "So that a soldier could engage in the horrors of war and with the flip of a switch, return home and be a normal citizen." She glances at Alex. "She's had a traumatic past." Amanda says, looking at the gentleman. "Of course I can't fully take away her pain. I can only place a wall to block her brain from accessing those memories. No memories, no pain. It is similar to what I did to Owen."

"Owen, the soldier who killed all his friends?" He asks.

"He's Sam now. I took down his wall, so he remembers who he truly is."

"Are you afraid Alex will remember who she is?"

"Alex is gone. As far as she knows, she never existed because Nikita never saved her." Amanda says. "I did." He looks at her, fascinated. "As far as Alex remembers, she's just Alexandra Udinov, Zetrov's lost princess. And Alexandra, unlike Alex is a far different person. She is destined for greatness. For power. Without the knowledge of Division and Nikita holding her back, nothing is stopping her from reclaiming her father's company full time one day. Once she does, we will have unlimited access to it and all of Zetrov's resources."

* * *

"I'd like to thank everyone for their prayers and patience waiting for my safe return." Alex says in a professional manner. "The past few days have been a blur to me." Behind her wall, Nikita saw a hint of sadness in her voice. "I would appreciate it if the media can hold back on any personal questions as I myself don't fully have an answer for you. I'm still trying to make sense of it all."

"She looks good." Birkhoff comments. "Doesn't look like any torture at all."

"She's tortured on the inside." Nikita says. "Look at her. She looks confused, like she doesn't know what she's doing."

"You think she's still programmed by Amanda?" Sean asks.

"I don't know what to think anymore. Alex has always been full of surprises." Nikita glances at Birkhoff. "Hey, Nerd can you get me on a plane to Russia in the next 24 hours?"

"Me too." Sean adds. He glances at Nikita. "I'm going with you." She nods at him.

Birkhoff looks between the two and sighs. "You guys are going after her aren't you?"

"Of course we are." Nikita replies. "We have to. We have to get Alex back."

"What if she doesn't want to come back?" Michael asks, walking up to her. He glances at Alex on the screen behind them.

"Then that is her choice." Nikita replies. "But I need to make sure it is _her_ choice and not Amanda making that choice for her." She stares at Michael. "I have to see her, Michael. I need to make sure that she's okay."

"Okay then, I'm coming with you." Michael says.

"No, Michael. I need you to stay here and keep an eye on Ryan for me."

"Sonya and Birkhoff can handle that." Michael argues.

"Michael please. Just do this for me." She glances at Birkhoff. "Hold down the fort. Sean and I will be back with Alex as soon as we can."

Birkhoff nods. Michael gives Nikita a worried look. "If you need me, just say so and I'll be on the next flight out." He glances at Sean. "Keep my girl safe and I hope you find yours."

* * *

**A/N: Damn Amanda is an evil genius! Alex = Alexandra now. O.o Don't know if that's a good thing or not. Guess we'll have to find out when Nikita and Sean confronts her. DUN DUN DUN.**

**To Raven: I love when you review! It's like you can read my mind and know exactly what I'm planning to write. You're getting your wish again! More Alexandra coming!**

**To Codekiki12: Hey isn't this funny, Amanda is sorta Alex's BFF right now ;) Lmao Don't know how she'll react to seeing Nikita and Sean yet... guess we're gonna have to wait for the next chapter ;)**

**As always, please review :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday weekend :) Now back to more chapters! Enjoy.**

**Burning Bridges: Chapter 6**

* * *

"There she is." Sean spies Alex having lunch at a nearby restaurant. He places his binoculars down on a nearby table and steps away from the window in his hotel suite. "God, she looks so beautiful."

Nikita walks up to him and steals his binoculars off of the table. She brings them up to her face and frowns at the sight of two bodyguards flanking Alex on both sides. "She's protected." Nikita tells Sean. "This isn't good." She quickly turns on her com and contacts Birkhoff. "Nerd, we're gonna have to adjust. Alex has protection."

"Protection?" Nikita hears Michael say.

"Yup. Two of them, we're not going to be able to get close to her, let alone talk to her."

"This changes things." Michael realizes. "The original plan isn't going to work."

"Yeah, we can't just walk up to her now." Sean agrees.

"I guess we're gonna have to do this the old fashion way." Nikita says.

"And what's the old fashion way?" Birkhoff asks.

"Oh you know…" Nikita teases. "It's me, you're talking about."

* * *

"Amanda, do I really need two bodyguards everywhere I go?" Alex asks over the phone. She glares at the two men staring at her.

"Yes." Amanda replies. "You know what happened last time you went out without protection."

"What are the chances that will happen again?" Alex counters. "Besides, I'm not in New York anymore. The people in Russia respect me. They won't hurt me."

"Are you willing to take that chance, Alexandra?" Alex stayed silent. "I thought so. Now enjoy your lunch and I'll meet you back at Zetrov once you're done."

"Fine." Alex gave up. She threw down her phone in anger and sat back in her seat, sipping on her glass of water.

* * *

"What are we going to do?" Sean whispers to Nikita from inside the restaurant. Alex was sitting a few feet away from them outside on a patio.

"I'm going to talk to Alex." Nikita says, behind her menu. They didn't want to risk Alex spotting them yet.

"You can't just walk up to her." He reminds her. They glance in Alex's direction. A perfect view from behind a window.

"I have a plan. You wait here in case she freaks out." Sean looks at her confused. "She still thinks you're dead, remember? We don't want to scare her and make a scene."

"Oh, you're right." He glances at Alex again. "Okay, you get her alone. Tell her the truth and I'll be right here waiting for her when she's ready to see me again."

Nikita nods and walks away from their table.

* * *

"Hey." Alex leans in to whisper to one of her bodyguards. "I have to use the restroom. Are you gonna follow me in there too?" She smiles at him in a teasing way.

He sits back, shocked at her gesture. "Are you serious?"

"Ew, no!" She smacks him in the arm. "I was just kidding."

"Oh." He coughed to cover up his mistake. "No, go ahead Ms. Udinov."

She laughed as she walked away. "Perv."

Sean also laughed as she walked by him. She sightly noticed him in the corner and looked in his direction. She wondered who this stranger was, he looked cute. Sean quickly brought his menu up to his face to hide. He hoped she didn't see him spying on her.

Alex walked into the restroom. She made her way to a mirror and stopped to fix her hair. Suddenly she had a bad feeling she wasn't alone. She turned around and was met with Nikita's hand covering her mouth.

"Shhh. Alex, it's me. Don't scream." But Alex tried to scream anyway. Her words muffled under Nikita's grasp. "Hey, calm down!" Nikita tells her. "I'm not gonna hurt you." Alex continued to struggle under her grip. Maybe Amanda was right, she did need a bodyguard everywhere she went. "Alex. I'm not going to let go until you calm down." Nikita whispers. Knowing there was no use fighting her, Alex forced herself to relax. Nikita released her hand and took a step back. "No screaming." She warned her. As soon as she was free, Alex made a run for the door. "Hey!" Nikita quickly grabs her and pulls her back.

"Let go of me!" Alex screams as Nikita pushes her up against a wall. "Ow. That hurts!"

"Sorry." Nikita says, loosening her grip.

"Who… what-" Alex says, freaking out. "What do you want from me?"

Nikita looked at her confused. "What?"

"Listen, if you just wanted an autograph, all you had to do was ask."

"No, that's not what I want."

"Money then? Just take my purse!"

"Alex, what's wrong with you?" She lets go of Alex and stands back. "It's me. Nikita."

"Do I know you?" Alex asks. She looked genuinely confused.

"Yeah, you do." Nikita replies.

"May I ask how?" She glances at Nikita up and down. "Do you work for Zetrov too?"

"What? No. Alex, I-"

"My name is Alexandra." She says. "I don't know why you keep calling me Alex. No one calls me that."

"I don't work for Zetrov." Nikita replies.

"Oh." Alex says, bringing a hand to her head. She felt a headache coming on.

"Are you okay?" Nikita asks, taking a step toward her.

"I'm sorry." Alex says. "My doctor says I have an amnesia problem. Sometimes I get these headaches…" She looks up at Nikita. "How do I know you again?"

"I'm a friend." Nikita says. "You really don't remember me?" Alex looks at her sadly. She shakes her head. "Oh honey, what did Amanda do to you?"

"Amanda? You know Amanda?" Alex asks, surprised.

"You remember Amanda?"

"She's my assistant." Alex says. "You know her?"

"Alex, Amanda is a bad person. You can't trust her."

"What are you talking about? Amanda has always been there for me." She stares at Nikita. Her headache getting worse.

Nikita shakes her head. "This is worse than I thought…" She looks Alex in the eyes and grabs her arm. "Come on let's go."

"No!" Alex shakes her grip off. "Listen, it was nice seeing you again or whatever this was… but I'm not going anywhere with you."

"Alex, wait." Nikita tries to stop her from leaving. She grabs the girl's wrist.

"It's Alexandra." Alex glares at her. Suddenly Alex twisted Nikita's arm around and brought her former friend down to her knees. Shocked at her abilities, Alex quickly lets go and takes a step back.

"Alex…" Nikita says again.

Alex frowns. "I don't know where that came from… I'm sorry, I have to go."

"Wait! Please!" Nikita begs.

Alex made her way to the door, stopping to look at Nikita. "For the record, next time don't sneak up on a girl like that. It gives off a bad impression. I don't care if we're supposed to be friends. If we are friends like you said, you would know better than to sneak up on me."

"Alex…" Nikita begs her to stay.

"Goodbye, Nikita." With those last two words, Alex walked out on Nikita.

* * *

Sean saw Alex walking out of the restroom. She walked right past him and out the door toward her waiting bodyguards.

Nikita returned a minute later. "What happen?" Sean asked her. "Alex just left!"

"Yeah, I know." Nikita says, sitting down.

"You just let her leave?" He questions. "What's wrong with you!"

She turns to face him. "Nothing is wrong with me, Sean." He stares at her, waiting for something more. She sighs. "Something is wrong with Alex. She's not herself."

"What do you mean?" He asks

"She doesn't remember me, Sean. I confronted her in the restroom and she thought I was robbing her."

"What?" He couldn't believe this.

"Amanda." Nikita says. "This has to be her. Alex said Amanda was her assistant and that a doctor told her she had an amnesia problem."

"Wait… so you're saying Alex doesn't remember a single thing?" Nikita nods. "No. No way Amanda could do that, could she?"

"It's possible. She did the same thing to Owen."

"A whole lifetime of memories though? Gone. Just like that?" He makes a fist with his hands. "No. I need to talk to her!" He shouts. "She can't forget me. I won't let her forget me."

"Sean," Nikita places her hand over his fist, trying to calm him down. He was making a scene. "Calm down. We'll figure something out."

"How?" He questions. "How are we going to make her remember who she really is."

"We have to break down her wall." Nikita says, simply. Sean looks at her confused. "This is what Amanda did to Owen. Well, Sam actually." She corrects herself. "That's what she did to Sam. She placed a wall in his head and turned him into Owen. With Alex… I saw it, there's still a part of her that's our Alex. You know? But only pre-Division days. Amanda is trying to bring out her Alexandra side and hide our version of Alex behind this wall. I don't know why yet, but whatever she's planning, it can't be good."

"So Alex is Alexandra now?" Sean asks. Nikita nods. "Well that's not so bad. I mean for Alex's sake. Sam was a dick, I like Alexandra."

"We can't underestimate her though… you don't know Alexandra like I do."

"What do you mean?"

"You know how Amanda likes to say there's two versions of every one of us?" Nikita pauses to see if Sean was following. "Well with Alex, she's like one of those Russian dolls. You think you know one side of her, but you open her up and there's just another surprise waiting inside."

* * *

"Alexandra!" Amanda greets her when she returns. "How was lunch?"

"It was fine." She replies.

"See, you're back safe and sound. Those bodyguards aren't so bad are they?"

Alex considered telling her about her run in with Nikita but she thought against it. It wasn't a good time to mention she thought she was being robbed again. Amanda would freak out. "I'll get used to them, I guess." Alex says, walking over to a comfy looking white sofa. She sat down and relaxed. Amanda smiled at her and brought over a rack of dresses. "What's all this?" Alex asks. "For me?"

"Yes, for you." Amanda replies. Alex gets up from the sofa and walks over to all the beautiful dresses in awe.

"They're all so beautiful." Alex turns to look at her.

"Pick one." Amanda says. "You're going to a gala tonight. A charity that Zetrov supports. The board has requested for you to make an appearance."

"A gala, really? Do I have to?" Alex complains.

"Yes." Amanda glares at her. "What else would you rather do?"

"I don't know, go to the ballet. Maybe hang out with a friend."

"What friend?" Amanda questions. She was amused Alex thought she had friends.

Alex shrugged. "Maybe Nikita." She says, mentioning the only name she could think of. "She seems nice."

"Nikita?" Amanda exclaims in alarm. Alex wasn't supposed to know that name.

Alex looks at her confused. "What? What's wrong with Nikita?"

"You know who she is?" Amanda questions. If Alex knew who Nikita was, her plan would be ruined.

"Isn't she a friend?" Alex figured she had no choice but to tell her about the restroom encounter now. "I ran into her today. She said she was a friend."

"Really?" Amanda took a step closer to Alex. "What else did she say?"

"Nothing much." Alex shrugged. She looked at Amanda suspiciously, remembering what Nikita had told her about Amanda being a bad person. The way she was approaching her didn't feel right, something was off about their formerly playful banter. "I told her I was busy and didn't have time to talk." Alex lies. "You know Zetrov keeps me busy. She understood, I had to go."

Amanda walks up to her and places a hand on her shoulders. "Alexandra, I want you to listen very closely to me. You can not trust Nikita. She is a very dangerous person."

Alex frowned at her, confused. "I don't understand…"

Amanda sighs and walks over to a desk and unlocks a drawer. She pulls out the black box. Alex eyes it suspiciously. "What is that?"

"I didn't want to show you this, but you need to know the truth."

"Truth about what?" Alex asks.

"Operation Pale Fire." Amanda tells her. "What really happen the night your father died."

* * *

**A/N: So I could've made this chapter longer, but I really wanted to post this now. Anyway, good news: Alex is beginning to think something isn't right about Amanda and her amnesia problems... YAY who knows maybe she'll snap out of it soon ;) She's making progress that's for sure. Salex reunion coming soon!**

**As always, please review :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Burning Bridges: Chapter 7**

* * *

"Pale Fire. February, 2005." Amanda begins. Alex sat and watched as mission logs depicted the scene in her head. "They're called Division." Amanda tells Alex. "The soldiers who raided your home were hired by your father's right hand man, Sergei Semak. He's dead now, as you know." She glances at a teary-eyed Alex. "Karma you can say. The black ops group he hired to kill your father turned against him."

"Why are you telling me all this?" Alex asks. She felt better not knowing the truth.

"Because, Alexandra, you deserve to know the truth. No matter how horrible it is." Amanda continued to play the mission logs on her laptop. Alex tried to look away when she heard a voice say "Father Down."

"Stop." Alex whimpers through her tears. "Where did you find that box?" She says after reliving that fateful night again. She wiped away a tear, wanting to forget what she just heard and saw. The pain of her father's death ran through her head all over again.

"There's more." Amanda tells her.

"No. Please, stop. I don't want to see anymore." She cries.

"You have to see this, Alexandra." She pulls up the after-action logs and clicks on Nikita's name.

Alex recognized the face that popped up on the screen. "Nikita." She says in shock. "That's her." She looks up at Amanda in alarm. "She killed my father?"

"I told you, Nikita is a dangerous person."

"She… she tried to grab me when I was alone." Alex realizes. "Why? What does she want with me?"

"My guess is to finish her mission." Amanda says. "You were supposed to die that night."

"No. No, I won't let her get away with this!" Alex shouts. She stands up and paces around the room in pure rage. "I want her to pay!"

"Alexandra." Amanda tries to calm her.

Alex stops pacing and glares at Amanda. "You knew about this?" She points to Nikita's image. "About her! This whole time, you knew the truth about this person and she's out there walking around, free to attack me? Why didn't you do something!" Alex shouts at her in anger.

"Alexandra, calm down."

"No, Amanda!" Alex screams. "I trusted you to protect me." She glances at Nikita's image again. "You call this protection! As long as she's out there, I won't feel safe!"

"We'll get her." Amanda assures her.

"When you do, bring her to me. I want to make her suffer just like she did to my father."

* * *

Nikita was deep in thought when Sean walked up to her. He sat down next to her on the bed she had claimed and offered her a glass of water. She took it and thanked him.

"I know what you must be thinking." He says, looking down. "I can't get it out of my head either."

"How did we end up here?" Nikita sighs. "So much has changed in four years." She says. Sean looks up at her, listening to her story. "When I first told Alex about Division, we knew it would take time but we never expected it to go by so fast. I never expected her to graduate and become an agent in under a year. And I certainly never expected her to take a life… or betray me…"

"Well I never expected I would fall in love with her when I first met her but I did." Sean says, smiling. "That's the thing with Alex, you can't ever expect things from her." He looks at Nikita. "She's not like most people… and I wouldn't want her to be. That's why we love her."

Nikita smiles at him. "True." She gets up from the bed and walks over to her laptop, typing in Alex's name in Shadownet while contacting Birkhoff. "Hey Nerd, how's it going back at the farm?"

"Nikki! So glad to hear your voice again. I must say, I really miss you ordering me around. Mikey's great but he's been walking around these halls uptight, worrying about you all day and night. I told him to relax, Ryan should be glad he's in a coma 'cause he doesn't have to hear him complain all the time." Birkhoff laughs.

Nikita rolls her eyes. "How is Ryan?" She asks.

"No change." Birkhoff replies, seriously. "But don't worry Nikki, he'll pull through."

"I still can't believe Alex shot him."

"I know, but Amanda's little head trip really did a number on her. She wasn't thinking straight."

"I just want to know what she's thinking now." Nikita sighs. Suddenly the laptop started beeping.

Sean walks up to her and looks over her shoulder. "Good boy, Shadownet." Nikita clicks on the alert for Sean to read. "Looks like Zetrov is throwing a gala tonight. Alexandra Udinov is scheduled to attend."

"Invitation only." Nikita reads. "Nerd, do you think-"

"Consider yourself VIP." Birkhoff says. "Just give me a second to hack their security."

"Hey Nikita, how do you think I'll look in a tux?" Sean asks.

* * *

"I'm not really in the party mood." Alex tells Amanda as she tries on a ruby colored dress. "I just don't have time for this anymore." She walks out of the dressing room and glares at her. "We should be focusing on hunting down the people responsible for my family's death.

Amanda ignores her and focuses on Alex's appearance. "I don't like this one, do you? Maybe the sapphire one is better."

"Amanda." Alex stresses her name. "I'm serious."

"Alexandra, this charity was very important to your father. You have to take this seriously too."

Alex sighs and takes the sapphire dress from her. "I like this one too."

"It'll go great with your accessories." Amanda comments. She walks behind Alex in the mirror. "Sapphire really suits you, it matches your eyes."

"Good, because my eyes will be the only thing people will see." Alex says, grabbing an elegant masquerade mask. "You know, I've always wanted to go to one of these themed events." She turns around to face Amanda. "There's always a sense of mystery, wearing a mask."

* * *

"The best thing about this gala is we don't really need a disguise." Nikita raves as she fixes Sean's bow tie. "There." She hands him a mask.

"Thanks." Sean says, putting on the mask. "How do I look?"

"Like Prince Charming." Nikita replies.

"And what does that make me?" Michael suddenly walks into the room.

"Michael?" Nikita looks up at him in shock. "What are you doing here? I told you to stay and watch over Ryan."

"Well, when Sean told me about this gala, I couldn't resist. I had to be your date."

Nikita blushes. "Well since you're already here…" She walks over to him and gives him a kiss.

"Oh gosh, get a room." Sean teases. "I feel like this is my senior prom again. Here I am stuck with the annoying couple while I go stag."

"What?" Nikita asks surprised. "You're telling me Sean Pierce went to prom without a date?"

"The girl I wanted to ask was unavailable." He tells her. "Huh, I guess that's the same excuse I have now."

"You didn't want to ask anyone else?" Michael questions.

"No. There's always that one girl I'm willing to wait forever to ask and If I can't ask her, I don't want to ask anyone else." He thinks of Alex. "I'll wait forever to ask _her_, Michael."

Michael walks up to him and places a hand on his shoulder. "You're a good man, Pierce. Keep waiting, Alex will come around."

* * *

A car pulled up to the Moscow Museum of Modern Art. Lights from cameras flashed in her face as Alex stepped out of the car, followed by Amanda and her two bodyguards.

"Ms. Udinov!" Reporters shouted her name, begging for her to answer a few questions.

Alex waved and greeted them but ignored all questions asking about her plan for Zetrov.

"Ms. Udinov has a tight schedule." Amanda tells the reporters. "We don't have time for interviews right now." She says as she pushes Alex into the museum.

As Alex walked in, she looked around in awe at all the modern and contemporary art. "Beautiful." She says. "I remember my father taking me here when I was little."

Amanda hands Alex her mask. "The party is in the main room. Walk around and enjoy the art, mingle with some Zetrov board members while you're at it too."

Alex glances at her two bodyguards. "Do they have to follow me around? This is a party, I'm not going anywhere."

Amanda sighs. "I guess you're safe here." She looks at the two bodyguard. "You're free to walk around too."

"Thank you." Alex says.

"But." Amanda quickly adds. "I will have them check in with you every few hours."

"Deal." Alex agrees. She puts on her mask and walks into the party.

* * *

"How is Alexandra?" A gentlemen walks up to Amanda.

"Ah, Mr. Jones. You got my invitation." Amanda greets him. "How is the group doing?"

"The group is growing impatient." He tells her. "We want to know when your plan will begin."

"It already has begun." Amanda spots Alex walking around, admiring the collections of art. She turns to face the gentlemen. "Nikita has made a reappearance in Moscow." She tells him. "Alex ran into her, but luckily her memories are still suppressed."

"Will this Nikita be a problem for you?" He asks.

"No. She is just a distraction. Alexandra will still fulfill her destiny." She assures him. "Patience, my friend. I get what I want, and you will get what you want."

"And what do you want again?"

"To see Nikita suffer. And now, my interests align with Alexandra's. She wants the same thing I do."

* * *

"We're in." Michael tells Birkhoff through his com as he, Nikita and Sean walk into the museum. "Thanks for the invite. Security looks very tight here, hope you didn't have too much trouble hacking them."

"Please." Birkhoff smirks. "It's me you're talking about. Shadow Walker can hack into anything in the world."

"Thanks, Nerd." Nikita says.

"Okay, you kids have fun." He teases. "But not too much fun."

"Oh, Birkhoff, I wish you were here." Nikita tells him.

"Just focus on finding Alex, okay."

"I see her." Sean says. He points to a bar. "Over there." He stared at her in awe. "In the sapphire dress, I'd recognize her anywhere even with a mask."

"Where's her bodyguards?" Nikita questions.

"Maybe Amanda let her run free for tonight." Michael assumes. "It is a party. I don't think she's going anywhere."

"I'm going to talk to her." Sean says.

"Wait." Nikita stop him. "What are you going to say?"

"Just keep it casual." Michael warns him. "She won't know who you are, so make a good impression."

* * *

Alex sat at the bar alone, sipping on her glass of water. She watched as guests around her danced and enjoyed the night. She sighed, feeling lonely. She had no friends or family and clearly didn't want to be at this gala even if it was for a charity her father supported. Suddenly a man walked up to the bar and sat down next to her. She glanced at him.

"Hi." He says, trying to give off a neutral expression.

"Hello." She greets him.

"You look like you're having fun." He says sarcastically.

Alex glances at him, slightly offended. "Are you an expert at having fun?" She asks.

"Maybe."

"Really? What's your idea of fun?" She turns to him, curious.

"You know, when you're with the right person, anything can be fun." He says smoothly.

"Wow." Alex says amazed. "That was the perfect response."

"Oh, I know." He smirks at her. "Enough about me though… tell me, why is a beautiful girl like yourself, sitting alone at a bar?"

"You think I'm beautiful?" Alex asks.

"Are you kidding me?" He says "Your eyes, and that dress, stunning."

Alex blushes. "I'm Alexandra, by the way."

"I know who you are." He replies.

Alex sighs. She takes off her mask and places it on top of the bar next to her. "I guess I can't hide under this mask." She looks up at him. "Even to a stranger."

He looks at her slightly sad and sighs. "You know, someone once told me that we all wear masks." She looks at him with wonder in her eyes. "Everyone, every day." He smiles as he looks her in the eyes. "Sometimes we wear these masks for so long that we forget who we really are. But you know, sometimes, if we're lucky, someone comes along and shows us who we really want to be; who we should be."

"Whoever told you that must be a really smart person." Alex says.

"She is."

"Oh." Alex looked disappointed. "Your girlfriend?" She asks.

He laughed. "Oh no, just a very wise friend. Almost like a big sister." Alex smiled at him. She enjoyed his company. Most people were afraid to talk to her. "Hey," He says offering her his hand. "Would you like to dance?"

"Oh, I don't know." Alex says. "I don't really dance."

"Sure you do." He says. "Everyone can dance."

"I can't remember the last time I danced…" Alex says frowning. In fact she couldn't remember the last time she did anything fun. The more she thought about it, a headache would come.

"Are you okay?" He asked her, looking worried.

Alex takes a sip of her water and recomposes herself. "I'm fine…" She looks up at him. "You must think I'm weird."

"I could never think that." He says.

"You're so sweet." She smiles at him. She takes his hand and walks with him to center of the room, lost in the crowd of couples dancing. "You never told me your name."

"Sean." He tells her. "My name is Sean."

* * *

**A/N: Salex reunion! I think this is my favorite chapter so far. Sean is just too cute. Alex seems comfortable around him, hopefully he can make her remember him soon. I have an idea of how he can do that ;) As always, please review :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I'd like to thank everyone for the abundance of new reviews! It totally made my day reading them all :)**

**Burning Bridges: Chapter 8**

* * *

"Sean…" Alex repeats his name. "Have we met before?" She glances at him in an optimistic way. Something about the way his chocolate-brown eyes gazed into her's felt familiar to her but she couldn't remember how.

He grinned and placed one hand gently around her waist. The other holding her hand tightly as they danced around in circles. "I don't know." He whispers. "You tell me."

"I honestly can't remember." Alex says, frowning. "There seems to be a lot of things I'm having trouble remembering lately."

"Like what?" Sean asks. He watches as Alex pauses and shakes her head. Her headaches making him nervous. "I'm sorry." He quickly adds. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"No." Alex gives him a small smile. "It's okay. I just get these headaches whenever I try to think about it." She sighs. "Maybe it's a sign I shouldn't bother remembering."

"Don't say that." Sean says as he brings her body closer to him. She held onto him tightly as they slow danced. "Don't ever think that, for one second, your memories aren't worth holding on to…" He looks her in the eyes. "Maybe these headaches are a sign, but they're not a bad sign. Maybe, they're trying to tell you something… something you can't see yet because you've forgotten; but the signs are right in front of you. You just have to grasp it and remember all the little things."

"The little things…" Alex lights up at those three words. "Where have I heard that before?" She looks up at him, her hands wanting to reach for his mask. She felt the need to see his face. Suddenly she heard Amanda calling her name in the distance. She quickly glances at her and curses under her breath. She looks back at Sean and says, "I have to go." He didn't want to let go of her so soon. "It's Amanda, my assistant. I don't want her to see me with you." She tells him.

"Alex-"

"Wait for me?" She cuts him off.

"Always."

Alex runs off to meet Amanda. As she fades away into the crowd Sean takes off his mask. "_I'll wait for you forever, Alex. Always."_

* * *

"How'd it go with Alex?" Michael asks, walking up to Sean.

"There's still hope." Sean tells him as Nikita joins them by the bar. "She may not remember me yet, but she will."

"Good." Nikita says. "You made a better first impression than I did."

"I told her I would wait for her." Sean tells them. "Amanda was looking for her. Alex didn't want her to see me so she ran off."

"Amanda." Nikita looks toward Michael. "She's here. We have to be careful."

"We need to get Alex away from her." Michael says.

"How?" Sean agrees.

"We need a distraction." Nikita says. "I think I have an idea."

Michael looks at her suspiciously. "Nikita… what's your idea?"

"Oh I think you know how I like to distract people." She winks at him as she walks away.

* * *

"Alexandra, there you are." Amanda walks up to her. "Are you enjoying the party?"

"Yes." Alex quickly replies. Amanda catches her looking around the room.

"Are you looking for someone?" She asks.

"No." Alex tried to stay calm. She didn't want Amanda to know she was looking for Sean.

Suddenly Amanda spots Nikita from across the room. She looks at Alex alarmed. "Alexandra, come with me." She pulls Alex's arm. "We're leaving now."

"What?" Alex stops her. "I don't want to go yet."

Amanda sees Nikita smirk at her and approach them slowly. "Nikita is here." Amanda warns her.

"Nikita?" Alex looks around the room. "Where?"

"Hello, Amanda." Nikita walks right up to them. Alex looks at her shocked. "Alexandra." Nikita looks her in the eyes. "Nice to see you again."

"What are you doing here?" Alex exclaims.

"Oh I thought we could catch up some more." Nikita says. She glares at Amanda then looks back at Alex. "So how's the head? Still having headaches I assume?" Alex stayed silent. Nikita laughs at her. "You poor girl. It must suck, not having all the answers." She pauses to look at Amanda again. "But I'm sure that's what Amanda is for. I have to ask now, do you know the whole truth?"

"That's none of your concern." Alex says.

"You're right." Nikita replies. "It should, however, be something you should be concerned about." She leans in to whisper to Alex. "A little birdie told me the answers you're looking for are on a black box."

* * *

"Nikita is taking a big risk walking up to Amanda and Alex like that." Sean says looking in her direction.

"Don't worry, she's done things like this before." Michael replies, thinking about the time she had the nerve to walk up to him and Percy at a similar event nearly three years ago.

"Does it ever get her in trouble?" Sean asks.

"Usually. But she can handle it." Michael says. "Nikita knows Amanda won't risk attacking her in public. Especially in front of Alex. The worst thing that can happen is security tries to get a hold of her."

* * *

"Well, it's a good thing I have a black box." Alex says.

"Oh you do?" Nikita says, surprised. "Good to know."

"Alexandra." Amanda pulls on her arm. "We really should go…" She whispers in her ear. "Security will be coming for Nikita soon."

"Nikita. Two suits behind you." Sean tells her through their coms.

Nikita pulls out a compact mirror and pretends to check her makeup. She spots Alex's two bodyguards approaching her from both sides in the tiny mirror.

"You have some nerve showing your face here." Alex says. "I know the truth about you. We're not friends. You killed my father."

"Oh is that what Amanda told you?" Nikita rolls her eyes. She proceeds to take out a lipstick case.

"I saw it!" Alex shouts. "On the black box. Don't deny it."

"What else did you see?" Nikita asks. Before Alex could think of a response Nikita quickly continues, "Oh that was it wasn't it?" She laughs. "That's just like Amanda. She shows you one piece of the puzzle, but that's not all. There's more, Alexandra. You want to know the truth? That black box holds more than just America's dirty little secrets."

"I know this." Alex says. "I know that Operation Pale Fire was ordered by Sergei Semak. I know that he worked with the Americans to kill my family so he could take over Zetrov."

"I'm not talking about Pale Fire, Alex." Nikita says.

"Don't listen to her,_ Alexandra_." Amanda stresses her name. "Remember, you can't trust anything Nikita tells you."

Alex ignores her. "What are you talking about, Nikita?"

"You know what I'm talking about, Alex… but then again, I guess you've forgotten."

Alex glares at her as her two bodyguards walk up to Nikita. "Ms." One of them says to her. "You're gonna have to come with me."

"You know where to take her." Amanda tells them.

"Hold on, boys. Let me put away my makeup." Nikita says. She twists the bottom of her lipstick case, setting off a loud explosion outside. "Opps." She laughs. "I must have grabbed the wrong one. My mistake."

The guards quickly try to grab a hold of her but Nikita was faster, she easily knocks the two guards out as Alex attempts to flee. Amanda glares at Nikita but forces herself to run after Alex.

"Amanda is gone. Sean, Alex is heading your way. You have a small window to grab her."

* * *

"Alexandra!" Sean shouts as she runs toward him.

"Sean?" She questions. "There was this explosion… we have to get out of here."

"I know, no one got hurt." He grabs her hand. "Come with me." Alex hesitanted. "You can trust me." Sean assures her. "I'll keep you safe."

"Okay." Alex nods. They run out of the museum and down the street to safety. After they stopped running, Alex turns to face Sean. "Thanks for waiting for me, by the way."

"I told you I would always wait for you." He smiles at her.

* * *

Nikita followed the frantic guests out of the museum. Evading every security guard looking for the culprit. "Michael, meet me at the extraction point." She ran outside and walked a few blocks down the street. "Hey." She says as she strolls up to him. He was casually leaning against a light pole outside of a cafe, wearing his mask. "That party was a blast, am I right?

Michael smiles at her and leans in for a kiss. "I can't think of a witty pun to counter you with."

Nikita laughs as she pulls off her mask. "So are you hungry?" She nods toward the cafe's "open" sign hanging on the door.

"Sure." He also takes off his mask and offers her his hand. She graciously accepts it and smiles as he leads her inside. "Do you think Sean and Alex are okay?" He asks, sitting down at a booth.

"I think they'll be alright." Nikita replies. She pulls out a menu and leans in to whisper to Michael. "Alex says she has a black box."

"Really?" Michael frowns. "I wonder what happen to Sam… last we saw of him, he wanted to use Amanda to sell it to the highest bidder."

"I hope he's okay." Nikita says, worried. "Do you think Alex knows where he is?"

"If she doesn't Amanda will know."

* * *

"Where is Alexandra?" Amanda shouts as her security team surround her. "You had one job!"

"Surveillance spotted her running out the museum with an unidentifiable man." A guard tells her. He shows her the image of Alex.

Amanda squints her eyes. "Who is that? Michael?"

"Possibly. He was wearing a mask. We won't know for sure. The image is grainy."

Amanda glares at him. "Find him and find Nikita!" She shouts.

"What about Alexandra?"

* * *

Alex smiled at Sean under the moonlight. He suddenly felt nervous around her. She felt a little nervous too.

"Are you cold?" Sean asks, noticing she was shaking. He takes off his jacket and wraps it around her.

"Thanks." Alex blushes, as they continued to walk down the street. She suddenly stops to look at him. "Can I see your face?" Alex asks, reaching for his mask.

He stops her hands. "Why?" He asks.

"You've been wearing that mask for so long." Alex looks him in the eyes. "I want to know who you are."

"I'll tell you who I am." Sean says. "I'll tell you anything you want to know."

"Then tell me." She whispers. "What brings you to Russia?" She asks. "I know you're not from around here. You're American. Are you here for business or for pleasure?"

"Business." Sean replies. "But it was a pleasure meeting you."

"Do you have any family?" She asks as they start walking again.

"Sisters. Two of them."

"Are you close?"

"We were, but I don't see them anymore."

"Why not?"

"Work keeps me busy." He says sadly. "Unfortunately I don't have time to see them anymore."

"Oh." Alex frowns. "I'm sorry to hear that."

Sean shrugs. "I guess that's the life I've chosen."

"Do you regret it?" Alex asks.

He looks her in the eyes. "Honestly? No, because the choices I've made have only lead me to where I am today… and today, I met you. I don't regret meeting you at all."

She smiles at him. Suddenly her phone started ringing. She fumbles through her purse searching for it. "Amanda." She says, looking at the caller ID. Sean places his hand on top of her's, slowly taking the phone away from her. "I should get that." Alex tries to convince herself, but she really wasn't in the mood to talk to Amanda. All she wanted was to stare into Sean's eyes.

"No, you don't." He whispers in her ear.

"She's probably looking for me." Alex tries to argue.

The phone stops ringing. "She can wait."

"It's getting late… I should probably go home." She says, thinking of any excuse.

"I'll walk you." He offers.

"It's not really walking distance." Alex counters, she looks around at the empty streets, not really wanting to leave him yet.

"I don't mind." Sean says.

"How will you get home?" Alex asks.

"I guess I'll walk back."

"Maybe I can walk with you?" She looks him in the eyes. "If that's okay with you… I mean, just as friends…" She quickly adds. "I'm not-"

He looks up at the hotel they were standing in front of and smiles. "You've already walked with me."

"Oh, that was fast…" She says, feeling disappointed.

"Why don't you stay awhile?" He offers. "I mean, just as friends." He winks at her.

"I'd like that."

He offers her his hand as they walk into the hotel lobby.

* * *

**A/N: Hate to end the chapter like this, but hey, I have some time to work on the next one right after I post this so look forward to more soon :)**

**To all that wished for a Salex kiss, I have one thing to say... It's coming!**

**Anyway, as always, please review :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**Burning Bridges: Chapter 9**

* * *

"Room 824." Sean says, walking up to his door. "Here we go."

"Why are you being so nice to me?" Alex suddenly asks Sean as they stand outside of his hotel room. "You don't even know me."

"Then stay awhile." Sean replies, taking out his keycard. "I'd like to know more about you."

"There's not much to know about me." She replies. "Everything to know about me is all over the news, websites and other media outlets."

"I want to know the real you." Sean whispers. His face, inches from hers. "What's behind your mask."

"I'm not the one wearing a mask." She counters. Her hands reaching for his mask again. "Let me see the real you."

"You first." He says, reaching around her to unlock the door. Her body blocked the entrance. She couldn't take it anymore, she had to see his face. He pushed her against the door, opening it as they stumble inside. Sean smirked at her, he knew she was getting annoyed. "You first." He repeats. Alex glared at him. He was going to force her to make the first move.

She wasn't going to let him win. She bought her lips close to his, teasing. At the last moment, she turned her head away. Smirking as she backed up. "This is a nice suite…" She says, changing the subject. "It's hard to imagine you're staying here alone." She looked around the room. It felt familiar to her, like she had been here before.

Sean narrowed his eyes at her. He knew she was playing him. "I'm staying with some business partners actually, but they're out enjoying the night right now." He takes a step closer to her.

"Oh, I don't want to intrude." Alex replies. She takes a seat on a nearby couch.

"No, it's fine." Sean tells her. "They really should get their own room, if you know what I mean."

"Ah, a couple." Alex laughs.

* * *

"So…" Nikita says, awkwardly as she walked with Michael down the street. "All this talk about prom earlier, got me thinking. I never got to go to one."

"That's unfortunate." Michael replies. "I'm sure if you did, you would be the prom queen."

"Were you the prom king?" Nikita asks.

"What do you think?"

"I think you were."

"I won't confirm that."

"But you're not denying it either."

Michael smirks at her, he was about to reply when Nikita's phone started beeping. She takes it out and reads a text.

"It's Sean." She looks up at him. "He says, Alex is with him. Don't go back to the hotel room."

"He better not touch that minibar." Michael laughs. Nikita rolls her eyes and texts Sean back. "What are you writing?" He asks.

"Letting him know not to get distracted. He needs to get Alex talking about the black box." Nikita replies. "And also, not to touch our minibar."

* * *

Sean laughs as he puts his phone down. "What's so funny?" Alex asks.

"Oh, just my friends. They told us not to touch the minibar."

"Nice friends you have." Alex says. He couldn't tell if she was being sarcastic or serious. "I don't drink anyway." Alex adds. "Not since-"

Sean sits down next to her and looks her in the eyes. "I know." He cuts her off. "I mean, you were right about one thing. Your story was all over the news. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"It's funny." Alex says. "For the longest time, I didn't want to talk about it." She looks down at her feet. "It hurt a lot to even think about it. But now, anything I think about hurts anyway." She sighs. "You know, I was thinking about what you said earlier, about signs." She pauses to look up at him. "Maybe if I tried to talk about it, it'll help me remember more about all the little things, I've forgotten along the way."

"I'm listening." Sean smiles at her. He knew Alex never liked to talk about her past. He tried so hard, everyday for her to open up to him when they were together. He was glad Alexandra was willing to give him a chance.

"I don't know where to begin." Alex says.

Sean sighs. "Start with your family." He suggests.

Alex thought about her father. Her mind wandered to the black box. "Pale Fire." Alex says. She glances at Sean. "That's the name of the mission, a covert black ops group used to plan the massacre at my family's estate."

She watched as Sean reached for her hand. "A black ops group?" He questions. He knew all about Pale Fire, but he wanted to hear her side of the story.

"This is something the media doesn't know. They believe it was a foreign attack, designed to cripple my father's empire. That's only half the truth."

"What's the whole truth?" Sean asks.

"It was an inside job. A family friend I used to trust, a man named Sergei Semak was the one who ordered the hit." She looks Sean in the eyes. "I was supposed to die that night, in the fire… I don't know how I survived."

"Maybe someone got you out that night." Sean says. _"Someone named Nikita."_ He thought to himself. "What else do you remember?"

"I remember there was a lot of smoke…" Alex says, her voice cracking. "My father tried to hide me in my room, under my bed. Someone found us. They shot papa." She cries. "I tried to scream but I couldn't." Sean looks at her sadly, he could feel her pain. "My father died, trying to protect me." Alex says. "I remember taking his watch and running toward the basement. I thought I could hide from the soldiers."

* * *

"Alexandra can't hide forever." Amanda glares at Mr. Jones from across her desk. "Eventually, she'll have to come home."

"I warned you Nikita would be more than just a distraction." He tells her. "She's trying to get into her head, like you did. Manipulate her into finding out what else is on that black box."

"Nikita was always a wildcard." Amanda admits. "She still thinks she can save Alex."

"She won't give up." He says. "We need to neutralize the threat. As long as Nikita is out there, she will continue to get in the way of our plans."

"I have this situation under control." Amanda tells him. She unlocks a hidden safe in Alex's father's old office and places the black box inside of it. "This is what Nikita wants. She thinks it holds all the answers for Alex to find, but she won't know where to find it."

* * *

"What else do you remember?" Sean presses for more.

"That's all I remember." Alex says. "I must have passed out. When I woke up, I was in the backseat of a car."

"Someone saved you that night." Sean tells her. "That's the only explanation."

"I don't know who would want to save me." Alex frowns.

"If it were me, I would save you." Sean says. "You're worth saving. Don't ever forget that."

Alex smiles at him. "I wish more people thought that. Lately, I seem to have a target on my back. People want me dead." She looks at Sean. "That explosion tonight at the gala. That was meant for me."

"What?" Sean says, trying to sound surprised. Technically she was right about the explosion being meant for her, but Nikita only used it as a distraction to help her. She knew no one would be hurt.

"You shouldn't be around me." Alex says. "People have a habit of dying around me… especially people I care about."

"You care about me?" Sean smirks.

"I never said that." Alex tries to look away. She couldn't help but smile at the thought though. She did care about him.

"Why you being all weird?" He tries to get her to look at him.

"I'm not being weird." Alex denies. She continues to look away.

"Hey." Sean moves closer to her. "Will you just look at me for a second?" She turns her head and is met with his lips, closing the distance between them.

* * *

"Hey, Birkhoff, do you think you can hack the hotel and get us another room?" Michael asks him over the phone.

"Why what happen to your old one?" Birkhoff questions.

"Sean and Alex have claimed it for the night." Nikita answers.

"Really?" Birkhoff couldn't help but smile at this news. "Alex is back?"

"Not entirely." Nikita admits. "She still doesn't remember us, but she's warming up to Sean."

"He might be able to bring her back." Michael adds. "We just have to be careful around Amanda."

"I heard about the explosion." Birkhoff says. "Was that really necessary?"

"Hey, no one got hurt okay." Nikita counters. "It got the job done. Alex is away from Amanda."

"But for how long?" Michael asks. "Sean can't distract her forever. Eventually she'll have to return home."

"Oh I'm counting on that." Nikita says. Michael looks at her confused. "It's where the black box is."

"You want Alex to steal it?" Birkhoff questions

"It has all the answers." Nikita says. "Alex will definitely want to take a peek inside it."

"And when she does, she'll find more than just answers." Michael realizes. "She'll find herself."

* * *

"This is crazy, we just met…" Alex says, breaking their kiss. He looks her in the eyes. "But somehow I have this feeling that I already know you."

"Maybe you do." He says.

Alex stares at him, her hands reaching for his mask again. She pauses for a second. "Are you going to stop me?"

"No." He replies. Alex takes a deep breath and finally takes off his mask. Sean watches as her eyes search his. He hoped she would somehow recognize him and remember how she used to love him. "Alex?" She stares at him, trying to remember what about him looked so familiar. She brings a hand to her head, knowing a headache was forming. "Alex?" Sean repeats her name. He looks at her worried. Alex started shaking her head. "You said you wanted to see my face."

"I know you from somewhere." Alex says. Sean looks at her, hoping for the best. "You were at the restaurant earlier weren't you? I saw you…"

"The one across the street?" Sean asks, remaining calm. He felt disappointed that was all she remembered about him. She nods. "Yeah, I remember eating lunch there." He says. Sean watched her reaction carefully. He hoped she didn't think he was stalking her.

"Huh…" Alex says, unaffected. "That's so weird." She looks at him and smiles. "I could've met you sooner." Sean gave her a small smile. She frowned, noticing he was holding back something. "What's wrong?" She asks.

He turned his body away from her and sighed. "Alexandra…" He forces himself to look at her. "You have no idea, do you? How much of an effect can you have on people, on me. No idea." She sat still, not knowing how to respond to something like that. "I don't know if I can do this."

"Do what?" Alex asks.

"Let me ask you something." Sean turns to face her again. "What do you feel?"

Alex continued to stare into his eyes, not knowing what to feel. "I…uh-"

"I don't understand how you can walk around like this; with no idea of who you really are." He says, frustrated. "If only you knew… you're amazing Alex… Alexandra. Whoever you are, I don't know how many times I have to tell you this."

"Sean-" Alex tries to say.

"No, seriously." He cuts her off. "How can you just leave the past behind when it keeps finding ways to creep up on you?" He looks her in the eyes. "Are you the least bit curious? There's so many questions out there and you're just sitting by as life passes you by."

"Do you think I want to be this way?" Alex raises her voice. "I'm trying to remember, but it's hard okay!" She stares at him as he shakes his head. "You know something, don't you? Something about me?"

"Let me tell you one thing, Alexandra." Sean says. "You've creeped up on me when I was least expecting it. And it just kills me that you can't remember how truly amazing you are. And unless you can see inside my heart, there's no possible way you could know how I really feel about you."

"We have met before…" Alex realizes. "This afternoon wasn't the first time I saw you." Sean nods. "What is it?" Alex begs him to remind her. "I want to remember."

"I can't give you all the answers, Alex. This is something you need to find out on your own."

Alex frowns. Her headaches getting worse. "I can't do this." She looks up at him. "I lied, when I said I was trying. I want to remember, but it's too much pain."

"Pain is a part of life. You can't avoid it."

Alex closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. "I know."

"What are you going to do about it?" Sean asks.

She opens her eyes and glances up at him. "You know, you have a way of creeping up on me too." She glares at him. "I don't know how I can forget someone like you."

"Then remember me."

* * *

**A/N: Salex kiss! I told you it was coming ;) And room 824. Anyone remember why that room feels so familiar to Alex? ;)**

**As always, please review :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Warning - This chapter is an intense roller coaster ride of feelings. I apologize in advance, so be prepared! **

**Burning Bridges: Chapter 10**

* * *

They must have stayed up all night talking until she fell asleep in his arms. She wanted to know him, remember him. She begged him to tell her more stories. Sean gladly shared all his stories. All of them except for the ones that mentioned Division. He couldn't take that risk yet, he knew Amanda had painted Alex a bad image of the covert black ops group he worked for. Instead he told her stories about his childhood. How he was the youngest boy growing up with two older sisters. Both, growing up to become lawyers. Himself, a Navy SEAL. When Alex asked why he gave up being a SEAL, he told her it was for a girl…

_"What girl?" Alex questioned. That got her curious, she wanted to know more._

_He looked her in the eyes, wanting to tell her she was that girl. But he knew he couldn't. "Someone I used to know…" He replied, vaguely. He hated keeping the truth from her._

Alex was stubborn though, just like he remembered. She pestered him further until he admitted to her that this girl was the love of his life. That was the truth. He wish he could tell her the truth. Alex gave him a small smile and told him his story about a lost love was too tragic for her taste. But she was curious and wanted to know the rest of the story. Hoping for a happy ending…

_"What happen to the girl?" Alex asked. "I mean, if she was the love of your life, why aren't you with her right now?"_

_Sean sighed. __If only Alex knew… right now the love of his life was in fact with him, staring into his eyes __"There was a misunderstanding at work…" He glanced at her. "She thought I did something to hurt her. Something I had no control over, I didn't mean to hurt her. When she found out, she couldn't take it anymore and ran off. I never saw her again."_

_"What kind of story is that!" Alex exclaims. "You need to run after her." She glared at him. "Explain to her what really happen." Sean couldn't help but smile at Alex. If only she knew... "Why are you looking at me like that?" Alex suddenly feels self-conscious._

_"You don't understand." Sean says. "I did. I ran after her so hard." Alex looks at him confused. "The problem is, she's good at hiding."_

Alex insisted that the story wasn't over. She told him to never give up searching for her. She assured him that if they were really meant to be, this girl would find a way to come back to him one day. He was hoping for exactly that.

Sean smiled as he watched her sleep in his arms. They were sprawled out on the big white sofa in his suite. The same suite Alex stayed in a year ago when she first resurfaced as Alexandra. Nikita had sent him in as her bodyguard. Ever since that day, he swore he would always protect her. Sean watched as Alex gently turned over in her sleep, her arm resting on top of his chest to insure she wouldn't fall off the couch. He wasn't tired yet. Alex however, passed out around the time he started telling her a boring story about the time he tried to learn how to ice skate and fell on his face.

* * *

In the morning, a light peaked through the curtains awakening Alex. She woke with a shock at first to see herself lying on top of Sean. He was still asleep. She carefully lifted herself off of him and wandered around the room. She found a couple of Sean's things but felt it wasn't right to pry into his belongings. It was a good thing she didn't because a minute after Sean realized he wasn't holding Alex in his arms, he woke up to search for her.

"Hey." He says, startling her. He eyed the laptop Alex was standing in front of. "What are you doing?"

"I… uh, sorry. I wasn't snooping or anything." She quickly looked around the room, avoiding his gaze. "There's something about this room that looks familiar." She shrugs off the feeling and walks over to him. "Do you know what time it is?"

Sean checks his watch. "Quarter till noon." He replies.

"It's almost noon!" Alex exclaims, rounding up. "Amanda is going to kill me! How did we sleep for so long?"

"Well we were up all night talking."

Alex glares at him and runs over to her purse, grabbing it off of the floor. "I have to go."

"Wait!" Sean runs over to block her path. "Why the hurry?"

"I have to go home, Sean. People will be looking for me. And if they find out I've gone missing again, Amanda will certainly lock me in a tower. I promised her I would stay out of trouble."

"You're not in any trouble. Why don't you call her?" He picks up Alex's phone off of the coffee table and hands it to her.

She takes it from him and frowns. "It's dead. Can I borrow your phone?"

"Uh." He takes out his phone and checks the battery. "Dead too." He looks at her and sighs. "Sorry, I usually remember to charge it whenever I return home. I guess I got distracted."

Alex gives him a small smile. "I guess this is a sign, I should go home now."

"No, wait." He takes her hand and leads her to the couch. "It's almost noon. By the time you get home, you're already going to be late." He looks her in the eyes and smiles. "Hear me out. If Amanda is going to lock you in a tower, then why don't you spend this one last day of freedom with me? We can leave our phones here to charge and you can call her after brunch. Sound like a good plan?"

His logic made sense. Amanda was definitely going to bite her head off when she returned. She figured if the inevitable was going to happen, she could prolong it as much as possible. "Okay." Alex nods her head.

* * *

"Michael, we need that laptop." Nikita urges him to get up from bed. "You gotta go in there and get it."

"Why can't you get it?" He complains, not wanting to wake up yet. Sleeping in had been long overdue. They haven't had a good night's sleep since Alex was first kidnapped in Geneva a few weeks back. After they got her back, her strange behavior escalated and the mutiny was in full swing only days later.

"Because I can't!" Nikita smacks his chest. "Alex will see me, and Sean's cover will be blown. Now be a good little spy and sneak in there."

"Okay, fine." Michael gets up from bed and opens the door to his suite. He gives Nikita one last looks before telling her he'll be right back. She waves him goodbye as he exits the room.

Michael walked down the hall toward Sean's room. Using his extra key card, he sneaks inside. Hoping he wasn't interrupting anything. The room looked empty. "Sean?" He called out. No response. "Huh…" Michael wondered where he went. He walked over to the laptop and picked it up. Sean and Alex's phones were on the desk next to him, charging. Michael picked up Alex's phone and powered it on. The screen was locked. He sighed and put it back down. He knew better than to spy on her.

Suddenly Michael had a thought. He put the laptop down on the bed and walked over to the closet, pulling out his suitcase. He began to dig around the neatly folded dress shirts until he finally found what he was looking for. Michael smirked as he pulled out the secret compartment that hid all his spy gear. He took out a small bug/tracker and walked back over to Alex's phone. "There we go." He says proudly as he opens her battery and places the bug inside. "Now we can hear what Amanda is up to."

* * *

Nikita was out on the balcony, trying to spy on Sean and Alex having brunch at the restaurant across the street when Michael returned with the laptop along with his and Nikita's luggage.

"Hey, Sean and Alex wasn't in the room." He announces, walking up to her.

"Yeah, I just figured that out." She points to the couple sitting at a table outside on the patio. "Found them."

"Well look at that." Michael squints his eyes. "A second date."

"If it wasn't for her memory loss and Alexandra now thinking I'm a threat, I would suggest we join them. I'm starving."

"We can order room service." Michael suggests.

* * *

"Order anything you want. It's on me." Sean says, putting down his menu.

Alex stares at him from across the table. "I can't let you pay for me."

"Come on, this was my idea. I owe it to you." He replies.

"No." She glares at him.

"You're so stubborn, you know that?"

Alex smirked at him and sat back in her seat. They sat in silence for awhile until she spotted a butterfly near Sean's head. "Shh! Don't move!" She suddenly exclaimed, slightly louder than she wanted to.

"What?" Sean whispers, trying not to panic.

"бабочка." Alex whispers. "There's a butterfly right behind you." He tried to turn around but Alex stopped him. "дефицитных меди." She says in Russian. "It's a Scarce Copper. This is rare, I've never seen one this early in spring before. They usually appear in mid-July to mid-September."

"I want to see." Sean says. He was curious, Alex had always been fascinated with butterflies.

"Okay, but if you scare it away, I'll never forgive you."

He turns around slowly and spots what must be the most strikingly beautiful butterfly he has ever seen. "Wow." He says, amazed.

Alex smiles. "That one is a girl." She comments.

He glances at her. "How can you tell?"

"Look at it's upper wing. It's bordered orange with a dark design. That makes it a female."

* * *

"Look what I got." Michael says, showing Nikita a bottle of wine.

"Fancy." Nikita comments. "Come here." She pats the spot next to her on the bed. "Say hi to Birkhoff."

"Hi." Michael greets Birkhoff on the laptop's screen.

"I hope that bottle of wine is for me." Birkhoff glares at him.

"Uh, sure. I'll get you another one."

"Get me one of their bottles of Vodka too. I want to know why the Russians love it so much."

"Okay, focus Nerd." Nikita says. "Have you figured out where Amanda is yet? We don't want her to interfere with Alex before she's ready to go back."

* * *

Sean smiled at Alex's description. "How do you know so much about butterflies?"

"When I was little, my father used to take me to our family's Dascia." Alex smiles, remembering her childhood. "We had this little cabin in the middle of the Abramtsevo Forest. We used to hunt бабочка there. Butterflies." Sean remembered her telling him this story before. He could listen to her stories a million times though, he would never get tired of them. "I wonder if it's still there." Alex suddenly says.

"It is." Sean says, remembering how Alex took him there last year to find her mother.

She looked at him confused for a second. "What? How do you kno-"

"Alexandra…" He cuts her off. She watches as he grabs her hand and looks her in the eyes with such intensity. "Do you remember your mother?"

"My mother?" Alex questions. "She… she died with my father, in the attack on our home."

"No." Sean whispers. "She didn't. Semak made a deal with the Americans to save her life."

"What are you taking about?" Alex shakes her head. She felt a headache coming on. "How do you know these things?"

"It's on the black box." Sean says.

"I never…" She trails off thinking about what Amanda had shown her on the black box. "No." Alex says shaking her head. She looks up at Sean. "No… that's impossible. You can't know that!"

* * *

"How are you certain Alex will want to take a peek inside that black box?" Birkhoff questions. "I know it has all the answers, but Amanda will never let her find them."

"If Sean is doing his job right, Alex will start to doubt the things Amanda has told her." Nikita replies. "Alex is a strong girl. If she can't trust Amanda, she'll want to go after the truth.

"And the truth is on that box." Michael adds.

"Well looks like Amanda is hiding out at the Udinov Estate." Birkhoff says. "The black box must be hidden somewhere on the property."

Suddenly the laptop started beeping. "Shadownet just got wind of some chatter." Nikita says. She clicks on the alert and reads.

"Amanda is searching for her." Michael says.

* * *

"You have to believe me, Alex." Sean tries to get her to look at him. "You can't trust Amanda. She's withholding information from you. Your mother is alive."

"No!" Alex screams. "She's dead… everyone I love is dead." A tear fell from her face, she didn't want to be reminded of her tragedies.

Sean instantly felt bad for making her cry, but she had to know the truth. "Alex!" He leans over to shake her. "Listen to me. Your mother is alive. You don't remember, but she is."

"If she's alive, then where is she?" Alex shouts.

"I don't know… she was in the Greek Isles for some time, but you had her moved periodically so she couldn't be harmed by our enemies if they wanted to use her to hurt you. "

"What? When did I-"

"Last year." Sean sighs. "I'm not the only one you can't remember."

"Wait… I've known you for more than a year?" Alex questions. "How is that possible? I can't remember an entire year of my life?" She glares at him. "You're lying!" She shouts, standing up from the table. "Who are you, really?" Alex questions. She grew suspicious of him. "How do I know every story you've told me isn't a lie to mess with my head?"

"You can trust me, Alex. I-"

"My _name_ is Alexandra." She glares at him. "I'm going back to the hotel now to gather my things. Then I'm going to return home, and I never want to see your face again."

"Alex, wait! Please." Sean begged. He quickly followed her as she started walking across the street. She was walking so fast he had to run to catch up to her. "Alexandra!" Sean grabs her arm and spins her around to face him. "I never lied to you."

"That's hard to believe." Alex says, her eyes watery. She takes a step back, trying to distance herself from him. Sean stared at her, not knowing what else to say. She wiped away a tear and sighed. "You kept things from me too Sean! Secrets about my past. This is my life! I deserve to know the truth. Why didn't you just tell me the truth?"

"It wasn't the right time… I didn't know how you would react." He shook his head sadly and glanced at her. "Alex, you don't remember me. I had to earn your trust first."

"No." Alex glares at him. "I don't trust you. Not anymore."

"Alex-"

"My mother is dead!" Alex cuts him off. She was in denial. It broke his heart to see her in such pain. "She is… along with my father. Amanda wouldn't lie to me."

"She is! Amanda is manipulating you for control of Zetrov. If you don't believe me, look on the black box!"

Alex suddenly grabbed her head and screamed in pain. Her headache too intense to handle. People stopped to stare at her. Once the first wave was over, Alex looked up embarrassed. She bolted inside the hotel, stopping only once by the elevators to glance back at Sean.

Sean watched from across the lobby as she turned her back on him and walked into the elevator. All he could do was watch as Alex disappeared behind the closing doors. He needed time to think. There was still a window of time he had to convince her he wasn't the bad guy.

By the time the next elevator came, Alex was already standing in front of room 824. She banged the door in frustration after realizing she didn't have a key. "No!" She screamed in pain. She continued to kick and bang on the door until her hands hurt and became bruised. She finally collapsed to the ground in a sitting position against the door frame, crying her heart out.

The elevator came to a stop on the 8th floor. Sean exited it and found Alex sitting outside his door.

"I don't have a key." She says to him as he walks up. Her face was tearstained. He knew she had been sitting there crying the whole time it took for him to catch up to her.

He sighed and sat down next to her against the door. "I never wanted to hurt you." Sean says. She turned her head to stare at him, wiping away her tears. "You were the one that got away…" He continues. "Believe this or not, that story I told you about that girl… the love of my life… she was you."

"What?" Alex says after a delayed reaction.

"I love you Alex."

* * *

**A/N: Did you guys survive the roller coaster? Too many Salex feelings! Sorry no happy ending yet. The story isn't over yet! But if it's any consolation, Sean said I love you! Awww! Wonder how Alex will react to that ;)**

**As always please review :)**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter! Prepare for another roller coaster ride ;)**

**Burning Bridges: Chapter 11**

* * *

They say emotion can have a powerful impact on memory. It was true. Emotions can overpower the strongest of demons, make people react and do unthinkable things. Our actions are influenced by our behavioral reaction to emotional circumstances; and whether this particular reaction Alex was experiencing was a good thing or not, she definitely felt the impact of it. Her body became paralyzed in shock at the mention of those three words. Just three simple words, "_I love you_" followed by her name was enough of an emotional trigger for Sean to flip Alex's entire world upside down.

_"Now I can't tell you what to do Alex, but I'm not going to stand by and watch this place destroy another person that I love."_

"You love me?" Alex gasps at her memory.

It was just one flashback but it was enough to trigger some of her repressed memories. She saw herself standing in some type of medical facility. She didn't know why. Her arm was in a sling and Sean was standing in front of her.

"I do." Sean replies, gazing into her bright blue eyes. "I love you."

He was expressing his true feelings for her. She had to remember him. She had to let him in. Sean sat and stared back at her, trying to fix his eyes on whatever it was that had her staring back at him with such intensity.

She began to shake her head, violently. She had been concealing her emotions for so long, always scared to wear her heart on her sleeve. The thought of finally letting them out was affecting what she was remembering…

Alex closed her eyes and shook her head again. "No. No, no, no!" Her mind flashed back to medical. She felt Sean slipping away.

_"I love you... but if that's not enough of a reason for you to leave then I have no reason to stay."_

Alex was reliving this moment of heartbreak all over again. She looked up at Sean and screamed, "You can't say that to me!"

"I can, and I will. I'll say it a million times. I love you Alex!" Sean shouts at her.

"Where are you going!" Alex suddenly exclaims. She was stuck in this past memory. In her mind, she saw Sean walking away from her. A strange sensation of pain crawling up her arm, toward the scar on her shoulder. She felt both physical and emotional pain. The toll was too much. Alex couldn't handle it, she felt like she was losing herself...

He had struck a nerve with her. Sean looked at Alex mystified. He stared into her eyes. They seemed almost hollow now, like she wasn't herself. "Alex?" He shook her frantically, trying to bring her back to him.

Her memories morphed back into reality. She was suddenly aware of Sean standing in front of her again. Alex stared back at him, out of words. She didn't know what to say or do or even how to feel. "I can't do this." She finally says after a moment's hesitation. Alex stood up and glared at Sean. "I don't know what you're doing to me…"

"I'm not doing anything to you." Sean looks at her confused.

"What did you do to me!" She suddenly shoves him away, feeling too overwhelmed by his presence and her conflicting feelings toward him. She wanted to hate him for making her feel this way. "You're messing with my head!" She screams. "I know you are! This isn't real…"

Sean suddenly grabs a hold of her shoulders and shakes her again. "Hey! You saw something didn't you?" He tried to get Alex to look at him. "A memory? What did you see?"

"It's not a memory… It's a nightmare!" Alex glares at him.

* * *

"This is a nightmare." Nikita says, looking at surveillance images of Alex's childhood home. "Amanda has guards posted at every corner on the Udinov Estate."

"And in the city." Michael adds. "It won't be long till they track her down here at the hotel."

Nikita glances out the window, hoping to spot Sean and Alex again. She frowns when she sees an empty table.

"What is it?" Michael asks, walking up to her.

She turns to face him. "They're gone. Sean and Alex I mean, do you think they came back to the hotel?"

"Humm…" Michael walks over to the laptop and typed in some command codes. He glances up at Nikita. "By the way, I placed a bug on Alex's phone."

"You what?" Nikita looks at him shocked.

"Don't tell me, you never considered doing this yourself." He replies. "Now we can track Alex wherever she goes and hear her conversations with Amanda. She will never know we're keeping tabs on her."

"Smart." Nikita says. "I hope Sean is able to break through to her soon." She frowns, thinking about Alex. "I'm getting tired of waiting. I want my Alex back."

"One step at a time." Michael calms her. He looks at Alex's tracker. "Looks like her phone is still in the hotel room..."

* * *

"Open it!" Alex screams at Sean. She had to get her stuff and return home. When Sean didn't budge, Alex shoved him again out of anger and frustration. "Open the door now!"

"No." Sean tells her.

"No?" She looks at him shocked.

"I'm not letting you go that easily." He glares at her. "Not until you tell me what you feel." He looks her in the eyes, trying to find any trace of the old Alex. "I know you remembered something. I saw the look in your eyes. You feel something… something for me."

"Let me in!" Alex shouts, ignoring him. She gives him another shove and starts banging on the door. She was getting hysterical. All her confused emotions and feelings was being focused on one thing. A sudden rage.

He grabs a hold of her and stared into her eyes, trying to figure her out. "I love you." Sean repeats. "What do you feel?" He suddenly grabbed a hold of her face, abruptly kissing her. He hoped this spontaneous act would jump start her heart and force her to feel something for him, anything. She had to remember the feeling of love. She had to love him. He pulled back and gazed into her eyes. "Do you love me?"

Alex stared back at him, feeling conflicted. She had this gut-wrenching pain in her heart. If this was love, she hated it. She hated him for making her feel this way.

"Alex?" Sean's voice snapped her back to reality. He stared at her. He knew something was happening. He could see it in her eyes, she was falling for him.

Alex couldn't give him an answer. All she could do was scream at him. She turned around and started kicking the door again. Using all her pain and energy, she kicked and banged on the door until Sean grabbed her and pulled her away. "Stop it! You're hurting yourself!"

* * *

"Do you hear that?" Nikita perks her head up at the sound of banging in the hall. She glances at Michael and frowns. "Something is going on outside."

"Alex?" Michael realizes when he hears the sound of a young woman screaming. He exchanged a worried glance with Nikita. They bolted for the door and ran out into the hallway. "Nikita wait!" Michael stops her. "Alex." He gasps.

They spotted Sean holding onto Alex for dear life as she kicked her feet up in the air, throwing a tantrum. "What the hell?" Nikita glances at Michael.

Michael quickly grabs Nikita and pushes her against the wall as he shields her. "You can't go up to her." He whispers. "Alex is having some sort of panic attack right now. You'll only make it worst."

Nikita hated seeing Alex in pain, but she knew Michael was right. "Take care of her, okay." She tells him before slipping back inside the room.

* * *

Michael started running toward Sean and Alex. "What's going on here?" He asked Sean.

"Please." Alex begged through her tears. She glanced up at Michael. "Open the door."

Michael gave her a worried look. He glanced at Sean who finally let go of her and took a step back, allowing Michael to step in. "If that's what you want." He says softly to Alex. She nodded her head. Michael sighed and took out his extra keycard. The moment he opened the door Alex ran inside. He closed the door behind him and turned around to face Sean. "What happen?" He whispered so Alex wouldn't hear in the next room.

Sean sighed and glanced in her direction. "I found her trigger." He tells Michael. "Her memories are tied to an emotional response. If she feels any sort of intense emotion related to an old memory-"

"She remembered you?" Michael asks, shocked.

"I think so." Sean replies. "She won't admit it though. I think it's only one memory so far..."

"By the looks of it, probably a negative one." Michael realizes. "That's why she's freaking out. What did you say to her?"

"I told her I love her."

"That's bad." Michael says, shaking his head. "You don't tell a girl you love her on the first date. That's common knowledge."

"Oh." Sean says. "I figured it wouldn't matter if deep down she remembered she felt the same way about me." He sighs, feeling guilty. "I blew it, didn't I? Alex is never going to want to see me again."

"No, don't lose hope yet." Michael says. "You said yourself, her memories are tied to an emotional trigger. Look at her." Michael glances at Alex. She had calmed down a bit and was standing a few feet away from them, staring at her phone. "She loves you." Michael looks back at Sean. "I know she does. Whatever memory you triggered in her had a big impact on her. Don't give up, we need her to remember more. We have to provoke another emotion, trigger another memory."

* * *

"Hey." Alex shyly walks up Michael. "I'm gonna go now…" She says in a slight daze.

"Okay." Michael replies.

"Thanks…" She looks up at him and frowns. "I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name."

"Oh, I'm Michael." He greets her.

"Michael?" Alex questions. Michael stared at her, wondering if she would remember him. She shook her head and looked up at him. "Sorry." She laughs to lighten up the mood. "Its been a rough day."

"It's okay." Michael says. "I know you're going through a lot."

She gives him a small smile and suddenly pulls him into a hug. "Takes for opening the door." Alex says, taking him by surprised. "Sorry we had to meet this way."

Michael returned the smile. "Anytime."

She nodded her head and took a step around him, heading for the door. Sean stood by it. She paused in front of him. "Don't try to stop me." She glares at him.

"Okay." Sean tells her.

"Oh." Alex replies. She was surprised he was letting her go easily now. She watched as he opened the door for her. "Thanks." She takes a step into the hall and glances at him, slightly confused. "I guess this is goodbye."

"Goodbye Alexandra." Sean says, closing the door in her face.

* * *

Behind the door, Alex leaned against the wall facing it. She tried to think about what just happened. One minute there was this guy she just met proclaiming his love for her and the next he was willing to let her go? That pissed her off. She walked right up to the door and started banging on it again.

Sean opened it, surprised to see her again. "What the hell is wrong with you!" Alex shouts at him. She saw Michael staring at her behind Sean's gaze. "And you!" She shouts at Michael. "You know this guy?" She glares back at Sean. "Who the hell are you! You can't just tell a girl you love her like that and then walk away!"

"Ohh." Sean laughs at her.

Alex glares at him. "What's so funny?"

"That's what you remembered." He says smiling. "No wonder you hate me."

"What?" Alex stood dumbfounded at his door.

"You hate me." He smiles. "That means you feel something for me." He was trying to trigger another emotion out of her. He hoped maybe it would lead to more memories about him.

"You're weird." Alex says. "I've never met a guy before who wanted someone to hate him."

"I take what I can get." Sean smirks at her.

His smug expression made her give him a small smile. A sign, the old Alex wasn't completely gone. "This doesn't mean I forgive you for making me go through that… that… episode." She yells at him. "I still don't know what you're trying to do to me, and I don't like it!"

"I'm trying to help you remember, Alex." Sean says, softly. "Remember me. And who you are, who _we_ were."

"I don't need your help!" Alex shouts, feeling defensive.

"Okay." Sean says, surprising her again. She kept underestimating his responses. "Just keep in mind, the things I told you… I meant what I said. I never lied to you, and you deserve to know the truth." He looks her in the eyes and sighs. "I just hope, even if you hate me, you'll take that to heart and never stop searching for the truth. Because I assure you, Alexandra, the answers you're looking for are out there. And I know you want to find them out on your own."

* * *

Alex took what Sean told her to heart. She knew deep down he couldn't be the bad guy. She did however know who was. Her focused shifted to Nikita. The person who killed her father. Alex still wanted revenge for family's death and all her built up rage toward Sean earlier in the day was now being directed at her. She wanted Nikita to feel the pain she felt recalling all the stories of her lost family she had shared with Sean. It wasn't a pleasant feeling, having her heart ripped open.

Alex was walking down the street when a car pulled up to her. The windows rolled down, revealing Amanda.

"Alexandra." Amanda greets her.

"Amanda!" Alex gasps. "I uh… I was just heading home."

"Good." Amanda replies. "Get in the car."

Alex was hesitant at first, but obeyed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you worry about me." She says, situating herself in the car.

"Where have you been all night?" Amanda demands.

"I was safe at a hotel. Don't worry about it." Alex tells her.

Amanda narrowed her eyes at Alex. She didn't trust her. But she didn't trust Nikita more. She turns to face Alex, staring deeply into her eyes. "Alexandra." Amanda stresses her name. "You are aware Nikita is still out there right? That is why I worry about you. What if she got to you somehow and I have no way of finding you?"

"I'm aware of Nikita." Alex says. "I'm sorry, this won't happen again."

Amanda really sold Alex on her protective act. She smiled at her. "Good." Alex was still loyal to her. "Time to return home, where you belong."

* * *

"Oh Alex." Nikita says sadly as she listened in on Alex and Amanda's conversation. "How can you blindly trust Amanda and not remember me?"

"She'll remember you." Sean assures her. "You just need to trigger an emotional response out of her."

"It's working with Sean." Michael agrees. "She's starting to remember things now. There's still hope."

"I don't have the same angle as Sean." Nikita counters. "I don't think wanting to kill me, or make me suffer is enough of a trigger for her to snap out of it."

"You never know." Michael says. "You two have the strongest bond I've even seen. You girls have been through hell and back and I'd hate it if Amanda's mind games is what breaks you two apart."

"We're already broken." Nikita says.

"No." Sean shouts at her. "You guys aren't broken. You're just a little bent. We can fix this."

"There's still time." Michael agrees. "We're going to get Alex back."

* * *

**A/N: Alex remembers! Well, not everything. But this is a half-glass-full situation so be happy right? ;)**

**As always, please review :)**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to all my loyal readers who review every single chapter :) Love ya'll!**

**To Wootar16: Reading your reviews make my day, you always have kind words and so much to say :) I didn't get to fit in a dream sequence in this chapter. Alex doesn't have time to sleep yet. lol but I think you'll like what happens to her... ;) **

**Burning Bridges: Chapter 12**

* * *

"Welcome home, Alexandra." Amanda says as she opens the door for Alex.

Alex walked around the halls of her estate and saw guards posted at every entrance of the house. "To insure your safety." Amanda would remind her. Alex sighed and went upstairs to her room, changed out of her sapphire dress from the night before and took a shower. The comfort of her room was the one place in the house she could have some privacy it seemed.

After she washed up, Alex continued to roam the house. Opening every door expecting to find something to keep her busy. The guards watched her closely as she walked aimlessly around the estate. So many rooms, unoccupied. She felt utterly alone in a space full of people around her. Eyes watching her like a ghost in a hunted house. Every corner of this house was a reminder of what she had once lost, and she hated that feeling.

"Ms. Udinov." A guard greeted her when she stood before him. Alex eyed the door he was guarding. "Can I help you?" He asked.

"What's this room?" Alex questioned. She tried to open the door but it was locked.

"The theater room." He answered.

"Why is it locked?" Alex asked.

"There's some renovations going on inside. No one is allowed to enter until it's finished."

"I want to see the progress." Alex says. "Open the door."

"I'm sorry Ms. Udinov-"

"You can call me Alexandra." She cuts him off.

"Alexandra, I'm sorry I don't have a key."

"Who has the key?" Alex asks.

"Amanda."

"Of course she does." Alex frowns.

"Alexandra." Amanda walks up to her. "What are you doing?"

Alex glances at the locked door. "What kind of renovations are you doing?" She asks, curiously. "I don't hear any workers in there."

"Don't you remember?" Amanda covers, cooly. But of course Alex wouldn't remember. "We're making it sound proof so noise will not disturb the other rooms."

"Oh, but I would expect to hear some construction going on inside."

"The workers are done for today. They shall return tomorrow." Amanda replies.

Alex didn't fully trust her story. The locked room seemed oddly suspicious. "Okay, whatever you say Amanda." Alex turns around and heads toward another guard, blocking the door to her backyard. "Is this really necessary?" Alex complained. She felt like a prisoner in her own home. "This is _my_ house. Can't I enjoy some sun?"

The guard looked at Amanda. "Of course you can, Alexandra." Amanda tells her. "But don't wander too far."

"I won't." Alex turns to look her in the eyes. She sighs. "I have no where else to go."

Amanda frowned at her sorrow. Despite that, she shook it off. She was not going to pity Alex. "I'm trusting you Alexandra. Stay out of trouble."

Alex nods her head and proceeds to wander outside. She spotted guards keeping a safe distance from her, but never taking their eyes off her. "Ugh." Alex scoffs at them. She made her way over to the farthest edge of her estate. A forest of tall trees surrounded her. A thousands of these acres belonged to her but she knew she couldn't wander too far into the forest. Alex made sure she was still in a close proximity to a guard. She had promised Amanda after all, no more trouble. She sighed and sat down at the base of a thick tree, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes to rest.

When she finally opened her eyes, she caught the sight of another scarce copper butterfly. This time a male. "Hello." Alex speaks to it. She wondered if this butterfly was lost and looking for it's female counterpart. Perhaps the one she saw with Sean earlier in the day. She suddenly missed him. Despite hating him, he was the only real friend she seemed to have in the world. Alex continued to watch as the butterfly danced around her. It made her smile.

_"Would you like to dance?"_ Her mind flashed back to the night before. She saw Sean holding out his hand. For one moment she took this stranger's hand and they danced the night away. The night soon turning into morning and she didn't regret it. She didn't regret meeting him or knowing him...

"No." Alex shook her head. She didn't want to think about him. Why was she thinking about him?

_"Why are you being so nice to me?"_ Her mind continued to flashback to that night._ "You don't even know me." _But he did know her, more than she knew herself.

_"Then stay awhile." Sean replies, taking out his keycard. "I'd like to know more about you..."_

The butterfly seemed to be mocking her now. Teasing her, as if she knew it was taking Sean's side. Alex quickly stood up and ran deeper into the forest, wanting to make these memories disappear. "Get out of my head!" She screamed. But the memories wouldn't go away.

_"Someone saved you that night." _She remembers Sean telling her. _"That's the only explanation."_

_"I don't know who would want to save me." Alex frowns._

_"If it were me, I would save you." Sean says. "You're worth saving. Don't ever forget that."_

"No!" Alex shouts again. He was in her head. He was in her heart. "What's happening to me?" Alex screamed.

_"How can you just leave the past behind when it keeps finding ways to creep up on you?" He looks her in the eyes. "Are you the least bit curious? There's so many questions out there and you're just sitting by as life passes you by."_

* * *

"What are we doing, just sitting around all day like this?" Sean says as he paced around Michael and Nikita's hotel room. "Amanda is essentially keeping her a prisoner in her own home. We need to get Alex out of there."

"No, not yet." Nikita says, getting up from her desk. "We need her to steal the black box first."

"Screw the black box." Sean says. He was getting too anxious, he wanted to see Alex again. They were making progress before she had to return to Amanda. He was afraid the longer Alex stayed in contact with Amanda, her memories would fade away forever. "We need to get her back to Division." Sean stresses. "Maybe seeing the place where it all begin will help her remember more."

"No." Michael shakes his head. "Amanda has corrupted Alex's vision of Division. She hates us now, I don't think seeing a place full of destruction will help." Michael counters. "And besides, we can't really force her to return with us. Russia is her home now."

"Well we can't sit around and wait for when or even _if _she'll get her hands on that black box." Sean says. "There's no guarantee. We need to take action now, guarantee the box is safe and then use it to crack Alex. Let's storm the palace and get our girl back."

"That's plan B." Nikita says. She walks over to Sean and places her hands on his shoulders. "Listen to me Sean, we will get her back. Trust me, I won't let Amanda hurt her. She's safe for now, even with that bitch."

"Alex's tracker seems good." Michael says. "She's on the estate. Wanna listen in on her?"

Sean sighs and looks toward Nikita. "Okay."

Nikita smiles at him. "Don't worry. I believe in Alex. She's a good person. I know she'll do the right thing."

* * *

He had a way of creeping into her subconscious. _"You're amazing." _She heard Sean's voice in her head again.

Sean wouldn't leave her mind. It was getting annoying, she couldn't take it anymore. "Get out! Get out of my head!" She shook her head in frustration.

Alex found herself running deeper and deeper into the forest._"What you've been through in life…" _

She suddenly stopped running and gasped. "I don't remember this…" She didn't remember this conversation at all, it seemed new to her…or rather old…

_"To come through that and stay strong, keep your heart, that's incredible. There's no one else like you Alex."_ It was an old memory. She remembered now. She remembered Sean lying on a cot in the middle of someone's living room. She wasn't sure who's house it was._ "Alexandra…" _She remembered the way he said her name, mocking her for the way her last name was pronounced.

* * *

"Who is she talking to?" Michael questions as he, Nikita and Sean listened in on Alex.

"Get out of my head!" They hear Alex scream again.

Nikita glanced at Sean. "Do you think she's remembering something?"

"Maybe…" Sean replies. "It's possible. I don't know what's triggering her though."

"Something's happening to her." Michael realizes. "When you triggered her memories, you didn't trigger just one." He looks at Sean. "It's a chain reaction."

"One thought leads to another." Nikita says. "Like dominos." Sean looks at her confused. "She's remembering you, Sean. More of you. She can't stop thinking about you."

"It's you." Michael smiles at him. "You're triggering her."

* * *

"Amanda!" Alex screams. "Ugh where is she? I need to talk to her." Alex complains. She suddenly realized she had wandered into the forest too far from the house. She had to go back before the guards noticed she was missing again. She started walking again when suddenly the same butterfly from before reappeared before her. "Stop following me!" She screams at it, walking away faster. "Go away! I hate you!" Her feelings toward Sean was being directed at the innocent butterfly. It continued to flap its wings and hover by her. She felt bad for yelling at it. "I'm sorry." She speaks to it. "This is crazy… what am I doing here? I'm talking to a stupid butterfly." She sighed and started walking away from it again, determined to return home and speak to Amanda. She had to get her mind off of Sean.

_"What are we doing here Alex?"_ She suddenly heard Sean's voice again. Alex stopped walking and looked around, panicking. Where was his voice was coming from? It was all in her head. _"Chasing monsters… monsters that are only going to be replaced as soon as we take them out."_

_"I don't believe that." _Alex remembers herself replying to him.

"Who are you talking about?" Alex questions her memories. "What monsters?" She spotted the butterfly again. It was following her. "Why can't you just leave me alone?" She cries.

But her mind was trying to tell her something. It was a sign, they were in medical again. Her arm was still in a sling. She saw Sean visiting her. _"Well what do you believe?" He says. The way he looked at her, she saw it in his eyes; he showed a genuine concern for her. She stared back at him, wondering what he was still doing here. _"_Because if you're here for Ni-"_

"Alexandra!" Amanda's voice snapped her out of her memory. "Where are you?"

"Dammit!" Alex cursed. Her memory vanished. Sean was about to mention someone… she wanted to know who it was. Alex frowned and emerged from the forest. "Over here." Alex quickly called out.

"Stay within shouting range." Amanda warns her.

"Okay." Alex yells back.

She leaned against a tree, trying to remember more. Why was she in a medical facility? What happen to her arm? Why was Sean there? She had so many questions about her past. The timeline didn't make sense. The attack on her family's home was about eight years ago… she was 13 at the time. Now she was 21. The last thing she was certain she remembered was real was escaping the brothels around age 17. She remembered spending a year of her life homeless and on the streets of New Jersey. What happen to four years of her life? Between all that and waking up in her bed three days ago, everything else was blank. But somehow she was supposed to believe in all that time, she had somehow gotten herself clean, returned to Russia, reclaimed Zetrov and along the way fell in love with a Navy SEAL name Sean? _"No, that's impossible."_ She thought. She needed to know more about him.

* * *

"She's remembering me." Sean couldn't help but smile gleefully at Michael and Nikita. "Do you know what this means?"

"We're one step closer to getting our Alex back." Nikita smiles back at him.

"Hold on." Michael says. "We can't forget about Amanda now."

"You're right." Sean frowns. "If she figures out Alex is breaking free, she'll want to contain her."

"We can't let that happen." Nikita says. She turns to face Michael. "Hey honey, can you check Shadownet for any news about Alexandra? See if Amanda has any more appearances scheduled for her."

Michael nods and walks over to the laptop. "Nothing about Alexandra." He says. "But Zetrov just announced plans to build a new arena for that hockey team they purchased last year in New York. A ground-breaking ceremony should be scheduled soon."

"Humm…" Nikita starts to think. "I wonder if Alexandra Udinov will make an appearance for that."

* * *

After her trip down memory lane, Alex was determined to find more answers. Despite not trusting Nikita, Alex knew she was right about one thing, the black box. It has to have all the answers she's looking for on it. Explanations for what happen after Pale Fire. Maybe more information about those four years she couldn't remember. Alex was determined to find out the truth.

"Alexandra." Amanda startled her as she walked by her father's old office.

"Oh." Alex sighed in relief when she saw it was just Amanda. "What are you doing in here?" She asked.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." Amanda replies. She eyes a seat across from her. "Come, have some tea with me?"

"I don't really like tea." Alex says.

"Don't be silly." Amanda glares at her. "Sit. I want to talk to you."

"Oh, I actually wanted to talk to you too." Alex says, walking into the room. She sat down and stared at the cup of tea in front of her.

"Okay, Alexandra. Talk to me, what is it?"

"What kind of tea is this?" Alex glances at it, curious.

"Just a special blend." Amanda replies.

"Oh." Alex pushes it aside, distracted. She looks up at Amanda. "So what did you want to talk to me about?"

"Do you remember that American hockey team Zetrov purchased last year? The New York Corsairs."

"Uh…" Alex tries to think.

"Never mind that." Amanda says. Of course she didn't remember. "How would you like to take a trip to New York next week? Attend a ground-breaking ceremony for a new arena we are building for the hockey team?"

"Do I have a choice?" Alex glares at Amanda.

"You would be doing a good thing for Zetrov." Amanda says. "The Americans aren't really happy about a foreign country owning one of their sporting teams. But they love Alexandra Udinov. If you show up, Zetrov will have a good public image to live up to."

"It's just, I don't really feel safe in New York." Alex complains. "You know Nikita… "

"What about Nikita?" Amanda eyes her carefully.

Alex felt a sudden tension in the room. She tried to remain neutral around Amanda. "Nikita killed my father." Alex continues. "She's hunting me. I won't feel safe until she is found. What's your progress locating her so far?"

"I have the same men I had searching for you, keeping an eye out for her in the city." Amanda tells her.

Alex shakes her head. "That's not enough." She looks at Amanda. "I want to see the black box." Alex demands.

"The black box?" Amanda questions.

"Yes." Alex leans in to whisper to Amanda. "You told me she was part of a strike team for a black ops group called Division. I want to know more about this Division. We need to stay one step ahead of Nikita."

"I've already looked into Division." Amanda says. "They're designed to stay invisible."

"I don't believe that." Alex glares at her. "The black box is a tool of theirs. It must have some trace, evidence, or clue that will help us locate them? A paper trail? Anything?"

"Alexandra, why are you suddenly invested in Division?"

"I'm not. I'm invested in the people attached to Division. I want to see their profiles. Get a sense of who these people are. Who Nikita is."

"I'll tell you who Nikita is." Amanda says. "Nikita is a self-absorbed former junkie who murdered a New York city cop in cold blood. Division faked her death, gave her a new life and taught her skills. Skills she used to hunt down and kill your father."

"I still want to see the black box." Alex says, not giving up.

"You're not going to let this go, are you?" Amanda says.

"No." Alex stands up. "Let me remind you Amanda, you work for me. If I demand to see the black box then I expect you to comply."

* * *

"You go Alex!" Sean amuses himself, listening to her conversation with Amanda. "Don't let her control you."

Nikita laughs. "Alexandra is pretty feisty."

"You're right." They hear Amanda reply to Alex. "I'll get you the black box. It is in a safe place, not on me right now."

"She's lying." Michael comments. "Amanda must have stashed the black box somewhere in that house."

"I will have it sent to New York for you. But in the meantime, this event for Zetrov is more important for your future." They hear the sound of Amanda's high heels walking toward Alex. "You still care about your future right?"

"Of course I do." They hear Alex say. "I will prepare for New York now."

"She's coming." Sean says. He looks up at Michael and Nikita. "Good."

"Okay guys, pack up. We're going home." Nikita says. "Who knows, maybe we'll run into Alexandra again." She winks at Sean.

He smiles. "I hope so." Sean says. "I don't trust Amanda."

"Looks like Alex is beginning to not trust her too." Michael says, happily.

"She still doesn't trust me though." Nikita says, frowning. "I'm a self-absorbed former junkie after all. One who murdered a cop in cold blood." She sighs.

"Hey." Michael says walking up to her. "That was the old you. People change. You're not that person anymore."

"It still doesn't make it right." Nikita counters.

"I know." Sean tells her. She glances at him as he walks up to her. "But what makes it right is that you're trying to redeem yourself. People can be redeemed, Nikita. People can change. If we can't believe that people can change, then everything we're fighting for is meaningless."

She smiles at Sean. "Thanks."

"Okay, we need to make one stop before we leave Russia." Michael says, changing the subject. "I promised Birkhoff I would get him a bottle of Vodka."

Nikita laughs. "Of course."

* * *

"Mr. Jones." Amanda greets her friend over the phone. "You asked when Alexandra would be ready. I'm calling to insure you, everything is going as planned."

"I saw the press release. Alexandra is scheduled to return to New York." He comments. "Why?"

"I have moles buried deep within Zetrov." Amanda says. "Ilya Levkin, the CEO Alex choose to take over Zetrov last year is about to have an untimely death. That will force the board to find a new leader."

"Ah, you expect Alexandra to be restored to her throne."

"Alexandra will be in the middle of a media haven while in New York. No one will suspect she has anything to do with Levkin's death. It is about time she reclaimed what is rightfully her's."

"But it will not all be her's." Jones replies "It will be ours."

* * *

**A/N: I know you guys want Alex to remember everyone and everything like right NOW but that's not gonna happen overnight. It's not magic. In fact, I'm trying to approach this story in a realistic way. It's going to take time, but I assure ya'll eventually everything will work out, I promise. :)**

**Side note: Any guesses what Amanda is really hiding behind that locked door? O.o I got something BIG planned for that.  
**

**As always, please review :)**


	13. Chapter 13

**Burning Bridges: Chapter 13**

* * *

"So…what's someone like you doing on a dating website?" A young man says, breaking Alex out of her thoughts.

Alex glanced at him, wondering how she got put into this situation. "My friends made me." She says, not entirely sure if she was lying or not. When he looked disappointed she quickly added, "I should really be asking you that."

"Oh, I find computers are more impartial…" Alex tried to pay attention to him, but her mind kept wandering off. They were in a nightclub. Loud music was banging in her ears, giving her a slight headache. "Otherwise it's easy to be distracted..."

_"How ironic."_ Alex thought. She continued to look around at all the people dancing around her. Night clubs wasn't exactly her idea of fun. _"You know, when you're with the right person, anything can be fun." _She remembers Sean telling her. Great, he was in her head again. _"And you think this guy is the right person?" _Alex asks herself. She rather be talking to Sean in person.

"Should I order some champagne?" Alex hears her date ask, bringing her attention back toward him.

"Uh, why don't we go dancing first." She suggests.

"I didn't know you liked dancing…" He tried to get her to look at him, but Alex kept finding herself lost in the scene. Her mind always finding itself thinking about Sean instead of this stranger. "You didn't list that on your profile." Her date frowns.

Alex stared back at him. "Oh, what did I say about myself?"

There was a slight lag before he answered, as if he was trying to remember what she said too. "You said you were full of surprises."

"That's right." Alex remembers. "I did. I said that didn't I?" Although she didn't remember when exactly she had said that before. The whole situation suddenly felt like déjà vu to her.

Alex quickly grabs his hand and pulls him onto the dance floor. Her date wasn't much of a dancer. She wasn't into the fast music either and preferred to slow dance, hoping he would hold her tight like Sean did. It wasn't the same, she wasn't enjoying herself with this stranger. Her date on the other hand seemed to be enjoying her closeness a little too much. He pulled her back and looked her in the eyes. "I really want to kiss you right now." He blurts out.

This felt so wrong, she didn't want to be kissing anyone but Sean apparently. He was all she could think about now. "I have to use the restroom." Alex announces, leaving her date baffled. He watched her walk away.

In the restroom, Alex found herself staring into a mirror. She shook her head in frustration at where she was, what she was doing with her life. "Who am I?" She questions. Suddenly a young woman stumbled through the door. "Are you alright?" Alex reaches to steady her balance.

"Hi." The girl replies.

"Hi?" Alex stares at her.

The girl laughs. "No, I'm high."

"Yeah. I figured." Alex says. She grabs a small white towel off the counter and soaks it in water as an effort to cool off the girl.

"Ah, you are too kind to be a saint." The girl greets Alex's kind gesture. "I'm Irina… have we met before?"

Alex frowned. She remembered her. This couldn't be real. "I don't think so." Alex lies. She couldn't tell if her mind was suddenly playing tricks on her again. Random flashbacks or perhaps another lost memory masking her reality again.

"I know… I know you." Irina says. She turns to face Alex.

Irina was about to call her a name when Alex shakes her head. "I'm sorry, you have me confused with someone else." Alex says, quickly turning around to walk out the door. She had to get away from her. Just like the butterfly in the forest, Alex wanted to run away. Refuse to accept the past and forget about her memories.

Suddenly a woman bumps into Alex on the dance floor. Alex turns around and yells at her. "Hey! Watch where you're…" The woman turned around and glared at Alex, revealing her face.

* * *

"Nikita!" Alex screams, waking up in a shock to find herself frantically looking around her room. She was still at home, safe within the walls of the Udinov Estate. "It was just a dream." Alex realizes. She grabs her phone off her nightstand and checks the time. Barely even 3am. Alex lifts up her covers and jumps out of bed. "Or was it…" She frowns, walking over to her dresser and lifting up a small mirror. She stared at her reflection for a long time. "Who am I?" Alex questions again. She knew Amanda wasn't helping her remember her past.

Alex sighed and put the mirror down. Taking only her phone with her, Alex opened the door to her room. She figured a glass of water would help clear her head. A guard had fallen asleep outside her door. Alex laughs at him. Amanda had ordered him to keep an eye on her. Some job he was doing. She tip-toed around him and proceeded down the hall, pausing by the theater room. Alex cautiously twisted the door handle. Still locked. "Ugh." Alex presses her ear against the door. She should've known better but the sound of a small murmur could be heard inside the room, increasing her curiosity. She had to know what was going on inside.

"Alexandra." Amanda's voice startled her.

"Oh, gosh!" Alex exclaims when she turns around to face her. "Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" Where did she come from?

Amanda ignores her. "What are you doing Alexandra?"

"I uh…" Alex glances at the door. She had been caught, she had to make up something quick. "I thought I heard a noise in there." The best lies always have the most truth. Alex smiles when she sees Amanda roll her eyes. She remembered someone teaching her how to lie before. It was good advice, although she couldn't remember exactly who thought her that before. Maybe it was her mother, but that would be really odd.

"It's late." Amanda calmly replies. "You're imagining things."

"You're probably right." Alex says. "I'm just gonna get something to drink then I'll head back to bed."

Amanda glared at her but decided to follow her, suspiciously down the hall. "Would you like some tea?" She asks, as they walk down the grand staircase. "It'll calm you down."

"No thanks." Alex replies walking into the kitchen.

Amanda glares at her. "How's your head these days? Are you still having headaches?"

"They come and go. Nothing I can't handle." Alex says.

"I imagine it must be difficult running into old friends on the streets who know you." Amanda says as she takes out a tea pot and boils some water. "Yet you can not distinguish them. Has that happen recently?"

Alex's mind wandered to Sean. She glanced back at Amanda, trying to remain neutral. "No. Not that I can recall."

* * *

The sound of Alex's voice on Nikita's laptop woke her up. "Michael." Nikita tries to wake him up. He murmurs in his sleep. Nikita sighs and walks over to her laptop. "Alex, you're stronger than this. Don't let Amanda manipulate you."

"Except for Nikita." Amanda reminds Alex.

"What are you trying to say?" Alex questions her.

"I'm more concerned about the things Nikita has said to you." Amanda says. "You can't trust anything that she says, remember?"

"Well that's the thing, isn't it?" Alex shouts. "I can't remember anything! And you're not helping."

"You're being irrational." Amanda says as she pours two cups of tea. She hands a cup to Alex. "Drink this, it'll calm you down."

Alex takes the cup and stares at it. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. You've always been there for me." Alex looks up at her. "It's just so hard…not knowing exactly who I am… who everyone around me are…"

"Alex." Nikita stares at her laptop, wishing she could somehow breakthrough to her old friend. "You've beaten Amanda's mind games before. I know you can do it again."

"Just once, I'd like to know what it's like to wake up in the morning and not feel sad." Alex says. "I want to know what it's like to walk down the street and not look over my shoulder. Be happy, normal." Nikita hears Alex's soft whimper. "Normal people don't walk around feeling lost like I do. Meet random people every day and never knowing if I can fully trust them." Alex continues to say.

"You can trust me, Alexandra." Amanda says. "Drink your tea before it gets cold."

"No, you can't Alex." Nikita tries argues. It was pointless though, Alex would never hear her.

"I don't trust anyone." Alex replies.

"Good girl." Nikita smiles.

"I know I'm not imagining things behind that door." Alex says as she mindlessly takes a sip of her tea. "I'm not crazy…"

_"I'm not crazy."_ Alex suddenly remembers herself sitting across from an older man.

She remembered the way he stared into her eyes and jotted down notes on a clipboard._ "Alex, you're a Udinov. You were born into fabulous wealth and power and suddenly it was stripped from you. You saw your father murdered before your eyes. You were sold into sex slavery, but you escaped!"_

_"I know!" _Alex remembers shouting at him. _"You think I don't know my own backstory? You think I want to forget? I can't! These images will be forever etched in mind."_

_"Alex, you may have escaped the brothels, but not the drug they hooked you on. You are a survivor, but you're not the only one." The man says. "There are many other girls just like you in this facility. They want the same things you do."_

_"And what is that?"_

_"To be loved."_

"Alexandra?" Amanda's voice snapped her out of her memory.

"I remember." Alex suddenly says. "I was in a hospital wasn't I?"

Amanda stared at her, trying to remain calm. This wasn't good, Alex couldn't remember that. It was supposed to be impossible. "Why would you think that, Alexandra?"

"He said he wanted to take away my pain… that's what he did, didn't he?" Alex glares at Amanda. The cup of tea in her hand shook nervously. "The doctor?" Alex continues to say as Amanda watches her movements closely. "That's why I can't remember?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Amanda says.

"You're lying!" Alex shouts. "Don't tell me I'm going crazy or imagining things in my head. I've had enough people in my life call me crazy for the things I believe in… and I know what I believe…

"_What do you believe?" _Sean's voiced echoed in her head.

"I remember now…" Alex trails off, she was getting tired suddenly. "You wanna know what I believe in? I believe in… Ni-"

"What is it, Alex?" Nikita says. "Finish your sentence!" But Alex never did, Nikita heard the sound of a cup being knocked off the counter and hitting the floor, followed by a loud thud. "Alex!" Nikita shouts.

The sound of her scream woke Michael up. "What happen!" Michael screams, reaching for his gun he had hidden underneath his pillow. "Is Alex alright?"

"Amanda." Nikita exclaims.

"Nikita." She hears Alex's voice mumble through her laptop.

"Shhh, Alexandra." Amanda's haunting voice echoes in the room. "Go to sleep."

Michael and Nikita exchange a worried look. "She said your name." Michael says. "She remembered you?"

"Not for long, Amanda is going to want to fix that." Nikita frowns. She sighs and walks over to Michael in bed. "Stupid tea. Alex should know better. Never drink Amanda's _special_ blend."

"Hey, you know what this means though right?" Michael wraps his arm around Nikita's waist and pulls her closer to him. "Alex remembered you." He smiles. "Even if Amanda's little tea makes her forget about this little incident in the morning, we know it's possible she can't fully forget about you."

"We can't know that for sure." Nikita says.

"Stop being pessimistic." Michael glares at her. "Have hope. Something triggered her memory of you and something will trigger it again. Like you said, it's a domino effect."

* * *

In the morning, Alex woke with a massive headache. Feeling like she was hungover. "Ugh." Alex complains, grabbing her head. The last thing she remembered was being in a night club for some reason. So a hangover would make sense, but then she remembered seeing Nikita and realizing it was just a dream. "Nikita, you bitch. Even in a nightmare, you're messing with my head." Alex frowns, getting up from bed.

Suddenly a knock on the door sounded. "Alexandra?" It was Amanda.

"Come in." Alex says.

"How did you sleep?" Amanda says, calmly. She walked in with another tray of tea, as a precaution. She noticed Alex was bent over in bed, holding her head. "Are you okay?"

"I want to kill Nikita." Alex groans in pain. "I can feel her clawing through my head, trying to taunt me to death with nightmares about my father."

Amanda smirks at Alex when she wasn't looking. She recomposes herself and walks over to Alex. The tea had worked, Alex didn't suspect a thing. It was like their conversation in the kitchen never happened. But she knew Alex was somehow fighting her and sooner or later, more questions would be asked. Amanda sighed and poured Alex another cup of tea. "Drink this, it'll help with your headache."

Alex took the cup graciously and began to sip on it. "Thank you." Alex smiles at her. "I feel better now."

Amanda smiled at her. Keeping Alex hooked on her tea would keep her at bay for awhile. "Are you ready for New York?" She asks.

"Oh yeah, that's today isn't it." Alex realizes. "I almost forgot." She finishes her tea and hands the cup back to Amanda. "I have to get ready."

"The car won't be here for another 3 hours to take you to the airport. You still have time."

"I have to go to Zetrov first. I need to take care of something before I leave."

* * *

"Sean." Nikita knocks on his apartment door. "Open up, Alex's plane is schedule to arrive this afternoon."

Sean opens his door in nothing but his boxers. Michael glares at him. "Is that how you greet a lady?" He glances at Nikita who laughs.

"Sorry, I'll go put some pants on." Sean laughs.

"And a shirt." Michael adds.

"What are you jealous?" Sean teases.

"Please. I can take you."

"In your dreams."

"Boys." Nikita laughs as she walks into Sean's apartment, which used to be Alex's. He had to move in with her after the FBI raided his old one thanks to Amanda's little frame job. "Wow." Nikita says walking around the loft. "I haven't been here in forever, Alex really let you decorate the place." She smiles at all the pictures hung on the walls.

"Yeah. Alex wasn't really fond of it at first but I got her to warm up to the idea." Sean says. He glances at some of the pictures and frowns. "It's not the same without her here." He says sadly.

"She'll be back soon." Michael assures him. "We have some news, Nikita was listening it on Alex last night while everyone was sleeping."

"Really?" Sean says, getting excited. "Did she remember more?"

"Yes." Nikita answers. "Something about me, actually. She said she believed in me."

"Ah." Sean realizes. "That's what she told me in medical, after she got shot. I came to visit her and asked her what she was still doing in Division. She basically told me she was staying because of you."

"Hum…" Nikita starts to think. "If she remembered what she said, do you think she remembers Division too?"

"No, I don't think it works that way." Sean says. "Alex seems to remember some things, but she doesn't know the context of the memories, like where she is, or why she is there."

"To her, Alex probably sees herself in a medical facility." Michael says. "She's probably even questioning what happen to her arm before her mind even considers the possibility of being in Division."

"The thought never occurred to her." Nikita says, sadly. "I wouldn't blame her. "I would want to forget about that place too if I was her."

"Hey, even if it meant forgetting about where we first met?" Michael asks.

Nikita glances at him. "No, never. I could never forget how we first met." She smiles at him.

"You know, Alex and I first met in Division too." Sean says.

"Huh, that's right." Michael says. "Alex told us the story about how you tried to kill her in front of Amanda."

"She told you that?" Sean laughs. "Did she tell you the part when she stole my gun and tried to kill me too? I was just defending myself. She started it."

Nikita laughs. "We've all tried to kill each other at some point."

"You know, nothing says I love you more than a death threat to show you care." Michael winks at Nikita.

"Or a bullet to a nonessential area."

* * *

Alex frantically teared apart Amanda's office at Zetrov's headquarters, hoping to find the black box. She knew Amanda must have hidden it somewhere here if it wasn't at home. Alex knew Amanda wasn't just going to hand it over to her, she had this last minute trip to Zetrov planned in advance. Alex checked the clock on her phone. Amanda would be here with a car in about 20 minutes. Her bodyguards where down the hall out of sight from the chaos Alex was creating in the office. Finally after 5 more minutes, Alex gave up. She quickly rearrange the room to look like she had never even touched it and left. If the black box wasn't there, then it had to be stashed somewhere on the estate. If Amanda didn't keep her promise to give it to her, Alex would find it herself when she gets back from New York.

"Alexandra!" A man in a suit greets her as she walks into the lobby. She stops to gaze at the man before her, wondering where she knew him from. "Imagine that!" He says, pausing to kiss her on the cheeks. "A Udinov back at Zetrov once again. Who could believe that?" He smirks at her. "What are you still doing here? You're supposed to be in New York, posing for paparazzi. Although I never thought this would be something you would be interested in. Last I saw you, you were having me help you and your friends crash our little board meeting/shareholder's party."

"Levkin?" Alex finally recognizes him. "Wow, I haven't seen you in years." She was so happy to see a familiar face from her childhood.

"It's only been one year, Alexandra." He looks at her confused. "Less than that actually, I talked to you a couple months ago on the phone. To wish you happy birthday. Is old age making you forgetful now?" He teases her.

"Oh, that's right…" Alex frowns. Her missing memories were making her look stupid now, she completely missed the fact that he just called her old.

When she didn't laugh at his joke, Levkin knew something was wrong. "Are you okay Alexandra? I know when you are not happy." He places his hand under her chin and tilts her head up to look at him. "Where is that beautiful smile I love so much?"

She smiles at him. "Papa always said you were Zetrov's greatest champion."

"Ah there it is!" Levkin smiles back at her. "I remember, you told me what your papa said about me a year ago. I believe we were having a discussion in your suite at the time."

_"Room 824."_ Alex realizes. "I knew I had been there before." She accidentally says out loud.

"Been where?" Levkin looks at her confused again.

"Oh… umm, are you coming to New York too?" She changes the subject. "I miss you, we should catch up." She says, hoping he could clear up some of her doubts about the past four years.

"Unfortunately I have some business to take care of here in Russia. I am the CEO after all. Thanks to you." He smiles at her again. "It is a shame, however, I will never be as good as your father. Nikolai was like a mentor to me, a very close friend."

"You're too kind, Ilya. That is why I can not imagine anyone better suited for this position than you."

"I can imagine someone else." He counters.

"Who?" Alex asks.

"You."

Alex laughs. "Maybe one day after you are long dead. But you are still young. I look forward to many years working with you."

"As do I, Alexandra." Levkin says. "Now hurry along. You have a plane to catch. Enjoy New York for the both of us."

* * *

**A/N: Finally managed to work in a dream sequence AND give Alex more memories about Nikita :) Even if one of the memories is more of a nightmare and the other got erased again by Amanda's little tea. Seriously, never ever drink the tea on this show. It's always drugged, ALWAYS. **

**As always, please review :)**


	14. Chapter 14

**Burning Bridges: Chapter 14**

* * *

"South side! South side!" Sean screams through his com. He kept his eyes trained on Alex, never letting her out of his sight as he blended into the crowd at the airport. "Michael, you see her?"

"Nikita is in position." Michael informs Sean. "I got eyes on Alex." He spots her walking toward him. "Package set and in motion."

"Ms. Udinov, you're going to love it in New York." A woman walks with Alex toward baggage claim. She hands her a small package.

"What's this?" Alex asks.

"A gift from Amanda."

Alex carefully opens the package and takes the black box out. "Wow." Alex says amazed.

"Do you like it?" The woman asks.

"She actually got me what I wanted." Alex smiles. "I love it." She wraps the black box back up and places it inside her coat pocket.

"Package delivered." Michael informs Sean. "Can't believe Amanda would really give it to her."

"I still don't trust her." Sean replies. "Something doesn't seem right about this whole situation."

"Whatever Amanda has planned, it'll be over soon." Michael says. "Package in motion again, I have Alex in sight."

"Amanda has arranged for a car to take you to the Wyckland Hotel." The woman tells Alex.

"Thank you." Alex says, she grabs her bags and accidentally bumps into Michael. "Hey, watch where you're-"

"Alexandra?" Michael pretends to be surprised to see her. "Are you following me?" He smirks at her.

"Michael?" Alex gasps. "What are you doing here?"

"This is New York. I live here." Michael replies. "You're the foreigner. I should be asking you why you're here."

"I uh, I have some business to attend." Alex says, she looks around nervously wondering who else she could run into. "Is your friend with you?" She asks.

"Oh, you mean Sean? No, but I'll be meeting him later. I'll tell him you said hi."

"Okay, well nice seeing you again. I have to go." Alex says, picking up her bags again.

Michael takes a bag from her. "Let me help you." He insists.

"It's okay, I can do it."

"Do you always have trouble accepting help from people?" Michael asks.

Alex frowns. "It's a bad habit. I'm used to doing things on my own."

"Well I'm a gentleman, and a gentleman never lets a lady carry her own bags."

"Thanks." Alex smiles at him. "I have a car waiting for me, do you need a ride?"

"Oh I don't want to be a burden."

"It's alright, where are you heading?"

"Wyckland Hotel." Michael says. "I have a business meeting there."

"Wow, what a weird coincidence. I'm going there too."

"You don't say." Michael smirks. Of course he knew Alex would be staying there. Birkhoff hacked their security and found her name listed among the guests schedule to check in today.

"Everything is going as planned." Sean tells Nikita through their coms. "Ready for pick up."

"My car is this way." Alex says walking toward a black SUV. "Can you believe my assistant wanted me to rent a limo? I told her that would draw too much attention."

"Darn." Michael laughs. "I would've loved to ride in a limo."

Alex laughs too. "Maybe next time." Michael opens the car door for her. "Wyckland Hotel." Alex tells her driver as she settles in her seat. When he didn't reply Alex tapped his shoulder. The man fell forward into the steering wheel. "What the hell?" Alex turns around to glance at Michael. She was shocked to see a different face. "Nikita?" Alex gasps.

"Hey Alex, sorry we have to meet again like this." Nikita says. She had a gun pointed at Michael.

Alex stares at her wide-eyed. Nikita had her trapped with another hostage, she couldn't risk getting her new friend killed. "Leave him out of this." Alex glares at her. "I know you're just after me, just get it over with and kill me."

"I can't do that, Alex."

"What do you want from me then?" Alex shouts.

"I want you to remember, I'm doing this because I care."

"You what?" Alex says, confused.

Nikita sighs and pistol whips Alex in the face, knocking her unconscious.

"I know that was necessary…" Michael says, releasing himself from Nikita's grip. "But couldn't you have stuck her with a sedative or something?" He glances at Alex and frowns.

"Eh, that's not my style." Nikita laughs. "And well, Alexandra deserves a good knock to the head. Who knows, maybe it'll also knock some sense into her too." She winks at Michael who returns a smirk at her.

Michael runs over to Alex's unconscious driver and pushes him out of the car. "Sorry dude." Michael says. He gets behind the wheel and looks back at Nikita.

Nikita rolls her eyes as she steals the black box from Alex's coat. "Just drive. We gotta meet Sean at the hotel."

* * *

"I got her." Michael says, carrying Alex's body into their hotel room. Sean rushes to help him lift her onto the bed.

"Damn Nikita, did you really have to hit her?" Sean glares at her. "It's gonna be hard to cover up that bruise you gave her."

"I know, Michael already gave me that lecture." She pushes Sean out of the room. "Get out, we can't let Alex see you."

"Okay, I'll just be in the room next door." Sean says. "Take care of her okay." He glances at Alex one last time before disappearing.

Nikita turns around to face Michael. "Okay you know the drill. Let's get you tied up to the chair, my hostage." She winks at him.

"Oh no!" Michael acts. "Please don't hurt me!"

Nikita laughs. "Shh don't want to wake Alex up yet."

* * *

"Hey, Birkhoff." Sean says, entering their suite.

"You guys got Alex set up?" Birkhoff asks.

"Yup, Michael and Nikita are going to put on quite the show."

"And so are we." Birkhoff smirks. He types in a few command codes and brings up a modified version of Nikita's old shell program. "Hello Alex." He greets it.

"What do you want Nerd?" Alex's voice responds smoothly.

Sean laughs at it. "Wow you can tell Nikita programmed this." He glances at Birkhoff. "Nerd."

"Whatever, boy scout." Birkhoff retorts.

"You guys, stop playing around." Nikita says through their coms. "We need you to be ready in case Amanda comes looking for Alex in her room."

"Okay, we're ready." Sean says.

"By the way, don't touch her minibar too."

"Why does everyone keep thinking I'm gonna touch the minibar?" Sean exclaims. "I'm no where near it!"

* * *

"Where's Alexandra?" Amanda asks the woman at the front desk of the Wyckland Hotel.

"Says here she's checked in." The woman replies.

"That's odd. I didn't see her walk in." Amanda frowns. She takes out her cell phone and walks toward the elevators.

Alex's phone rings on the desk next to Sean. He glances at Birkhoff. "You ready? We can't mess this up."

"Go ahead, the program is all set." Birkhoff replies. He hits a button on his laptop, bringing up Alex's vocals.

Sean answers the phone. "Hello?" He says. His voice was masked perfectly with Alex's.

"Alexandra, where are you?" Amanda says.

"I'm in my suite."

"Oh I didn't see you arrive. I thought we were supposed to meet?"

"I had a long flight. I wanted to take a shower." Sean says, walking into the bathroom. He runs the water in the bathtub. "On second thought, maybe a nice long bath to relax."

Amanda frowns. "Okay, Alexandra. Did you get my package?" She asks.

"Yeah, thanks for that." Sean answers. "I didn't get the chance to look at it yet."

"Well, when you do, I'm sure all the answers you've been looking for will be answered."

"Good." Sean says, he glances at Birkhoff in the other room. "Thanks again, Amanda. I'll see you soon." He hangs up the phone and walks over to Birkhoff. "How'd I do?"

"It's creepy hearing Alex's voice come out of you." Birkhoff says.

Sean smirks at him. He turns on his com and contacts Nikita. "Hey, It's done. You've got maybe 2 hours tops."

* * *

"Thanks, Sean." Nikita says. She turns around to face Alex, who was still passed out on the bed. "Hey Michael, where's the smelling salts?"

"In my bag over there." Michael nods his head toward his luggage piled by the door. "I would get it for you, but I'm a little tied up right now."

Nikita laughs. "You could get out of those ropes if you tried harder." She walks over to Michael's bags and grabs one of the salts. "I always hated these things." She sighs and walks over to Alex, breaking the salt and putting it up against her nose.

Alex woke with a shock. "Oh god! What is that?" She screams, sitting up in bed. Her vision was a little bit blurry.

"Hey, Alex. Focus." Nikita's voice draws her attention. "Sorry about the smell, by the way."

Alex glared at Nikita, finally aware of her surroundings again. She spots Michael tied up to a chair behind Nikita and gasps. "What did you do to him?"

"Nothing yet." Nikita says.

"I told you to leave him out of this!" Alex shouts.

"I can't let him go just yet, he'll go running to your superiors and rat me out." Nikita says.

"No I won't." Michael plays along.

"Shut up!" Nikita yells at him. She rushes at him with a knife.

Alex screams. "Stop!" She jumps out of bed. Nikita turns around to face her. "I'm listening now. Whatever you want, it's yours. Just don't hurt him."

"Thanks for that offer." Nikita says, walking over to her laptop. She picks up the black box. "You've already given me exactly what I want."

Alex stares at the box, wide-eyed. She glances back at Nikita. "That's what you wanted this whole time? That stupid little box!"

"No, I wanted you to see the truth that was on this stupid little box." Nikita says. She plugs the black box into her laptop and powers it on. "Are you ready to see the truth?"

Alex cautiously walks over to Nikita. "Who are you?" Alex glares at her.

"The real question is, who are you?" Nikita looks at Alex. "I think you're gonna want to sit down for this." Alex pulls up a chair and sits down next to Michael. Nikita smiles at her and proceeds to click through the black box. "Let me begin with a little story." Nikita says. "You asked me who I am, I'm gonna tell you. At least to the best of my memory." Nikita clicks on her personal file. "My name is Nikita Mears. According to record though, I died September 3rd, 2004. Executed by lethal injection in a state penitentiary. I never knew my birth parents. I figured my mother died giving birth to me. And I assumed my father gave me up because he couldn't bare the thought of raising a daughter on his own. I was then tossed around to countless foster homes." Nikita pauses to see if Alex was listening. "My last foster family wasn't all that bad. Caroline, the woman, I loved her but her husband, Gary, was a monster." Nikita continues. "He abused me, like it was nothing. Caroline knew about it but she turned a blind eye. Despite the things she allowed him to do to me, I still loved her."

"Why?" Alex asks. "How could you live with her, knowing she knew the truth about you and stood by doing nothing?"

"Because she was the only one who gave me a chance. She could've tossed me out the moment I complained about her husband but she didn't. She never gave up on me. She was always there for me at the end of the day. I respect that." Alex sat in silence. Nikita sighs. "But one day, she wasn't there anymore." Nikita says sadly, her eyes getting watery.

"What happen to her?" Alex asks.

"She died. A heart attack, actually. In the middle of a store. I never got to say goodbye."

"Oh." Alex says. She was starting to feel bad for Nikita. She knew what it was like to lose a loved one. "I'm sorry."

"After I found out, I ran away. I couldn't live with Gary alone, you know? But the problem was I was only 17, not even a legal adult yet. No job, no money. No where to go. So you know what happen to me?" Alex shook her head. "I was homeless and on the streets. I got mixed up with a bad crowd. Got addicted to drugs and my life just spiraled from there. You know what that's like right? Or have you forgotten, princess?"

"I'm not a princess." Alex glares at Nikita. "I remember, I know what it's like. That doesn't give you an excuse for all the things that you've done. What happen to you anyway?" Alex asks. "How does someone like you start from scratch and end up here? Why are you even here? Don't you have somewhere better to be?"

"The story isn't over, Alex." Nikita says. "You wanna know what happen to me? I knew better, I wanted to get help. I wanted to be clean." She looks at Alex and smiles. "And I did. I met this woman at a halfway house, her name was Carla. She helped me get clean."

"That's good." Alex says.

"Yeah it was, until one day she disappeared. I was devastated, I didn't know what happen to her. I feel off the wagon and ran right back to drugs." Alex shook her head in disappointment. Nikita sighs. "I did something when I was high. Something I regret very much."

"What did you do?" Alex asks.

"You know what I did." Nikita says. "Amanda must have told you."

"She said you murdered a cop in cold-blood." Alex says.

"She was right. But it wasn't my intention. I didn't know what I was doing." Nikita says. "But that's still no excuse. I take full responsibility for my actions."

"You're trying to make me feel sorry for you." Alex says. "It's not going to work. You may not have known what you were doing when you killed that cop, but you knew exactly what you were doing when you gun downed my father." Alex exclaims. "Right before my eyes! I saw you, you didn't even hesitate."

"I'm sorry for that, Alex." Nikita says.

"You're apologizing?" Alex questions.

"I am. I never got the chance to tell you that. I'm sorry Alex. For years, I kept telling myself I didn't have a choice. I was following orders, but you know what? I did have a choice. I should've said no!" Nikita looks Alex in the eyes. "But I was a coward. I was scared to defy Percy's orders. And for that, I apologize." Alex stared back at her in silence. "But you know, my orders wasn't to just kill your father." Nikita continues. "It was to execute your entire family." Alex sat up in her chair, listening intently to Nikita's story. "But that night, I made a decision to defy those orders." Nikita smiles at Alex. "I never disobeyed one of their orders before…"

"It was you." Alex suddenly realizes. "You… you-"

"Yes Alex. I saved you that night." Nikita says. "When I found out about the kill order on your family, I saw that there was a thirteen year old girl on the list. I knew I had to do something. I couldn't get to your parents, but when I found you in the cellar I knew it was my only chance to save you."

"And do you know what happen to me?" Alex asks. "After you saved me?"

"You were sold." Nikita says sadly. "To sex traffickers." She looks at Alex who was beginning to tear up. "I had nothing to do with that. I got you to a family friend. I had no idea… I promised you, you would be safe. I'm sorry."

"If you wanted to keep me safe, what are you doing going after me now? Why are you still working for Division?" Alex glares at her. "You know what they've done, but here you are, standing by just like Caroline. Doing nothing about it."

"I know." Nikita says. "That's why I got out. I went rogue."

"When?" Alex asks.

"Seven years ago." Nikita replies.

"Seven?" Alex questions. "What? That doesn't make sense…"

"Of course it doesn't." Nikita says. "You can't remember, your timeline is messed up." Alex looks at her confused. "After I escaped from Division, I told myself, if I could just find you… see if you were okay, I would've done one good thing in my life." Nikita smiles. "I spent years looking for you Alex. I wanted to tell you the truth, you deserved at least that much."

"I remember." Alex says. She looks up at Nikita. "You… you didn't save me just once, didn't you? You were at that drug house."

"Ah." Nikita remembers. "Your boyfriend, you remember him?"

"It's one of the very last things I remember actually." Alex says. "It's coming back now, you were there. They were going to rape me, if it wasn't for you."

"That's where I found you. It took me 3 years, but I finally found you." Nikita says. "You had run yourself in the ground. Lost and addicted to drugs, like I was. I saw that and I thought, I could help you."

"How can I trust you?" Alex says. "How do I know you're telling me the truth?"

"The truth is what we choose to believe." Nikita replies. "What do you believe in?"

* * *

**A/N: Wow I bet you guys weren't expecting this chapter. Or Amanda giving Alex the black box... O.o If it's too good to be true, especially with Amanda, I wouldn't believe it either... More will be explained in the next chapter!**

**As always, please review :)**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: YES! I finally finished this freaking chapter. I have like 5 different versions of this story with so many different scenarios, it was getting annoying. I finally settled on this storyline... not too fond of it, honestly the last chapter was really unexpected. I didn't plan on doing that.**

**Burning Bridges: Chapter 15**

* * *

_"What do you believe in?"_ The question echoed in Alex's mind. It seemed like the type of question everyone including herself has been asking these days. It was such a silly question now that she thought about it, the answer should be so simple. It should be right in front of her. Instead the only thing in front of her was Nikita. But she couldn't be the answer, could she?

Alex felt another headache coming. It had to be impossible, she barely knew this woman. The only important thing to know about Nikita is that she pulled the trigger. She killed her father. How could she let that go?

_"It was self defense." _A voice in her head distracted her. It was her own voice. "_She didn't have a choice."_ Alex remembered thinking these things once. She remembered defending Nikita. But why? _"She has her reasons to lie…" _Alex saw herself in a plain room, sitting across from an old childhood friend.

"Alex?" Nikita waved a hand in front of her, checking to see if she was still coherent. Alex had been silent for too long, it was starting to scare her how hollow her bright blue eyes looked. "You in there?"

Alex blinked at her._ "Everyone lies."_ She cries. _"They have their claws so deep in you, you do not know what to believe." _Alex shook her head at the memory. She didn't know what Yuri was talking about but it was true, she didn't know what to believe in.

_"This is what they told you." _Yuri's voice reminded her. She glanced at Nikita. It didn't matter if she had saved her life, maybe once or twice… without any real friends or family, Alex felt like she had nothing to live for…

_"No." _Alex thought_. "This is the truth." _She frowns, at her memory. Yuri doesn't know what he's talking about. _"Listen to me."_ She remembers telling him._ "Division did not save me that night. It was one of their agents. A rogue agent, Nikita…"_

_"A rogue agent who was part of the strike team?" Yuri questions._

_"Yeah but she hadn't gone rogue yet." Alex says. "This was… this was a year before that. She made a decision that night to save me."_

"Alex?" Nikita places a hand on her shoulder, trying to get her to respond to her.

_"I just want revenge for my family." _Alex remembers how she felt talking to Yuri that day. She had the same feelings she has now. Tears started to form in her eyes. _"And for your's," Alex looks at Yuri. "And for everyone who died that night."_

_"__Как вы думаете, что я глупый?" Yuri laughs at her. "__верить это история?" _Alex sighed. She knew this story was crazy, stupid even like Yuri said but she believed it now. Nikita did save her that night, it was the truth. An ugly truth, however. Alex felt angry instead of grateful.

"No!" Alex suddenly shouts, alarming Nikita. "No, no, no!" She stands up, screaming. Her headache was getting worse.

The pain was too much, she couldn't take it anymore. "Alex!" Nikita tries to reach her. There was too much pressure. Too many questions.

"Why?" Alex felt like her head was going to explode. "Why would you save me?" She shouts at Nikita. "Why me and not them!" She kicked the chair next to her in anger and bent over in pain, holding her head. "What's wrong with me?" Alex cries, sliding toward the ground. "I don't deserve to live."

* * *

"What's wrong with Alex?" Birkhoff suddenly notices her bent over, and holding her head in pain on the surveillance feed he had set up in Michael and Nikita's suite. He gives Sean a worried look.

"Alex!" Sean runs over to Birkhoff's side and glares at the scene before them. He frowns at the sight of a crying Alex. She looked so child-like, it hurt him to see her in such pain. "I'm going in there!" He announces, taking a step toward the door.

"No!" Birkhoff jumps out of his chair and grabs Sean's shirt sleeve. "You can't!"

"Why not?" Sean glares at him. "Alex is in pain, I can't just stand by and watch her suffer. I have to do something."

"I know you want to help her, but going in there will only make it worse. You need to trust Nikki, she knows what she's doing."

"Does she really?" Sean questions. "We got the black box, Alex knows who Nikita is and she still doesn't want to trust her. She doesn't believe in her." Sean pauses and sighs. "Not anymore. Her memories are gone and…" He glances at Alex on the screen and realizes, "She may never get them back."

"Don't say that!" Birkhoff yells at him. "How can you say that? You of all people, you're supposed to be the one never giving up on her."

* * *

"Alex!" Nikita exclaims, she tries to grab a hold of her. "Don't say that, nothing is wrong with you." Alex tried to slap her hands away. "Stop." Nikita tells her. Alex glared at her and continued to fight her. "Stop!"

"Let me go!" Alex yells.

"No." Nikita tries to calm her down.

"Let me go." Alex repeats through her tears, she finally gave up fighting and collapsed to the ground, resting her head on the soft white carpet.

"Go where?" Nikita questions.

"Почему я живу." Alex cries in Russian. Nikita sighs and sits down next to Alex on the floor. She brushes a stray hair away from the girl's face. "Why did I live?" Alex repeats, this time in English. She looks up at Nikita, directing the question at her. "Why can't you just let me die…"

"I can't." Nikita replies.

* * *

"I can't do this anymore." Sean says to Birkhoff. He glances at Alex and Nikita on the screen and sighs. "Look at her, Alex is miserable. Nikita isn't helping either."

"I have nothing to live for." They hear Alex say on the screen. "Nothing. They're all dead." Alex cries. "Everyone I love is dead."

"I have to go in there." Sean frowns. "I have to tell her the truth."

"You already did." Birkhoff reminds him. "She didn't believe you, she thinks her mom is dead."

"No." Sean shakes his head. "That's not all. I have to tell her about us, about what I did to her."

"You want to expose Division?" Birkhoff questions.

"She deserves to know the full truth about me, and about her."

"That's why we have the black box." Birkhoff says. "That was Nikki's plan."

* * *

"This wasn't in the plan." Alex mumbles.

"What plan?" Nikita questions.

"I was supposed to die, you can't change fate like that." Alex says. "It's all messed up." She takes her eyes off Nikita and glances at the knife Nikita had threaten Michael with laying next to him on a table.

Nikita followed her gaze. She spotted the knife and knew what Alex was thinking. "No!" Nikita shouts.

Alex made a run for the knife. Nikita was faster and tackled her to the ground just as Alex grabbed the knife. "Alex!" Nikita shouts, holding her down. "You can't fight this. You have to let it go." Alex moaned, Nikita was hurting her.

"Just let me die." Alex cries, trying to stab herself. Nikita struggled to hold her arm down.

Michael looked on at her in shocked. His hands were still tied to the chair. "Alex!" He shouts at her. "Snap out of it!"

"I have to die." Alex says in a trance like way.

Nikita glanced at Michael. "Amanda." She realized. "She built in a contingency. She knew we would try to stop Alex with the black box, that's why she gave it to her so easily."

"No." Michael shakes his head. "No way, she would program Alex to kill herself. That can't be her plan, she needs her alive to take over Zetrov."

"She would if we tried to ruin her plan." Nikita frowns. She looks at Alex. "This is Amanda. This isn't you, you can't kill yourself, Alex!" Alex starts to cry. Her arm crushed underneath Nikita's grip. "Let it go, Alex!"

Alex wasn't listening to anything around her. She was lost under Amanda's mind games. "I can't…" Alex whimpers. Tears in her eyes.

"Yes you can!" Nikita shouts at her.

"It hurts!" Alex shouts, wanting to grab at her head. Nikita had both her hands pinned down. "My head." Alex frowns, repeating. "It hurts."

* * *

"I know it hurts, Alex." Sean wished he could barge into her room and tell her himself. "You have to stay strong, killing yourself is never the answer."

He watched as Alex struggled under Nikita's grip. "Just let me die." She cries.

"No, Alex. You can't." Sean looks at Birkhoff.

"I can't." Nikita replies. "I won't." She brushes Alex's hair away from her face. "I promised you a long time ago, I wouldn't let anything happen to you. I'm sorry."

"Nikki." Birkhoff says through their coms. "You have to remind her, she has something to live for."

* * *

Nikita continued to pin her down, forcing Alex to lie there and face the pain. "Let it go, Alex." She whispers. Nikita looked on with sadness, she had seen this kind of pain before with Owen. She had witnessed his headaches first hand whenever he tried to think about his past for too long. Nikita hated seeing Alex in the same pain, but she needed to face it. She needed to remember she's strong enough to get through it, because she is a survivor. "Alex, please." Nikita begs. "Let me help you."

"I don't need your help." Alex argues. "I don't need anyone."

"Yes you do, Alex." Nikita says. "You can't live your life alone."

"Why not?"

"Because that's just depressing, Alex." Nikita replies. Alex rested her head on the carpet again, not even caring that Nikita was sitting on her back, crushing her. She finally gave up trying to fight her. "You're not alone, you know that?" Nikita says. "You have so many people who love you and want to see you get better."

"Like who?" Alex scoffs. "You?"

"Yeah." Nikita agrees. Alex rolls her eyes. "And Michael over there." Nikita glances at him. "And Sean."

"Sean?" Alex questions. Her eyes lit up at the sound of his name.

Nikita smiled at her, she knew she had her full attention now.

"Yes, Sean."

"How do you know about him?" Alex exclaims. Her heart racing at the mention of his name. She glances at Michael, scared.

"I know everything about you, Alex." Nikita replies. She slowly released Alex from her grip and sits down on the floor next to her. "I know who your friends are, who your family is, who you care about."

"No." Alex shakes her head as she drops the knife. No way she could know about Sean. She just met him only days ago… even if her memories told a different story. "That's impossible."

"I know who you are, how you got here, what happen to you, why you can't remember."

"No!" Alex gasps. "You can't…" She was panicking. Sean was supposed to be innocent. She wanted him to be. She wanted him to stay far away from this world. It would only bring him trouble.

"I know how you two first met." Nikita says. She smiles at Alex. "I know who gave you that necklace." She eyes the golden little "A" hanging around Alex's neck.

Alex looked down at her necklace, trying to remember…

* * *

_"Do you remember what day it is?" Sean's voice snuck up behind her._

_Alex was staring out a window, watching the birds fly across the New York skyline. She looked at him confused. "Uh, Wednesday?"_

_He placed a cupcake on the window still in front of her. "Happy Birthday."_

_Alex twisted around and looked him in the eyes, smiling. "You remembered?"_

_"Of course, I remember everything about you." He picked up the cupcake and stuck a candle in it. "Here, hold this." He says taking out a lighter. Alex watched as the flame grew between them. "Make a wish." Alex smirked at him and blew out the candle. "What did you wish for?"_

_"It's a secret." She teased. "I can't tell you, or it won't come true."_

_"You're such a tease." Sean smirks at her. "Tell me, or you won't get your present."_

_"What?" Alex glares at him. "I thought this lovely cupcake was my present."_

_"No, there's more."_

_"Are you my present?" She winks at him._

_"Is that what you wished for?"_

_"So you got me a present?" Alex changes the subject._

_Sean saw right through her though. She always did this to him, leading him on. He swore one of these days, he would convince her to go out on a real date with him. He laughs as he pulls out a little box with a pink ribbon tied to it. "I know it's not much, but when I saw it, I thought of you." Alex takes the box from him and carefully unties the ribbon. She glances at him before opening the lid. "Go ahead." He tells her._

_Inside the box was a golden "A" attached to a chain. Alex gasps at the simple beauty of it. "Sean." She smiles as she lifts the chain up and gazes at the dangling "A". "You didn't have to-"_

_"I know but I wanted to." He takes the necklace from her and spins her around so he can put it on her. "You deserve it."_

_Alex smiles as she turns around to face him. "I don't know how to thank you."_

_"You'll think of something." He winks at her._

* * *

"Alex?" Nikita calls her name. "What are you thinking about?"

Alex snapped out of her memory and gazed up at her. "My necklace…" She brings a hand to her neckline to trace the golden "A".

"You remember?" Nikita asks.

"Sean gave it to me for my birthday a couple months ago…" Alex remembers.

"He did." Nikita smiles. "What else do you remember?"

Alex tried to think some more but her head was starting to hurt again. "No, I don't want to remember." She says, shaking her head.

"Alex, you have to try."

* * *

"Come on, Alex." Sean glares at her on the computer screen. "Try harder, you can remember more if you really want to."

Alex grabbed her head and screamed. "No, it hurts too much!" She shouts at Nikita.

"You have to stop running away from your problems, Alex. Its the only way to move on."

"That's what I'm trying to do!" Alex yells. "I don't need this!" She glares at her. "I don't need to remember. I want to forget and move on, be normal."

"No, Alex." Sean shakes his head. He saw her building up her walls again. He glances at Birkhoff. "She can't forget."

Birkhoff nods, understanding. He turns on his com to contact Nikita. "The black box." He reminds her. "Don't let her forget about it."

* * *

Nikita glances at the black box, laying on the table next to Michael. Alex followed her gaze. "I know you're scared, Alex. I know you want to forget, but you can't. What you've gone through in life…"

_"To come through that and stay strong, keep your heart, that's incredible."_ Alex remembered Sean telling her something similar one day._ "There's no one else like you Alex."_ She smiled at the thought.

"You're stronger than this, Alex." Nikita smiles at her. "You're the strongest person I know, I knew it from the moment I met you." Alex stared back at her, not knowing what to say. "Listen, I don't know what you believe in, but I believe in you. I just want you to know that. Whenever you feel sad and think you have nothing to live for, just remember you're not alone." Nikita stands up and offers Alex a hand. "You do have something to live for."

* * *

**A/N: I'm getting to that point of the story where I want to hurry up and wrap everything up, but I just realized I shouldn't be in a rush to give everyone a happily-ever-after so soon. There's no limit to how many chapters I can write, I have all summer! :)**

**Side note: Idk if any of you guys have realized this yet since I've only mentioned this fact once but I help co-write another Nikita FanFiction on here called "Smoke & Mirrors" with my friend Mina144. I know we haven't updated in awhile, but we're working on it. I already have the next 2 chapters written for that story, I'm just waiting for my friend to finish her part of the next chapter. So if you guys are enjoying "Burning Bridges" go check out "Smoke & Mirrors" We use the same style format as my story... I wonder if you guys can even recognize which parts I write specifically ;)**

**As always, please review :)**


	16. Chapter 16

**Burning Bridges: Chapter 16**

* * *

"Just take my hand, and we'll get through this together." Nikita smiles. "Just like old times, you remember?"

Alex looked up at her and hesitated for a moment. She did remember some things now… but none of it seemed to matter anymore. So much has changed since Nikita first rescued Alex from those drug dealers, the past seemed almost irrelevant now. "It doesn't matter." Alex mumbles. "None of this matters." She shakes her head and pushes Nikita's hand away.

"Alex..." Nikita looks at her sadly, feeling rejected. She watches as Alex stands up on her own and walks over to the black box, her back turned away from her. "You and me." Nikita reminds her. "Do you remember when it was just you and me, living out of that-"

"Loft." Alex remembers.

"Yes." Nikita smiled at her.

Alex couldn't help but smile too. She quickly shook her head, glad her back was turned so Nikita couldn't see. She remembered after Nikita rescued her from those drug dealers, she brought her back to her loft. "It's not that far from this hotel." Alex realizes. She walks over to a window and squints her eyes in the distance, trying to see if she could spot Whitfield's old mansion. She could barely make out the top of the giant building, but the charred remains of an upper story level was clearly noticeable. Alex frowned at the sight. "What happen?" She wonders.

Nikita sighed and picked up the chair Alex had kicked earlier and sat down next to Michael. "There was a fire…" Nikita begins. Alex continued to stare into the distance, focusing her eyes on the roof of the building. "It started from the inside and ripped a hole through the heart of the loft." Nikita explains. She paused to look at Alex, wishing she would remember more.

These words had a double meaning. If only Alex knew, Nikita sighs. This loft was not only where their story all began, but it represented everything they've been through together and also what Amanda has destroyed.

"It quickly spread to the roof, like a cancer threatening to collapse the entire foundation it was built upon." Nikita continues, thinking about how Amanda is like a wild fire.

"But it's still standing." Alex turns to face Nikita, amazed.

"That's right." Nikita smiles at her.

Alex looked at her confused. She didn't know why Nikita was smiling at her, but she couldn't help but return a small smile back. "That's amazing." Alex turns to stare out the window again. "What are those walls made of?"

Nikita gets up from her chair and walks over to Alex. "You know, even the strongest fires can never fully destroy the foundation that something is built on." She glances at the building in the distance. "Those walls are tough, they've been through a lot. There's some cracks along the way and parts of it appear to be caved in but the foundation is strong enough to hold all the pieces together."

* * *

"It's all coming together." Amanda smirks as she talks to her associate on the phone. She paces around the hotel lobby, gleefully. "Alexandra is set to make her appearance at the site of the new hockey arena at the end of the week."

"And what about Levkin?" Mr. Jones asks.

"He's scheduled for a routine check up with his doctor in two days." Amanda replies. "I will have Smith prepare the nano-toxins for injection when he arrives later today."

"A doctor's visit." Jones laughs. "Perfect coincidence. We don't need to disguise the needle."

"I assure you I've thought of everything." Amanda proudly says.

"What about Nikita?" Jones asks. "You did say she was a wildcard. Are you prepared for her?"

Amanda frowns at the mention of her name. "I have a plan for her too."

* * *

"So what's the plan now?" Sean asks Birkhoff. "You said Nikita's plan was to show Alex the black box, now what?"

"Wait for it." Birkhoff calms him down. "Nikki isn't done yet. There's more on that box."

Sean was getting impatient. Alex was so close to him, he just wanted to run into the next room and see her face to face instead of just staring at her image on Birkhoff's laptop. "She's so close." Sean says. "Come on Alex, can't you see what Amanda has done to you?" He watches as Alex lingers by the window. Her eyes fixed on the same spot on the roof, she had been staring at for the last five minutes.

"How did the fire start?" Alex finally speaks up. She glances at Nikita.

"You tell me." Nikita tries to force her to remember.

Alex frowned at her, frustrated. She knew what Nikita was trying to do. "I told you, I don't want to remember."

"Then why are you asking?"

Nikita had her stumped. "I'm just curious…" Alex says, turning away from her. She glances out the window again. "It's better this way. It doesn't hurt so much to think about it." She sighs.

"Pain is apart of life, Alex. You can't avoid it." Nikita says. Alex laughed. "What's so funny?" Nikita looks at her confused.

"It's funny, Sean told me that exact same thing once."

"I did." Sean smiles as he watches their conversation. "She remembers."

"Of course she did." Birkhoff comments. "She's Alex."

* * *

"Alex." Nikita pauses, unsure of what else to say. Alex was finally calm and listening to what she had to say. She wasn't fighting her. It was almost like old times, having idle chats in the loft sipping on wine and almond milk for Alex. Nikita didn't want to disturb this dynamic.

Alex didn't turn to face Nikita when her name was called. Instead she kept finding herself lost, staring out the window, wishing she could escape this room and return home to Russia. But she couldn't. Not yet, Michael was still a hostage with her. Alex could feel Nikita's eyes on her back. She could see her reflection in the window. She could tell Nikita was watching her reactions carefully. Alex wanted to remain neutral. She hid her emotions behind an indifferent mask. It was something Sean would frown upon but she didn't care. She had to move on, despite any conflicting feelings for this man. She had bigger things on her mind.

"Nikita," Alex finally turns around to confront her. "All this talk about the past…" She pauses and glances at the black box, "That's just it, isn't it? The past. It doesn't mean anything. It doesn't change anything… It doesn't change the fact that my father is dead and I have no one left to love." Alex says, looking down. She spotted the knife laying next to her feet and slowly bent down to pick it up. She eyed the blade carefully, twisting it around in her hand as she stared at her reflection on the shiny surface. "You can't change the past, Nikita." Alex says, looking up at her. She sighs, "You can't repeat it either."

"Alex, think." Nikita approaches her carefully. Scared, Alex would try to kill herself again. "It's not too late to fix this."

"I believe you." Alex says, ignoring her. "What you've said about your past… but it doesn't change anything. It doesn't change who you are to me or what you've done."

"Who am I to you?" Nikita questions.

Alex walks over to the black box and stares at Nikita's picture on the screen. She sighs and turns to face Nikita, the knife still in her hand. Nikita eyed the blade carefully. "Like I said, it doesn't matter who you are anymore." Alex says. "Your past doesn't define you, not anymore. We live in the present, not the past... I'm willing to forget this little encounter ever happen." Alex glances at Michael. "As long as no one gets hurt, we can move on and have a future." She looks at Nikita. "Isn't that what everyone wants? A secure future?"

"Yes, but to get to the future we have to understand our past." Nikita argues. "The past tells us who we've become today, so we can live on tomorrow." Alex stared back at her, unimpressed. "Our experiences shape who we are today."

"The past is a construct of the mind." Alex retorts. "It blinds us from what we really want in life. It's what holds us back." She closes Nikita's file on the black box. "We need to stop trying to live in the past. It's the only way to move on."

"Alex, your past is still your past. Even if you forget about it, it'll always remember you."

"I don't care." Alex says, angrily.

"Then what do you care about?"

"Getting revenge for my family." Alex says. "And for everyone else who died that night…"

* * *

"It always has to come back to revenge with Alex doesn't it?" Sean glances at Birkhoff, disappointed. "She can never let it go."

Birkhoff sighs and sits back in his seat. "Alex is stubborn, that's a fact."

"Yeah she is." Sean laughs. "It's part of what makes her so special. She just doesn't care what the consequences are…" He glances at Alex on the screen and suddenly frowns. "Even if she has to sacrifice everything that makes her who she is."

"Isn't that what you want too?" Alex speaks up. Sean watches her closely on the screen. "Revenge?" She questions Nikita. "Payback against the black ops group that forced you to kill my father?"

"No." Nikita shakes her head and looks Alex in the eyes. "When I said you had something to live for before, I was talking about balance, I was-

"I know." Alex cuts her off. "You were trying to make things right. I get it." She glares at her. "I appreciate it, really I do. I'm even willing to look past your involvement in Pale Fire. I know you're not the real threat anymore, Division is… I'm going after them."

"You don't get it." Nikita argues. She takes a step toward Alex. "Revenge never turns out the way that you think it would."

"How would you know?"

"Because we've already been through this Alex." Nikita replies. "Don't you remember? Sergei Semak is dead. He's the one who ordered the hit on your family. What more do you want?"

Alex stared back at her, feeling angry. "How can you defend Division? You have no more loyalty to that place. You're free."

"You have to let this go, Alex."

"I can't." Alex says, a strain in her voice. "You don't understand. You don't know what it's like to see your father being murdered before your eyes… to lose your entire family in an instant."

Sean looked on in sadness. He could see the tears forming in Alex's eyes. He understood where she was coming from. He knew what it was like, Alex wasn't the only one who has lost a loved one because of Division.

* * *

"You don't know what it's like to feel powerless." Alex cries. "Useless… like there's nothing I can do about it." She wipes away some tears and glares at Nikita. "I don't know how Semak died." Alex frowns, "I wish I could remember but it doesn't matter. It doesn't change anything. I still feel empty inside."

"You can't build your whole life around revenge, Alex." Nikita looks at her. "There has to be something else."

Alex rolls her eyes. "Like what?" She laughs.

"Love." Nikita states. "Compassion, for example. Don't you care at all anymore? Don't you want a family?"

"My family is dead." Alex says. "Don't remind me."

"Not all of them."

"Please." Alex rolls her eyes. "Now you're gonna say my mother is alive too? This isn't funny, this isn't a game."

"I'm not playing a game." Nikita retorts. She walks over to the black box. "If you don't believe me, then believe this." She begins to click through the black box, determined to show Alex proof.

Alex looked at Nikita confused. "What are you trying to look for?" She asks.

"The truth." Nikita replies. Alex stood by and watched, waiting for Nikita to enlighten her. She must have searched every single file on the black box, but nothing came up. "It's all gone." Nikita realizes. "How is this possible?" Every single mission Alex was a part of as a recruit and agent had been wiped from the box.

"What's gone?" Alex looks over her shoulder.

"Where is it?" Nikita exclaims, frustrated. She glances at Michael. "It's not here. The file should be here!"

* * *

"Amanda." Sean realizes. "She must have erased every trace of Alex on that box before giving it to her." He glances at Alex on the surveillance feed and shakes his head. "It's like she really never existed."

"That's impossible." Birkhoff says. "This is one of Percy's little gems, any attempt at deleting or copying files would fry the box completely."

"How do you know?" Sean asks.

"I wrote the encryption."

"But Amanda and Ari cracked it before. They rewrote it with that puzzle game."

Birkhoff frowns. "Think of this like white-out. You think you can erase something, but it's still there. It's just underneath a protective coating."

"Or a wall." Sean thinks of Alex's memories.

* * *

"I don't have time for this." Alex says annoyed. "I have to go, I have to get back to my suite. People will be looking for me soon."

"No!" Nikita stops her. "You were on this box." She tells her. "I have to show you!"

"I know." Alex frowns. "Pale Fire."

"No, you don't know." Nikita looks her in the eyes. "There's more."

"What are you talking about?"

"More missions…" Nikita opens up the Division roster files again, passing by her name and every agent or recruit that had been a part of Division, dead or alive. "Where are you?" Nikita frowns as she tries to search for Alex's name. But she was gone, no sign of Alex ever being a part of Division.

"This is stupid." Alex says, "I don't know what you're trying to look for but the answer is clear now, it was never there to begin with."

"It was there!" Nikita argues. "This has to be Amanda's doing," Nikita looks at Alex. "She did something to the box… just like she did to you."

"Stop." Alex shakes her head, refusing to believe her.

"Amanda did something to you, Alex." Nikita walks up to her. "She wiped your memories. She built a wall, that's why you can't remember. You have to believe me, Amanda is pure evil." When Alex didn't seem that surprised Nikita smiled at her. "You don't doubt that do you?"

Alex had her suspicions about Amanda every now and then. Especially regarding a certain locked room back in Russia, but to be responsible for her amnesia? That was getting a little extreme. Alex began to shake her head, refusing to believe someone would be evil enough to do that to her on purpose. "This is crazy…" Alex says. "I don't believe you."

"Amanda has her claws so deep in you, you don't know what to believe." Nikita's words echoed what she remember Yuri telling her once.

Alex shook her head, a sign another headache was coming. "Shut up!" Alex yells at her. She grabbed her head in pain and refused to look at Nikita. "You've got me here, trapped. Why are you lying!?"

"Alex!" Nikita shouts at her. "I'm not lying to you!" She tries to grab Alex by the shoulders and force her to look her in the eyes. "Your mother is still alive. You have the chance to have a family again, don't you want that?"

"Where is she then!?" Alex retorts. "Huh? You don't know, do you?" Nikita had no response. Alex was right, she didn't know where her mother was. "Because this is a lie." Alex glares at her. "She's not here, she's dead. I have no family, and I don't care. I don't care about anything anymore."

"No." Nikita looks back at Alex, her eyes getting watery. "You can't tell me you don't care about her anymore. You can't tell me you've forgotten about her… or that part of you doesn't wish that she was still alive." Alex stared back at her, trying to show no emotion. "The Alex I know wanted those things once." Nikita cries. "She wanted a family and she has one. She cared. She loved."

"She's gone!" Alex shouts at her. "You don't know me anymore."

"No." Nikita shakes her head. "I don't believe that. You're stronger than this, I know you are. I know, somewhere deep down you're still the Alex that I love. The one who would never forget about the bond we used to have." Alex stared back at her feeling conflicted. "Or the people that she used to love…" Nikita continues.

"I haven't forgotten." Alex says, her mind thinking about Sean. She quickly shakes her head. "I remember wanting those things once…" Alex frowns. "But they're distractions." She pauses for a second and sighs. "I have a duty to Zetrov, it's my father's legacy. One that he intended for me…" She glances at Michael, hoping he would understand what she was about to do. "I'm sorry but I have to do this, Nikita." She says turning to face her. "I have to get revenge for my family and taking down Division is the right thing to do… If you're not going to hurt me or Michael, then let me go, or stop me now." Alex starts to walk toward the door, knowing Nikita was bluffing about ever hurting Michael. "I have my own fight now."

"No!" Nikita grabs her arm before Alex could reach the door. She pulled her back with such force, Alex let out an unpleasant scream. "If you do this, you're going to end up some place you don't wanna be."

"That's my decision." Alex tries to shake Nikita's grip off. "Let me go." Nikita couldn't let go though. She refused to believe this was what Alex really wanted. "Let me go!" Alex screams at her. Nikita was hurting her arm.

"Listen to me!" Nikita shouts at her. She twists Alex's arm around and brings the girl to her knees, just like Alex had done to her before in the restaurant. "This isn't you." Nikita cries. "I can't… and I won't let you go back to Amanda."

* * *

"Amanda." A man wearing yellow shooting glasses walks up to her.

"Smith." Amanda greets him.

"Do you have the package?" He asks.

"Yes." Amanda pulls out a briefcase and places it on the table next to her. "This is your weapon. I'm sure Mr. Jones has briefed you already."

"He has." Smith opens the briefcase, revealing two colored needles.

"The red one is the nano-toxin." Amanda informs him. "The blue is the antidote in case of emergencies."

"Perfect." Smith inspects the needle.

"Be careful with that, you don't want to accidentally prick yourself." Smith glares at her and places the needles back in the briefcase. "Now if all goes well here in New York, your target will be eliminated and we'll be on our way." Amanda smiles.

"I can't tell you how pleased we are you decided to join us." Smith smiles back. "Jones only wished you came on board with us a year ago."

"You should've made me a better offer." Amanda retorts.

"We've agreed to all your terms." Smith replies. "But we are uncomfortable with the Nikita variable."

"Nikita was my only term."

"Don't forget about the girl." Smith closes the briefcase and takes a step toward Amanda. "Alexandra, she's a variable too."

"She is a controlled variable." Amanda counters.

"Just remember, we pride ourselves on our discretion." He looks Amanda in the eyes. "We're invisible for a reason."

"I know all about living in the shadows." Amanda replies, unmoved. "Now, stick to your target and I will focus on mine."

* * *

"Focus, Alex!" Nikita yells at her. "This is all Amanda. She's the reason why you can't remember anything about the last four years of your life. She's the reason why we are here today." Alex tried to get up, but any slight movement of her arm, Nikita would hold on tighter, threatening to snap it. "You have to remember, Alex." Nikita glares at her. "You have to remember who you are, what Amanda took from you."

"Why?" Alex looks at Nikita, she felt another one of those awful headaches coming. "Why would she do that to me?" Alex denies, "She has no reason to betray me."

"We think she's trying to use you to get Zetrov." Nikita replies.

"She can't… " Alex shakes her head. "It's not even my company anymore." She argues. "I'm not the CEO."

"Levkin." Nikita realizes. "Amanda is going to go after him and try to restore you to the throne."

"What!?" Alex exclaims, shocked at this accusation.

"Alex." Nikita lets go of her arm and grabs her shoulders, forcing the girl to look her in the eyes. "You have to listen to me. Levkin is in danger, you're the only one that can save him."

* * *

**A/N: AHHH! Nikita has told Alex the truth now, but does she care? It's hard to believe the truth sometimes without concrete proof... especially when the truth sounds really insane like this. :( Maybe Birkhoff can do some of his magic and unlock some of those missing files on the black box and finally convince Alex they're the good guys, but they're running out of time! Will Alex help Nikita save Levkin before it's too late?**

**As always, please review if you want more chapters faster :) I predict another Salex reunion coming soon ;)**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Hey guys! Sorry I haven't updated this story in awhile. I was helping my friend write Smoke&Mirrors. How insane were those last couple chapters? ;) Anyway back to Burning Bridges!**

**Burning Bridges: Chapter 17**

* * *

"Are you listening to me!?" Nikita screams at Alex. "Levkin is in danger!" Alex stared back at her, too shocked to even reply. "Alex!" Nikita shakes her. "Amanda is probably planning his assassination as we speak!" She watched as Alex shifted her head, her eyes fixed on the black box. Frustrated, Nikita stands up and paces around the room. "This was Amanda's plan all along." She realizes. It was so obvious, of course Amanda would target Levkin next. "I should've seen it." She glances at Alex again. "We need to do something about this!"

"What?" Alex says, clearly out of it. The poor girl was in so much denial. She frowns, shaking away her headaches and refusing to believe Amanda would do such a thing. "This is impossible…" Alex tries to think. "Levkin is safe in Moscow… I just saw him yesterday. Amanda can't touch him… she won't. She-"

"She's what!?" Nikita yells at her. "Huh? She's not your friend, Alex. Open your damn eyes! Amanda is using you and you don't even care!" Annoyed by Alex's indifference, Nikita lets her shell of a former friend sit on the floor by herself to bask in her doubt. She didn't have time to waste. She knew Alex was wrong. Levkin would not be safe wherever he is. She needed to send him a warning message. Amanda can get to him anywhere.

Alex watched as Nikita walked over to her laptop. "Nerd," She hears Nikita say. "Do you have eyes on Amanda?"

Birkhoff appears on the screen before her while Sean quickly hides out of view so Alex wouldn't see him. "Amanda…" He says to himself as he quickly types a couple of command codes on his laptop.

Alex looked at him confused. _"Who is she talking to?" _Alex wonders. She remembered Nikita mentioning the word _"we" _to her earlier. "Who's _we_?" Alex speaks up. Nikita turns to look at her, confused for a second. Alex stands up and walks over to Nikita and Birkhoff. "Who's _we_?" She asks again. This time glancing at Birkhoff on the screen. "You said '_we'_ think she's trying to use me to take over Zetrov."

Birkhoff stops typing and stares up at her, shocked and nervous. He wasn't expecting Alex to pop up like this. "Alex, I-"

"My partners and I." Nikita replies before he can complete his sentence.

"_Partners?_" Alex stresses. "That's plural." She looks at Birkhoff. "Not just this guy?" She assumes. "There's more?"

"Wait. Hold on," Nikita tries to cover her words. "You're-"

"Who are you?" Alex ignores her and stares at Birkhoff. "Some kind of computer nerd?"

"Hey, I'm not a nerd." Birkhoff speaks up.

"Shut up, Nerd." Nikita glares at him.

"You lied to me." Alex says to Nikita. "You said you were working alone."

"I never said that." Nikita counters. Alex rolls her eyes. "Listen, I never lied to you." Nikita grabs her.

"Yeah, you just conveniently forget to tell me you weren't the only one who went rogue?" She guesses.

"Alex, you're missing the bigger picture here." Nikita says, annoyed. She looks at Birkhoff on the screen and asks, "Have you found Amanda yet?" He quickly goes back to work, typing away.

"You know, you are very hard to trust." Alex blocks her view of the computer screen. Birkhoff brings up surveillance images from the hotel lobby he had bugged earlier. Nikita tries to look around Alex but the girl stands her ground. "One minute it's like you're trying to kill me." Alex glares at her. "The next, you tell me some story. Trying to gain my trust; and it works because you're not holding back. I believed you, 'cause why else would you go through all this trouble to find me?" She glances at Michael from across the room. Becoming increasingly suspicious about this whole situation she was in with every passing minute. "But now, I find out you've been withholding information from me this whole time!" Alex shouts. "What else are you keeping from me?"

"Found her!" Birkhoff announces. "I found Amanda." Video feeds materialize on the screen.

Alex ignores him. "Huh?" She picks up the black box and holds it in front of Nikita. "What other dirty little secrets am I gonna find on this thing?"

"Alex-" Nikita tries to say. She needed Alex to pay attention for one second. They found Amanda, the truth was right in front of her and Alex didn't even care.

"Spare me the trouble." Alex rolls her eyes. She unplugs the black box and pushes Nikita out of the way; walking up to Michael. "Tell me the truth." She confronts him. "Am I gonna find you on this box too?" Alex catches his eyes glancing at Nikita for help. She laughs. "I knew it. You two are in this together!"

"Alex, I can ex-"

"Shut up!" She screams at Michael. "Was it all a lie?" She turns to face Nikita.

"No!" Nikita panics. She runs up to Alex and pulls her toward the computer. "Do you see this?" She points to the screen. "Does this look like a lie to you?"

"This was captured a few minutes ago." Birkhoff informs them.

Alex narrows her eyes at the scene before her. Amanda was talking to a man wearing yellow shooting glasses. "Who's that?" She wonders, backing away from Nikita to think as she paces around the room.

"I don't know, yet." Nikita replies. "But he must be part of her plan." She leans in closer to the laptop's speakers, trying to listen in on Amanda's conversation. "Nerd, can you boost the audio? I can't hear anything."

"Give me a second." He replies.

_"Smith."_ She hears Amanda greet the man.

_"Do you have the package?" He asks._

_"Yes." Amanda pulls out a briefcase and places it on the table next to her. "This is your weapon. I'm sure Mr. Jones has briefed you already."_

"I was right." Nikita looks over in Alex's direction, expecting the girl to be behind her, watching. But she was gone. "Alex?" Nikita calls out. No response. She turns to stare at Michael who had a piece of cloth in his mouth. "Michael!" Nikita runs over to his side and pulls his gag out. He coughs. "What happen!?" She exclaims.

"Alex!" He tries to warn her, but it was too late. Nikita's eyes grew wide as Alex appeared in front of her, swinging a wooden chair in her direction. She tried to block it, causing the legs to break against her arm.

"Sorry." Alex says as Nikita falls backwards from the impact. Nikita looked up at her in shock. Alex frowned at the sight of blood dripping from Nikita's forearm. She didn't want to hurt her, but she was running out of options. "You can't stop me." Alex says, looking at Michael and Nikita one last time. "I have to do this on my own…"

"Alex wait!" Nikita shouts after her, but Alex was already out the door, clutching the black box in her hands. Nikita groans in pain as she lifts herself off the ground and throws the broken pieces of wood off of her. She picks up Michael's gag and wraps it around her arm as she walks up to him.

"Nikita." Michael frowns, "Are you okay?"

"No." She shakes her head as she unties Michael from his chair. "This is not okay."

Once free, Michael pulls Nikita into his arms, holding her close to him as he checks the damage Alex had done to her arm. "This looks bad." He says.

"It's just a scratch." Nikita shakes it off. "It'll heal."

"Some wounds heal quicker than others." He frowns.

She was about to reply when Birkhoff spoke up. "Nikki, I got Alex heading toward the elevators, want me to stop her?"

"No." Nikita sighs. "She wants to go, let her."

"She's gonna run right back to Amanda though!" Sean exclaims, walking into the room.

Nikita turns to face him. "She doesn't care about us, Sean. Alex is-"

"No!" Sean glares at her. "She's not gone!"

* * *

"Amanda!" Alex screams, running into the lobby. Amanda looks at her surprised. She shoots Smith a warning glare to stay quiet. He hides the briefcase behind him.

"Alexandra." Amanda greets her. "What are you doing down here?" She asks. "And what happen to your face?" She eyes the bruise Nikita had given Alex earlier from the pistol whip.

"I could ask you the same thing." Alex ignores the second question and glances at Smith. "Who's your friend?" She asks, determined to figure out Amanda's plan. She had never seen this man before, and Amanda wasn't someone who had many friends.

"Alexandra," Amanda glares at her. "That is not proper etiquette."

Smith laughs and takes a step toward Alex, offering her a hand. "Smith." He tells her. "Nice to meet you, Alexandra."

"Smith?" Alex questions. "Just Smith?"

"Yes." He replies.

Alex stared at him, suspiciously. She eyed the briefcase he was holding. "State your business Smith."

"Smith here is just a former associate of mine." Amanda says. "Don't be rude." Alex rolls her eyes. "We were just catching up. He has to go now."

"That is correct." Smith replies. "I have a plane to catch in about 3 hours."

"Oh where to?" Alex asks.

"Moscow. I have a very tight schedule."

"What's the rush?" Alex questions. "It's not every day I get to meet one of Amanda's friends…"

"He has a time sensitive meeting." Amanda says turning to face him. "A job opportunity actually. One that has a very strict deadline." Alex didn't like Amanda's tone. She knew there was more to this meeting. "Speaking of meetings," Amanda looks at Alex. "A local television station has requested an exclusive interview with you prior to your appearance at the hockey arena."

"Okay, whatever." Alex quickly dismisses the news and faces Smith again. "So, what kind of job do you have?" She questions him.

"What is this? An interrogation?" He laughs.

"Maybe. Do you have something to hide?"

"Not at all." Smith replies. "I just don't have time for silly questions. I must remind you, I do have a plane to catch and we all know security at the airport can take a while."

Amanda laughs. "Yes, that is true. Don't let us keep you. Hurry along now. We wouldn't want you to miss your flight now do we, Alexandra?" Amanda gives her a look.

Alex narrowed her eyes but quickly recomposed herself and sighed. "Of course. Mr. Smith, I apologize for the wait." She says to him. "Have a safe trip."

He nods his head and proceeds to exit the room. Amanda turns to face Alex once he's gone. "Alexandra-" She says in a scolding tone.

"I know." Alex cuts her off. "I need to work on my manners." She rolls her eyes.

Amanda takes a deep breath and lets out a frustrated sigh. Alex was being very difficult. "I suppose this unexpected visit wasn't just to say Hi." She assumes.

"Oh, I've seemed to misplaced my room key." Alex says. "I need a spare. Can you take care of that for me?"

"Of course." Amanda smiles at her. Alex watches as she excuses herself and walks over to the front desk. Amanda quickly returns with a new keycard. "Don't lose this one, now." She hands it to her.

"Thank you." Alex smiles at her. "You're always taking care of me."

"Well, somebody has to." Amanda smiles back. She reaches out and touches the bruise on Alex's face. Alex winces in pain. "What happen to you?"

"It's nothing… I just slipped in the shower."

"I thought you were taking a bath?" Amanda looks at her. Alex's story didn't add up.

Alex looked at her confused. "Uh, is that what I told you?" She quickly tries to cover her mistake. "Sorry, I meant bath." Amanda glared at her. "Well thanks for this." She waves the keycard in Amanda's face. "I promise not to lose it again." She turns around and walks toward the elevators, leaving Amanda worried.

Amanda raised her eyebrows as Alex walked away from her. She didn't like her tone. "You're welcome, Alexandra…" Amanda says to herself. "Or is Alex making a reappearance now?" She frowned. Something had to be done about this.

* * *

"I never said that." Nikita looks at Sean.

"You were thinking it though." He glares at her. "Alex is not gone. I refuse to believe that. I know somewhere deep down, she's still the same girl I fell in love with. The same girl I _still_ love. No matter what, I'm not giving up on her!"

"Then you go run after her!" Nikita yells at him. "She won't listen to me."

Sean huffs, annoyed. He doesn't reply. Only walks toward the door. He stops to give Michael and Nikita one last look before slamming the door behind him.

"Nikita." Michael gives her a look once Sean was out the door.

She turns to face him. "It's true."

"I don't believe that." Michael says. Nikita sighs and stands up. "What is it?" Michael asks her.

"Michael, do you think people can change?"

"Nikita, we've talked about this before..." He stands up and walks toward her.

"I know, and what I said was, I believed people could. But what I thought was, people could change for the better. Not worse." She thinks of Alex. "I really am a monster."

"No." Michael places his hands on her shoulders and looks her in the eyes. "You're not."

"But I am." She argues. "All this time, we've been fighting this war to escape the sins of our past, but it doesn't make a difference. Because Alex is right. It doesn't change anything. It doesn't change the things that we've done or the events that resulted from our actions."

"What are you saying? You want to give up?" Michael looks at her shocked. "Because if you are, then you're right. We have changed and not for the better." She looks away, ashamed. "Nikita, listen to me." Michael tilts her face toward him. "If we can't believe that people can change, then everything we're fighting for is meaningless… you told me that, remember? The things that we've done for Division… they were bad, yeah but not everything is black and white. There was some good that came out of it."

* * *

Birkhoff exited Alex's suite carrying all his gear. He found Sean standing in the hallway. "Hey man, what are you doing?"

"Just waiting, I guess." Sean says sadly.

"Waiting for what?" Birkhoff asks.

Sean sighs and leans against the wall. "I don't know…" He looks at Birkhoff and questions, "What are we doing?" Birkhoff looked at him confused. "Maybe Nikita is right. The water is just too high on this one… we're in too deep."

"Not you too!" Birkhoff drops his gear and walks up to Sean. "What's wrong with you and Nikki! Has Amanda messed with your head too?" He glares at Sean. "What happen to running after her? What happen to getting Alex back? You can't tell me that this whole fight is meaningless."

* * *

"I'm not saying it's all meaningless." Nikita says. "You're right, there was some good that came out of it. But it seems like that's not enough to counter all the bad things that I've done." She looks at Michael. "I've done some pretty awful things, Michael. The first was keeping the truth from Alex, not once but twice now… no three times?" She tries to count. "What's wrong with me? I can't ever seem to learn my lesson and now it's happening all over again!" She cries, "Alex is gone!"

Michael starts to shake his head. "No." He says, disagreeing. He needed to stay strong for the both of them. "We had to keep this from her. It was for her own good… she wasn't ready."

"That's the first mistake." Nikita counters. "Judging her." Michael looks at her confused. "Who are we to decide when she is ready or not?"

"It just wasn't the right time…" Michael shakes his head. "We knew I had to gain her trust first…"

"It never is. That's exactly the point." Nikita says. "When will it ever be the right time to mention, 'oh hey, by the way, Michael is my partner and we're technically still a part of Division'?" Michael sighs, knowing she was right. "Or 'oh and you're a part of Division too… although you can't remember any of it'." Nikita continues to mock. "And while we're at it… 'that guy you sort of have feelings for… Sean… yeah he's working with us too'."

"Okay, okay." Michael stops her. "But that doesn't mean we can let Amanda win."

"Alex is gone!" Nikita repeats. "She just attacked me and walked right out that door!" She says, pointing a finger toward the door in anger. "Right back to Amanda. She already has won."

"It's not over." Michael says. "Forget Alex for a second now. Maybe we don't need her to win. Let's just focus on Levkin okay? Remember him? He's still in danger. If we can save him, then maybe we can save Alex in the process. It's like karma… remember? She'll have to see that we're the good guys."

"History is repeating itself…" Nikita sighs. "It's a cruel irony."

"People make mistakes, Nikita." Michael looks her in the eyes. "You of all people know that. But we learn from these mistakes. We fall down sometimes, but we have to get up and keep fighting, otherwise what's the point?"

"I'm just so tired of this war." Nikita says. "Division is dead and we're still cleaning up its messes."

"What do you want to do then?"

"I just want to be done with this place." Nikita sighs. "I want to stop fighting." She looks at Michael.

"I don't think you can." Michael says. "You have to help people." He smiles at her. "You have to stand up and fight for those people who can't fight for themselves. Because, Nikita… It's the right thing to do."

"I know…" Nikita sighs.

"It's who you are."

* * *

"It's like I don't even know who she is anymore." Sean paces around the hall. "I don't know what to say or do…" He looks at Birkhoff. "How are we going to get Alex to trust us now? The black box was a dud. Nikita's plan failed and now we're right back to where we started. Alex is with Amanda."

"Hey." Birkhoff stops him. "It wasn't all a waste. We still have one advantage." He says.

Sean narrowed his eyes. "What's that?"

"You." He smiles. "Alex still loves you, despite what anyone says. You know what they say, love conquers all right?"

"I think that's a song… not a saying." Sean counters.

"It's still a pretty sweet song." Birkhoff counters. "Anyway point is, you two are meant to be… like Romeo and Juliet, except for the tragic twisted ending…" He frowns, maybe that was a bad example. "But then again you already kinda died twice… what was I saying?"

* * *

Alex stood in the elevator, waiting to hit her floor. She was looking forward to finally getting some peace and quiet. She took out her keycard and glanced at the room number. "824." She read. "Are you kidding me?" She laughs. "That's a cruel irony." She shook her head at what Sean would call a "sign" and shoved the keycard back into her coat pocket, right next to the black box in her possession.

The elevator dings, signaling her arrival on the 8th floor. "Stupid signs." Alex says to herself as she mindlessly walks out of the elevator.

"I never said I was giving up." Alex heard a man's voice arguing with someone else's down the hall. She squinted her eyes and spotted Sean.

"Good, what are you waiting for then? Run after her!" Alex gasped at the sight of Sean standing next to Nikita's computer nerd.

"Hey!" Alex shouts from down the hall.

Sean and Birkhoff glanced in her direction. "Oh crap." Sean panics.

"Uh, good luck man." Birkhoff taps him on the shoulder and slips back into Michael and Nikita's room to hide, hoping Alex didn't see him.

"You!" Alex starts speed walking toward Sean. "Don't you hide from me!"

"Alex, I-"

"Shut up!" Alex glares at him. She turns to bang on the door she saw Birkhoff go in. "Open up! I know you're in there, Nerd! I want to talk to Nikita!"

Birkhoff carefully cracks open the door and stares at Alex, nervously. "Uh, can I help you little lady?"

"Nikita!" She pushes the door open against Birkhoff's face and steps into the room. Sean followed her inside.

Nikita and Michael walk into view and look at Alex. Shocked by her willing reappearance in their room, Nikita takes a step toward her old friend with caution. "Alex-"

"I'm only going to say this once, so listen carefully." Alex cuts her off. "Amanda is sending a man name Smith to Moscow for a meeting. His plane is scheduled to depart in less than 3 hours now… so if you're planning anything, you better do it fast."

"Why are you telling us this?" Nikita questions.

"Because I care." Alex replies. She turns and pushes pass Sean, walking right out the door again.

Sean quickly runs after her. "Alex!" He shouts, once they both were in the hallway, standing right outside room 824.

Alex turns and shoved him against the wall. "Don't play games with me!" She shouts at him. "I know you're on Nikita's side."

"Who's side are you on?" Sean counters. "Huh? Why'd you give us that information?"

"I told you… because I-"

"You care." He smiles at her. "But why? Why do you care?"

"Does there have to be a why?" Alex asks.

"With you, yes."

Alex sighed and opened the door to her room. "It just seemed like the right thing to do…" Sean followed her inside. She turned around and looked him in the eyes. "Is that so bad?"

"No, it's good." Sean walks up to her. "You're good."

* * *

**A/N: Busted! Mini Salex reunion! Alex cares! :D Who's side is she on now? Team Nikita? Why else would she be helping them?**

**As always, please review! :) Special shout out to whoever is number 100 ;)**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: I Loooove writing Salex scenes so much! No matter how angsty lol I just had to express that. Anyway to Wootar16, this chapter is for you because you always have the most ecstatic reviews and I always find myself looking forward to what you have to say the most :) Plus who doesn't want more Salex? ;)**

**Burning Bridges: Chapter 18**

* * *

"You never fully explained to me why you're willing to help us now." Sean took a step closer to Alex, trying to figure her out. He looked her in the eyes and smiled. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"More whys?" Alex stares at him. He gave her a look, seeing right through her. "Can't we just call this a good deed and move on?"

"No. What's your angle?" He smirks, wondering if she would somehow remember this little game they used to play.

Alex rolls her eyes and walks into the other room, finding her phone on the desk. She picks it up, trying to distract herself from Sean. "Why do I have to have an angle?" She says, looking away from him.

"Because everyone has an angle…" He walks up to her.

She turns around to face him. His face inches from hers, smirking. She eyed him, knowing exactly what he was doing. "I'm not playing your game." She crosses her arms and glares at him.

"What game?" He asks innocently.

"This little game of cat and mouse we have going on here." She laughs. "You think you know me so well don't you?" She walks around him. "You don't."

"But I do." He counters. "This is what we do." She turns to him, amused. "This constant back and forth banter, you like it." He takes a step closer to her and whispers. "Admit it."

His smug expression made her so angry. "You think you can win me over just like that?" Alex laughs. "With your stupid little grin, and your good guy act." She gestures her hands toward him, judging his entire presence. "Guess again." She glares at him. "I'm not falling for it anymore."

"It's not an act." Sean counters.

"Oh really?" Alex questions him. She paces around him again, laughing. "Who do you think you are? Huh? Some Prince Charming?" She stops to look at him. "You used me! You and Nikita… and Michael…" She starts to laugh and shake her head at her own stupidity. "I trusted you, and you…" Her voice started to crack. "You made me look like a fool."

In that moment, Sean felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. He tries to take a step closer to her. "Alex, I'm sor-"

"No!" Alex pushes him away. "You don't get to say sorry!" Her eyes getting watery as she tries to look away. "Not to me..."

"Alex…" He reaches out and touches her upper arm softly. "You have to know, I never wanted to hurt you."

"But you did it anyway." She glares at him. "You hurt me Sean. You bro-" She cuts herself off, afraid to finish that sentence.

But Sean could practically see her eyes screaming those words to him, _"You broke my heart."_ Her silence killed him. "It wasn't like me… Alex, please." He tried to beg her to let him apologize.

"You knew what you were doing to me this whole time." Alex shakes his hand off her and avoids his gaze. "You knew the moment you walked up to me that night at the gala…" She says, walking away from him. "Exactly who I was… and you took advantage of that because I was vulnerable."

"That's not true." Sean shakes his head. "Alex, I-"

She stops walking and turns to face him. "You want to know why I gave you guys that information?" She cuts him off. "It wasn't because I suddenly had a change of heart, or because I remotely care for any of you… I gave you that information because there's a possibility a friend of mine is in danger. And if you think, even for one second, that I would just sit by and ignore this threat, then you don't know me at all."

* * *

"We underestimated her." Nikita couldn't help but smile at this latest development. "She's almost Alex again."

"Almost?" Birkhoff questions. "She is Alex." He takes a seat at a nearby desk in their suite and smiles. "Our girl is back!"

"I knew it, Alex always comes around." Michael smirks as he walks up to Nikita. He wraps his arms around her waist and hugs her closely. "And you wanted to give up."

"I had a momentary lapse of judgment." Nikita counters. "It won't happen again." She sighs and walks over to Birkhoff's desk.

"Hey," Michael follows her. "What's wrong then? Alex is on our side."

_"Just remember, trust is not something you win… it's something you have to build." _Nikita remembers Amanda telling her once.

"Amanda was right." Nikita frowns at her memory. She could see herself having this conversation with Amanda all over again, except this time Amanda was mocking her for not learning her lesson the first time.

"What are you talking about?" Michael asks.

"Remember when I was a recruit?" Nikita looks at him. "Before I was activated for my first mission at Division? My first _"kill"_ mission?"

"Yeah." He frowns. "Hong Kong… The Red Circle Triad. So what? We found out Victor Han was dirty."

"Well, I learned a lesson from it. You can't win someone's trust." She explains. "At least not like how we've been trying with Alex. We have to build trust, Michael. And I lost that with Alex." She looks at him and sighs. "We had a mission and we failed." Before he could reply, Nikita quickly adds. "I'm not saying I'm giving up on her, and i'm not saying she is or isn't on our side… but we still have a long way to go…" She frowns. "Amanda is-"

"Amanda is not an issue." Michael cuts her off. "Alex knows she can't trust her."

"She can't trust us either." Nikita counters. "And I don't blame her. We kept things from her and we used her. The only reason she's helping us now, is because she cares about Levkin. That's all."

* * *

"Is that what you think, I think about you?" Sean stares at Alex in disbelief. "That you have no heart?" Alex hesitated as he takes a step closer to her. "Alex, you have the biggest heart I've ever seen." He flashes her a smile as he watched her eyes gaze into his. "You say you don't care for anything else, but you do." She tried to look away but he cups her face and whispers, "Because every once in awhile there's a crack in your wall and you give me this look…" Alex stared back at him, speechless. She remembered him telling her this exact same thing once. "Yeah that's the one." He smiles as her eyes lit up. "I can see it in your eyes, the way you look back at me… you care."

"No…" Alex shakes her head. He was doing it again, making her remember him when all she wanted to do was forget. "You have it all wrong..."

"You didn't just tell us that information because it was the right thing to do, or because your friend is in danger." Sean continues. "You told us because deep down, you know who's side you want to be on."

Alex tries to look away again, feeling angry. She shakes his hands off her and distances herself from him. "Why do I have to have a side?" Alex glares at him. She panics and starts to walk away from him again, forcing him to follow her around the room. "You used me." She reminds him. "You tricked me into caring for you when none of it was real."

"It was real!" Sean grabs her. "It was." He desperately looks into her eyes. "All of it. Every single moment we shared. Every touch, every embrace… it was real to me. I love you Alex. I would never say those words to you if I wasn't real to me."

* * *

"That's not true, Nikita." Michael sighs. "Alex cares about all of us. If she didn't, she wouldn't give a damn about helping us."

"I agree." Birkhoff speaks up. "If all Alex wanted was to help Levkin, then why come to us? She could've gone straight to the authorities."

"She wouldn't even get close." Nikita frowns. "The moment she shows any sign of reverting back to us, Amanda will sense it and try to _fix_ her."

"Exactly." Michael says. "Alex knows how bad Amanda is. She's actively trying to go behind her back because she's scared of what Amanda will do to her if she rebelled. She's a good girl, Nikita."

"Alex is a good girl." Nikita smiles. "I hope she never forgets that."

"She won't." Michael places a hand on her shoulder.

* * *

"I love you Alex." Sean smiles. "Alexandra…" She looked back at him, speechless again. "Look me in the eyes, and tell me you don't feel the same way."

"Stop it…" She shakes her head. _"Do you love me?" _Sean's voice echoed in her head. She stared back at him, conflicted. More memories flooding back. "This isn't about us…"

_"I'm making this about us." _She remembers Sean confronting her._ "There's two sides to this. You need to choose."_

"Alex-" Sean tries to get her attention again.

"Why do you keep insisting that I have feelings for you?" Alex denies.

"Because you do… I know you do."

"That's where you're wrong." She shakes her head. "This war you're in, whatever your beef is with Amanda… I want nothing to do with it!" She glares at him. "So if that makes me a bad person then fine. I don't care."

"Alex-"

"No!" Alex shouts at him. "Every time someone begins a sentence with '_Alex'_, I get a lecture about how I need to open my eyes. Look around me and have some sort of revelation about my past. But honestly, I don't want to go back there. I don't want to know what happen between us because none of it matters anymore! Why can't you just leave me alone?"

"I can't Alex. I love you too much to just let you walk out that door and forget about us."

"I haven't forgotten about us, Sean." Alex looks at him. "But the sides aren't the same anymore… you have to let me go."

"Why are you trying so hard to fight this?" Sean questions. "Why can't you just accept that we have something special going on here?"

"Because it hurts!" Alex shouts at him. "Every time I think I can have one moment of happiness with you, it gets ripped to shreds… like arrow holes in my chest, reminding me of something… something I've lost." She pauses to catch her breath. "It hurts, Sean… Every day, I feel this pain. Like a part of me is missing and I don't know why because I can't remember!" She shouts. "And the thought of you just makes it worst. I can't take it anymore... I wish I could turn it all off and not have to look at you for one moment and wish that it could all be different."

"What?" He looks back her, mystified.

"I wish it could all be different, Sean." Alex sighs. "I wish the good could outweigh the bad, and I could forget about all the lies and betrayals. I wish I could forget about you and Nikita, Division… all of it. But it's not that easy." She frowns.

"I'm sorry, Alex." She finally lets him confess. "I never meant to get us in this deep."

"It's my fault."Alex sighs and looks away, shaking her head. "I got caught up by the chase and now it's too late."

"No." Sean shakes his head. "It's not."

"It is." Alex counters. "I wish that in any other circumstance, I could've known you in another life and not have to look over my shoulder. Not have to care because it's killing me, Sean." She glances at him.

Sean stared back at her, shocked at her choice of words. "What are you saying?" He asks. "You wish you never met me?"

"No." Alex sighs. "I'm not sorry that I met you." She walks over to a couch and sits down. "Or that knowing you has made me question everything I thought I knew about myself." She pauses to glance at him. "Because somehow, just when I think I'm falling into this pit of despair, you come along and find a way to pull me right back." She stops and gives him a small smile. "So I'm not sorry that I met you… I'm sorry that you met me."

"Alex…" Sean walks over to her and sits down, reaching for her hand. She looks back at him and sighs, waiting for him to give her a lecture. After a moment of silence he speaks up, "Do you remember what I told you when we first met?"

"What? At the gala?" She questions.

"No. Before that."

"Sean," She begs him not to remind her. "I can't-"

"Yes you can, Alex. Try to remember…"

* * *

_"Drop your knife." Alex glares at Sean. They were in a stalemate. Weapons drawn at each other, both refusing to be the first one to cave in._

_"Drop your gun." Sean smirks at her. Amanda had left the room, leaving the two alone to hash this out on their own._

_"You first." Alex counters. _

_They began to circle around each other in a staring contest. Sean eyed her carefully and laughed. "You won't hurt me."_

_"Wanna bet?" Alex smirks. She hovers her finger over the trigger, threatening him._

_"Oh you're breaking rules, Alexandra." Sean remains calm._

_"What rules?"_

_"First rule of gun safety: Always keep your finger off of the trigger until intended target is in sight."_

_"That's the second rule." She corrects him. "And you are my target."_

_"I thought you said your target was the black box." He smirks._

_"It is…" She glares at him. "But now, you're in my way."_

_"That's right. So how are you going to get pass me?" He asks. She continued to glare at him, not giving up. Sean smirked, never letting go of his knife. He kept it close to her as he looked her in the eyes. "What's the first rule of gun safety?" He quizzes her again._

_"Assume every firearm is loaded?" She questions._

_"That's one rule…" He smirks. "But I'm asking for the number rule for safety." She looked at him confused for a moment, trying to think. Sean quickly lowered his knife and grabs on to the barrel of Alex's gun, cocking it. "The first rule of gun safety is to ALWAYS keep your gun unloaded until ready for use. You know, to prevent any misfires, or accidents." He winks at her._

_Surprised by his crafty maneuver, Sean used this opportunity to knock the gun out of Alex's hands and bring the knife back up to her neck. She put her hands up in surrender and stared back at him out of a mixture of fear and respect. No one had ever challenged her like that before. "I underestimated you." She gives him a small smile._

_He lowered his knife and carefully placed it back into the loop on his belt. "Don't underestimate me, Alexandra." He agrees. "I know you better than you think. I know you would never hurt me, just like you would never really hurt Nikita. Tell me I'm wrong." Alex glared back at him, knowing deep down he was right. He smirked, knowing he was right too. "Let's start over." He extends a hand as a peace offering._

_She eyed him carefully. "Alexandra." She says, shaking his hand._

_"Sean. Nice to meet you, Alexandra." He smiles._

* * *

**A/N: Flashback! Haha sorry I ended it like that, but you have to admit this is better than any other cliffhanger because I originally wanted to end it directly after Alex said "I'm sorry that you met me." Now that would've been really sad.**

**As always, please review :) 2 more till 100!**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: This whole story is basically the result of me listening to a bunch of depressing indie music while I write this. Hopeless romantic maybe? Aww no way, hang in there Sean. Alex always comes around ;) If not, well I'll find a way to kick her stubborn ass. She seriously just writes herself.**

**SHOUTOUT: GOLD STAR for Wootar16, my 100th review :)**

**Burning Bridges: Chapter 19**

* * *

"Alex?" Sean gazed at her worried. She frowned and closed her eyes, shaking away whatever it was that had her so scared to give him a chance. He wanted her to remember him, but not if it was causing her more pain. He could see it written all over her face. All the sadness and frustration building up inside her. It broke his heart, she hated him so much.

But the truth was, she didn't hate him. Alex knew that deep down. She cared for him… maybe even more than that. Sean continued to watch her carefully but minutes had gone by now and she wasn't showing any signs of responding to him. Alex could feel his hand loosening his grip on her with every passing second. She didn't want to admit it though, but Sean was right. He did know her… _"Better than you think."_ She smiled at the thought. A small smile, but she was beginning to remember more…

_"How did you know?" Alex looked at Sean surprised when he startled her. She played with the golden "A" hanging around her neck, a habit whenever she was nervous. "That I would be here?" She says, sitting back down on the edge of the fire escape to stare out into the New York skyline. _

_"Because I know you Alex." Sean carefully climbed out of the window and sat down beside her on the fire escape. They both gazed at the birds that flew by._

_"You always say that." Alex smiles at him._

_"It's true though." He returns a smile. "You think I never saw you sneaking out here before?" Sean laughs. "This is your special hiding spot… well this, and that spot above the barn, remember that?" He winks at her. "Anyway, that's a story for another day. Right now, the question is, who or what are you hiding from?"_

_Alex sighed and looked away, her eyes squinting as the sun started to set. "I'm not hiding…" He gave her a look, not buying it. "What?" Alex laughs nervously._

_"You're also playing with that necklace I gave you…" He eyes the little "A" twisting in her fingers. Caught, Alex drops her hands. Slightly embarrassed. He knew her so well. "What's wrong?" Sean takes her hand in his. "Come on Alex, I know you. Something's wrong. Talk to me."_

With her eyes still closed, Sean took a deep breath and let go of her hand, realizing forcing her to remember him when she wasn't ready was too much to ask. "You can wish upon a million stars for things to be different, Alex." Sean sighs as he stands up. He begins to walk slowly toward the door. "You can wish I never met you; or wish you were the one that got away... " His voice begins to crack. "You can wish a thousand times, look me in the eyes and say you never want to see me again…" Sean pauses and forces himself to look back at Alex. "But I need to hear you say it." Alex continued to stay silent. She couldn't look him in the eyes. Not now. There was too much pressure. Sean frowned, giving her one last chance to stop him from walking out that door. "Alex?" Sean called her name again. "Don't make me do this… you have to talk to me."

She opened her eyes and forced herself to look at him, not ready to let him go just yet. He had the same look on his face from her memories…

_"I was just thinking about what that terrorist said today…" She pauses and glances at Sean, instantly feeling bad for him again. But he didn't seem to notice. The look on his face suggested otherwise. _

_Sean watched her with a careful eye. She always loved that about him, the way his chocolate brown eyes gave her a sense of security. Like she knew he would always be looking out for her. _

"Can you imagine?" Alex mumbles to herself as she recites a line from her memories. An intense look of concentration was cast upon her face.

Sean looked at her confused. "Imagine what?" He questions. He takes a step toward her, hoping for a miracle. Alex frowned and shook her head. The result of another painful headache she never asked for. "What do you remember?" Sean begs her to respond to him.

Alex stared back at him, feeling completely helpless again. Her hand subconsciously reaching for the golden "A" around her neck as her mind wandered off…

_"Everything you love ripped away from you in a second?" _She frowns. The empty feeling in her heart increasing. _"He said it was collateral damage, acceptable losses…"_

Sean stared back at Alex intently. Waiting for her to say something, anything. He just wanted her to give him a sign...

_ Alex frowns and looks at Sean. "But that's not right. They were innocent people, Sean. They never asked for this… they just got caught up in someone else's war."_

_He stared back at her whole-heartedly, listening to every word she had to say but that feeling of dread never escaped him. The thought of all those people never getting to say goodbye was something he could relate to. "I can imagine." Sean sighs. "We all have someone we care about." He puts an arm around her to keep her warm as the sun set and the night's sky cast a shadow on their spot above the city. "For me, that's you."_

_"Stop." Alex looks away, embarrassed. He was always saying such sweet things to her, she never felt she deserved that kind of treatment. "That's not what I meant." He looked at her confused. "Sean, I don't understand how you can keep saying those things to me when you know I'm the reason you're stuck in a hell-hole you never even wanted to be apart of in the first place."_

_"You're still blaming yourself…" Sean realizes._

_Alex sighs. "It's my fault… You had a life before all this. A reputation, a career, and a family. Now everything you love is just gone in the blink of an eye."_

_"Not everything." Sean argues. "I still have you."_

Sean sighs as he watches the love of his life continue to stare off into the distance, forever lost. "I can't do this anymore." He looks away. Alex stayed silent. An irreparable frown on her face. "I've told you many times before… I never wanted to hurt you; but just being here, seeing you like this… it's not only hurting you, but it hurts me too. I don't want to hurt you anymore, Alex." He gives her a sad look. "I'll walk out that door." Sean says, wishing with every step he took it wouldn't have to come to this. "For you." He looks away. His eyes finding the doorknob. "Because I love you, I'll let you go." He was within an arm's reach of the doorknob now. "Goodbye, Alexandra." He forces himself to give her one last look, knowing exactly what he was about to give up…

_"You gave up everything to be with me and I can't even give up one secret for you." Alex says._

_"It's okay." He tries to reassure her._

_"No, it's not!" Alex yells at him. She fights back a couple tears and glances at him. "I should've just told you. The story behind my butterfly…"_

_"I know." Sean cuts her off. "I overheard you tell Owen about it through our coms."_

_"You heard that?" Alex looks at him surprised._

_Sean nods. "Yeah, and I understand why you didn't want to tell me. It's more than just a tat… it's personal."_

_"I wanted to tell you." Alex says. "I was going to… before Owen, I swear. I was just waiting for the right time and then Owen brought it up and I wasn't really thinking… it just kinda came out. I'm so sorry."_

_"Listen, Alex." Sean turns to fully face her. He gently grabs her hand and looks her in the eyes. "I know you don't think we a lot in common or that I can't relate to what you have to say, but that's not true. If anything, we have the most in common." Alex looked at him confused. "Think about it. We both grew up in a two parent household. It was nice, it was perfect… on the outside." Sean frowns. "On the inside, you have a father figure who loved you but wasn't really innocent. And a mother… well you know she loves you, so let's just say mine was worst. My mother wasn't innocent either. She betrayed the country."_

_"But she loved you too." Alex says._

_"She did, so at the end of the day, I would've done anything to keep her safe." He pauses and sighs. "It just wasn't enough…" Alex sat in silence, feeling bad for him all over again. "Collateral damage." Sean looks at Alex. "Another victim in someone else's war… but aren't we all victims in a way?" He questions._

_"What do you mean?" Alex asks._

_"It's statistics, Alex." Sean begins. "Eventually bad things are going to happen that we have no control over. There's life, and then there's death. We can't stop someone from dying, only prolong it."_

_"Don't you miss her though, Sean?" Alex looks at him sadly. "Despite all the things she's done, at the end of the day, she was still your mother."_

_"Everyday. But at some point, I can't let that loss define me. I have to move on… It's time to move on."_

"It's time to move on…" Sean begins to twist the doorknob, ready to make Alex's wish come true. She could forget about him. It was what she wanted…

"No! Wait!" Alex suddenly shouts. She was in a panic mode. Her hand pulling on the golden "A", ripping the chain from her neck as she stands up and faces Sean. "I remember." She gasps. Before Sean could respond, she began to speak again. "How we first met." She looks away when he tries to take a step closer to her, scared to look him in the eyes. "You were wearing that checkered shirt and tie. The one that makes you look so incredibly boyish but handsome at the same time."

"I was." Sean smiles at the memory. He looks at her surprised. "You remember that?"

He tries to take another step toward her but Alex puts a hand out, stopping him. "You were just a stranger." Alex says, finally finding the courage to look him in the eyes. She pauses for a second as he tries to take a step closer to her. "I remember hating you so much." Alex says. "I didn't even know you." She frowns. "But you knew me, didn't you." She gives him a small smile. He was only a few steps away from her, a giant grin on his face. "I remember… You had that same smug expression on your face." Alex says, slightly laughing. Sean couldn't help but smile at her. She was remembering him. "I remember…"

Sean stared at her, speechless. He wasn't exactly sure how much she remembered about him or what this all meant but he couldn't leave now. Sean walked up to her and looked her in the eyes, gazing into her soul, trying to figure her out. He was always trying to figure her out…

"I remember what you told me now." Alex looks down at the broken chain in her hand. The tiny little "A" resting in her palm. "You told me not to underestimate you." She pauses and looks up at Sean, meeting his eyes. "You insisted that you knew me…" She gives him a small smile, but it quickly fades away. "The old me…" Alex frowns and shakes her head. Her hand enclosing the tiny "A" in her palm.

"Alex..." Sean looks at her sadly. She reaches for his hand and places the "A" in his palm, closing her hand over his.

"You've been so strong, Sean. Fighting for that girl who got away. That girl who loved you once…" She pauses and looks up at him. "I loved you, Sean. I did, and I always will… I'll never forget that, but I can't look you in the eyes right now and say with one hundred percent certainty that I'm still the same girl you fell in love with."

"No, Alex. You are. You're still-"

"I'm not." Alex cuts him off. "I'm not her." Sean shook his head, refusing to believe that. "You've been fighting for this girl, this girl who I used to be… but I'm not that girl anymore. I wish I could be that girl for you." She says with a strain in her voice. "I wish I could remember her, because that girl… that girl you love so much, she deserves to be happy."

Sean could see the pain written all over her face again. He clutches the golden "A" in has hand tightly, the last remaining evidence he had of her. "Alex, please." Sean looks her in the eyes, begging her not to give up on them. "I don't want to lose you again."

"I'm already lost, Sean." Alex cries. "As long as I'm around you, I'll always be lost. Running around, trying to figure out who I am… who I was."

"I can help you."

"No, you can't." Alex shakes her head. "No one can." She slowly releases her hand from his, leaving him with her broken necklace and memories. "This is something I need to figure out on my own." Alex sighs and turns away from him.

"What are you saying?" Sean looks down at the little "A" in his hands.

"Sean, do you remember that story you told me?" Alex gives him a small smile. "An epic tale of lost love. The one that got away... Do you remember what I told you after?" Before he could reply, Alex cut him off. "I need to figure out who I am Sean, and that's something I have to do without you." She looks at him sadly.

She suddenly runs toward the door in tears, knocking down objects in her path to create an obstacle for Sean. "I'm so sorry, Sean." Alex gives him one last look as he watches her be the one to walk out that door instead of him.

"Alex, wait!" Sean tries to run after her. He struggles to get into the hallway.

Alex jumps into the elevator. "I need to figure out who I am without you first." Her eyes meet his. "Then maybe… maybe someday, we can meet again."

"Don't do this!" Sean screams after her.

"Until then, I don't deserve you."

* * *

**A/N: OMG noooo! Alex, whyyyy? I'm so sorry, I feel super sadistic right now. That's not the case though. Please don't hate me or Alex for leaving Sean hanging like that. :( I just can't seem to write her a happy ending right now. But hang in there guys! ALEX ALWAYS COMES AROUND! I swear she will... she even gave him hope. "...someday, we can meet again." That someday will probably happen sooner than you think ;) **

**Remember this quote from Ch 10? **

**"Alex insisted that the story wasn't over. She told him to never give up searching for her. She assured him that if they were really meant to be, this girl would find a way to come back to him one day. He was hoping for exactly that."**

**Stay strong, Sean! The story isn't over yet! :)**

**As always, please review :)**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: To all the people who reviewed and said they had tears in their eyes, I'M SO SORRY! I didn't realize how intense that was going to get... **

**Here's a quote from Nikita (1x02) "I can only promise you one thing... It's going to get worse before it gets better." **

**So what can you expect? This is a Drama/Hurt/Comfort story after all. ****WARNING, if you thought the last chapter was horrible, things are LITERALLY going to crash and burn this chapter. O.o But don't worry, it'll get better... Nikita promises! ;)**

**Bu****rning Bridges: Chapter 20**

* * *

"ALEX!" Sean ran after her so hard, never giving up. He reached the elevator doors only seconds after it shut him out. "No!" He panicked, his heart shattering as he angrily hit the metal doors. She couldn't be the one that got away… not again. After a moment, Sean quickly ran toward the stairs, determined to catch up to her. Eight floors down and out of breath, but he had to keep trying. He had to keep fighting for her.

It was too late though, Alex was gone and out of sight. Disappearing into the city and away from his reach. Lost and in a state of isolation. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Sean searching for her. She smiled at him. He remembered what she told him. Part of her wanted to show herself to him. Call out his name and run back to him. But for the meantime, she needed to do this on her own. "I'm sorry Sean…" Alex whispered into the crowd. She meant what she said though. _"Maybe someday, we can meet again…" _Alex sighed and held back her tears as she gave Sean one last look before hopping into a waiting cab. "Wait for me."

"Alex…" His desperate calls echoed down the street. With every step Sean took, he could feel the desolation growing. But he had to have hope. It was the only thing keeping him strong. This hope that someday they would end up together. Sean continued to search the crowded streets in front of the hotel in agony for any glimpse of Alex. He scanned every corner, wishing her bright blue eyes would pop out like they did before. At the gala, he thought he could spot her so easily. In a room full of strangers, all wearing masks, he could pick her out like a drop in an ocean.

"Sean…" A voice called him, instantly catching his attention.

"Alex?" He turned around, wishing it was her.

"Sean," Nikita walked up to him and glanced at the golden chain dangling in his hands. She gave him a sad look, silently asking, "_What happen?"_

"Alex… she…" Sean turned his head, gazing down the street again. "She's the one that got away." He looks back at Nikita and sighs. Nikita's heart broke for him. She didn't want to say sorry though. Saying sorry wasn't enough. It would never be enough to mend a broken heart. All she could do was give him a giant hug. "Thanks, Nikita." Sean tells her as he hugs her back. Her small gesture was all he needed to show she cared.

"Come inside." Nikita says. She places a hand on his back and leads him back toward the hotel. Michael was waiting for them in front.

Still clutching Alex's broken necklace in his hands, Sean sighed again and showed the little "A" to Nikita. A reminder that maybe one day they really could meet again. "She just took off. Alex…" He struggles to say her name. "She said she had to do this alone…" He pauses and looks at Nikita, stopping her before they reached the elevators. "She's so stubborn, you know?" Sean couldn't help but smile at that thought. He shakes his head at the irony of it all. It was ridiculous. "She always has been. From the very first moment I met her… I knew it. I knew it was risky, getting close to this girl…" Sean says. "But I allowed myself to anyway because this girl… this girl, Nikita… she's worth fighting for."

"She is." Nikita agrees. "Listen, Amanda can mess with her head, make her forget, and tear us all apart; but nothing will ever change who she is on the inside. Alex is a fighter, and she knows that." She pauses and gives Sean a smile. "You are too. You're a fighter, Sean. So don't give up. I know Alex isn't, and I won't too."

"I won't either." Michael says, joining them.

Sean smiles at the both of them, grateful to have them as friends. "I'm never giving up." He replies. "I'm going to fight for her. For as long as I live, I made her a promise… I will _always_ wait for her."

* * *

Alex stared out the window of her cab and sighed as it drove further away from Sean. She leaned back in her seat and relaxed for a second, grateful for the calming silence. She finally had time to clear her head. No more pressure. She was free to make her own connections. Free to think and figure out all the little things her heart was trying to tell her that her mind had forgotten.

"Ms. Udinov?" Her cab driver suddenly calls her name. He clears his throat, embarrassed when he realizes he had disturbed her. "I'm sorry to bother you, but you never told me where you would like me to take you."

Alex looked up and found his eyes staring at her through his rearview mirror. "Alexand-" She has trouble saying her name. She quickly shakes her head and corrects herself. "You can call me Alex."

"Alex or Alexandra?" He questions.

"Just Alex is fine." She gives him a small smile. "I'm getting used to that name now. I like it, it's simpler."

He nods and returns the smile. "So where to Alex?"

"Humm, I don't know exactly." She looks out the window and gazes at all the tall buildings flying by.

"I can take you anywhere your heart desires. Just point me in the right direction."

Alex smiled at him and thought back to her memories of Sean on the fire escape. She wanted to go back there. She wanted to remember more about that place she shared with him. It seemed like a good starting point. "Um, do you happen to know if there's any old red brick style apartment buildings around here?" Alex asks. That was all she could really remember about the area.

"Can you be more specific? This is New York."

Alex frowns, trying to remember more details from her old life. "Brooklyn, by the bridge I think... I remember there was a park nearby. I could see it from my window."

"Ah Brooklyn Bridge Park. Yes, there is a very popular neighborhood with a red brick style apartment complex on a corner nearby."

"Can you take me there, please?"

"I can be there in about 30 minutes, are you in a hurry?"

"No." Alex replies simply. She sits back in her seat and relaxes.

"May I ask you why you want to visit this specific neighborhood?"

"Many years ago…" Alex stares out the window as the cab drove down the familiar streets of New York. "I remember I lost something." She frowns. "I can't remember exactly what it was but-"

"You're hoping by going back, you'll be able to find it again?" He asks.

"Yes." Alex catches his eyes in the reflecting mirror and smiles at him.

"What makes you think, whatever you lost would still be there?" He questions.

Alex sighs and looks out the window again. "It's worth a try I guess."

"For what it's worth, I hope you do find whatever it is that you're looking for."

* * *

"Have you found Smith yet?" Nikita asks Birkhoff, walking back into their suite. Sean and Michael quickly followed behind her.

"According to Alex, Amanda is sending him to Moscow." Michael adds. "He has a flight scheduled in-"

"Less than 2 hours now." Sean finishes, looking at his watch. He flashes Nikita a warning glare. They were running out of time.

"Shadowbot is scanning the airport for him as we speak." Birkhoff replies. "In the meantime, you three should start heading there and get eyes on the ground."

Suddenly a map popped up on Birkhoff's computer, alerting Sean. "That must be Smith." Sean tells Nikita. "Let's go. We don't have any time to waste."

Birkhoff glances at the screen and looks back at Sean smiling. "Wait, that's not Smith." Sean looked at him confused. "I got Alex's tracker online. She's in a cab heading down Liberty Avenue."

Sean and Michael glance at each other, wondering what to do. They were tracking two different people. Sean felt conflicted. He knew stopping Smith was a higher priority but Alex wasn't that far. Nikita could tell what he was thinking. She walked up to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Go." She tells him.

"What?" Sean asks.

"Go. Run after her." She gives him an encouraging smile. "It's okay, Michael and I can handle Smith."

"Are you sure?"

"It's just one man." Nikita says.

"We don't know that." Sean counters. "He's working with Amanda and the Shop."

"Just go, Sean." Nikita starts to push him toward the door. She grabs a phone off a table.

"Nikita-" Sean tries to argue.

"Shh!" She shuts him up. "I don't care about Amanda or the Shop. I care about Alex and I need you to make sure she's okay." She holds out the phone for him to see. "Use this to track her, and bring our girl home. I'm counting on you." Sean hesitates by the door.

"What if she doesn't want to listen?" Sean shakes his head. "She made it really clear, she-"

"She needs to stop running, Sean. You need to find her and let her know she doesn't have to do this by herself." Nikita looks at Sean sadly. "I know she wants to do this on her own, but she needs to realize she isn't alone. She has a family who loves her and we're all here for her no matter what."

Sean nods and gives Nikita a giant smile, taking the phone from her. He looks down at the flashing dot on the screen, representing Alex. "I'll tell her."

* * *

"Hey Amanda, it's…" Alex glances out the window of her cab and spots a young woman reading a magazine at a bus stop near her. "…me." She frowns when she notices her face plastered on the cover with the caption: _Alexandra Udinov, Zetrov's lost Princess returns. Will she reclaim the throne?_ "I just called to let you know I'm alright. You don't have to worry about me." Alex laughs nervously.

"Alexandra!" Amanda shouts at her. "Where are you?"

"35 Washington Street. Brooklyn, New York." Alex's cab driver announces. He stops the car for Alex to gaze at the surrounding buildings. "Does this look familiar to you Alex?" He asks.

Alex lowers her phone and glances out the window. "I think so." She replies, looking around. She eyes the red brick walls of a tall apartment complex adjacent to her on the corner of Washington and Water street and smiles. Her eyes instantly spotting the fire escapes.

"Alexandra!" Amanda was getting impatient waiting for her reply.

"I'm fine." Alex brings her phone back up to her ear. "Don't worry about it. I'm perfectly safe in the city." She tries to calm her. "I just thought it would be nice to walk around and enjoy some sun."

"Alexandra, we talked about this. You remember what happen last time you went out without your bodyguards." Amanda warns her. "Come back to the hotel now!"

"No." Alex argues. She was tired of Amanda telling her what to do.

"No!?" Amanda questions. "Do I need to remind you, Nikita is also in the city?"

"She's not going to hurt me." Alex rolls her eyes. "I can take care of myself."

"No, you can't Alexandra." Amanda says, annoyed. "You don't know Nikita like I do."

"Oh really?" Alex laughs. "And how exactly do you know Nikita? Humm?" She waits for Amanda's answer.

"You've seen her file-"

"On the black box, I know." Alex cuts her off. "You know what Amanda? I don't care what her file says. Because it's just a bunch of words. At the end of the day, it doesn't really mean anything and it doesn't change anything. This box is useless; and so are you." Before Amanda could even formulate a reply, Alex continues ranting. "You told me this box would have answers, yet I all see is just more questions. It doesn't explain to me why I'm still alive. If I was supposed to die in that fire, why am I still here? Who am I, Amanda? I know someone saved me..." She pauses, thinking about Nikita. "Someone saved me, Amanda." Alex says getting emotional. "It's like they gave me a second chance at life and what am I doing with it? Wasting it."

"You're not wasting it, Alexandra." Amanda replies. "This is your chance to do what's right. Come back to the hotel. We have that interview this evening. Use that opportunity for exposure. Take advantage of this opportunity and live the life your father always intended for you. The life, Sergei Semak and Nikita threaten to take away from you."

"What if I don't want this life." Alex argues. "I don't want to be a paparazzi magnet. I want to be happy, normal."

"You're not normal." Amanda says bluntly. "You never will be, Alexandra. The sooner you realize that, the sooner we can go back to our lives. Now, don't argue with me. I'm only looking out for you and we both know, you have a habit of getting into a lot of trouble."

That was true. She was always getting into trouble... Alex laughs. But she didn't care. "Listen, Amanda… Thanks for looking out for me but maybe it's time you started looking out for yourself."

"Alexand-" Not wanting to listen to Amanda's lecture anymore, Alex quickly hangs up her phone. Amanda wasn't ready to let Alex off that easily though. She called back.

Annoyed, Alex threw her phone out the cab's window. Amused when it shattered to the ground, silencing all communications with her. The cab driver looked at her shocked. Alex laughed and chose to move on. She figured she didn't need her phone, she could always get another one later. That's what Amanda was supposed to be for anyway.

After a moment, Alex glanced out the window again. Toward the red brick building across the street from her, taking in the familiar sight. She smiled. "I remember those fire escapes." Alex tells her cab driver. She points to the rustic metal safety bars. "On the third floor… " Alex continues. "If you stand right there, there's a perfect view of the park down the block and I think that's the Manhattan Bridge next to it right?"

The cab driver smiles, confirming Alex's memories. "Yup, would you like me to wait for you while you look around?" He asks.

"Oh, if you don't mind." Alex looks at him, grateful for such an understanding driver.

"Not at all, and I won't even keep the meter running." He teases.

Alex laughs. "Don't worry, you're definitely getting a big tip." She hands him a one hundred dollar bill. "Why don't you go enjoy some lunch at that cafe down the block. I'll meet you back here in maybe an hour?"

* * *

Sean was only a couple blocks away from Washington Street, when Alex's phone suddenly went offline. Panicking, he pulls his car over to the side of the street near an intersection and immediately contacts Birkhoff. "I lost Alex!" He exclaims, almost out of breath.

"What?" Birkhoff looks toward his monitor. He refreshed the data on Shadownet, causing Alex's flashing dot to vanish. "Where did she go!?"

"Underground?" Sean guesses. "You don't think Amanda got to her do you?"

"No, no don't think like that." Birkhoff tries to remain calm. "I'm sure she's fine. Something must have interrupted her signal."

Sean looks at the map on his dashboard and frowns. "What's her last known location?" He asks.

"Corner of Washington and Water."

"I'm only a couple blocks away." Sean glances at his map, distracted. Suddenly a loud screeching sound coming from down the street alerted Sean. He popped his head up and saw a large black SUV coming full speed in his direction. He barely had any time to react before the massive vehicle comes crashing into the side of his car.

"Sean?" Birkhoff hears static on the other end of Sean's com. "SEAN!?"

* * *

**A/N: CLIFFHANGER! That is all. Can't say I didn't warn you. I'm so sorry. **

**Please review if you want Sean to live ;)**


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Get ready for more flashbacks! They're my way of adding "deleted scenes". Which I seriously hope there's some of Salex and Nalex, or really anything to with Alex (she's my favorite) on the season 3 dvd. :)**

**Burning Bridges: Chapter 21**

* * *

Whoever said, your whole life flashes before your eyes in a near death experience was wrong. Or maybe it just depends. During that split second you have to react before an impact… before you even realize what is happening… there's a theory. The brain is desperately trying to remember previous experiences from similar situations in hopes of finding something worth remembering… something worth holding onto that will miraculously save you from this impeding doom.

For Sean, he didn't see his entire life flash before his eyes. He only saw the important things... the things he loves. He saw Alex. Their entire life together. All the good. All the bad. All the little things that she had forgotten… he was remembering…

_"Hey, there you are!" Sean finds Alex sitting high up in the rafters of the barn, staring out the top story window. "What are you doing up there?"_

_Alex looks down at him and smiles. "Hey." She balances herself on one of the beams and jumps down onto an extended platform. Her movements so graceful, like an angel._

_Sean stared at her, amused. "Show off." She was always doing stunts like this. "Aren't you supposed to be taking it easy on that arm? You know, after breaking it so many times, I would think you'd learn by now."_

_Alex laughs. "Not really." She winks at him and walks over to a wooden railing. "Doc said I could get my cast off today, so it's cool if you wanna join me?" She says, nodding her head towards a ladder. God she looked so beautiful. Sean stared up at the ladder, a blinding white light shined in his face. A glare from the cracks in the wooden frame of the barn. "What are you waiting for?"_

"Alex…" Sean moaned as a bystander shined a bright light in his face.

"Are you alright?" A girl asks. She puts away her flashlight.

"Alex?" Sean turns his head in a daze.

"No, my name is Marissa… uh, hey don't move." The girl tells him. "What's your name?"

"Sean." He replies, weakly. He closed his eyes again, feeling a little light headed.

"HEY!" Marissa panics. "STAY WITH ME!"

_Alex watches as he makes his way up to her. "Hiding again, I assume?" Sean teases her as he climbs onto the loft._

_"No." Alex glares at him. "I'm not always hiding."_

_"Well, it seems like you're hiding from me." Sean eyes her._

_Alex turns her head away, slightly blushing. "I am not."_

_"Whatever you say, sneaky sneak." Sean smirks at her._

_Alex rolls her eyes and walks over to a window. "I just come here to think sometimes." She says, gazing out into the deserted farmland. "It's very peaceful and quiet."_

"SEAN!" Marissa's voice wakes him. "Oh thank God, don't scare me like that!" She shouts at him.

"What happen?" Sean looks at Marissa.

"This car… it just came out of no where." Marissa replies."I was just walking with my boyfriend… his name is Chris by the way, he went to get help… and the next thing we knew, some jerk cuts across the street and slams into you." Marissa looks at Sean. "Then he just drives off! I tried to get a license plate number but there wasn't one."

"No license?" Sean frowns. That was very strange. "Did you call 911?" Sean asks.

"Yeah, we did." Marissa replies. "Wait what are you doing?" She tries to stop him from unbuckling his seatbelt. "You shouldn't move."

"It's okay, I'm fine." Sean protests. He needed to get out of there. If the cops showed up, they would question who he is. And as far as the world knew, Sean Pierce was supposed to be dead.

"You're not fine!" Marissa yells at him. "My brother is an EMT and he told me some victims can go into shock after an accident."

"I have to go." Sean says. "I need to find Alex."

"Who's Alex?" Marissa questions.

* * *

Alex walks up to the rusty doors of her former apartment building. On the outside, aside from the old red brick walls, no one would suspect a girl of her apparent celebrity status would choose such a place to call home. But once she entered the lobby, the familiar setting only reminded her of home. She was home. Alex smiles, taking in the sight.

"Alex?" A former neighbor greeted her. Alex turned to look at her confused. "Wait, are you pretending to be that Russian heiress again?" The girl laughs. "You two could be twins, I swear. I always have to do a double take whenever I run into you, neighbor. Did you hear, she's in town today?"

"You caught me!" Alex laughs, playing along. "No." She shakes her head. "I uh, I seemed to have lost my key."

"Oh why don't you use that spare you're always hiding."

"The spare?" Alex looks at her confused.

"Yeah the one you told me about in case of emergencies like this."

"Oh…" Alex brings a hand up to her head. She looks at the girl and frowns.

"Are you okay?" Her neighbor looks at her funny. "You don't really seem like yourself."

"Uh, this might seem strange, but can you show me where I hid the key?" Alex says. "I've been busy lately... got distracted. I've seemed to have forgotten where I put it."

"Yeah, no problem." She replies. The girl starts to lead Alex toward the apartment she shared with Sean. "So where's Sean?" She asks.

* * *

"She's the love of my life." Sean tells Marissa. His thoughts returning to Alex...

_"Ah, is this like your fortress of solitude?" Sean smirks._

_"My what?" Alex turns to look at him confused._

_"Superman?"_

_"Ohhh." Alex laughs. "Duh." Sean gives her a look. "Hey, don't judge me." She glares at him. "My father trained me in survival instincts, not comic books as a kid."_

_"Superman is an icon." Sean argues. "Everyone knows him. You don't even need to read the comics."_

_"I know who Captain America is." Alex winks at him._

_"It's Lieutenant Commander." Sean glares at her. She was always calling him Captain America. "That's not even funny anymore."_

_"Geez, now look who needs to lighten up." Alex walks over a pile of cushions she had stashed in a corner. _

_"If anything, I should be Batman." Sean comments._

_"Nah, that's Michael." Alex says, sitting down._

_"Yeah, he does have the voice." Sean laughs._

_"That's what-" Alex stops herself, not wanting to mention her last boyfriend. "He does, doesn't he?" She awkwardly laughs. "So what are you doing here anyway?" Alex looks up at Sean. "Nikita need me for something?"_

_"No." Sean replies. He hesitates for a second, becoming nervous. Alex was oblivious though. She sat and stared at him, waiting for more. "She uh, she's with Michael… they're busy renovating Division still." Sean continues. "Ryan wants to get this giant round table thingy installed where Amanda's office used to be. Right in the middle of Ops."_

_"Oh, that's going to be cool." Alex says. "Bet Birkhoff is having fun with all the new tech."_

_Sean laughs. "Yeah. He and Sonya seem to be having fun… if you know what I mean."_

_"Oh my gosh! I knew it!" Alex exclaims. "They're totally together!"_

_Sean casually walks over to Alex and sits down beside her on the cushions. "So… uh, speaking of people being together... I uh, I wanted to-"_

_"Hey, when do you think one of the Dirty Thirty will pop up on Birkhoff's radar?" Alex suddenly asks. "There's thirty of them right?"_

_"Yeah that's why Nikita calls them dirty. She liked that it rhymed." Sean laughs. "But uh, back to what I was trying to-"_

_"I can't wait for one of them to pop up." Alex interrupts again. "The sooner we catch them all, the sooner Division can be shut down for good."_

_"That's great… but Alex, I-"_

_"Oh crap, I should get going." Alex looks at her watch. "I said I would meet Dr. Lester after his lunch break." She scurries down the ladder. "I'll talk to you later okay?"_

_"Okay…" Sean says as she cracks him a smile. On that note, Alex slides open a false wall in the barn and hops into the hidden elevator. "I was getting there…" Sean says to himself as Alex disappears._

* * *

"What do you mean Alex disappeared?" Nikita questions Birkhoff. She and Michael had just arrived at the airport, scouting Smith. "I thought we were tracking her."

"Her tracker just went offline." Birkhoff says too quickly. "But that's not all. I lost Sean too!"

"Hold on, slow down. What happen to Sean?"

"I'm telling you, something is going on. First Alex and now Sean… it's gotta be Amanda." Birkhoff says, jumping to conclusions.

"Birkhoff-"

"Wait, wait, wait. I got something!" Birkhoff exclaims. "Local P.D. There's a dispatch, reporting an accident on corner of Prospect and Pearl street…"

"An accident?" Michael questions. He lowers his scope and whispers to Nikita, "I don't see Smith. Do you?"

"No." Nikita whispers back. "Nerd, what's going on?"

"Sean? SEAN?" Birkhoff tries to get his com back online.

* * *

"Sean?" Alex questions.

"Your boyfriend?" Her friend looks at Alex with a new wave of suspicion. "I saw him earlier today with Michael and his fiancée…" She considers testing Alex. "I always forget her name..."

"Nikita?" Alex asks.

"Yeah! Nikita." She smiles. Alex got the answer right. She figured her friend was just having an off day. "I don't know how I can't remember that." The girl continues to play along. "It's not a name you hear everyday."

"Ha." Alex laughs. "It's okay, I have trouble remembering things too."

"Just like this." The girl reaches behind a fire extinguisher mounted on the wall next to unit 305. "Here you go." She hands Alex the key.

"Thanks." Alex smiles at her. She wished she could remember her name. It would be too awkward to ask now. Her friend was already suspicious of her forgetfulness.

"Don't lose this one too." The girl replies. "I gotta go now, but don't be a stranger." She nods her head toward the apartment across the hall. "You and Sean should come over sometime whenever you feel better. Sean said something about you not feeling well before?"

"Oh yeah…" Alex tries to remain neutral. "That's right." She had to keep playing along. "I've just been working so hard lately... there's a lot of pressure. You know how stress can give you headaches sometimes? I just feel like my mind is scrabbling to get all this work done, and now it's making me lose track-

"Of all the little things?"

"Yeah." Alex looks at her amazed. "That's exactly what Sean says too..."

"He's so worried about you all the time. I think it's adorable. You're lucky to have such a great guy."

Alex smiles at her. She was right. "Anyway, I'm fine though."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. It's not a big deal, I just need to relax... get my mind off of work."

"Okay well get better soon." The girl replies.

* * *

_"All better?" Sean walks up to Alex in medical. He hovers by the door as she turns to smile at him._

_"Yup." Alex says jumping off the medical bed. She walks up to him and shows off her arm. "Good as new."_

"She's the one." Sean smiles as he summarizes his story to Marissa in one sentence. "She's always been the one. I have to find her." He says.

Marissa stops him from moving too much. He winces in pain, fumbling for the seatbelt again. "As much as I love chivalry and you being some white knight riding off into the sunset searching for his one true love... I'm not letting you go anywhere until a doctor clears you!" She warns him. "Like, I don't think you realize-" She looks him up and down, "You're bleeding. You could have a broken arm or something."

Sean laughs, thinking about Alex again._ "I'm going to start a pool. Lets see how long you'll last before you break it again."_

_"Hey!" Alex glares at him. "I don't always break my arm." She walks past him, out the door._

_"This is the third time, Alex…" Sean follows her down the hall._

_"I can't help it." Alex says as they walk away from medical. "I punch with my right. Want me to demonstrate?"_

_"You can't hit me." Sean teases._

_Alex stops walking and stares at him. Hands on her hips. "Are you challenging me?"_

_"I'm not going to fight you, Alex." Sean starts to walk again._

_"Because you're scared I'll beat you?" Alex follows him toward Ops._

_"No..."_

_"Because I'm a girl?" Alex asks._

_"No, it's not like that…"_

_"Then why not?"_

_"Because I don't want to hurt you." Sean says. "And I don't mean that in any dominating way…"_

_"Then what do you mean?" Alex glares at him._

_"I mean, I don't want to hurt you, ever."_

* * *

Birkhoff frowns at the sight of Sean's mangled car on his computer. "Ouch." Birkhoff comments. "I found Sean's car. He looks hurt."

"Michael, I don't like the sound of this…" Nikita nudges him. "Maybe we should go back and check on him."

"This is what Amanda wants." Michael says. "She wants to split us all up."

"This looks serious." Nikita looks at the live video feed Birkhoff sent to her smartphone. "How bout you go check on Sean and I'll stay and look out for Smith."

"Wait, Nikita, look!" Michael shouts. He spots Smith walking through airport security.

"Nerd, we gotta go…" Nikita frowns. She turns to face Michael, "Okay, real quick, once we get Smith, I'll deal with him and you go get Sean."

"Deal." Michael nods. "Birkhoff, tell us when you find Alex."

* * *

"I have to tell her." Sean mumbles.

"Tell her what?" Marissa asks.

"That I'm never giving up," Sean gazes down the street. Siren sounds could be heard in the distance. "I'm never going to leave, until she says yes."

"Aww, that's so romantic." Marissa gushes.

"Mar!" Her boyfriend shouts.

"Chris! Over here." She turns to look at Sean. "I'll be right back." She says. "Don't move!"

"I called your brother too. He's coming." Chris tells her.

"Coop?"

"No, the other one. Are you crazy? Yeah Coop." Chris jokes. He looks toward Sean's car. "So he's awake?"

"Yeah, oh my gosh Chris, you have to meet this guy. He's trying to find this girl name Alex. I think he's going to propose to her."

* * *

"Wow." Alex says amazed as she steps into her old apartment. She looks around feeling dazed, like she had just stepped into an alternate universe. "This isn't real."

Alex shakes her head when she spots a photo of herself, framed and sitting next to a plant that looked like it hadn't been watered in days. She walks over to the plant and picks up the picture frame. Running her fingers along the glass. Studying the image of this happy girl she barely recognized.

Alex looked at herself sadly, trying to remember when this was photo was taken. She couldn't remember though. It pained her, she was trying so hard. Frustrated, Alex sets the photo down. She tried to look away but her eyes kept going back to it. Each time, the happy girl in the candid photo would appear as if she was mocking her. Overwhelmed by the image, Alex flips it face down.

* * *

"Alex…" Sean calls out her name in agony. He unbuckles his seatbelt and falls out of the car. Blood dripping from his hands as he lands on broken glass. "Ugh." He groans in pain, picking himself off the ground.

Sean looks over at Marissa and her boyfriend talking. As if they were in slow motion, the world around him seemed to stop. He could hear the siren sounds in the distance. His vision becoming blurry. He felt like he was going to collapse again. But now was his only chance. The siren sounds becoming clearer as they approached his location. He had to make a run for it. Sean quickly reaches back into the car, finding his glock and stuffing it in the back of his pants. He then grabs his phone and bolts down the street.

"Hey, watch it man!" Bystanders shout as he bumps into them.

With heavy breathing, Sean stumbles. Trying to catch his breath. Blood staining his face from his hand as he tries to adjust his eyes. But he kept running.

"Hey!" He could hear Marissa's voice shouting after him, "Where'd he go?"

"I guess he went to find Alex." Chris replies.

* * *

Alex walked into the bedroom, opening drawers, looking for anything that could possibly lead to more memories. She was hoping she might stumble across a diary of some sorts but that sounded ridiculous. She didn't feel like the type of person who would write things down. "This is useless." Alex complains. She sits down on her hardwood floor and lowers herself onto her back, exhausted, staring up at the ceiling and wanting to give up. Alex sighs, closing her eyes for just a second…

_"Alex?" Nikita walks into her bedroom. She looks at the girl lying on the ground and laughs. "What are you doing? You look ridiculous."_

_Alex pops her head up to see Nikita standing by the door. "Ugh." She falls back into her resting position. "Yoga is not for me."_

_"You're not even doing it right." Nikita laughs._

_"I've tried everything, Nikita." Alex sits up and glares at her. "I even tried mediating… with Birkhoff."_

_"Ha ha, yeah you've told me plenty of times." Nikita walks over to Alex and sits down beside her._

_"I have to put emphasis on it." Alex laughs. "It was that horrible." _

Alex jolts awake. "Nikita." She pants, looking around the room. She was remembering this conversation...

_They share a smile. Nikita suddenly sighs and gives Alex a serious look. "So, tell me, how are you? I know we never really had a chance to talk after…" She drifts off, thinking about Michael's hand._

"Why this?" Alex questions to herself. Why was she thinking about Nikita all of a sudden.

_Alex looks at her sadly. "I know you have a lot going on too."_

_"Yeah but that doesn't mean I care any less about you." Nikita reaches over and touches her hand._

Alex smiled at the thought. Nikita was always such a great friend to her. She felt bad for pushing her away at the hotel.

_Alex sighs and looks away, not wanting to talk about it. "Hey." Nikita says, trying to get her attention. "Remember what I said?"_

_"There's a reason why I started medicating again… I know." Alex looks at Nikita. "I just don't know why… any reason I come up with, it just sounds stupid."_

_"Okay, well let me ask you something." Nikita looks her in the eyes. "When did you start using again?"_

_"Uh, it was after I got shot… I told you…"_

_"No, the exact moment… what was going through your mind?"_

_"Nikita..."_

_"You have to talk about it Alex. You can't keep pushing your feelings aside. It's the only way to really understand why." Alex takes a deep breath and stands up. She walks over to her dresser and stares at the necklace Sean had given her for her birthday. Nikita spots the dangling "A" and smiles. She stands up and walks over to her friend. "Alex." Nikita continues. "What do you want?"_

* * *

"Michael!" Nikita shouts through her com. She hurdles over packed bags and makes her way through a maze of passengers lined up to board their flights.

"I got him!" Michael races after Smith in the middle of a busy airport lobby. Bystanders watch as the action unfolds. Witnesses on edge, paranoid this was going to be another deadly terrorist attack on our nation. "Cut him off." Michael directs a flow of security guards following him.

Nikita makes eye contact with Smith as he bolts toward an exit door. She quickly runs after him. "Stop!" She shouts, holding up a fake FBI badge. "It's over." She points her gun at him.

"Nikita… I've heard so much about you." Smith taunts her. He drops his package and quickly knocks the gun out of Nikita's hand. She counters with a punch to his face.

"And I've heard nothing about you." Nikita replies. "Guess that means you're not worth my time."

"Then why are you going after me?" He tries to attack her.

"Because you're the one going after my friends!" Nikita rushes toward him, climbing up his body to wrap her legs around him and use the force of his own weight to pull him down on the ground with her.

"Nice move." Smith comments. He struggles under her headlock.

"Thanks, it's like a signature of mine."

"You wanna know what a signature of mine is?" Smith asks. Before Nikita could respond, he pulls out a hidden knife under his sleeve and stabs her in the leg, causing her to release him from her grasp.

"Michael!" Nikita shouts as Smith tries to get away.

Michael catches up to them and blocks Smith's path. "We have you surrounded." He points a gun at Smith.

Smith freezes. "Hands!" Nikita exclaims, getting up. "Drop your package." Smith obeys. Nikita steps aside as airport security puts him in handcuffs.

Michael walks up to Nikita. "Are you okay?" He frowns at the sight of blood on Nikita's leg.

"Flesh wound." Nikita says. "If I can handle the little cut Alex gave me, I can handle this one too."

Michael shakes his head. "You two get hurt way too much."

"At least I haven't broken my arm three times." Nikita jokes. Her face then turns serious. "Okay, I can handle Smith now. You go find Sean."

* * *

Stealing a pair of sunglasses off a local restaurant's patio table and a coat off someone else's chair, Sean disguises himself from wandering eyes. He stumbles down the street in pain. Blood soaking through his new clothes. Marissa was right, he shouldn't have moved. But he had to find Alex again. Even if he was going to bleed out, he had to see her one last time. Sean wanders into an alleyway to catch his breath for a second. He takes out his phone, hoping it would still work. He powers it on.

Instantly, Birkhoff gets an alert. "Sean!?" He calls.

"Birkhoff." Sean pants. "You find Alex yet?" He says, getting straight to the point.

"Forget about Alex!" Birkhoff exclaims. "Are you okay?"

"Listen." Sean says in a hurry. "I need you to give Nikita a message for me."

"What is it?"

Suddenly, Sean hears footsteps behind him. "You just won't die, will you?" A voice taunts him.

"Smith."

* * *

**A/N: WHAT? Smith!? How is he in two places at once? ****Any guesses? Thoughts? Flashbacks ideas? Don't be scared to review!**


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: Hey guys, sorry for the long wait... I was on vacation. I'm back now, but I'm also back at school so I need to focus primarily on that. I'll update whenever I can. Any questions PM me or contact me on twitter :)**

**Burning Bridges: Chapter 22**

* * *

"Smith." Sean stands still. His back turned away from the man approaching him. He held onto his phone tightly, giving Birkhoff enough time to track his location. "I recognized your voice."

"Did you now?" Smith smirks.

From Smith's angle, the phone in Sean's hand wasn't visible but Birkhoff could hear every word. He narrows his eyes at the map on his computer screen, pinpointing Sean's location. "Sean, can you hear me?" Birkhoff tries to regain contact.

"Heard you loud and clear." Sean replies, directing his words to Smith. He had to stay inconspicuous.

"Hang in there Sean." Birkhoff gets his signal. He tries to stay calm. "Mikey is on his way." But the sound of Smith's footsteps splashing in puddles was making him nervous. His movements became increasing louder as he approached Sean. Birkhoff quickly sends an alert to Michael, flagging Sean's location. "Mikey." He contacts him.

"I'm about 15 minutes out." Michael informs him. "There's traffic on the Brooklyn Queens Expressway."

"Mikey, Smith..."

"Nikita has him."

"No." Birkhoff warns him. "Sean does."

"It was you…" Sean shakes his head in disbelief. He cleverly slides his phone into his pocket and slowly turns to face Smith. "I thought I saw you in that car…"

"Yes." Smith gloats. "That was me."

Birkhoff adjusts in his seat, listening uncomfortably to their conversation. _"Keep him talking Sean…"_

* * *

"Okay, Smith." Nikita slams a door shut behind her. "Talk." He stays silent, smirking at her as she walks around their small interrogation room. "I said talk!" She screams, slamming her fist onto the metal table separating the two from contact. Smith remains unfazed. Not even a single flitch. Nikita glares at him, knowing full well she would have to resort to doing things the hard way.

She never liked playing bad cop. The pure act of violence brought on a darker side to her that she didn't want to bring back. "Not a talker?" Nikita eyes Smith as she circles around him. "That's okay, there's other ways to make you talk…"

Despite Smith's calm demeanor, Nikita could feel the tension in the air. He had a good poker face, but that didn't stop him from adjusting his handcuffs uncomfortably and eyeing the briefcase next to her.

"Ah." She smiles at him, noticing his wandering eyes. "Your package." According to Amanda, it was supposed to be a weapon. A weapon that was now hers to use against him if he continued to stay silent. Smith watched Nikita with a nervous eye as she picked up the briefcase and set it down in front of him. Opening it to reveal four colored needles. Three red and one blue. "So this is how you want to play?" Nikita picks up one of the red needles.

"I'd be careful with that if I were you." Smith warns her.

"Why are you working with Amanda?" Nikita glares at him.

"I don't work for Amanda." Smith laughs at her.

"Wrong answer!" Nikita shouts. In one swift move, she reaches across the table and grabs Smith's hand, injecting the red fluid into his veins.

"Are you insane!?" Smith screams, grabbing his hand to inspect the damage. "You need to administer the antidote now!" He glances at the blue needle.

"Not until you tell me what a man like you gets out of helping Amanda murder a bunch of innocent civilians."

"Murder?" Smith shakes his head. "We do not murder."

"Oh, is your choice of word euthanize?" Nikita stares at him in disbelief. "You think you're doing this world a favor, getting rid of undesirables?" She scoffs at him. "You're not. These people never asked for this. It wasn't a life they chosen…" Nikita pauses, not only thinking about herself but mostly of Alex. "They just got screwed over by people like you. Coursing... hunting down with any means possible to get what you want. And this was all in the name of science wasn't it? That's what Heidecker said..." Nikita shakes her head at the memory of those innocent children she and Michael had seen on his plane. "Like that justifies killing." It made her sick. "Precious cargo, he called them. Lab rats." She glares at Smith. "They were innocent people just like the man you were planning on murdering in Moscow."

"You think you and your little friends back at Division are innocent?" Smith laughs. "You're no saint, Nikita... neither are your friends. Michael, Sean even Alex... your number is just as high as mine, if not higher I bet."

"We are not the same." Nikita glares at him.

"Oh, but we are." Smith smirks at her. "We're killers, Nikita. No matter how you spin it, at the end of the day, we pulled the trigger... we're responsible. How do you justify that?"

* * *

"How?" Sean glares at Smith. "You're supposed to be-"

"At the airport?" Smith smirks. "Oh I'm there too. I'm everywhere." He explains. "You see, we have eyes across the whole world. Looking, listening…" He takes a step toward Sean, unafraid. "Like a black bird in the sky."

Birkhoff scoffs at Smith's reference. "Black bird my ass." He laughs. "I have eyes everywhere too."

"That's impossible." Sean shakes his head. "There can't be two of you."

"Anything is possible, Mr. Pierce." Smith smirks.

"Really, like the possibility you're going to make it out of this alive?" Sean counters. He reaches for his hidden gun. Pointing it directly at Smith's head.

"Shoot me and Alex dies."

Sean hesitates, taking in that threat. "No…" He gasps. The gun shakes in his hand. "What are you talking about?"

"Ah, that got your attention." Smith smiles at him.

"Where is she!?" Sean shouts.

"She's safe for now… but like I said, we have eyes everywhere."

* * *

_"Alex."_ Nikita's voice continued to follow her around the apartment. Almost like a ghost, haunting her. Watching her every move. _"What do you want?"_

_"I don't need a lecture from you." Alex ignores her._ Frustrated, she sits up and leans against the end of her bed. Glancing at the doorway where Nikita once stood._ "I'm on track with my rehab..." _

_"You still need to talk about it, Alex. Just because-"_

_"I cure the symptoms… doesn't mean the disease goes away…" Alex rolls her eyes. _She stands up and walks over to her fridge, grabbing a bottle of water. Perfectly mimicking her actions in her memories. _"Birkhoff gave me the same lecture." She says, looking over at Nikita. _But she clearly never learned her lesson_. _

Her mind flashed back to a circular room. Dimly lit with candles surrounding her. "Birkhoff…" Alex smiles, she remembered his name now. He was more than just Nikita's computer nerd. He was her friend, along with Michael... and Owen… and Ryan. She was starting to remember all their names. Although the last two, she couldn't quite put a face to yet. Or figure out how they were important to her story.

_Nikita shakes her head, clearly not amused. "I'm serious, Alex." She walks up to the girl. "Have you talked to Sean lately?"_

_"Nikita, don't you have something better to do than pester me about my personal life?" _Alex remembers glaring at her friend._ "Like getting ready for that thing with Owen?" She suggests. _

_"The art gallery can wait. Angela isn't going anywhere." Nikita says. Alex rolls her eyes and takes a sip of her water. "Besides, if you don't tell me now, I'll just have Michael ask for me later."_

_"Ew." Alex almost chokes. She slams the bottle of water down on the counter and laughs. "I'm never talking about boys with him again."_

_Nikita smirks. "I thought so." They share a laugh._

_"You're not going to let this go, are you?" Alex becomes serious. _

_Nikita nods. "You have to talk to him eventually." She tells her._

_"Have you talked to Michael lately?" Alex counters. That was a low blow. Nikita gave her a look, offended and turns her back, walking toward the door. "Wait, Nikita, I'm sorry." Alex runs after her._

_"I'm only trying to help you, Alex." Nikita spins around to look at her friend. "If you don't want my help, I'll just go. Pretend this talk never happen."_

_"I didn't mean it." Alex says. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought up Michael. Don't go…" She begs. "Truth is, I really miss this." She looks around her loft, feeling lonely. "I know I don't always make things easy and I say I like to do things on my own, but Nikita, I still need you. More than I like to admit."_

* * *

"Admit it." Smith smirks. "We're both killers."

"I know..." Nikita says softly. She looks down and slowly pulls out a glock from the back of her pants. "I am..." She meets his eyes and raises the gun in the air, threatening him. "But the difference between you and me right now, is I'm the one holding the gun."

"Do it." Smith taunts her. "I'm dead anyway." Nikita hesitates. What was he talking about? "I always was, wasn't I?" Smith continues. "The moment you walked through that door... this is it. This is how it should end." Nikita stands her ground. "Do it!" He yells. But he knew she couldn't do it. Not like this in cold-blood.

She couldn't pull the trigger even if someone else's life depended on it. Ramon and Cyrus came to mind. Even Ari. She let them all live and every time it came with a huge risk. She risked Michael's life, her own life, along with Alex's life... but none of those risks were as bad as the consequences she had to face letting Amanda live._ "I let her live."_ That phrase would haunt her forever now, along with the faces of every innocent person who has died since then.

Smith laughs at her, knowing exactly what she was thinking. "Amanda was right. Your compassion has always been your downfall, and now you'll learn the true lesson of that."

* * *

"I'm not scared of your threats." Sean tries to remain calm.

"You would risk her life?" Smith questions him.

Sean kept the barrel of his gun trained on Smith with every move the man took. But it continued to shake in his hands. The thought of Alex being out in the open, so vulnerable was making him uneasy. That combined with the recent loss of blood and a possible concussion from the accident made him even more nervous.

"No…" Sean mumbles. He took a heavy breath, trying to collect his thoughts. He would never risk her life. He would rather sacrifice his own life before letting anything happen to Alex.

"What is it about this girl that people find worth saving?" Smith taunts him. "She's just a girl."

"She's not just any girl." Sean stares at Smith. "You have no idea what this girl is cable of. She can turn worlds upside down. Run through towns causing complete chaos, yet she'll always have your back. She's loyal, she's smart, she's funny, and most of all, she's caring… she's the type of girl worth fighting for."

"But at what cost?" Smith questions. "Are you willing to give up everything for this girl?"

"In a heart beat." Sean says. "Because that's what you do when you love someone as much as I do." He keeps his gun pointed at Smith, taking a step closer to him. "I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

_"I'm not going anywhere, Alex." Nikita reaches out and touches Alex's arm, softly._

_Alex gives her a small smile but it quickly fades. "Yeah, here, right now…" She gestures around the room. "You say that and then something comes up… another mission, another attack, and then one day out of the blue… poof, gone… There's nothing worth fighting for anymore."_

_Nikita gives Alex a sad look, knowing her words were meant for Sean. "He left me." Alex looks up at Nikita. "That's why I started using again." Nikita frowns, not liking that answer but it was the truth. "I know what you're thinking." Alex says. "How could I?" She sighs and walks over to her couch in the living room, sitting down. Nikita follows her, waiting for more._

_"What are we doing?" Alex looks her in the eyes as Nikita sits down. "Chasing monsters… monsters that are only going to be replaced as soon as we take them out." Nikita shakes her head, not wanting to believe that. "He warned me." Alex says sadly. "He warned me not to get emotionally attached… but I did anyway, and that pain of losing him... it hurt too much, I wanted to push it away." Alex stands up, becoming too emotional. She walks toward her bedroom. "I thought one pill..." She looks toward Nikita. "That's it, that's all I need to get rid of the pain."_

_"Alex..." Nikita stood by the door, reaching for the girl's hand._

_But Alex pulls away, looking away ashamed. "There's a saying..."_

"Time heals all wounds…" Alex reminds herself as she walks over to her dresser, eying the spot where her necklace used to hang. She glanced toward the door, reminiscing…

_Nikita stood close by. Always watching over Alex. She notices the golden "A" in her protegé's hands. Twisting nervously as a bad habit. _

_"That's what Liza's dad told me once." Alex looks toward her friend. Nikita stays silent, pondering that quote. "You remember Liza right?" Alex asks. "That girl you saved from Wade?"_

_"We saved." Nikita corrects her. She flashes her friend a smile, causing the girl to return a smaller one._

_"He's right, you know?" Alex looks down at the necklace in her hands. "About time…it's slow but it works. Everyday, the pain, it gets less and less. To a point where we don't even have to think about it. Eventually moving on. Living a normal life…"_

_Nikita sighs, knowing Alex was right. After a certain amount of time Michael would get over the loss of his hand and move on…_

_"And then one day, out of the blue, you see a face… you hear a voice…" Alex continues. "And you think it's-" She starts to choke up. Her hand, closing around the little "A". Nikita frowns, realizing her words also reflected her conflicting feelings for Sean. "These reminders… they give you hope that maybe one day things would just fix itself, you know?" Alex looks up at Nikita._

_"Alex…" Nikita walks up to her. She places a hand over Alex's, slowly taking away the necklace she was grasping. "Do you want to fix things with Sean?"_

* * *

"It's not too late to fix this." Nikita tells Smith. "Help me stop Amanda and I'll-"

"What? Give me the luxury of a 7 by 12 foot box?" He laughs. "I rather die."

Angry, Nikita pistol whips Smith flat across the face, slashing a wound open on his forehead. He tries to reach for his head to stop the blood dripping down the side of his face but his handcuffs prevented him. He groans in pain and stares back at Nikita, suddenly laughing. "Is that the best you can do?" He mocks her. "You can't save everyone, Nikita." Smith continues to taunt her. He wanted her to kill him. Her bullet would be far less painful than anything else.

"I can do this all day." Nikita counters.

"Forever?" He questions.

"There's no forever in this business." Nikita tells him, echoing the words Ari had told her once. He frowns at her, collecting his thoughts. "So I suggest you get out of this business now. Redeem yourself." Nikita walks over the briefcase and picks up the blue needle. "You want this? Tell me how it works."

"I don't know, I'm not a scientist. I'm just the messenger."

"Then who is?" Nikita asks. "Tell me, I know you know a name."

Smith shakes his head. "I don't know!" He exclaims, suddenly shaking. It was getting hot in the room, he could feel the sweat tickling down his neck. "This is it…" He suddenly realizes.

Nikita backs away from him, worried now. "Smith!" She shouts. She could see his eyes, begging for her to end it now. Shoot him.

But it was too late. "Dr. Loren Tolcher!" Smith screams in a last-ditch effort to redeem himself. In a flash, his head bent back in pain, spilling out blood all over the table.

"Help!" Nikita screams in horror. A swarm of airport security invade the room, unchaining Smith's lifeless body.

"What happen?" A man questions Nikita.

Suddenly a beeping sound could be heard coming from Smith's body. Nikita frowns, reaching for the device in Smith's pocket. She takes out a cell phone and glances at the name on the caller ID. "Amanda." Nikita realizes. She stares back at Smith, his words echoing in her head. _"You can't save everyone."_

* * *

"You fool." Smith laughs at Sean. "You can't save her. You're risking your life for a dead girl."

"No." Sean shakes his head, refusing to believe that. He charges after Smith, knocking him into a wall "Alex is-"

"Your precious _Alex_ is gone." Smith tells him. "She's a trojan horse."

Sean punches him in the face. "Don't talk about her!"

"Whatever's left of her is just a broken shell." Smith spits blood in Sean's face. "She will never love you."

Sean punches him again. "Fight you coward!" Smith laughs him, dodging his attacks.

"She's incapable of it." Smith continues. "She has no humanity left in her."

"She has a heart!" Sean shouts. "She does, I've seen it. She's starting to care again!"

"She only cares about herself." Smith laughs. Sean tries to punch him again but Smith counters, kicking him in the side. Shattering an already bruised rib.

Sean falls backwards, hitting the ground in pain. His gun thrown to the side. Along with his phone, slipping out of his pocket, just slightly out of his reach. "You're lying!" He cries out. "She can't be controlled!"

Smith walks up to him and kicks the gun aside, kneeling down to get to Sean's eye level. He picks up the phone in his hands, waving it in front of Sean. "Any feelings she has for you is a lie. It can be turned off at any second."

* * *

_"You're a big girl, Alex. Whatever feelings you have, you have to learn to deal with them." Nikita says giving the girl back her necklace. _

_Alex looks at the little "A" in her hand and smiles at Nikita. "Thanks…" She leans in for a hug. "For this." Alex breaks away, still smiling._

_"Any time." Nikita smiles back. "Just remember, I got your back."_

Alex jolts awake, finding herself lying on the floor in the middle of her bedroom. She shakes her head, wondering how she got here. She could've sworn she was just in the kitchen a few minutes ago… or was she more towards the living room? Her flashbacks were becoming too real to her. Alex laughs, she felt herself reliving a deja vu. But every time, Nikita would be there to guide her. _"I got your back."_

Alex stands up and glances at all the pictures scattered around the room. She smiles at the framed photos of herself and Sean, catching a rare one of herself and Nikita too. She could admit it now, she did want to fix things with Sean. In fact, she wanted to fix things with everyone, but most importantly she wanted to fix herself… Go back to the way things used to be before it all went blank. "_Before Amanda?"_ Alex questions.

A clock strikes 3pm. It set off a single beep, snapping Alex out of her thoughts. She runs toward her window, eyeing the taxi cab out front. Good, her driver was still there, waiting for her.

_"What are you doing?" _A voice spoke to her again. Alex glances at the door, expecting another vision of Nikita. Instead she found herself looking into a mirror.

"I'm going to find Sean." Alex tells herself. Her conscious coming back. "I have to tell him how I feel."

* * *

"She loves me!" Sean shouts. Smith doesn't know what he's talking about. It was all a bluff, no one was really watching Alex. Sean had to believe that. "I know she does." Sean stares back at him.

Smith laughs, throwing the phone on the ground. Sean watches him stand up. "Maybe she does." Smith amuses himself. "Or maybe she doesn't." He laughs. "The point is, you won't be around to hear her say it." He pulls out a gun and aims it at the phone. "No one is coming to save you." He shoots it. Sean flitches as debris fly around him.

Smith brings his gun back toward Sean. "Earlier today, you said you were willing to give up everything for this girl… are you willing to give up your life?"

A single bullet sound echoed off the walls of the alley, bringing the bustling city streets to a complete silence.

* * *

**A/N: :O NO WORDS right? Dead silence... (no pun). You're just speechless. lol **

**For those of you who also read "Smoke & Mirrors" Yes, I did it again... That single bullet cliffhanger. It's agony... but hey, look how that turned out... ;)**

**In case you don't get the reference, I suggest you go read that story ;) I'm not gonna say anything about the outcome of this chapter because that would defeat the purpose of a cliffhanger. Duh. **

**(Btw my birthday is this Monday, August 26. So make my day and leave me a review :D)**


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: So this chapter is, in a nut shell, all sorts of crazy... I just can't warn you enough. So where did we leave off? Oh yeah, BAM! Gunshot... Ready? Go!**

**Burning Bridges: Chapter 23**

* * *

The gun slammed down loud against the pavement as his body fell to the ground. Blood poured from the wound in a seemingly endless stream of crimson. The source not yet known. Footsteps followed to the beat of another bullet piercing through the air. Finding it's target deep within the man's heart. The impact of it just reaching his eyes.

Another shot, another scream, another echo in his ear. It bounced off the walls calling a name, his name...

"SEAN!" The voice screamed. It felt so far away. The footsteps racing toward him now. Each step awakening his senses more and more. He could feel the blood staining his clothes, seeping through his fingers as he tried to stop the flow.

"HEY!" Panic filled the air. He felt hands on his shoulders, suddenly shaking him. "Sean! Sean, are you okay? I got here as fast as I could…"

Sean looked down at the pool of blood surrounding him, frowning at the sight of it. There was so much blood...

* * *

Nikita takes a deep breath, collecting her thoughts as she steps away from Smith's lifeless body. He had warned her, he was dead anyway… there was nothing she could do to stop it. But part of her still wished there was some way to save him. She frowned, the sight of his blood spilled across the table in front of her was still overwhelming to see. "No." Nikita stares at him in shock. She couldn't believe it. She backed away further, refusing to give the man any mercy. He had it coming, he deserved it. It wasn't her fault.

The phone in her hand continued to ring as she processed the name on the caller ID. "Amanda." Nikita frowns. She had to stay calm. She looks at the guard standing next to her and excuses herself, walking into the hallway for more privacy.

After a moment to catch her breath, she forces herself to answer Amanda's call. "What do you want?" Nikita says with disdain in her voice.

"Nikita," Amanda says feigning surprise. "So nice to hear your voice."

"Can't say the same." Nikita replies. She steps into another room overlooking the interrogation floor. "Your messenger is dead."

"I realized that." Amanda seems unimpressed.

"You're not upset?" Nikita questions as she walks up to the two-way mirror. "This doesn't put a little dent in your grand scheme of things?"

Amanda sighs. "Not everyone can be saved, Nikita."

"Is that your big lesson of the day again?" Nikita laughs. "Don't try to sympathize with me, Amanda." She watches as a coroner walks into the next room. His back turned away from her, hovering over Smith's cold frame.

"I admit, I wished it didn't have to come to this." Amanda replies. "But you left me with little choice."

"Don't turn this around on me." Nikita rolls her eyes. "It was your choice to kill him, not mine. Tell me, how did you do it?"

"You had the chance to spare him the pain." Amanda ignores her question. "His death is on you."

"I don't care about him!" Nikita shouts. "Your lesson means nothing."

"Oh Nikita," Amanda laughs, "That wasn't the lesson."

"Then what was it?"

"An example." She states. "You needed to see first hand what the nano-toxins are capable of."

"Nano-toxins?" Nikita questions.

"Think of it as an upgrade to the kill-chip." Amanda says proudly. "When the particles are introduced into the bloodstream, and only when triggered, the result will lead to… well, you saw what happen."

* * *

It took him awhile to finally realize what was happening. He had survived. "How?" Sean looks up to find gentle hands reaching for his ribs, checking the damage. He winced in pain, trying to contain a scream.

"Sorry." Her voice whispered to him, softly. She cracked him a smile so rare he convinced himself he had to be imagining it.

"Alex?" Sean gasps, taking in the sight of her. She literally took his breath away. He couldn't believe it.

"Sean…" She frowns. Her heart breaking for him all over again as she sat by his side. His condition worsening with nothing she could do. She shakes her head, finding it extremely difficult to look him in the eyes. After all this time, he still put her first. She hated herself for this.

"Alex… Alex…"

"Shh, try not to move." She runs her hand in his hair, speaking softly. Her touch calming him.

"Are you an angel?" Sean smiled at her in awe. She had to be one, it seemed too good to be true.

"No." She laughs nervously, her hands a little bit cold to the touch.

He tries to sit up, his shattered ribs making it almost impossible but he didn't care. At this point nothing else even mattered. He had to get a better look at her. "You came back…"

She helps him into a sitting position, pressing her hand against his wounds. He tried to speak but she shushes him. "Don't." Alex frowns, worried now.

"You have to be…" Sean says. He looks at her mystified, reaching out to cup the side of her face. "My angel…"

"Don't say that!" Alex screams. "I'm not. I'm-" She shakes her head, pulling his hand away. She didn't feel like an angel. If anything, she felt more like a devil's curse. She was angry at herself now, believing this was all her fault. "I'm so sorry." Alex says, looking away ashamed. She came back to tell him something and now she was at a lost for words.

"You saved me." Sean stares at her, amazed. He tries to reach for her hand again, wincing in the process. His cry, calling her attention back toward him. The pain on her face killing him.

Blood transferring onto her. She glances at his arm, noticing a tiny bullet lodged inside his upper right arm. "You took a bullet for me!" Alex gasps.

"I told you, someday I would…"

* * *

"Why would you do this?" Nikita questions. "Why would you kill your own man…" She shakes her head, the nightmare continuing. It made her sick to see a man have his every blood vessel burst in front of her. "Just to make an example out of him? You're insane!" Nikita shouts. Amanda only made her job a lot easier. There was no one stopping her from saving Alex and Levkin now. "You just sacrificed a pawn for nothing and now there's no one left to carry out your final moves."

"I have plenty of pawns left, Nikita." Amanda laughs. "And you're one of them."

"Excuse me?" Nikita says, amused. She switches the phone in between hands as she paces around the room. "I'm what now?"

"You're a pawn, Nikita." Amanda states. "A naïve one in fact if you think you can be beat me at my own game."

Nikita rolls her eyes. She glances toward the window, watching the coroner as he places Smith into a black body bag. It was always just a game to her, wasn't it.

"I predicted this." Amanda says. "I planned this… I knew Alex would lead you to Smith, I wanted her to."

"Now you're just making things up." Nikita argues. "Just face it, you're losing control of your girl. Alex is still Alex, she remembers who she is."

* * *

"Do you remember?" Sean looks at Alex, adoringly. "What I said when I came to-"

"You said you _might_ take a bullet for me." Alex recalls. "Back in Russia…" She stops to think, remembering their adventures together. "After you stole my croissant." She couldn't help but laugh at that small detail.

Sean smiles at the memory, "You never forgave me for that." It was true. She laughs, remembering how much she was looking forward to that meal.

They shared a moment together, reminiscing until the blood started to seep through thicker. Alex panics. How could she have let this happen to him? She gives Sean a sad look while desperately trying to find something to stop the blood, currently staining his upper right arm. She had to put more pressure on it. But the pressure was now going to her head.

"That doesn't mean you have to take a bullet for me though!" She screams, reflecting her anger at him. She takes off her jacket and instinctively rips the sleeve off of it. "How can you be so careless!?" She shouts, on the verge of tears. She tries to form a makeshift tourniquet, working effortlessly as she looks him in the eyes. "You-"

"I'm careless?" Sean stares at her in disbelief. She stops tearing the piece of fabric in her hands and stares at him. "I only care about you! Of your safety. I was-"

"You didn't let me finish…" Alex frowns. "You have no idea, do you? How much of an effect you have on me…" She stares at him, quoting an almost exact line he had used on her once. "No idea." She smiles, shaking her head in the process.

"It's crazy, what you make me go through." Alex continues. She looks away embarrassed. "I'm out of my mind for you… and then you go around pulling stunts like this!" She pauses, tears coming to her eyes now as she looks down at his battered body. "You could have died, Sean." Alex forces herself to look at him. She felt a pang in her heart, constricting her. She takes a deep breath, trying to find the right words. "And I can't… I can't imagine a world not knowing you're a part of it."

* * *

Amanda sighs. "Yes, she is beginning to show cracks now. But what about Owen?" Amanda counters. Nikita pauses, taking in that thought. "Yes, Owen…" Amanda repeats his name. "Have you forgotten about him? Or should I call him by his real name? Who he really is... Sam."

"Owen..." Nikita panics, she hadn't heard from him since the day Alex unleashed the mutiny inside Division.

"Oh good, you still remember him." Amanda says. Despite his betrayal, Nikita still cared for him.

"No." Nikita shakes her head in disbelief. "This is crazy. No more mind games…" She had trouble imagining any way out for Owen. What happen to him? "Talk to me like a normal person!" Nikita lashes out. "What the hell do you want?" She was getting tired of talking to Amanda on the phone. She wanted to see her face to face, look her in the eyes and shoot her where it would hurt most. "Where's Owen?"

"Where's Alex?" Amanda counters, knowing the mention of her little protégé's name would get on Nikita's nerve.

"Alex has nothing to do with this! This war is between you and me!" Nikita shouts into the phone. "Leave her out of this."

"Alex is fair game." Amanda suddenly walks into the room, catching Nikita off guard. "She is the key to getting everything that I want."

* * *

"Alex…" Sean reaches for her face again, caressing her gently as she let her tears roll down her check. He wiped them away, giving her a smile. "You're all that I ever wanted and wished for, I'm not going anywhere." He takes her hand in his, holding onto her tightly. "It's my job." He tells her. "To protect you, always. You know that."

He smirks at her. He couldn't help it. He had sacrificed everything waiting for this day to come. I seemed like lifetimes ago even if in reality it had only been a couple hours since he thought he would never see her again. But there she was, in the flesh, standing in front of him.

She looks at him stunned for a moment. Sean continues to stare at her, his smug expression getting on her nerves. He could see her walls beginning to crack for the first time in a long time.

"Well, you're doing a bad job!" Alex snaps. Despite everything, she was still as stubborn as ever. "I don't need you to protect me! I need you to STAY ALIVE." She glares at him. "Come on." She stands up, trying to pull his weight. "We have to get you to a hospital!"

* * *

"Amanda!" Nikita instantly turns to face her. She reaches for her gun, threatening her greatest enemy. She would do anything to protect Alex. Amanda was about to make her last threat.

"Oh, I wouldn't do that if I were you." Amanda taunts her. "Not if you want Alex to live."

"What?" Nikita stood there, blank faced as she tried to process the risks.

"Oh, Nikita." Amanda laughs in her face. "You really didn't think I was stupid enough to let Alex run free, did you?" Nikita stared back at her, out of words. She held onto her gun tightly, aiming it at Amanda. "Behind my back, so carelessly? No, of course not." Amanda paces around her, smirking. She eyed Nikita's weapon like it was just a toy. "I'm always thinking, Nikita..." She taunts her, amused. "One…"

"Stop!" Nikita shouts. She watches as Amanda takes a step toward her.

"Step-"

"STOP!" Nikita warns her again. The gun in her hand starts to tremble as Nikita quickly shakes her head. No, Amanda couldn't be this smart. Alex had to be clean. She had to stay innocent. There's no way Amanda would inject Alex with the same nano-toxins used on Smith. Nikita refused to believe this was a possible. "Stop talking!" Nikita shouts. She waves the gun in Amanda's face, remaining in control of the situation.

Amanda laughs as Nikita threatens her with the gun. "Ahead." She finally finishes. _"One step ahead."_

* * *

Alex frowns when Sean lets out a groan. "Sorry." She says, realizing she shouldn't move his arm too much. She finishes adjusting the tourniquet and takes a step back, adjusting her grip on him. "Come on, there's a hospital nearby." She says getting ready to wrap the fabric around his arm.

"Wait, I can't…" Sean stops her, knowing the only hospital he could go to was one that wouldn't ask any questions.

"What are you talking about?" Alex yells. "You got shot!" She reaches for his arm, trying to find the bullet still lodged inside. The sight of it giving her an overwhelming sense of pain, she couldn't quite understand why.

Sean looks down at his arm. "Okay, okay… this isn't that bad." He surveys the damage. He could still feel his arm. "No nerve damage. Looks like no connective tissue damage either." Sean gives her a small smile, trying to reassure her. "It was a clean shot... I can get the bullet out."

"But the blood!" Alex exclaims, looking around. The scene looked like something out of a horror movie to her, which was greatly exaggerated.

"Most of it is Smith's." Sean says. "Not mine. Trust me." He glances toward his enemy's dead body, smiling as he brings his attention back to Alex. She continued to look around, fixing her eyes on large puddles of blood… over-thinking things. "Nice shot by the way." Sean comments. Alex had shot him three times, twice in the back and another right where his heart would be… if he even had a heart. "Your instincts are still intact." He smirks at her.

* * *

"Stop." Nikita stares at Amanda. She shakes her head in disbelief. "Alex is a good girl, she's showing signs of her old self. Just admit your plan is falling apart, there's no way Alex is going to choose you over me."

Amanda sighs, admitting to the truth. "The original plan was to corrupt Alex and twist her into this alternate version of Alexandra; eventually restoring her to the throne and gaining control of Zetrov… but that wasn't really _my_ plan." She stresses. "It was the group's. _My_ plan was to use your little protégé to get to you where it hurts most." She pauses to see Nikita's expression harden. "The heart… your compassion for this girl was always your downfall."

"Well, that didn't really work out, did it?" Nikita keeps her gun trained on Amanda. "You've lost control of her."

"She's lost control of herself." Amanda argues. "I was trying to help her."

"Help her?" Nikita scoffs. "How? You wanted to turn her into your little puppet! You manipulated her… you made her-"

"I made her open her eyes. She was a broken girl, damaged beyond repair. I fixed her. I saved her life."

* * *

"You saved my life." Sean looks at Alex.

"Stop it." Alex glares at him. She wasn't exactly fond of the idea of herself knowing how to shoot a gun. She frowns, gently moving his arm slowly as she wraps the fabric around his wound, successfully stopping the blood flow to the best of her abilities.

He stared at her in awe. After all this time, she still remembered the little things, like how to close a wound. It wasn't the first time she played his nurse.

"What?" Alex suddenly looks at him nervously, noticing his expression.

She was smart, all that Division training didn't go to waste. "You still remember how to take care of me…" He smiles.

Alex gave him a look, finally realizing what he meant. "Oh." She says in shock. Her hands were working with a mind of their own.

* * *

"You thought you two could sneak around behind my back and I wouldn't notice?" Amanda glares at Nikita. "In the same building too, only 8 floors up? Silly girl. I knew what you were trying to do." She gives Nikita a wicked smile. "I let Alex run back to you." She pauses and pulls out a cell phone. Pressing one button to relay the scene between Sean and Alex back to Nikita.

He was trying to provoke a smile out of her but her expression darken, clearly not a good sign. "Alex?" Sean looks at her worried now.

She blinked, trying to adjust her eyes as she stared at the scene. The blood reminding her of something she had tried so hard to forget… "Where's the blood?" Alex suddenly looks at Sean. A fear in her eyes.

"What?" Sean looks at her confused.

She started to shake, her mind seeing things that weren't real. "Oh god… SOMEBODY HELP!" Alex screams at the top of her lungs. She grabs her head, screaming for a nightmare to go away. Her heart constricting. She gasps, struggling to get a hold of herself.

Nikita looks at Amanda shocked. "What did you do to her!?" She shouts.

"I didn't do anything to her." Amanda replies. "I didn't have to do anything to her." Nikita narrows her eyes, detecting lies. Amanda laughs. "Don't worry, Alex is clean." She continues. "There's no point injecting her with the nano-toxin, she's doing a fine job killing herself as we speak."

Nikita glares at Amanda, not wanting to believe this but the sound of Alex's shallow breathing scared her.

"Hey!" Sean grabs a hold of Alex. "Shh, calm down." He didn't want her to draw a scene. Right now there was little foot traffic in this secluded neighborhood. No one had noticed their location yet.

"NO!" Alex screams again. She pushes Sean away, unintentionally hitting his ribs. It knocked some wind out of him, causing her to unravel even more. Another jolt striking her heart. She runs down the alley screaming again.

"PLEASE! PLEASE! SOMEBODY HELP!" Nikita cringes as Alex's voice continued to scream at her through the tiny device in Amanda's hand.

"There's multiple side effects to PTSD." Amanda explains. "Alex just happens to have an extremely rare case."

"She'll get through it." Nikita argues. "She always does."

"No, I don't think so this time." Amanda comments. "She's too damaged to function properly."

Alex shakes her head, she rocks back and forth mumbling nonsense.

"Alex… Alex…" Sean tries to get her to focus again.

She looks toward him suddenly, running back to check his ribs. "Sean!" Alex grabs onto his collar, panicking. She felt like her heart was about to explode.

"What's happening to her!?" Nikita shouts.

"When you care for another person, over time, you blend your energies in the form of hopes, dreams, plans and expectations," Amanda paces around Nikita explaining Alex's unique situation. "But when those relationships are shattered, there should be a process of rebuilding. Finding one's self again." Amanda pauses, looking directing at Nikita. "Alex never did that, she never found herself. Instead she latched onto you, blocked her heart off for years, and built up walls. Until one day, someone came a long and started to break down her walls."

Sean quickly pulls Alex into a hug, preventing her from moving. He knew what she was doing… he had seen it before. She was remembering something too intense, causing her to relive the scene as if it was happening all over again. "Alex!" Sean whispers into her ear. He ran his fingers in her hair, trying to calm her heart rate down. "Promise me…" He plays along, hoping this would snap her out of her deja vu. "Promise me, Alex…"

Nikita nods, understanding that person was Sean. "Little cracks." Amanda comments. "In reality, it was good for her. She had found love... but unfortunately for her, like everything else she had ever loved, he too was ripped from her heart… so trust me when I say this, a broken heart for Alex can be a deadly thing..."

Alex gasped and clutches onto her chest, feeling her heart constrict. Sean panics, not knowing what to do. "Hey!" He shouts. "Alex! Please, you have to snap out of this..." She shook in his arms, trying to calm herself down. "Promise me, Alex!"

"The only thing keeping her sane was that procedure I gave her." Amanda continues. "Without that wall to block her mind from reliving those horrid memories, her emotions will overpower her… she will kill herself."

Nikita shakes her head, refusing to believe that. "No one has ever died from a broken heart."

"You would think that wouldn't you?" Amanda laughs. "It does sound like something out of a Hollywood movie, or tragic romance novel, but no Nikita, this is in fact a very serious thing." She starts pacing around the room again, clearly amused. "It's not exactly like a heart attack, although they share some similarities. No, you see _Broken Heart Syndrome_ is a temporary inflammatory heart disease that affects the muscle surrounding the heart."

"Without proper treatment… her heart can only take a limited amount of stress before she explodes." Amanda states. "And by the sound of it, it looks like she's reached her limit."

* * *

**A/N: I actually did my research... you CAN die from a broken heart. What I say? Isn't that crazy!? Turns out Amanda was sort of trying to help her all along with that "wall", but just like everything else evil about her, she had to use it to her advantage... :P Alex doesn't need a wall. She needs to BURN HER BRIDGES DOWN ;)**

**Please review :)**


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: I'm back! Are you guys okay? Still alive? Barely breathing? AH CALM DOWN, don't be like Alex. Everything is fine... just breathe... in and out... in and out... okay, ready? I'm warning you now, you might want to sit down for this... **

**Burning Bridges: Chapter 24**

* * *

"Alex! Alex!" Sean desperately tries to get her attention back. She shook violently in his arms, trying to catch her breath.

"Something's wrong..." Alex gasped, holding onto her chest as she stared back at him, pleading for help. "I can't-"

"Hey!" Sean screams, panicking as he holds onto her with all his strength. "Try to calm your heart rate."

"I can't… BREATHE!" She exclaims, inhaling deeply in between words as she fought for air. Her lungs rapidly filling up with fluid. It blocked her airways, suffocating her to near blackness.

"Alex!" Sean saw the signs. She was starting to turn pale, coughing up a frothy sputum tinged with specks of blood. It was a case of pulmonary edema caused by the onset of sudden heart failure. Without fast treatment she was surely going to die.

"Sean..." Alex reaches for his hand. She had something important to tell him. "Sean... I-"

"Shh." He caresses her face, wiping away her tears and sweat in the process as he whispered softly in her ear. "Shhh, don't say anything." He tries to calm her by running his fingers through her hair, untangling knots with every shallow breath she took. "Save your energy, princess."

She shook her head, more tears running down her face. "I..." She gasps. "I... have to... tell... you some-"

"Alex, please..." Sean pleads for her to stop. He feared with every breath she took, it might be her last.

She cracked him a smile, trying to stay strong. But she knew she was dying. "Sean..."

Sean shook his head, he didn't want to hear her say it. Not like this. Not when those words could be her last. "Stop." He warns her. "You're going to be fine!"

She closed her eyes, tears falling out as she shook her head defiantly. She didn't care how much energy this took, she had to tell him...

* * *

"I have to do something..." Nikita stares back at Amanda in shock. "I have to save her."

"It's too late Nikita, there's nothing you can do." Amanda rolls her eyes. "You'll never make it in time. Her heart is failing, her lungs are collapsing..."

"No!" Nikita exclaims. She shook her head refusing to listen. "No, no... she can't." There has to be something she can do. Anything at all. "She's too young to die." Nikita sheds a tear, becoming too emotional. She hated crying in front of Amanda but she couldn't help it. This was Alex they were talking about. "She doesn't deserve to die."

"You can't save everyone Nikita."

"Stop saying that!" Nikita shouts. "I know I can't save everyone in the world... but I can save Alex! I have to at least try." She runs toward the door trying to open it but it was locked. "Hey!" She bangs on the tiny window. No guards responding to her desperate calls.

Amanda laughs. "I told you, there's nothing you can do."

"I can shoot you!" Nikita spins around, aiming her weapon toward Amanda's head once again.

"Shoot me and you sentence Alex to death."

"Why do you care? You've already written her eulogy."

"I never said I _wanted_ her to die." Amanda replies. "Only her death is a possibility." She smirks, pacing around the room again. "If you really want to save her, let her go..."

* * *

"You're going to be fine..." Sean continues to tell himself. He looked down at Alex pleading for her to stay with him. "This isn't how it's supposed to end." Sean looks at her sadly. "It can't end like this." He clutches Alex's hand in his, looking directly into her eyes now. "You and me, Alex." He smiles. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out her broken necklace. "We're meant to be..."

She glanced at the little "A" dangling in his hand and smiled back at him. "You... kept... it..."

"Of course I did." Sean smiles. His words calming her as she started to close her eyes again... her breathing becoming shallow. "Alex... Alex!" He screamed for her to look back him. "Hey!" He shouts as he squeezes her hand. Her eyes flickering as she struggled to stay conscious.

"Hey, hey..." Sean pleads for her to stay awake. "Do you remember..." He struggles to get the words out as he looks down at Alex in his arms. Her chest constricting with every ounce of oxygen she had left. Sean takes a deep breath, continuing the best he can. "When we were in Belarus... after the party with Ovechkin, we were driving back to the safe house... and the streets were lined with these little specks of light, flickering in the air... all different colors..." Sean smiles as he reminisces.

"They were glowing among the trees, entwining themselves..."He pauses to glance at Alex. She stared back at him, listening to his every word in awe. "And you looked at me with such wonder in your eyes..." Sean continues. "Smiling as the lights reflected off your bright blue eyes. I couldn't help but look at you and beam from ear to ear. You looked so god damn beautiful under the moonlight." He says. Alex laughed at his words, coughing as a result. Her breathing continuing to fade as the time flew by.

"And for the first time, I stared back at you and it hit me... you were different." Sean stares at her. "Unlike any girl I've ever seen before... you possessed this mystery, I wanted to know more about you. More than what was in your file... I wanted to know what made you tick. I wanted to know what made you smile, what made you laugh... I wanted to know every... little... thing..." He explains. "I made it a goal of mine, to find out all your stories..." He smiles. "Because when you smile, it's like nothing else even matters. Not even _the little things_..." She smiled at those words. "This isn't the end, Alex." Sean caresses her. "Our story isn't over yet. You hear me? You can't die, okay! You can't die because we're supposed to end up together! We're supposed to grow old _together._.."

Alex tried to nod, her lungs caving in as she continued to cough. Sean looked at her, pleading for her to hold on. "Hey, Alex..." He tries his best to stay calm for her sake. "Do you remember?" He asks. "Do you remember the little things?"

"It's the... little things... in life..." She gasps with each word. "That can make... all the... difference..."

"You remembered." Sean smiles.

"I... never forgot."

* * *

Nikita shook her head, not ready to abandon Alex like this. "Let her go?" She questions. How could she let her go? It didn't make any sense. "No..." Nikita whispers, "I can't... I won't." She looks around the room, trying to find another way out.

"I won't let you win!" Nikita shouts. She runs toward a metal chair, picking it up effortlessly and swinging it against the two-way mirror. The glass shattered, breaking into a million tiny pieces.

Amanda stood unfazed. She eyed Nikita and shook her head, disappointed. "You never learn."

"I never give up either." Nikita glares at her. "Not till the end and the very last word I hear you breathe will be my name." She turns defiantly and jumps through the window. "Hang in there Alex! I'm coming for you."

* * *

Sean sat still, staring back at Alex as her breathing faded more and more. Time was ticking. Her face becoming a ghostly pale. "Alex... Alex?" Sean panics. She didn't move or respond. "NOOO!" He cries out "Please! Please don't do this to me!"

"Sean!" A voice called out for him from down the street. He heard a car door slam followed by footsteps, echoing in his ear.

"Breathe Alex!" Sean sheds a tear for her. "Please..." He rocks her gently, praying for a miracle. "You promised me you would get better..."

"Sean!" Michael shouts, making his way toward him, carrying a large medical kit. He eyed Alex and glances back at Sean, speechless. "What-"

"Michael!" Sean exclaims. "Thank God. Alex... she..." He looks down at the fragile girl in his arms and shakes his head in disbelief. "She came back... and then..."

Michael frowns, seeing the signs. "How long?" He asks. Sean looks at him confused. "Since she stopped breathing?"

"Just now..." He pauses, trying to count. "Maybe 2-3 minutes?"

"Okay, there's still time." Michael stays calm. He drops to his knees and searches through the med kit, pulling out various items as Sean looked on. "Do you have a knife on you?"

"Uh…" Sean quickly searches his pockets, remembering he always had a small knife attached to the side of his leg. "Here." He gives it to Michael.

Michael takes it and inspects the blade. "This will have to do."

"Do what?" Sean looks at him confused.

"We need to make a small opening in her chest." Michael explains. "To drain the fluid she's built up. It's what compressing her lungs."

"What? No!" Sean exclaims. "I'm not letting you operate on her in the middle of a bloody alley!"

"What choice do I have?" Michael shouts. "She's going to die!"

"Are you sure you know what you're doing?"

"Back at Division…" Michael explains as he rips open a wet napkin pouch, cleaning the blade with alcohol as he speaks. "I used to help train the medics with basic emergencies techniques." He looks down at Alex and frowns at the sight of her being completely still. "Percy thought it was a good idea so I picked up some skills."

"Okay." Sean holds Alex steady. "How can I help?"

"Elevate her head 30-60 degrees." Michael commands. "With her arm over her head." Sean obeys, gently lifting Alex into a better position. Michael continues to dig around the medical kit, frowning. "I don't have any anesthetics with me."

"Is that bad?" Sean asks.

Michael looks down at Alex sadly, holding the knife in his hand as he cleans the spot between her ribs. "It's just going to be really painful."

"Do it." Sean tries to stay calm. "Do it fast."

Michael nods and slowly begins to cut a small incision between her ribs. Blood spouted from the wound as Alex started to wheeze heavily. "I'm so sorry." Michael frowns. He motions for Sean to hand him a chest tube. "Hang in there, Alex." He tells her.

Sean watches nervously as Michael begins to insert the tube. He guided it carefully to the correct spot, sighing in relief as the mixture of blood and fluid drained into an attached canister. "She okay?" Sean asks.

"For now." Michael replies. He grabs a piece of tape and secures the tube tightly into her chest. "But we need to get her back to Division."

Sean nods. "Any word from Nikita?" He asks Michael as they carefully lift Alex up.

"No, now that I think about it." Michael frowns. "She must be busy with Smith still..." He stops to notice the other body by them. "Smith?" He questions.

Sean shrugs. "I have no idea what's going on."

Michael laughs. "Well he's dead so I guess we have nothing to worry about. I'll call Nikita once we make sure Alex is back to normal."

"Okay." Sean replies. He helps Michael gently place Alex into the backseat of their car. "Hey there, angel." Sean slide in beside Alex. He reaches for her hand, holding onto her tightly. She gave him a small squeeze, signaling she was recovering. "I told you, you were going to be fine." He smiles down at his beauty, sleeping peacefully in his arms. Her breathing slowly coming back. She kept her eyes close, too weak to move but her lips quivered.

"Sean..." She speaks to him weakly. The words barely audible. "I love you."

* * *

**A/N: Awww! Relatively short chapter but I had to end it on a happy note. Are you guys happy? :) Please Review!**


	25. Chapter 25

**Burning Bridges: Chapter 25**

* * *

Alex laid in bed with multiple IVs and wires attached to her, monitoring her heart rate. She tried to open her eyes, but all she could see was shadows from beneath her eyelids, scaring her. The faint sound of an ECG machine beeped meticulously next to her, annoying Alex to great depth. She wanted so desperately for the ringing in her ear to stop.

_"Ugh."_ Alex tries to speak, though the words barely audible to anyone but herself. She frowned, realizing a tube had been inserted down her throat, covering half her face and providing her with necessary oxygen. She suddenly felt frozen in time. Her body was paralyzed in a state of complete desolation. Realizing she couldn't move at all, Alex began to panic. The shadows in front of her continued to move around her, elevating her ECG signals a beat as she became more aware of her surroundings. She wasn't alone, someone was with her…

In an instant, she could feel a firm hand reach for her's; holding onto her tightly. It calmed her. Her heart rate returning to normal. _"Sean."_ Alex thinks. She knew it was him by her side, even if she couldn't make out his face just yet.

"Hey, angel." Sean's voice spoke to her. He had a hint of sadness in his tone, she didn't understand why. "I don't know if you can hear me or not, but I just wanted you to know I'm here..." He says softly. "And I'm not going anywhere until I can see those pretty little blue eyes of yours looking back at me." He smiles, imagining her reaction in his head. She had been reduced to a coma for days now, he was scared she might never wake up. "So you have to stay strong okay? The doctor said you'll be alright..."

Sean glances at Alex's heart rate monitor. He notices the steady beat of her heart and smirks. "Hey Alex," Sean smiles as he looks over her, "Do you remember that mission... the one where Nikita and Michael wanted us to rendezvous with them to a dead drop?" He pauses, wondering if it was safe to bring up this memory. "Just before, you called me and asked if I was up for it... and I replied, 'yeah, of course_'_." Sean takes a moment to gaze back at Alex. Her expression so peaceful, as if she was really listening to him speak.

Alex wished he could see her smile. She was listening to his every word, remembering each detail. _"I_ remember..." She thinks to herself. The logistics of it was still foggy, but she remembered this phone call. She remembered him coming to her door and greeting her before their road trip to the drop point._ "You came to pick me up..."_

"I told you I could pick you up in fifteen minutes and you yelled at me 'cause you said it takes longer than fifteen minutes to get ready." Sean laughs. "To this day, I still don't understand how that works, because to me, you look beautiful no matter what... I'm serious." Sean glares at her, sensing if she could hear him, she would argue that point.

To his credit, he was right, Alex wanted to argue with him. She also wanted to laugh at this, he knew her so well. In her mind, Alex continued to smile back at him, loving his presence by her side. She rested fondly in bed, holding onto his hand as she tried her best to remember the scenes he was describing...

_"Are you sure you're up for this?" Alex asks Sean again as she steps out of his car._

_Sean closes his side of the door and steps around to fully see Alex's face. She stared back him, questioning his motives. "Wouldn't be here if I wasn't." He replies._

_"After everything you've been through?" Alex wonders._

_"Hey, you miss your mom too." Sean_ counters.

She did miss her mom, Alex remembers. She felt her heart swell up at the mention of her, causing the ECG monitor to send out a chaotic signal.

"Hey Alex," Sean comments. He squeezed her hand again, letting her know he was still there. He kept her calm. Her heart rate regulated itself again with his touch. "You know, after everything we've been through... I really hope you know your mother misses you too." He gives Alex a sad look. "I wish you could remember her, Alex..."

___"It's different..." Alex argues as she walks along the grass with Sean by her side. "One day I'm going to see her again."_

_"I know, but sitting around grieving's not going to help." Sean replies. "But kicking Percy's ass will." Alex looks down as he speaks, pondering his words. "That's what we're here for right?"_

Alex snaps out of her memories for a moment, suddenly remembering her mother. _"Wait a minute..."_ She begins to think, _"My mother's alive?"_

"Your mother is still alive, Alex." Sean answers her thoughts. "She is, I know someday you'll remember her just like you're remembering all the little things, and we'll go visit her wherever you're hiding her, because you need to see her again." Sean smiles.

The realization finally hit her, everything Nikita and Sean had tried so hard to convince her back in Russia and at the hotel in New York was true. If only she had believed them sooner, they wouldn't be in this mess now. _"My mother is still alive."_ Alex smiles at the thought.

"One day you will see her again." Sean tells her. "I promise you that. I'll take you... we'll travel across the world searching for her if you can't remember where she is. But before we can go, you need to promise me one thing first... you have to promise me you're going to fight this and open those pretty little blue eyes of yours again." He smirks.

Alex wanted so desperately to open her eyes. But somehow she couldn't. Her comatose was overwhelming her body as she continued to heal from her wounds. She saw flashes of her mom in Russia and of the cabin in the middle of the Abramtsevo Forest where they used to hunt butterflies._ "I remember." _She gave Sean a slight squeeze.

He looked back at her confused for a second. "Alex?" Sean asks. He felt her touch. The doctor had told him if he felt her move it might be a reaction to anything he was telling her.

"Hey," Sean leans in, resting his arms alongside her bed as he continued to hold onto her hand. "I never told you this, but I was happy when you called me." Sean continues. "You know, after my mother died... there really was no reason for me to stick around this place, but Alex, you gave me a reason." Sean squeezes her hand again. "You gave me a reason to keep on fighting." He gives her another smile, wishing she would return one too. He missed the way she would grin back at him whenever he said something sweet like that.

"It's funny..." Sean starts to speak again, he shakes his head, not liking what he was about to bring up. "That day you got shot... going after Mia with Nikita, I was so worried about you." He pauses, looking back at Alex again. "I thought I was going to lose you." He frowns.

"When I first heard over the radio, the news... Alex is down! Alex is down!" Sean acts out Nikita's words, "My heart dropped. I thought, nooo... no, this is my worst fear." He explains. "I ran down corridors screaming, I had to get to you." His voice begins to crack as he recalls the scene. "I had to make sure you were alright... and then there you were, like nothing even happen. I walked up to you and you asked me why I was still here, like it never even occurred to you..." Sean pauses, getting a little frustrated. He wanted to feel her touch again. "Some things are worth fighting for." He chokes out. "That's why I stayed... I stayed because dammit Alex, you're worth fighting for! Don't you know that?" He stops to gaze at her, wishing she would give him the time of day. "Please wake up."

* * *

"Hey, you awake?" Michael knocks on a door, startling Nikita in the process. "I didn't mean to scare you." He smirks.

Nikita sits up from her chair and glances at her fiancé. "Oh, no I'm still awake." She gives him a small smile but he didn't like it.

"Nikita," Michael sighs. She had been sitting idly by Ryan's side whenever she wasn't visiting Alex in the room next door. "You need to get some rest." He says frowning as he walks over to her side.

"I will later." She argues. Michael gives her a look but she tries to change the subject. "How's Alex?"

"Sean's with her." Michael replies. "He hasn't left her side in days."

"I still don't how we ended up here..." Nikita frowns. She looks over at Ryan and shakes her head. "Just a few weeks ago..." She pauses and glances at Michael, "Everything was so normal... well as normal as it gets for us, but now-"

"Hey," Michael takes Nikita's hand in his as he sits down in a chair next to her. "Sh, don't worry." He glances at Ryan and smiles. "We've got two strong hearts here. He and Alex, they'll both be up and about in no time."

"That's what we said when we first found Ryan and now weeks later, he's still in a coma, Michael..."

"It's not like we forgot about him though." Michael argues. "I know I haven't. He'll wake up when the time is right I guess."

"It's hard enough worrying about him, but now there's Alex... and on top of that, Amanda made a threat against Owen. Where is he?" Nikita wonders. "Does Amanda really know? Is he in danger? What's her next move? It's been too quiet, she-"

"She's been forced to go into hiding." Michael counters. "After Alex went AWOL at that press conference for the hockey arena, she had to make up some cover story."

"I'm sorry to inform you but Alexandra Udinov will not be able to make an appearance tonight." Nikita mocks Amanda's speech. "She has suddenly fallen ill." Nikita rolls her eyes. "Ill is an understatement."

Michael sighs, he sits back in his chair and looks over at Ryan in silence. A few minutes went by when a doctor knocked on the door. "Hey, Lauren." Michael greets her. She was the only Division doctor left after everyone else choose to leave. "What's up?"

"Just came to check on Ryan." She smiles.

"We appreciate that." Nikita thanks her. "You're a life saver, you know that?"

"More like guardian angel." Michael comments.

Lauren blushes. "I'm just doing my job."

"It's not really a job if we can't afford to pay you." Nikita argues.

"I don't mind..." She glances at Ryan and frowns. "I never told you guys this, because it was really not my place... after all, who am I compared to team Nikita?" She smirks. Nikita laughs at the label. "But when you two first took over after Percy and Amanda, I was ecstatic..." She looks over at Michael. "Happy, because you were always my favorite..." She stops and glances at Nikita. "No competition." She assures her.

Nikita laughs. "I wasn't assuming that."

"When I first came here, I thought I was worthless because I'm no good at that spy stuff. And while Amanda was busy trying to make me forget about my old life and morph me into a newer... better version of myself, Michael, you were the only one who told me not to change. You told me I had a gift. The ability to use my knowledge from my past experiences and save lives. So that's what I'm doing now and I love it. Plus Ryan isn't so bad either." She smiles at him.

Michael gives her a giant grin, proud of her. "I think after Nikita and Alex, you're my favorite recruit."

"You're just saying that." Lauren laughs.

"Never change." He walks over to her and places a hand on her shoulder. "I'm going to go visit Alex and Sean now. Do you have any updates?"

"Oh yeah." Lauren walks over to the door and grabs a file. She hands it to Nikita. "Here's her CAT scan results."

* * *

Sean continued to sit by Alex's side, refusing to leave. He would get nervous even if he left for one minute to use the restroom or grab a snack. He was terrified she would wake up and disappear forever if he wasn't there to stop her. He sighs, looking toward a clock mounted on the wall.

Every now and then Alex would try to move her fingers, alerting Sean but it was rare. He was starting to think he was going crazy, imagining it because it seemed too good to be true. "Alex," Sean whispers her name softly as he brushes her hair away from her face, careful not to disturb any of her wires. "Can you hear me?" He asks.

Alex stayed still. Sometimes she could hear him. Other times her mind would wander off and she'd flash back in patterns of awareness. Sean sighs, he glanced at the clock again, watching as the hands ticked slowly. He tried to think of another story he could tell her... something that would make her smile if she was listening.

"Hey, Alex." Sean smiles. "Do you remember, a couple months ago, before things got too busy with work... there was that grace period? I found you hiding out in the barn again, like you always seem to do." He laughs. "I walked up to you and scared you just for fun and you twirled around and yelled back..."

_"Dammit Sean! Don't sneak up on me like that!" Alex exclaims. She quickly hides something underneath one of the cushions she had stashed in the corner of the loft and walks over to him, playfully pushing him aside._

_"My bad. I forgot how jumpy you are." He eyes the spot Alex was standing in front of nervously. "What are you up to this time?" He glares at her._

_"What?" Alex laughs. She tried to give him a poker face but Sean knew better, this wasn't the first time she tried to hide things from him._

_"I've caught you once before." Sean gives her a look. "Remember the evidence room?"_

_"How can I forget?" Alex smirks. "Mr. I don't have an angle." _

_Sean gives her a teasing look, he liked that she remembered that but now he was determined to figure out what she was hiding this time. He tries to push passed her, reaching for the cushions. _

_"Hey," Alex grabs his arm, stopping him. "It's nothing. I was just rearranging things... you know to make it more comfortable."_

_Sean flinched at her touch. He wasn't used to her being this close to him. "Sure, you were." He winks, "You're such a bad liar." _

_He tried his best to reach for the cushion again but Alex suddenly jumped on his back, wrestling him to the ground. "No!" She screams._

_"Hey! What's your problem?" Sean laughs as she held onto him, desperately trying to fight him. It was useless though. She looked like a little kid trying to get a piggyback ride._

_"Ugh." Alex finally gives up once she realized Sean wasn't even fighting back. She laid down on the cushions and stared up at the rafters in the barn. "Why do you have to ruin things?"_

_"What I do?" Sean questions. He sits down next to her. "You're the one keeping secrets."_

_"For good reason." She glares at him._

_"What is it?"_

_Alex sighs and reaches her hand underneath a pillow, pulling out a small white box. "I didn't even have time to wrap it yet."_

_"What is that?" Sean eyes the box curiously._

_"Your birthday present." Alex smiles. "I was saving it for next week, but I guess you can have it now." She hands it to him._

_"Wait, no, if you wanted me to wait then I'll wait."_

_"No, it's okay." Alex sits up and looks him in the eyes. She gives him an excited smile now, "Open it." __He took the box from her carefully, giving her one last look to stop him. She nodded her head, reassuring him. "I want you to open it, Sean."_

_Sean sighed and opened the lid, revealing a limited edition stainless steel Rolex watch. "Oh my god." He gives Alex a look. "Do you know what this is?"_

_"Well yeah, I picked it out." She laughs._

_"Do you know how much this cost!?" He exclaims. "This is like $7,000."_

_"Actually, less than that... it used to be one of my father's watches. I found it in a collection when I was going through some of his things he left behind..." Alex pauses, getting a little emotional. "So technically I didn't spend any money on you if that makes you feel better." Sean gave her a look, still shocked. "Anyway, I don't really have any use for these kinds of things so I thought you would like it."_

_"Alex, I love it." Sean reaches out and gives her a hug._

_"Well don't get too sentimental or anything, it's just a watch." Alex replies._

_"Not just any watch." Sean argues. "It's one of your father's. I know how much his things mean to you."_

"No matter what I said, you always insisted that it was no big deal." Sean explains. He shook his head, reaching into his pocket to pull out a different watch. The one Alex always held onto dearly for safe keeping. "This is your father's watch." Sean says as he reaches for her arm and clasps the metal around her wrist. "I don't know if you remember this, but I had Birkhoff restore it after he took that bug out... still sorry about that by the way." Sean comments. "Well actually, not that sorry because if it wasn't for that tracker, I would've never found you at the beach house and who knows what would've happen then." He laughs.

"Oh, and getting my ass kicked by you that night was the best thing ever." Sean adds. He gave her a look, sensing that if she was listening, she would be giving him the biggest smile. "The cold from being stripped down almost naked to a chair wasn't however... but at least you were there so I'm not complaining." He winks.

* * *

"Sean." Michael walks into medical, he finds his friend hovering over Alex's bed and smiles at the sight. "What are you doing?" Michael asks, walking up to Sean. He places a hand on his shoulder, snapping Sean out of his thoughts. "You should be resting too."

"Oh hey." Sean greets him. "I was just telling her another story."

"I heard." Michael smiles. He glances at the watch around Alex's wrist. "She's going to love having that back."

"I know." Sean gives him a small smile, but he couldn't stop thinking about the condition Alex was in.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Michael asks.

"Look at her, Michael…" Sean looks down at Alex. He runs a hand along the contour of her cheek, caressing her. "I did this to her..."

"No you didn't."

"Yes I did." Sean retorts. "She was having a panic attack, Michael. I've seen it before. Her flashbacks… they're getting worst." Sean pauses, looking back toward Alex. She continued to stay completely still, trapped in her own mind. He frowned at the sight, wondering what she was going through right now. He hoped she couldn't hear this next part... "Whose to say it won't happen again?" Sean looks at Michael. "And the next time really does kill her?"

"It's not going to happen again." Michael tries to calm him. He didn't want to think like that. "Alex is going to be fine."

"You can't know that." Sean argues. "We still don't know exactly what Amanda did to her, and Nikita said anything could trigger her heart into overdrive."

Michael sighs and pulls up a chair next to Sean. "That doesn't matter." Michael says, sitting down. "If it happens again, we'll be right here to help her."

"I'm scared, if she ever wa-"

"When she wakes up." Michael corrects him. "No _ifs_."

Sean gives him a small smile. "Okay, _when_ she wakes up... I'm scared she's going to run away again. Especially being back here." Sean looks around the room. "And especially after she realizes everything that has happen since-"

"Hey." Michael stops him. "Lets not worry about that now, okay? Let's just focus on the important thing right now, Alex's health." Sean sighs, giving in. He sits back in his chair and focuses his eyes on Alex's ECG. "I spoke to the doctor before I came here." Michael informs him. "She told me Alex's vitals seem very strong, we know she'll pull through this."

"Any word on that CAT scan?" Sean asks.

"There's some scaring in her brain." Nikita answers. Michael and Sean glance in her direction, finding her standing by the door. "I don't know if it's permanent or not." Nikita frowns. "But Owen had the same surgical marks and well..."

"Hey." Michael stands up and greets her. He places a gentle hand on her arm, trying to reassure her. Nikita took a deep breath and hands him a copy of Alex's x-ray.

"How is she?" Nikita asks, walking up to Sean. She looks over his shoulder, gazing at Alex with a worried expression.

Sean glances at Alex and sighs. "I've been talking to her every day since she almost flatlined again on the operating table... gosh that girl really knows how to give _me_ a heart attack." He laughs, trying to lighten the mood.

"She's a fighter though, what I say?" Nikita smirks.

"Yeah." Sean agrees. He looks toward Michael, catching his eye. "Thanks by the way," Sean tells him, "If it wasn't for you..."

"You helped too." Michael walks over to him.

"You guys make a great team." Nikita comments. She glances at Alex, smiling. "She's lucky to have both of you."

"She's lucky to have you too, Nikita." Sean retorts. "You're like her fairy godmother or something." He smirks.

Nikita laughs. "Princess references will never get old with her."

There was a moment of silence, watching Alex. Everyone in the room could feel her presence as if she was trying to communicate with them and then suddenly, she began to move her fingers. The weight of her father's watch dangling against her skin as her hand reached out, desperately trying to grab a hold of something.

* * *

**A/N: Hope you guys enjoyed this extra long chapter! Special thanks to Wootar16 for suggesting the watch idea for that flashback scene! If you guys have any ideas, I'd love to hear them :)**

**Anyway, make my day even better and leave me a review. Let me know if you guys are happy Alex is almost herself again :)**


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: Ask and you shall receive. ;) Big Nalex chapter, I know I miss them too.**

**Burning Bridges: Chapter 26**

* * *

Alex drifted in and out of awareness. All she could hear was voices speaking to her but she couldn't understand the words. Blurred images of faces peered down at her, she couldn't tell if she was dreaming or not. One moment she pictured herself in a car, gazing out the window into an alley. The walls coming closer to her. A moment of panic, then suddenly a gunshot went off. She tried to scream but she couldn't. Then suddenly, like a dream, the alleyway started disappearing, fading as if nothing was there to begin with. She must be dreaming, Alex thought. This couldn't be real. Voices called for her again. She gasped for air, trying to catch her breath.

Suddenly, a slight movement around her alerted Alex's mind to the ECG machine beeping loudly next to hear. She could feel a firm hand against her skin, trying to calm her. She could almost see their faces calling her name... Confused, Alex tried to reach out for them; fighting a hazy demon that threaten to pull her back into this world of darkness.

"Alex?" Nikita noticed a small movement out of the corner of her eye. She walked over to Alex's bedside and gazed at her friend optimistically but the girl remained completely still, as if nothing had even happen. But Nikita could've sworn she saw something. Frowning, she looks back toward Michael and Sean for help.

"I didn't see anything." Michael comments.

"I swear, she moved…" Nikita frowns. "Sean?" She looks toward him for any hope.

Sean sighs, sitting back in his chair. "I honestly don't know…" He glances at Alex and wished it was true but he never knew what to expect from her. "It might have been a twitch… or involuntary reflex. Doc said it could happen, as long as she's not brain-dead, her body will continue to function just like any normal person sleeping... we just can't wake her up until she's ready to wake up on her own." Sean explains.

"Oh." Nikita says sadly. She looked back at her friend, wondering if Alex could hear them. She frowns, realizing she got her hopes up. Alex looked so peaceful, like a sleeping beauty. She also looked completely normal, if it was under any other circumstance, no one would ever question what was wrong with her.

"Alex..." Nikita sighs, she reaches out and touches Alex's hand lightly, careful not to disturb any of her wires. "Can you hear me?"

The voices were back, Alex could hear her. _"Nikita?"_ She wonders, still unable to speak or move. Alex groaned, this was too frustrating.

"Alex?" Nikita calls her name again, sensing there was more to Alex's condition then the girl was letting off. She knew something was going on, she swore Alex was trying to communicate with her.

Michael could hear the worry in Nikita's tone. He thought it was about time he and Sean left Alex alone for Nikita's sake. The two girls could use a moment to bond. "Hey Sean," Michael walks over to him and smiles, "I think you should get your bandages cleaned up, why don't we let Nikita keep an eye on Alex for awhile and we'll go find Lauren."

Sean narrowed his eyes, catching Michael's hint. "Oh." He looks back at Alex, not wanting to leave her side, but he knew Michael was right. Nikita needed this time alone with Alex more then he did. "Okay." Sean nods. He glances at Nikita and reaches out to touch her arm softly, "Take care of her okay."

It wasn't a question, Nikita would always take care of Alex. "Will do, Sean." She smiles back at him and nods. She promised that.

Sean trusted Nikita, he knew Alex would be in good hands with her. "Hey Nikita?" Sean pauses before standing up, "Try telling her a story." He suggests. Nikita looked at him confused for a moment. Sean nods his head toward Alex and smiles. "She'll listen."

Nikita ponders that thought as Sean makes his way toward the door with Michael. "I don't think I have any stories." She frowns, none of her stories seemed that nice compared to what Sean could recall.

"Everyone has a story." Michael replies. "After all, this whole story began with the two of you. I'm sure you can think of something to tell her."

Michael was right, Nikita thinks to herself. She looks back at Alex and smiles. Everything started with just the two of them and she could've never gotten this far without Alex. This girl meant the world to her. She had to tell her that.

"Hey Alex..." Nikita reaches out and touches the girl's hand softly. She felt a warmth radiant off her skin. Nikita couldn't help but smile, Alex always had this beacon of hope around her. Whenever times were tough, she would somehow see a light at the end of the tunnel, reminding Nikita what they were fighting for...

"I know things haven't exactly turned out the way that we've planned from the beginning, and along the way we've run into a couple of roadblocks... but you know, every single time, we've always managed to get through it. So when I look at you now, and I see how much you've grown into such a beautiful young lady, I just know... in my heart, we'll get through this too." Nikita glances at Alex's heart rate monitor. Her ECG signals beeped with a steady rhythm. "You've always been so strong, Alex."

"Do you remember what I told you on our last night before Operation Insertion?" Nikita pauses, looking back at Alex's delicate frame. "We were in the loft training like we always do on slow days... you remember Whitfield's old mansion right?"

_"When are you going to tell me the story of how you got Whitfield to give you all his super-dollars?" Alex asks as she dodges an attack from Nikita._

_"Focus, don't lose track of your opponent. You never know when their next move with be." Nikita ignores her question._

_"Come on Nikita..." Alex rushes toward her, throwing a punch. "This is our last day. Can't we-"_

_"Exactly." Nikita cuts her off. She easily blocks Alex's attack. "This is the last day I can teach you how to properly deflect a punch."_

_Alex rolls her eyes. "I know how to deflect a punch."_

_"Then show me." Nikita smirks. She watches Alex carefully, judging the distance between the two. In a flash she runs toward her, throwing another punch. Alex tried to block but Nikita predicted her move. As a result, she easily counters and spins the girl around, pushing her away. "Come on Alex, you're better than this. Hit me."_

_Annoyed, Alex charges again, this time swinging a leg. Nikita ducks out-of-the-way, grabbing a piece of paper. "SILO." She quizzes Alex._

_"Backdoor to Division. Sub level 6, off the service hallway." Alex answers smoothly. "I got this." She smirks, knocking the paper out of Nikita's hand. "Can't we do something else?"_

_"One more." Nikita holds out another piece of paper. "CHAT." She reads._

_"Shell program..." Alex answers as she continues to dodge Nikita's fist. "Code: X899"_

_"Good." Nikita smiles as Alex rushes toward her again, just like she predicted. In one swift move, Nikita grabs the girl's arm, flipping her into a cart-wheel. "Watch out." Nikita warns her._

_Alex loses her balance and crashes into the ground. "Ow!" She complains, lying flat on her back as Nikita hovers above her. "We need a mat in here."_

_"I told you to watch out." Nikita smirks. She offers Alex a hand up._

_"After you already flipped me!" Alex retorts._

_"I'm not always going to be there to watch out for you, Alex. You have to learn to take care of yourself because you never know who-"_

_"My enemies are." Alex finishes. "Yeah, yeah..." Alex rolls her eyes and walks over to a bottle of water. "I know, I can't trust anyone inside of Division; and in times of need, the only person I can depend on is myself. I can handle it, Nikita. Stop worrying about me."_

_"There's a difference between dependance and trust." Nikita argues. "Depend on yourself, but-"_

_"There comes a time where I must trust others?" Alex questions._

_Nikita nods. "And that's not bad."_

_Alex sighs. "My papa used to say the same thing to me..." She smiles, remembering her childhood; hiking in the forest with her father. "He told me I should keep people close to me like he did with my uncle Sergei and my mother..." Alex frowns. "Look where that got him." She glares at Nikita. "I can't really trust his advice anymore."_

_"Do you trust me?" Nikita asks._

_Alex gives her a look. "You haven't given me a reason not to yet."_

_"Well then trust me when I say this." Nikita walks over to Alex and places a hand on her shoulder, "Your father loved you and I bet he wouldn't want you to live your life alone and neither would I. You're a smart girl Alex, I know you can handle a lot of things; but that doesn't mean I can't teach you a thing or two before you leave."_

_"What else is there to know?" Alex asks. "Do you want to go over the mission again?"_

_"No, I'm just saying there's more to life then just some basic survival skills, Alex. Because one day after this fight is all over, I know you'll go on to do some pretty amazing things." Nikita flashes the girl a giant smile. Alex takes a deep breath and nods, knowing Nikita is right. "You're going to change the world, Alexandra." Nikita winks._

_"No, we're going to change the world." Alex corrects her. "I can't do this without you."_

_Nikita nods. "This is the moment Alex, have you asked yourself, how far are you willing to go yet?"_

_"I have." Alex replies._

_"Then get ready." Nikita walks over to her vanity table and grabs Alex's bunny mask. She tosses it to the girl and smiles. "Here we go."_

"Here we go again, Alex." Nikita squeezes her hand, wishing for any type of response. "Remember, I can't do this without you."

Nikita took a long moment to gaze at Alex. Sighing when the girl remained paralyzed. "You once asked me in return, how far am I willing to go..." Nikita looks down at Alex and smiles, a tear starting to form in the corner of her eye, "And I didn't have an answer for you; because truth is, I was scared." Nikita says sadly. She shook her head, trying to stay positive.

"I never had a plan for the future. 'Cause every time I stopped to think about it, even for one second, all I could see was just another roadblock. You know, all these little obstacles I had to knock down first; and just when it looked like I finally had a handle on one part of my life…" Nikita pauses, glancing back at Alex. "Another part slips away." She frowns, holding onto the girl's hand as she continued to explain everything Alex couldn't remember.

"I get Michael back, but then I lose you. We get the black box, and I lose Michael. It's a giant cycle, Alex and here we are again…" Nikita looks down, a strain in her voice. "It's like I lose focus for just one second and someone gets hurt, someone I love… Michael lost his hand, Alex." She sighs. "I had to go to Kosovo to fix it. Then we ended up working with The Shop to fix that… all while Amanda continued to wage this war against us. I lose sight, and I lose you. I'm so sorry Alex." Nikita cries. "I don't want to lose you again." She squeezes the girl's hand, letting Alex know she'll always be by her side.

"Do you remember... what you told me once?" Nikita asks. "Whenever I had doubts about anything, you would come around and tell me to look on the bright side. Set a goal and look forward to the future. That's what always got you through." Nikita smiles.

"You shared with me your secret to life. Every once in a while, you would climb up to high places above the city, stare out into the sky and imagine yourself flying away on butterfly wings." Nikita laughs. "Just like your friend in the brothel." She reminds Alex. "Because, this is our second chance at life. This is our chance to make a difference, to do what's right..." Nikita smiles. "You would hide out in places like the barn and your apartment's fire escape... and look toward the future, with the knowledge that someday we were going to help people just like us." Nikita reminisces.

"You told me the future shouldn't be something I should be afraid of; because, frankly I'm too badass to be afraid of anything." Nikita laughs. "Your words exactly." She smirks. "I miss you Alex, you always knew just how to brighten my world and I can't…" She pauses, getting emotional. "I can't imagine a future without you."

Nikita took a deep breath and reached over to rest Alex's hand across her chest. She adjusted the watch around the girl's wrist, smiling at the shiny metal. Nikita was about to let go when suddenly Alex's other hand reached for hers. Grabbing onto Nikita with such force, it couldn't have been a reflex. Nikita looked at her friend in shock, she couldn't even find the words to process what was happening. "Alex?"

Alex began to move her head slightly, her eyes still closed as she frowned, the breathing tube becoming difficult to manage. She tried to reach for something again, her hands flailing in Nikita's direction.

"Hey, Hey!" Nikita tries to grab a hold of her. "Stop it. What are you doing?" Nikita looks at Alex confused. She couldn't tell if the girl was aware of her actions.

Alex began to moan, unable to speak due to the tube down her throat. It rubbed against her windpipe as she panicked from confusion. Nikita watched in horror as Alex's ECG sent out a chaotic signal.

"Help!" Nikita screams for Michael and Sean. They come rushing into the room, along with Lauren.

"What's going on?" Lauren asks. They all look at Alex in shock, she was still in the process of waking up. Half dazed, Alex began to pull on the wires attached to her, whining as her eyes fluttered. "Oh!" Lauren exclaims, she runs over to Alex in a hurry, stopping her. "Don't do that!" She warns Alex. "You're still confused, you got to calm down!" She tries to restrain Alex's hand. "I need help!"

Michael and Sean rush to her side, holding down Alex's arms. "What's happening to her?" Sean asks, confused.

"So you know how in the movies, when someone is in a coma... no matter how long, they magically wake up and can fully function as if it was only a minor nap?" Lauren asks. Sean nods. "Well that's a cliché. In real life, people don't come out of a coma so easily. If they do, it extremely rare…"

"Oh." Sean laughs. "Of course, I knew that." He lies.

"Alex isn't fully conscious yet." Lauren explains. She looks down at Alex and frowns. "She's starting to wake up, but she still needs time to adjust. You know, her mind is still foggy from all the sedatives."

Alex whined, confused. She didn't know what was going on and her breathing tube made it impossible for her to communicate with anyone. All she could hear was more voices speaking to her. Words she couldn't understand just yet, faces she couldn't recognize.

"Hey, hey." Lauren tries to calm her. "It's okay, hold still, I need to remove your tube before you can talk." Lauren frowns, finding this new job difficult.

"What's wrong?" Michael asks.

"It's just, usually you're supposed to remove the tube before a patient wakes up… there's a weaning process... I'm sorry Alex, I didn't mean to scare you." Lauren tells her. "Hold still, I can get it out."

Alex shifted her head, scared. She struggled under Michael and Sean's grip, trying to fight them. "Stop it Alex, let the doctor help you." Sean tries to calm her. She gave him a look, her vision still blurry... but she knew his voice.

"If she doesn't calm down, I'll have to sedate her." Lauren says.

"Alex, please." Sean says softly, her brushed her hair away from her face. His touch calming her.

"Okay Alex, this will be over before you know it, don't worry." Lauren tells her.

Alex's eyes grew wide as she adjusted her vision. Lauren tried to her best to remove the tube as pain-free as possible. Once it was out, Alex gasped for air, reaching for her neck. She coughed vigorously and sat back in her bed, finally aware of her surroundings. Michael hands her a glass of water. Alex takes it from him and begins to sip as everyone in the room stared back at her, waiting for her to speak.

"Do you know your name?" Lauren asks Alex as a precaution.

Alex nodded, but didn't reply. She sat back against the bed frame and stared off into the distance, blinking at the blurred shadow in front of her. After a minute or two, Alex closed her eyes and shook her head. "Ugh." She groaned. The first sound out of her mouth. When she finally opened her eyes, Alex looked around dazed. "What happen?" She asks. "Where am I?"

"Closest hospital that wouldn't ask questions." Sean replies. He walks into her line of vision and smiles.

Alex looked directly at him and shook her head, trying to think of what he meant. "What?"

"Alex." Nikita's voice caught her attention.

"Hey." Alex glanced at her, noticing the worry on her face. "Are you okay? What happen?"

Nikita gave her a small smile, finding Alex's concern for her ridiculous when she should be the one asking that question instead. "I'm happy, you're okay." Nikita sits down next to Alex.

"Good." Alex replies. She reaches for Nikita's hand, surprising her. "I heard what you said..." Alex blinks, still trying to adjust to the lighting in the room. She took a deep breath. "I mean... in my dream... I think, it's all a little hazy, but..." She gives Nikita a bright smile, "You were there... I remember, the alley..." Alex looks toward Sean and Michael. She frowned, the signals on her heart rate monitor raising a beat. She shook her head again, realizing this wasn't all a dream. "There was a flash and you were there, Nikita..."

_"Hey! Hey! Get her to Medical!" Michael shouts as he brings their car to a stop on the bottom of the Auto Bay._ _Sean jumps out of the backseat and helps Sonya and a team of leftover Division agents lift Alex's body onto a gurney. "I'm calling Nikita."_

_"Michael!" Nikita rushes into a side door. She got there as fast as she could, driving at dangerously top speed. "What happen?"_

_Michael puts down his phone and stares at Nikita in shock. "I was about to call you." He runs over to her side and wraps an arm around her, pulling her close to him. "We found Alex... short version, she needs medical attention now, there's not much time."_

_Nikita nods and bolts down the hall, catching up to Alex's side. "Hey, hey! Alex!" She calls her name. "You're going to be fine." Nikita cries, reaching for the girl's hand. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you... not now, and not ever. You hear me? We'll get Amanda."_

_"Nikita..." Alex mumbles, her last words before Nikita's hand slips away, her vision blackening as her body is wheeled behind double doors._

"Amanda..." Alex realizes. "She... she did something to me."

"You remember?" Sean asks.

Alex looked at him and nodded her head. "I remember... she..." Alex frowned, shaking her head again. "Where am I?" Alex looks around nervously. "This isn't the hospital..."

"Alex," Michael walks up to her. "We couldn't bring you to a real hospital. There would be too many questions."

Alex frowned, her senses coming back. "Division." She gasps. "I'm in Division." Michael nodded, confirming her worst nightmare. "I can't be here!" Alex panics, causing her ECG levels to skyrocket. A hole in her heart widening in fear. She was still conditioned to hate this place, the mere thought of it alone was enough to trigger a pain throughout her whole body.

As a result of her pain, a morphine drip had been attached to her while she was out. It continued to flow through her veins any time a monitor concluded her heart needed it. Alex looked down at the wires attached to her. She didn't like this feeling. "I want out of here!" She shouts, trying to rip the drip from her arms. Lauren smacked her hands away, fighting with Alex to keep her calm as Sean and Michael held her down for her own protection. "Please." Alex begs. "I can't..." Alex gasps. A series of flashbacks running through her mind. All involving Division.

All eyes were on her, watching her carefully. She sat back in bed panicking, her heart rate monitor fluctuating intensely. Alex shook her head, every instinct in her body was telling her to make a run for it but in the back of her mind, she knew this wasn't a good idea.

"Alex? Alex!" Sean calls her name. He reached for her shoulders, suddenly shaking her. "Hey, stay with me here."

* * *

**A/N: This story is never-ending... Tell me the truth, you guys thought coma patients would wake up and everything would be normal right? ****WRONG! Oh, this is far from being normal. Alex is seriously messed up, but like real life situations, all hope is not lost. She needs therapy.**

**Love it when new people review! It's never too late :) Hope you guys enjoyed the Nalex in this chapter.**


	27. Chapter 27

**Burning Bridges: Chapter 27**

* * *

"Alex!" Sean desperately calls her name, anything to get her attention back. "Please." He begs for her to listen. "Focus, Alex." Sean reaches out and cups her face, directing her eyes toward him. "It's me..." He smiles. "Sean. Remember? It's okay, you're okay." He tries to calm her. Alex gave him a look, scared. Her mind flashing back to nightmares she once thought she would never have to relive. "We're in Division." Sean explains. "But it's not what you think."

"How?" Alex tries to look away. She closed her eyes, fighting an overwhelming headache._ "They're called Division."_ Amanda's voice echoed through her head. _"The soldiers who raided your home were hired by your father's right hand man..."_

"Alex! Alex, look at me." Sean shakes her. "I'll explain everything." He glances at her heart rate monitor. It continued to fluctuate drastically, scaring him. "Please, you need to calm down."

"I can't be here." Alex cries again. She knew better than to listen to Amanda but the evidence was still true, Nikita even admitted to it. "I can't..." Alex looks at Sean, her eyes pleading for him to let her go. She wished she could fight it but being back in this place full of painful memories was too much. She suddenly felt claustrophobic. The walls in Division enclosing around her, threatening to trap her inside. "No!" Alex screamed. She gasped, feeling a pang in her heart again as she rose from bed. This place was haunting her, she had to get out.

Every time she groaned, a morphine drip would release a numbing sensation throughout her body, making her feel almost paralyzed again, but it wasn't working fast enough. She twitched her fingers, making an effort to pull on the tubes sticking out her arms.

Michael quickly held her back down. "Alex!" His eyes darted toward Nikita for help.

Nikita stood close by, watching Alex as she fought against the drug. "If you really want to save her, let her go..." Nikita frowns, remembering Amanda's exact words. "Sean," Nikita looks toward him. "Amanda... she knew this would-"

Sean looked at Nikita terrified. It was happening again. "No. No, no, no!" He shakes his head. "Screw Amanda!" Sean shouts. He looks back at Alex, pleading. "You can't do this to me again! Please! Alex!" If she didn't calm down, he might have to do something drastic. "I just want my girl back."

Alex shook violently against Michael's grip, screaming uncontrollably. There were alarms in her head, flashes of people running by the windows of medical. Agents... Alex hallucinated. She looked around the room nervously, alternating between her nightmares and reality. Alex looks back at Sean, panicking. "If we... if we stay inside Division, we'll die..."

"That's not true." Sean replies. He shook his head, she was having another flashback. Her heart rate reaching dangerous levels again. "Alex, hey Alex! Look at me!"

"They died Sean..." Alex shifts her head in pain, refusing to look at him. She gasped, fighting Michael's resistance.

"I know..." Sean looks at her sadly. "I know... trust me, I know."

Alex screamed again. Her imagined walls coming closer. She was reaching a new threshold. "Everyone dies..." Alex cries.

"I'm sorry Alex." Sean tells her. She glanced at him confused for a second. He couldn't take it anymore. In a pinch, Alex suddenly felt a warm sensation run through her body. Her eyes darted for the source, wanting to reach for her wires again. She found Sean standing next to her with a needle in his hand. "This will help you with the pain." He tells her. "It'll also help you relax..."

Alex looked at him shocked. She could feel her body relaxing at a faster rate now as the drug he gave her worked its magic. "No." Alex cries out. "You died..." She says with tears in her eyes. She began to feel drowsy. She looked at him even more confused as her vision began to blur. "I saw... you die?" Alex questions as her eyes fluttered closed, her world no longer making sense.

In a matter of minutes, Alex was unconscious. Sean took a deep breath and lowered the needle. He steps back, watching Alex's heart rate begin to slow down. The effects a powerful dose of morphine. It reduced all of Alex's pain and anxiety. "Sorry, Angel." Sean gives her a sad look. He glances toward Michael and Nikita one last time then quickly exits the room.

* * *

"Sean! Sean!" Nikita calls after him. She runs down a hall, catching up to his side. "Wait, we need to-"

"Save it Nikita, it was the only way to calm her down." Sean explains.

"I know." She replies sadly as they make their way toward Ops. "The sad thing is, I knew this was coming." Nikita frowns. "Amanda practically predicted it. She even warned us."

Sean shakes his head. He stops walking and turns to stare at Nikita. "Amanda is a crazy bitch." Sean retorts. "A psychopath. We all know that, we can't let her stupid mind games get to us, Nikita. I won't let her win..." He pauses, not sure of himself anymore. "I just don't know what else to do..." Sean sighs. "With Alex... she finally said she loved me, but is that enough?" He questions. "Is it ever enough of a reason to make her listen to any of us?"

"You know, sometimes people do crazy things in these situations." Nikita sighs. "That doesn't mean she loves you any less."

Sean took a deep breath. He glanced down the hall in Alex's direction, wanting to go back and see her again; but for the time being he knew if he saw her in all this pain again, he wouldn't be able to handle it. "We have to keep fighting Nikita. I promised Alex I was never going to give up on her and you did too."

"I'm not giving up on her, but Amanda..." Nikita frowns. "She's still out there."

"Screw Amanda!" Sean shouts. He takes another deep breath, trying to calm himself down. "She says we can't save Alex, but she's wrong. You'll see. There has to be a way we can get past this wall."

"How?" Nikita frowns, "The moment she wakes up and realizes she's still in Division-"

"We need to get her out of here." Sean concludes. He looks around the room, gesturing his hands in multiple directions. "Can't you see Nikita? It's Division... this place and all the bad memories tied to it is what's triggering her flashbacks. She can't control them, even if she knows better. She wants out of here."

"And go where?" Nikita questions. "This is how it all started. Amanda manipulated her, she twisted her memories and survivor's guilt all because she ultimately wanted Alex out of here at all costs. That's why Alex is determined to run all the time. She doesn't know any better, she's conditioned to think this way because that's the only thing she knows how to do..." Nikita frowns.

"She's been running her whole life. She needs to stop, Sean. No more running. Alex can't live her life avoiding Division. Not if we have any hope of her regaining her memories." Nikita sighs. "Like it or not, Division was a big part of her life." She explains. "You met her here, you two fell in love here... there's still good memories here, we just have to show her."

* * *

"Hey Alex." Michael sits by Alex's side alone. He smiled at the girl, lying peacefully once again. "I guess it's just you and me for the time being." He whispers softly. "Sean and Nikita had to step out for a couple minutes." Alex stayed still, mumbling inaudible words. She was in her own euphoria, happily enjoying analgesia.

Michael shook his head. "I'm sorry we had to do this to you again, Alex. You don't deserve it. In fact, you don't deserve anything bad that's ever happen to you. I don't even know how it's possible for one girl to live through all this trauma in a short amount of time, but somehow you've always managed to get through it and that's amazing Alex." Michael smiles. He tentatively reaches for a loose hair around her eyes, brushing it away. "You're a survivor. You always have been, from the very first day I met you."

"Do you remember?" Michael asks. "How we first met? Sean and Nikita have their stories, but what about us?" Alex shifted her head, she was in her own world but a part of her knew Michael was there. "No?" Michael frowns. "It's okay I guess." He sighs. "I'm not very good at this, you know, story time thing… whenever I used to tell stories to Haley… she would fall asleep." Alex frowned now, not liking Michael's sad expression.

"Hey." She says, poking him when he wasn't looking. She reached for his face, feeling the scruff on his chin and laughed, clearly high on morphine now. "Michael." She smiles, unaware of anything else going on around her. "I know you."

"Oh you like my beard now?" Michael laughs. He rolls his eyes, swatting her hands away. She pouted, not amused. "Come on princess, don't be like that."

"You're no fun." Alex says. "I remember that now."

"What? I can be fun." Michael argues.

"No." Alex shakes her head. She smirks, enjoying this banter. "Michael so serious... always so serious. He sounds like Batman."

Michael gave her a giant grin, laughing at her Batman comment. It wasn't the first time, he's heard that before. "Aw, is that all you can remember about me?"

Alex shook her head like a little kid. "No, you're like my guardian angel." She smiles. "Something like that..."

"Something like that." Michael agrees.

* * *

Sean sighs, knowing Nikita is right about Division being a part of Alex but he still didn't like the risks. "I don't know… Nikita, her heart-"

"Is still strong." Nikita reminds him. "We have to remember that. It's been a long road, and hard-fought…" She begins to quote a toast Alex gave to her, "But it's got to get easier from here right?"

Sean smiles, remembering Alex's words at Michael and Nikita's engagement dinner. "If we can survive each other, we can survive anything." He quotes. "You told us that."

Nikita nods. "I still mean it." She gives Sean a reassuring smile.

He smiled in return, realizing, "Alex is a lot of things, but without Division in her life, she's just-"

"Alexandra." Nikita states. "Although being Alexandra wasn't necessarily a bad thing."

"Yeah." Sean gives her a pleased look. "Alexandra…" He smiles. "It doesn't matter, Nikita." Sean tells her. "Whether she's Alex or Alexandra, they're both the same person."

Nikita nods, agreeing. "She was Alexandra long before she met either one of us and she's still her at heart." Nikita explains. "All this time, we've been trying to get her to burn this bridge that Amanda created when really, we should be helping her build a new one." Nikita realizes. "Alex was right, there is no turning back, but we can still move forward."

"How?"

"We need to explain everything to Alex first." Nikita replies. "Make her see there's nothing to be afraid of. Then we take it one step at a time, like therapy."

* * *

Michael continued to keep an eye on Alex. She drifted in and out of a hazy state. Sometimes acknowledging his presence; other times, speaking to herself. She mumbled random words, mostly inaudible. Michael didn't think much of her condition until he heard her mumbled the word "_Division._"

He looked at her in alarm. "Alex?" Michael reaches out and touches her arm, causing her to flinch and look directly at him.

"What?" She asks, confused.

"Hey." Michael replies softly. "I heard you say something…" He frowns, not wanting to mention the actual word in fear she would have another panic attack. "Are you okay?"

She gave him a smile and turned her head, tucking a hand underneath her pillow for better comfort. "I'm super!" She replies, still a little bit loopy.

"Okay." Michael relaxes. He shook his head, not sure what to with Alex, but he enjoyed seeing her carefree like this despite the influence she was currently under. He could only hope it would be a temporary thing and she wouldn't become dependent on it. "Go back to sleep, sweetie."

Alex was restless however, she turned her head, lost again. "Hey Michael." Alex suddenly speaks to him. "Where's people?" She asks, deadly serious.

"Uh… Nikita and Se-"

"No." Alex shakes her head. "The other people."

"Birkhoff?" Michael asks. Alex shook her head again. "He's in Ops with Sonya…" Michael tries to explain. "You remember them right?"

"No, I mean… where did all the other agents go?" Alex asks.

Michael narrowed his eyes, concerned. "What other agents?" He questions.

"Of Division…" Alex looks around, confused. "That's where we are right? Where did everyone go?"

"Oh Alex." Michael shakes his head. He didn't know what to tell her.

"I remember." Alex says. "They all left…" She frowns. "Because of me?" Michael took a deep breath, not wanting to answer her. "It's all my fault." She realizes. "I did this…"

"No, no." Michael sits up, he tries to catch her attention. "Listen to me, none of this was your fault okay? You hear me?"

"I shot him…" Alex frowns. Michael looked at her scared she would have another panic attack, but the girl remained perfectly calm, almost emotionless. Alex looked at Michael for confirmation. "Ryan?" She asks. "Is he dead?"

"No!" Michael replies, relived she wasn't panicking. "Alex, he's fine. You have nothing to worry about."

"I'm sorry." Alex begins to cry.

"Aw, kid don't do this to me." Michael frowns. "Don't cry." He begs. "What are you sorry about? Everything is fine."

"I don't know what she did to me…" Alex shifts her head, burying part of her face between pillows. "I can't remember…"

Michael shook his head. He was bad at this, he didn't know what else to say. "Alex, it's okay. You don't need to figure everything out right now."

She nodded silently, turning her head to rest again.

* * *

Michael sighed and glanced in a corner, catching Nikita's eye. He gave her a look, slightly amused that she was spying on them. "I should've known." Michael smirks as she enters the room.

"Hey." Nikita walks over to Alex's bedside and glanced at the girl. She had her eyes closed now, resting. Nikita sighs as she sits down in a chair next to Michael. "You guys have a nice talk?" She asks.

Michael nodded. "For the most part. She was kinda stoned in the beginning." He shakes his head, laughing. "Where's Sean?" Michael asks.

"In Ops with Birkhoff." Nikita replies, she looks at Alex making sure the girl was asleep before she continuing. "He's scared to face her." Nikita explains.

"Why?" Michael asks. Nikita gave him a look like it wasn't obvious. "Oh." Michael gets her hint. "He's supposed to be dead."

Nikita sighed. She sat back in her chair, keeping a watchful eye over Alex. "Michael, do you ever wonder if there's a point of no return?" She suddenly asks him. Michael gave her a confused look, questioning her thought process. "I mean so much has happen..." She gestures toward Alex. "How much torture can one person take in a lifetime?"

"Oh you're thinking about what Amanda said." Michael realizes. He sits up and quickly takes Nikita's hand in his, looking her directly in the eyes. "Nikita, Amanda doesn't know anything. She can't predict the future. All she can do is fill our heads with lies, and that's just it; lies and illusions. It's a bunch of bull." He explains. "Alex will be fine."

"I know." Nikita replies.

"Amanda can do whatever she wants, because she thinks she can control us but we can't let her get to us." Michael glances at Alex. He shakes his head again, this time disappointed. "She took something away from her that she has been denying her whole life..." Michael frowns. "If you start to doubt yourself, then Amanda will win. That's the point of no return, do you hear me?" Michael asks. "You can't ever doubt yourself."

Nikita smiles, taking in Michael's words. "You always know what to say."

"That's what I'm here for." He smirks.

Nikita glances at Alex who turned in sleep and frowned. "I'm not the one who's doubting myself." She sighs, "Sean is. He doesn't think Alex can get better, Michael. At least not completely back to normal and well, honestly I think he's right... this is a point of no return, but I told him that's okay because we don't need to go back to exactly the way things were before."

"We don't?" Michael questions.

"How can we Michael?" Nikita says. "We can't repeat the past. That bridge is already burned."

"I see." Michael glances at Alex. He watched her turn again and shakes his head. "Poor girl, I still hope she finds a way to remember us though."

"Aw are you upset she thinks you're no fun?" Nikita jokes.

"Hey, I can be very fun." Michael retorts.

* * *

Alex stirred in her sleep, uncomfortable. She groaned, waking up to find herself in the same spot from all her nightmares. Wires still attached to her in a dimly lit room. She reached for the tubes again, trying to pull them out but a hand stopped her. "Hey," Nikita greets her. "You're awake."

"Nikita?" Alex looks at her confused. She sits up and spots Michael passed out in a chair next to her. "What are-"

"We've been watching you all night." Nikita explains. "I hope that doesn't sound creepy."

Alex laughed. "Just a little."

Nikita smiles, glad Alex was reminiscent of her old self. "Can we talk?" Nikita asks. Alex nodded. "How are you feeling?"

Alex sighed, sitting back in bed. She stared off into the distance, avoiding Nikita's gaze. "I can't feel anything."

Nikita frowned, not liking Alex's tone. "Well, that's good right? No more pain? Isn't that what you wanted?" Alex sat emotionless, still a little hazy from all the drugs she was hooked up to balance her heart rate. After awhile, Nikita reached out and touched her arm, gently letting her know she was still there. "What's wrong sweetie?"

"I heard you guys…" Alex says hesitantly. She looks down at her hands, finding her father's watch clasped around her wrist and smiles at the shiny metal, wondering where it came from. "When I was in a coma… even after you guys knew what was wrong with me, you still tried to reach me."

"You're part of the family, Alex." Nikita replies. "We would never give up on you."

"You know, for years… or at least it seemed like that." Alex glances at her, "I've had these memories to hold on to; an image in my head of what I've lost." Nikita nodded, listening. She remembered having a similar conversation with Alex a year ago about her mother. "No matter how bad things got, I could close my eyes and they were there…" Alex smiles as she reminisces.

"It's what you believed in." Nikita replies. "They were happy memories. It's what got you through."

"But none of it was real." Alex sighed. "It was all a lie wasn't it Nikita?" Nikita sat still listening to Alex question herself. She frowned, wanting to speak but Alex quickly cut her off. "All those lost years…" Alex continues, "I've spent so much time and energy trying to deny… but everything Amanda told me was just an illusion; and in the back of my mind, I knew something was off. There were signs…" Alex pauses, thinking about Sean. "So many little things. I didn't know what to believe in. " Alex frowns. "I'm sorry I ever doubted you, Nikita."

"Hey," Nikita reaches for Alex's hand. "Not everything was a lie." Nikita tries to reason with her. "Amanda may have erased part of your life, but you're still Alexandra. That part was real."

"It was all a fantasy." Alex continues. "Full of characters she created. It's a fairytale, Nikita. Complete with a castle for me to live in but that never felt right." Alex sighs. "I'm not a Princess. I never belonged in that world and now I don't even know who I'm supposed to be."

"You don't need to figure everything out right now." Nikita tells her. "We have lots of time."

"That's what Michael said too." Alex replies. She looks over in his direction, finding Michael still asleep and laughed lightly to herself. She sighed and glanced around the room before returning her attention back to Nikita. "I'm sorry I forgot about you two." Alex says. "But mostly, I'm sorry I left Division."

* * *

**A/N: Dear Kay, thanks for your lovely review last chapter! I'm not making any promises, but I love your idea and I really hope I can make it happen for you. We'll see how far this story can progress in the future, I definitely can see this subject coming up again someday. :)**

**Keep on sending me ideas guys! I won't guarantee anything but I always love to hear what you guys think of my story anyway :) Reviews make my day!**


	28. Chapter 28

**Burning Bridges: Chapter 28**

* * *

"But you came back." Nikita argues. "That's all that matters."

Alex shook her head at her own words. "Division." She repeats the infamous name and shudders. "I can't believe it…" Alex looks directly at Nikita in disbelief, "It feels like yesterday, Amanda was telling me about how evil this place was." She glances around the room again, in a daze, wondering how she ended up here. "And you said the same, that's why you went rogue?"

"I know, it's weird right?" Nikita laughs to herself as she sits back in her chair. She glanced at Michael who was still asleep by her side and smirked. "I'm not even used to being back here yet." She says, looking around the medical space. "Sometimes I still wonder how we ended up here too."

"What happened?" Alex asks her. She was still a little hazy on the logistics of their story. "I thought we were supposed to take this place down?" Alex frowned, wishing she could remember everything. The more she thought about it, that headache she hated so much would return.

"That's what I thought too." Nikita replies. Alex looked at her confused, waiting for more details. Nikita sighed, "We had everything planned." She explains. "Once Percy was dead, that was supposed to be it. The end to Division."

Alex nodded, silently listening. "What about Amanda?" She asks.

"Amanda was AWOL, the black boxes were no longer a threat. We were free." Nikita explains. "I was ready to jump ship and head out to a private island far away from this mess; but there was one more problem…"

"The Dirty Thirty?" Alex asks.

"I knew they would go rogue." Nikita nods. "That was the fallout. The President wasn't going to stand by and let a threat like this happen so Ryan came to me with an idea…" She explains. "The ideal unit to control the fallout to Division is Division itself." She quotes.

"He wanted to keep Division running?" Alex questions, shock on her face. She was starting to remember who Ryan was now. "But he's just one guy..."

"He wanted me to help him. It was the only way he would accept the job... it was supposed to be a temporary post at Division." Nikita frowns. "Just until we could clean up the mess its made. Then that's when it would be all over." She explains. "But sadly, we ended up making an even bigger mess."

* * *

"Sean. Sean?" Birkhoff tries to get his attention. He throws a paper airplane at his friend, hitting Sean in the arm. "Hey man, are you okay?" Birkhoff asks. Sean shrugged, sitting up in his chair at one of the computer stations. "You look like a mess." Birkhoff stares at him. "I thought Mikey made you go get your bandages cleaned up."

"I'm fine." Sean replies. "Alex started freaking out, we had to deal with that first." Birkhoff narrowed his eyes, suspecting something more to the story. "I'm fine, really." Sean argues. "I'll go see Lauren later."

"No, now." Birkhoff stands up and hooks his arm through Sean's, lifting him up. "Come on boy scout, stop avoiding the princess."

"I'm not avoiding her." Sean retorts. "It's best I keep a safe distance… for now, at least until we can figure out a way to stabilize her heart. I don't want her having another panic attack around me." Sean explains. "I can't live with myself if I'm the reason why her heart is so broken."

* * *

"I'm so sorry, Nikita." Alex begins to cry again. She couldn't help it, she felt responsible for this mess they were in and everything that's happen since then; despite not even knowing what exactly she was claiming responsibility for.

"Hey, why are you crying?" Nikita sits up and glances at the girl, concerned.

Alex hated herself. "I don't know what she did to me…" Alex shakes her head, ashamed. "But what I did to all of you-"

"It's not your fault." Nikita cuts her off. "You didn't know. Amanda captured you, she-"

"How can you say that?" Alex argues. She refused to listen to anything else. "I shot someone. I… I killed people." She sits up in bed, tentatively running her hands along the base of her wires, threatening to pull them out. "I remember…" She pauses, trying to stay calm. "Rachel, she shot at me. She tried to kill me and instead…" Alex shook her head, fighting a flashback. She gasped, hearing a gunshot ring through her ears.

"Alex!" Nikita shouts.

Michael awoke from his sleep at the sound of Nikita's scream. His eyes darted toward Alex, finding the girl at a breaking point.

This was it. Alex screamed, pulling out all her wires as she rose from bed in a trance. She knocked over a nearby glass of water and watched as it shattered to the ground. The image in her head of a gun dropping from her hands as she stared back at Rachel's falling form.

"Alex!" Michael calls her name. He looked at Nikita for help again. "She must be having another flashback. What did you say to her?"

"I didn't say anything." Nikita looks back at Alex. The girl stood shell shocked, quivering. "Alex?" Nikita took a step closer to her, careful not to do anything that would freak her out. "It's over… can you hear me? There's nothing to be afraid of."

"They're all dead." Alex cries. She falls to her knees, overwhelmed. _"You can't save everyone, Alex."_ Rachel's voice haunted her. "I killed her." Alex says, blood dripping from the holes in her arm where IVs were attached only minutes ago. She looked at Nikita and gasps, finding herself back in medical.

"Alex?" Nikita stood close by, scared to make any sudden movements. Alex was holding onto a piece of broken glass in her hands, breathing heavily. "Alex, listen to me... think, it's not too late to fix this."

Alex shook her head, remembering Ryan said the exact same thing to her before she shot him. Her mind flashed back to that day, reliving it all over again. "Alex!" Michael shouts. The shard in her hand cut a wound deep within her palm as she held onto it tighter.

She continued to sit on the ground, staring at the space before her. Blood on her hands. An image of Ryan bleeding out on the floor in front of her. "Ryan..." She says in a trance. "Мы должны получить их все..."

"What?" Michael looks at her confused. "What is she saying?"

"Alex?" Nikita's voice snapped her out of her memories. She looked up at Nikita, and blinked. "Alex, breathe." Nikita tells her. "In and out okay?" She slowly crouched down to eye level with her friend. "Can you do that for me?"

Alex nodded, taking in deep breaths. She soon returned to normal, dropping the shard from her hands. "I'm sorry." Alex apologizes again, this time glancing at Michael and Nikita. Michael walked over to her side and gently helped her stand up. She frowned, seeing the blood on her hands transfer onto Michael.

"I did it again, didn't I?" Alex asks. She backed away from Michael and Nikita, scared to hurt them. "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay." Nikita tells her.

"I don't know why I keep doing that." Alex shakes her head. "It's like every time I start to remember something, my mind just goes haywire."

"It's trying to fill in the blanks." Michael says. "It's okay to remember Alex, but you have to remember how to differentiate what is a memory from reality. You can't let your flashbacks take over your life. You have to learn to control them."

"What if I can't?" Alex argues, she had tears in her eyes, feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt.

"You can." Nikita says. "'Cause you're a survivor. And I know that's not some kind of curse. It just means you're strong enough to keep fighting."

Alex gave her a small smile as she crawled back into bed. "Thanks Nikita, for everything. I know I don't always make things easy."

"Just keep fighting okay? Never give up."

Alex nodded, suddenly yawning. "I'm gonna rest again." She glances at Michael. "It's okay, I don't need a babysitter." She laughs.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Nikita asks. She eyed Alex carefully, not wanting to leave her alone, but she had to trust her.

"I'm fine." Alex says.

"Okay, Michael and I are going to go find Lauren okay?" Nikita walks toward the door. "She'll clean up that blood on your arms and patch you back up. We'll be right back. Stay still."

* * *

Michael and Nikita walked into Ops looking for Lauren. They found Birkhoff and Sonya instead. "Hey Nerd, have you seen the doctor?" Nikita asks.

"Uh, I thought she was in medical with Sean."

"Sean?" Michael questions. "I didn't see him."

"Are you sure? I sent him up there to get his bandages cleaned up a couple minutes ago." Birkhoff replies.

Michael and Nikita glanced at each other confused. Something wasn't right. "Hold on, let me see what's going on." Sonya speaks up. She presses a button on her computer station, dialing Lauren.

"Hello?" Lauren answers.

"Hey Doc, where are you?" Michael grabs a mic.

"Lunch break, why is there an emergency?" She asks.

"No emergency. But when you get back here, we're gonna need you to patch Alex up. She finally managed to pull out all her damn IVs."

"Ha." Lauren laughs. "She's determined. I knew that would happen without any restraints."

"She was doing so well." Michael frowns. "I thought she was getting better."

"I told you." Lauren says. "I've dealt with patients like this before. You have to keep an eye on her. She'll play tricks on you. She'll say and do anything to convince you she doesn't need help."

"Alex wouldn't do that." Michael argues.

"Are you sure?" Lauren asks. She pauses, suddenly realizing. "Wait, who's watching her right now?"

Michael looked at Nikita. "Oh crap." He shouts. "Laur we gotta go. Get back here ASAP!"

Nikita started running back towards medical with Michael, Birkhoff, and Sonya following close behind. "Alex!" She shouts. The girl was gone. Nikita kicked the door in anger. "She played us!"

* * *

Alex ran down a corridor finding herself lost on sub level 4. "Dammit!" She cursed. _"You can't leave now, Alex."_ Amanda's voiced mocked her. "Go away!" Alex shouts. "Get out of my head."

"We have to find her." Michael says. "She has to be in the building still." He shouts toward Birkhoff as they walk back into Ops. "Where's Sean?"

"Maybe she went to find him." Birkhoff wonders.

_"Alex, you need to save everybody." _Amanda's voice continued to cloud Alex's vision. She stumbled down the halls of Division in pain, wanting to escape the voices in her head.

"Leave me alone!" Alex cries. "I can't... I can't save them." Suddenly, she heard foot traffic approaching her. Alex doubled back toward a door, opening it to reveal Amanda's old office.

"Call Sean." Nikita looks at Sonya.

"No use." Birkhoff picks up Sean's phone off his desk. "He left it here."

"Where's the elevator?" Alex groans. She wanted to get out of here. She had to find him...

_"The elevator doesn't lead to freedom."_ Amanda's voice teased her again. _"Just another room." _

"What?" Alex stops short. She looked around the room, finding its setting familiar.

_"I was just like you once, Alex." Amanda says. "Until I learned that there is no such thing as escape. The more you try to get out, the more you'll realize: there will always be another room."_

"No." Alex shakes her head. "This isn't real..." She screamed, running out the room. "This is a memory." She tries to convince herself.

_"The only way to deal with your fear is to turn around, stare it in the eye, and cut its throat." Amanda continues to flash through her mind._ Alex spun around in a circle, hallucinating. Amanda was mocking her. "You_ can't escape."_

"Nikita. Nikita got out..." Alex argues with her conscience. "If she got out, then so can I."

_"Nikita?" Amanda questions. "You don't know Nikita. She'll be running for the rest of her life. Is that what you want?"_

"I WANT OUT OF HERE!" Alex screams. She runs out of Amanda's old office and hastily turns a corner.

"I got her." Sonya looks at Nikita. "I got Alex, there's been a reported sighting on sub level 4."

"Sub level 4?" Michael questions. "What is she doing there?"

"Amanda." Nikita gasps. "I know where Alex is."

_"I don't know who told you these things, Alex." Amanda continues. "About Nikita, about us, but they're not true._"

"You're lying!" Alex cries. She finally makes it to an elevator, opening the metal doors. "All you've done is lie to me!" She falls back against the metal walls as the elevator began to rise. "Everyone lies..."

"She's in the elevator!" Birkhoff shouts.

"Shut it down!" Michael commands.

"I can't. Systems are still fried from the last time I tried to hack it."

"Where is it heading?" Michael asks.

"Up top." Nikita answers. She quickly exits the room, determined to catch up to Alex.

_"We're not murderers. We're protectors. We protect our home." Amanda says._

"Home? What home?" Alex questions.

_"Home is wherever you stop running. You haven't been home for so long, you probably forget what it even feels like. Or how it begins."_

* * *

Sean was sitting high up in the barn, staring out the top story window. He laughed silently to himself. "Now I know why you always like to hide out here." He smiles, thinking about Alex. "It is peaceful."

Suddenly the elevator dinged and Alex emerged. She tripped over a stack of hay as she stumbled out and fell on her side, wincing in pain.

"Alex!?" Sean looks down, shocked to see her. "Oh my god, Alex! What are you doing?" He quickly climbs down the ladder and rushes to her side, picking her up in his arms.

"Alex!" Nikita shouts. She jumped out of the Auto Bay elevator close by and ran toward Sean and Alex. "You can't do this anymore, Alex. You have to stop running."

"I wasn't running." Alex argues as she sits up. "Ugh." She groans, feeling a headache again. Sean frowned at her, worried.

"Really? Because I came back and you were gone." Nikita glares at her. "How do you explain that?"

Alex shook her head, feeling guilty again. "I'm sorry."

"No, I don't think you are." Nikita shouts.

"Nikita..." Sean gives her a look. "That's kinda harsh."

Nikita ignores him and focuses her attention on Alex. She needed some tough love. "Listen to me Alex, you escaped the brothels and you've been running ever since. You've never dealt with your past."

"I don't like thinking about it." Alex argues.

"Well you're gonna have to, 'cause it's only going to get worse. And next time you may really get yourself killed."

"Nikita!" Sean glares at her. "That's enough." He looks at Alex. "Come on let's get you home."

"Alex, Amanda took something that you've been denying and used it as a weapon against you." Nikita continues. "As long as you're carrying around that guilt, that weapon will always be there. You have to start to heal yourself."

"I wasn't running..." Alex tries to argue again. She looked at Sean and sighed. "Maybe in the beginning a little, I was..." She frowned, feeling ashamed of herself. "It's Amanda... I can feel her clawing through my head..." Alex shakes her head, fighting the pain. "But that's no excuse." She forces herself to look at Nikita. "I know that now. I'm not running Nikita, you have to believe me."

"Then what were you doing?" Nikita questions.

"You don't have to answer that." Sean looks at Alex. "Let's just get you-"

"Home." Alex says. She looks directly at Nikita and repeats her answer. "I was going home."

"Home?" Nikita looks at her confused. "What home?"

"Home is wherever you stop running right?" Alex asks. She looks at Sean and smiles. "I was coming home, to you."

"What?" Sean looked at her surprised.

"I was looking for you Sean." Alex explains. "I had to see if you were okay... I needed to convince myself that I was just imagining things." She reaches for his ribs, feeling a small bump. Sean winced a little but tried to keep a calm composure. "I saw you die..." She says teary-eyed. She took a deep breath, fighting with all her strength to stay calm. "How are you here? How are you still alive?"

"It's a long story..." Sean explains. "I'll tell you if you promise me one thing."

"What is it?"

"You're not going to be the one that got away."

Alex smiled, remembering the story he told her. "I promise."

* * *

**A/N: Aww do you trust Alex? She is a sneaky sneak... but awww come on, let's believe this is a happy ending. Welcome home Princess. :) **

**So what's next? Kick Amanda's ass time? Want me to continue? Damn Sean is right, this is a long story. Please review!**


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: Get ready, this is part 1 of 2 chapters I have written :) If you all leave me nice reviews I'll post the next chapter immediately after this! or the next day... depending on how much you want it ;)**

**Burning Bridges: Chapter 29**

* * *

"Ugh, is this really necessary?" Alex glares at Birkhoff as he clasps a silver medical bracelet around her wrist. "Ow." She complains, rubbing the sore spot, she was still aching all over from her careless removal of her IVs and suffering from a few withdrawal symptoms. "Too tight." Alex grimaces.

"This," He eyes the shiny device, "My friend, is an alarm in case you try to run away again miss sneaky sneak."

"Keep me prisoner, why don't you?" She narrowed her eyes at the inscription around the band, trying her best to decipher the small print. "_If lost, return to Watchtower."_ She reads, followed by a cell phone number to contact Birkhoff. "What is this? A dog tag?" Alex laughs.

"Sassy." Birkhoff smirks. "No, you like? I try to keep up with the latest fashion." He comments. "It doesn't clash too much with that watch of yours." Alex rolled her eyes, not even slightly amused. "Aw come on, lighten up Princess." Birkhoff stares at her. "You used to enjoy my witty humor."

Alex sighed, "I'm sorry." She paused and gave her old friend a sad look. She wished she could remember everything about everyone in Division but that seemed so unlikely to her. "I really wish I could remember you..." Alex tells him.

"It's okay." Birkhoff replies, although he felt a little hurt she wasn't the same old Alex anymore.

Alex continued to frown, feeling a headache again every time she tried to think too long and hard about her memory lapses. She stared at the watch Sean had returned to her and traced her fingers around the clock's hands, counting down the seconds.

She could vaguely hear Birkhoff talking to her but it sounded like gibberish. All she could think about was her father's watch now. She wondered where it came from but her mind was blank. Frustrated, Alex shakes her head, trying to forget about remembering. It was still painful.

"Alex?" Birkhoff calls her.

She looked up him, realizing a lot of time just went by with her being silent. "What?"

"Did you hear me? You just zonked out."

"Uh yeah." Alex tries to dismiss any awkward tension. "Bracelet good. Fashionable." She fakes a teasing smile. "Don't take it off."

Birkhoff narrowed his eyes, suspicious of her but he chose to move on now that he had her attention was back. "Okay Princess, you see this?" Birkhoff points to a sensor on the device. "This monitors your pulse and heart rate. It'll make a log anytime there's a spike so hopefully we can figure out your trigger words and control them." He paused again, looking back at her.

She had her eyes fixed on the tiny writing on her bracelet, running her thumb along the smooth metal, her mind clearly preoccupied again. "Alex!" Birkhoff shouts at her. He notices her distracted state and shook his head, this was starting to become a bad habit. Alex looked so far gone. "Are you even listening to me?"

Alex looked up him, snapping out of her intense concentration. "Watchtower?" She asks confused as she continues to play with the device. The name had been bugging her, she could've sworn she heard that reference before.

Birkhoff gave her a look, then decided to amuse himself. "Oh you know, the base of operations where a team of mighty superheroes gather to-"

"You're such a Nerd." Alex laughs. "Now I remember why."

"Hey!" Birkhoff glares at her. "You're the one who asked."

She smiles, thinking back. "Superman right?" Birkhoff nods, now she was showing signs of that bright girl he loved to tease. "Ha, I remember now, Sean used to talk about comics too…" She smiles as she plays with the watch in her hands, remembering... "When we were in the barn, he called it my fortress of solitude."

"You remember that huh?" Sean appears by the door.

Alex looked up at him, pleasantly surprised and smiled. "Hey." She greets him.

"Fortress of Solitude." Birkhoff laughs. "Well that's fitting, you do like to hide out there a lot." He gives her a pleasing smile. "Have I ever told you the stor-"

"Birkhoff, no one wants to listen to your comic ramblings." Nikita says, entering the room.

"Says you." Birkhoff retorts. "Sonya would beg to differ."

"Aww Nerd, you finally found love." Alex says happy for him. Sean laughed at her comment.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa" Birkhoff glares at her. "Hold on, just because you can't remember gives you no excuse. My name is Birkhoff." He reminds her. "Seymour Birkhoff. Don't call me Nerd."

"Then don't call me Princess." Alex counters with a smirk.

"Touché." He glares at her one last time before turning to exit the room.

Nikita laughed and turned to face Alex. "He's uptight." Alex comments as she tries to find a more comfortable spot on the bed she was sitting on. She shifted her shoulder, groaning from the pain.

"He's just messing with you." Sean tells her. He walks over and sits down next to her. "How you doing?" He gave her a serious look, eyeing her bandages carefully, wishing he could magically heal her.

"I'm fine." Alex brushes it off. "I'm just a little sore still." She says. "It's not a big deal." She tried to mask the pain but Nikita could sense it. The poor girl had bandages wrapped around her ribs, both arms and hand. "You don't need to check up on me every five minutes." Alex glares at her.

"For the record, only I get to call him Nerd." Nikita smirks. She walks over to Alex's bedside and sat down in a nearby chair. Alex nodded, she didn't really have anything else to say to that. If Birkhoff didn't want her to call him Nerd, she wouldn't. "Are you sure you're okay?" Nikita frowns, noticing her discomfort.

"Aw, Alex is a big girl." Sean comments. He wraps an arm around his girl and pulls her closer to him. "Aren't you angel?" He smirks. "Nikita, you have nothing to worry about."

Alex shrugged. She honestly wasn't in the best mood to talk but she knew Nikita wouldn't leave her alone. Not after the stunt she pulled in the barn.

"I'm fine." She says seriously. Nikita gave her a look, unsure but the girl quickly shakes her head and jumps off the bed, showing off her new accessory. "Really Nikita, I am." Alex gives her a small smile. She tried to appear more happy but who was she kidding, Nikita saw right through her.

"How can I not be when I have this fancy thing to play with?" Alex quickly covers. "Stop worrying so much, you'll get wrinkles." She teases.

Nikita laughed. "You know, I would be offended but I'm glad you're making jokes again."

"Me too." Sean says. He turns and faces Alex, excited she was finally back. "So now that you're feeling better, wanna take a walk with me?"

"You mean I can go outside?" Alex asks.

Sean laughed. "If that's what you want." He takes her hand in his and starts to lead her toward the door.

"Wait, I wanted to talk to you." Nikita stops Alex.

"Can it wait?" Alex asks. She raises her wrist up, showing off the bracelet. "I'm not going anywhere." She frowns, feeling like she was a prisoner.

"Hey, I know it's not ideal but it's for your own good." Nikita notices her frustration. The bracelet was too tight and impossible for Alex to remove by herself. "Birkhoff will take it off for you once-"

"I know," Alex sighs. "Once I can control my flashbacks."

"Speaking of those…" Nikita says hesitantly.

"You want to know what happened back there, huh?" Alex asks.

Nikita nodded, she didn't entirely believe the only reason her friend ran away earlier was to find Sean. With Alex, there always had to be another reason even if the girl would never admit to it.

Alex sighed. She didn't really want to think about it. To tell the truth, she wasn't entirely sure what happened but Nikita continued to stare at her, waiting for her side of the story. She knew there was no way getting out of this. Nikita was very persistent.

"Nothing happened." Sean saves her. He gives Alex a look, smiling. "You came back, that's all that matters."

Alex nodded, returning a smile. "Yeah." She agrees, thankful she didn't have to explain herself to Nikita. "Can we forget about it?"

Nikita narrowed her eyes, not liking her choice of words but for the meantime she didn't want to deny Alex any happiness. It had been a long time since the girl showed any old signs of herself even if part of those signs involved being sneaky. She guessed some people never do change and that was a good thing, Alex still had a good heart deep down, she knew it.

"Sure, Alex." Nikita tells her. "We can always talk later."

* * *

"Hey, where are you taking me?" Alex jokes with Sean as he leads her down a corridor near Ops.

"You'll see." He teases.

"This isn't fair." Alex frowns. "I don't remember where any of these crazy halls lead." She looks around, not liking how all the gray walls seemed to merge together. "It's like a maze down here." She comments. "What do you even have to do for fun in a place like this?"

"Oh you know... some people like to train." Sean replies, hoping that might remind her of something she used to say. "They insist it kills time."

Alex looked at him confused. "Train?" She asks.

"Yeah, in the training room. It's like one of your favorites spots." Sean reminds her. "I was almost always guaranteed to find you in there killing some poor defenseless dummy on a punching bag." He laughs.

"Oh." She frowned again, not remembering any of that. "Is that where you're taking me?" She asks, wondering if she saw the place again, she would remember.

"No." Sean replies. He suddenly gave her a smile, excited as they turn a corner. "Ready?" He leads her directly into the heart of Operations. Alex gazed at the giant round table in front of her in awe and gasped at all the high tech equipment. "This is where we first met." Sean tells her. "Right there." He points to the spot.

* * *

"She's getting better." Birkhoff comments as he walks back into Medical, greeting Michael and Nikita. "Although, she's not too fond of the magic bracelet, but that's Alex." He laughs. "Princess has an attitude."

"She'll get used to it." Michael comments. "Besides, it's only temporary." He turns to face Nikita. "Has she said anything else about what happened back there?"

"No, we didn't really get a chance to talk about it." Nikita replies. "First, Lauren was too busy patching her up, then Birkhoff came with his fancy new toy for her to wear and then Sean covered for her."

"Well he thinks she was just looking for him." Michael says.

"Why are you guys doubting her? She came back." Birkhoff looks at him confused.

"Only because we caught her." Michael argues. He walks around Nikita and faces his friend. "Birkhoff, do you really believe Alex was just looking for Sean?"

"You may have a point." Birkhoff frowns. "There's no telling what other Jedi mind tricks Amanda has up her sleeve. When I was talking to Alex, she kept becoming distracted. It's hard to get her to focus." He sighs. "It's a bit eerie, she zonked out just like she did before when we brought her back from South Ossetia."

Nikita frowned at the mention of that place, she didn't want to think about South Ossetia. "Amanda, that bitch." She growls. "She can't get away with this. Nerd, any luck tracking what her next move could be?"

Birkhoff shook his head. "I tried to piggyback on that encrypted call she made to Smith's phone you confiscated. All I could get was the name of one place called Cobalt but when I run it through Shadownet or any backdoor channels, I can't find out anything about it ever existing."

"What about that name of the doctor I gave you? Tolcher?" Nikita asks.

"I have Sonya working on that." Birkhoff informs her. "Hopefully she has better luck tracking him down then I did with Cobalt."

* * *

"Wow." Alex walks forward, gazing all around her. "You'd think I would've remembered something like this." She took a moment to collect her thoughts, thinking back to any sort of memory she had of this place. She remembered how they first met, it made her smile but looking back and comparing the room to what was in front of her felt so surreal. It wasn't the same.

She sighed and turned to face Sean with a sad expression on her face, shaking her head in regret. "Hey, what's wrong?" Sean walks up to her nervously. "Was this too much?" He asks. "I'm sorry. This was a stupid idea. I shouldn't have brought you here."

"No. No, I'm sorry." Alex looks down once she noticed some shot out light fixtures hanging above her. "I'm fine." She says with a strain in her voice. Sean knew she was lying. She felt a sharp pain in her head and tried to control a flashback. "I'm fine." She repeats as she shakes off the feeling, hoping Sean wouldn't say anything. She quickly takes his hand, wanting to continue their tour in peace. "Let's move on."

Sean frowned, naturally worried about her. "Are you sure?" He asks. "It's okay if you want to go back to Medical, you seem more comfortable there."

"No!" Alex exclaims. She hated medical. "I want to stay with you."

"I'm not going anywhere." Sean smiles. He starts to lead her down a couple steps in the direction of the main elevator.

Alex stared at the elevator, finding it feeling so far away. The narrow walkway towards it suddenly stretched out further, making a signal on her bracelet sent out a beep as her heart braced for a shocking revelation. She looked down at the shiny metal wrapped around her wrist feeling claustrophobic as her mind mapped out old images of the Operation floor in her head.

"Alex?" Sean calls her name. She had stopped dead in her tracks, frozen in fear again. "No, no... don't do this to me again." He slightly panics, fearing another round of panic attacks.

She shook her head, feeling another sharp pain. She pictured glass shattering from the ceiling above her, bodies falling and chaos surrounding her as memories from the mutiny flashed through her mind. She turned her head, finding the spot Sean had collapsed in. _"This is where we first met."_ She remembers his last words.

"NO!" Alex screams, tears falling down her face as her heart tighten. She gasped, fighting with all her strength not to lose herself in her flashback. She knew this wasn't real. Sean was still alive. She quickly looked in his directly and reached out for him.

"Alex." Sean pulls her closer to him. "Shhh." He calms her again "It's okay, I'm still here."

Alex starts to cry into his shirt, too overwhelmed to go anywhere else. "Take me back to medical?" She asks.

Sean nodded "Okay, angel."

* * *

"Alex! There you are." Birkhoff says, relieved to see Sean walk her back into Medical. "I got an alarm for your bracelet." He paused and looked at Michael and Nikita. "We were afraid-"

"Don't worry." Alex quickly cuts him off. "I promised I wouldn't run away."

"What happened?" Nikita asks.

"I just..." Alex shakes her head. She really didn't want to talk about it. "It's nothing." She covers.

Sean frowned and caught Nikita's look. "Alex, you have to admit, this isn't something you can ignore."

She sighed feeling bad. "Why not?" She argues. "Why can't we just move on? Look at me, I'm fine."

"Alex, you have an extremely rare heart condition. You need to take all precautions seriously." Michael warns her.

"Remember what I said?" Nikita asks her.

"I know… I have to think about it, otherwise it's only going to get worse." Alex replies. She took a deep breath, frowning as she sat down on her bed, annoyed. She knew Nikita meant well.

"Let's talk about it." Nikita suggests. Alex looked around the room at all the wandering eyes, staring at her. She hated an audience. Nikita caught her expression and cleared her throat. "Just the two of us." She glances at the men.

Michael gave her a look, unsure but she stared back at him insisting. "Okay." He gives up. "Come on Sean." He tries to push the man toward the door. "You had your moment with Alex, now it's Nikita's turn."

"But-" Sean tries to argue.

"Let's go boy scout." Birkhoff teases.

"Fine, but I'll be right back!" Sean looks at Alex. "Don't forget that."

She nodded. "I won't."

Once the men were gone, Nikita closed the door behind her and confronted Alex. "So tell me, how's the head?"

* * *

**A/N: End of part 1. Calm before the storm... I'm setting up something mysterious that is about to be revealed... dun dun dun! Want part 2? Please review! :)**


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: Part 2 is here! Wow hard to believe we're already on Ch 30! Told you I would update fast ;)**

**Burning Bridges: Chapter 30**

* * *

"I'm telling you, she's fine." Sean argues with Michael and Birkhoff as they all walk back into Ops. "She came back, why are you guys still on this subject?"

"I think there's more to it." Michael frowns. "Sean, you have to look at all the signs. Her flashbacks are rippling, it's getting harder to differentiate between what is real and not real. Whatever story she's been telling us she saw is not the whole truth."

"Seriously man, the bracelet does not lie." Birkhoff adds. He quickly checks Alex's heart rate log and sighs. "She had multiple spikes at any mention related to Division. When she saw the elevator, she wanted to run again."

"No." Sean shakes his head. "She promised me she wouldn't. She asked to go back to Medical. Whatever reasons she has or doesn't have for being back, it doesn't matter. She chose to stay, that must count for something right?""

"This time." Michael says. "But what about the next? We can't watch her 24/7. Doc said we shouldn't take any chances, patients like Alex are known for being sneaky. Tell me I'm wrong. She's already played us once."

"She was safe in her room." Birkhoff adds. "Once she left, something triggered her. We need to find out exactly what that was."

* * *

"Talk to me." Nikita stares at her friend. "It's just us now, we used to be able to talk about everything."

"I don't know where to start." Alex sighs.

"Start at the beginning." Nikita suggests. Alex gave her a look like that wasn't obvious. "Tell me what happen after we left you alone?" Nikita frowns, "We were only gone for a minute… something must of happened, what triggered you?"

"I told you... I was just looking for Sean..."

Nikita glared at her, not convinced. "Alex, I have sources who say they caught you wandering around sub level four talking to yourself. They say, it looked like you were in a trance… screaming that you wanted out of here." Alex looked away, unable to hold Nikita's gaze. "Is that what you want?" Nikita asks.

* * *

"Seymour, you need to see this." Sonya walks into Ops. Michael and Sean look up at her.

"What is it?" Michael asks.

"Well, I put Smith through facial recognition earlier when we were tracking his whereabouts and look..." She places her tablet down on the round table and presses one button to broadcast the image onto the large monitors behind her. "He was at your apartment." Sonya looks toward Sean.

"What?" Sean looks at the screen in shock.

"There's more." Sonya says. She presses another button, fast forwarding the lobby cam's surveillance footage. She pauses on 2 different scenes. "Here's Smith. Here's Alex..." She then points to a girl in both scenes. "What do they have in common?"

"Who's that?" Michael asks.

"If we listen in, she said she was Alex's neighbor, but Alex never recognized her... Even with her memory lost, when she first saw each one of us, there was at least some spark in her eyes." Sonya explains. "Here, there's nothing. Sean, can you fact check?"

Sean took a step closer to the screen, narrowing his eyes. "I'm pretty sure our neighbor across the hall is an old guy who keeps trying to steal my newspaper."

"Who reads newspapers still?" Birkhoff comments.

"I do." Sean glares at him. "Everything isn't digital okay."

Michael frowns, not liking this new revelation. "Birkhoff, run her through-"

"Wait, I know her!" Sean exclaims in shock. He finally recognized what was so familiar about her. He shakes his head, thinking back to his car accident. "This is impossible."

"What? Who is she?" Michael asks.

"I don't know who... but I know a name. That's Marissa... the girl who tried to aid me after the crash, but unless she has a twin..."

"Another double." Michael realizes. "Just like Smith."

"What? How is this possible? Is The Shop cloning people now?" Birkhoff questions. This was too sci-fi for him.

"Anything is possible…" Sean remembers Smith taunting him in the ally.

"How else can you explain this?" Michael points at their images on the screen behind him. "It's definitely connected and Alex is stuck in the middle again."

* * *

She felt a sharp pain in her head again. "Alex…" Nikita walks up to her, "I know you're hiding something." She sits down on the bed next to her friend and flips the girl's hair over her shoulder, revealing more of Alex's sullen expression. "You can talk to me." Nikita gives her a small smile. "You know I'll always have your back."

Alex sighed, fighting her migraine. "I don't know… I closed my eyes and for a second everything was fine, normal." She explains, although that wasn't enough. Nikita tilted Alex's face up, gently forcing her to look her in the eyes. After a moment, Alex softens up. "I started hearing these voices…"

"Voices?" Nikita questions.

"It's crazy." Alex looks away. "I know, I was just hearing things, but-" She glances at her friend, "I can't ignore it..."

_"Alex? Alex?" A mysterious voice called her name._

_She shifted her eyes, rising from bed in a daze. "Nikita?"_

_"Alex, she needs help." She hears another voice reply. "Has she agreed to our terms yet?"_

_"I need more time…"_

_"She's sick, I can help her. I can take away her pain."_

"Alex?" Nikita caught her attention. "Are you okay? You stopped talking…"

"I uh…" Alex shook away her headache and took another deep breath. "I started following the voices." She explains.

Nikita watched as Alex suddenly stood up and walked toward the door, mimicking her story. "Wait, where are you going?" Nikita asks. But Alex couldn't hear her anymore. She opened the door in a trance and stepped out into the hallway. "Alex!" Nikita calls after her.

_Alex frowned, walking toward the voices. She opened the door to medical and walked out into a hallway. "Who's there?" She demands._

_A cold chill ran down her spine as she stared at empty space._ _"She still believes." The voice echoes in her ear._

Alex shook her head. "This isn't real." She tries to connivence herself. "I'm just hearing things." The voices disappeared and Alex found herself no longer standing in Division. She was in a long narrow hallway filled with rooms. At the end of the hallway was an exit, a window showing her freedom. A beautiful garden. She remembered, she had been here before...

* * *

"It's Amanda." Sean concludes. "She must have had a tail on Alex and planted a pawn at the apartment."

"Alex..." Michael frowns, "She was out in the open. Marissa could've easily gotten to her while there."

"It was all a diversion." Sean realizes. "Smith, the car crash. Amanda knew I was coming for Alex. She stalled us from meeting."

"For what reason?" Birkhoff questions.

"Same reason she always has." Sean answers. "She wants to teach us all a lesson." He starts to turn toward the door.

"Wait, where are you going?" Michael asks.

"I have to talk to Alex!" Sean replies.

* * *

Sean was walking down a corridor when he spotted Alex in the hall outside her medical room. Instantly, he knew something wasn't right. "Alex!" He calls for her. She looked up at him and stopped in her tracks, but her eyes were hollow, her expression darkened. She was paces away from Ryan's door. Sean looked at her confused. What was she doing?

Alex began to walk toward Sean again in a trance, imagining her garden. She reached out for it, wanting to escape. _"There's no way out, Alex."_ Amanda's voice taunts her again._ "Only another room."_

_"No." She gasps as she watches her garden disappear. What's left was a dark and empty room. A light flickered and Amanda stood before her, revealing a surgical chair._

"Hey!" Nikita shouts from the opposite side of the hall. She looks at Sean, warning him. "Stop her."

Sean stood in Alex's path. He caught the frown on her face and quickly filled the space between the two, pulling her away from Ryan's door. "Hey, hey!" Sean shouts. "You don't want to go in there." He glanced inside Ryan's room and found Lauren sitting by his side, checking his vitals. She met his gaze and stood up.

"What's wrong?" Lauren asks. She walks into the hallway and catches Alex by surprise.

Alex shook her head and whined, fighting Sean's grasp. "No, no!" She cries. Her hands flailed in the air as she struggled to get away. "Amanda!" She screams.

Sean tried to pull her back but she kicked her legs in the air, forcing him to lose his balance and briefly let go of her. He fell against a wall, opening his wounds again. "Alex!" He screams through clenched teeth.

"Alex!" Lauren tries to calm her. She looked at Alex, scared as the girl suddenly turned on her. "Calm down."

Alex shoved her aside, hallucinating Amanda instead. "What are you doing here?" Alex glares at her. "Stay away from me!"

"Alex, it's me." Lauren says. "Your doctor..."

"You're not a doctor!" Alex shouts. She runs up to Lauren and pulls her into a chokehold. "You messed with my head, Amanda! You made me do things... the mutiny, all the deaths..."

"Alex..." Lauren chokes.

Nikita runs into the room and pulls Alex off of Lauren. "Hey! Let her go!"

"Amanda!" Alex screams. She fought against Nikita's grip, determined to kill her attacker.

"Alex! Alex, listen to me!" Nikita holds her back. "You're hallucinating. That's not Amanda, that's your friend. You can't kill your friend."

"Alex!" Sean picks himself off the ground and walks over to her with caution. "Alex, can you hear me?" He whispers softly to her.

"Ugh." Alex holds her head, fighting her flashbacks. Amanda continued to taunt her visions and corrupt her every thought. She could feel her clawing at her head again. The distinct needle from that night flashed through her mind as she remembered all the pain inflicted on her in The Shop's custody. She gasped, feeling her heart constrict. An alarm on her bracelet started to flash, warning her.

"Alex, hey!" Sean's voice distracted her. He tried to stay calm. "I know you can hear me. I know you're still there. Somewhere deep down, you know better. Think, wherever you think you are, that's not real. It's a flashback. Please Alex, you have to snap out of this."

"Sean? What are you doing here?" Alex shakes her head, confused. She blinked a couple times, seeing shadows. Nikita loosened her grip, letting Alex breathe again. She closed her eyes, imagining Amanda vanish as her world shifted back to reality.

"Alex?" Sean asks. He took a step toward her, ready to catch her if her panic worsened. "Hey." He pulls her into a hug and holds onto her tightly, never wanting to let her go again. "It's okay." His voice soothed her. "I'm here now. Amanda can't hurt you." She shook in his arms, scared to calm down. "You're safe."

"Sean." Alex opens her eyes and catches his worried expression. She looked around the room and realized where she was. "Oh my god." She pushes herself away from him, noticing the streak of blood staining his shirt from the wound she reopened. "You're hurt... I hurt you?" She starts to panic, glancing in multiple directions as she accessed the damage she caused.

In the corner of her eye she spotted her doctor on the ground, rubbing her windpipe. "Lauren!" Alex screams, "I'm so sorry!" She runs over to her side and helps her stand up. "Are you okay? I didn't-"

This was too overwhelming for her to process. She couldn't even control herself around friends. How was she supposed to function in the real world?

"No worries." Lauren says, "You weren't yourself."

"No, no." Alex shakes her head, she felt so guilty. It wasn't safe for her to be around people. "That's no excuse!" She backs away from everyone in the room, afraid to get close. "What have I done?"

Nikita took a step toward her, a calm expression on her face. She didn't want to scare her. "Alex, sweetie, it's okay. You just-"

"Stay away from me!" Alex shouts. She backs up into a door. "I don't want to hurt you."

"Alex, you're not going to hurt us." Sean tries to convince her.

"But I did!" She glances at Lauren. "I'm so sorry." She apologizes again, feeling all the guilt weigh her down. She felt so overwhelmed by her emotions, she could no longer think straight.

Sean saw the look on her face and could read her mind. He knew she was about to make a run for it again. "Alex…" He shakes his head. She was twisting the doorknob behind her, ready to escape. "Don't do this… don't run, you promised me you would stay, remember?"

"I did… I promised you that." Alex gives him a sad look. "But, I can't promise you I won't hurt you." She quickly frowns, "And for that reason, I can't be around you." She felt a pang in her heart, regretting her words.

"Alex! NO!" Sean shouts. She twists the door open and slips inside, fully trapping herself inside a private holding cell for difficult medical patients. "Don't do this to yourself!" He runs after her and bangs on the metal door between them, pleading for her to come back. "This isn't right! You can't hide in there forever! You promised me-"

"I'm not going anywhere." She kept her promise, she wasn't running. "It's safer this way." Alex says, trapped in solitude. "I can't hurt you."

* * *

**A/N: So many callbacks in this chapter! Who knew the neighbor all the way back in chapter 21 was sketchy? hahaha and who remembers the fake garden door from ch 4? **

**"You know that thing Amanda says about the real us being hidden from everyone?" - Nikita (3x13) Well... something fishy is going on. Two Smiths, two Marissas... What is Amanda and The Shop up to? O.o **

**And Wtf really happened to Alex at the apartment? If you go back and reread those chapters, it's full of flashbacks and you guys know how intensely life-like those can be for her. ;)**

**Thanks for the fast reviews on the last chapter! Keep them coming :)**


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